Infidelity statistics have shown that a lot of affairs start online. And it makes sense!
The internet has become one of our basics. We use it for everything, it’s part of our lives, and we’re seeing it as something we can’t live without.
It also makes sense since the internet makes a lot of things easier, including cheating on your partner.
So, would your partner resist the low and insignificant temptation of an online affair or not? And if they couldn’t resist such a temptation, would the relationship be already over?
Usually, your gut tells you and you can feel when there’s something off in the relationship. However, in this case, you’ll need a bit of extra confirmation.
Here are 10 signs that he or she is cheating online:
10 signs your partner is cheating online
When your partner is cheating online they’ll eventually give off signs that they’re doing so. Some are more clear, while some are confusing and unclear.
It’s worth noting that a lot of cheaters have a common pattern of behavior whether they cheat online or physically with someone.
Due to the overwhelming state of doubts and fear of what could be the truth, you might neglect the very signs that guide you to the truth.
So, how can you tell someone’s cheating online?
1. Their behavior became abruptly suspicious.
Changes in our lives, ways of thinking, and personalities are made slowly and eventually unless there’s something abrupt.
Abrupt factors entering one’s life lead to abrupt changes in behavior, lifestyle, and way of thinking.
If you notice your partner acting a lot more different for no particular reason, then there’s something going on.
For example, if you lose your job, a friend, or a family member, you’ll start acting and behaving differently. You’ll start having slightly different ways of doing this for a particular period.
If the cause behind your partner’s abrupt change of behavior is known, then there’s not much to worry about.
The changes in their behavior happen so fast that it can lead you to feel confused and unsure of what’s going on with their lives. That’s the part that leads you to feel suspicious about it.
- A lot of people who cheat (whether that’s online or in the flesh) tend to start acting differently around their partners, especially at the initial stages of infidelity.
- If your partner is cheating online they’re more likely to act suspiciously around their electronic devices, social media, apps on their phone, or their browser history.
- The suspicious part of their behavior is their approach towards you, their way of presenting themselves (e.g. haircuts, clothing), and the way they carry and/or perceive themselves (e.g. taking more selfies, being more confident) all of a sudden.
2. They grew distant all of a sudden.
When partners start to cheat – whether that’s online or not – they tend to grow slightly or dramatically distant from the partner they’re cheating on.
This is often due to the guilt that comes with the experience. Being present around a loving person they’re cheating on is exhausting for them.
A cheating partner will do what it takes to keep their distance from you once they start cheating online or in real life.
They’ve got a lot of acting to perform, a lot of lies to tell, and a lot of guilt to deal with; This can often be a lot of work, and a lot of things to process at once.
Again, spending time with someone you’re doing wrong can be an overwhelming experience. There’s the possibility of something wrong slipping out of their mouth, the feeling of guilt, and the constant fear of getting caught.
In most cases, for the cheating partner, one of the most logical things to do to avoid this overwhelming experience is to avoid the partner.
- People who cheat, in the initial stages of the online affair, start getting distant from the partner they’re cheating on due to fear, guilt, and overwhelming thoughts that they’ll get caught.
- They start spending less time with you, they have fewer conversations with you, they feel emotionally distant, and they don’t express much of what they do, did, or feel.
3. They’re very protective of their devices.
One of the strongest signs that your partner is cheating online is when they suddenly become very protective of their devices to the point that leads to suspicion and confusion due to their behavior.
Being protective of their electronic devices means hiding them from you, not letting you see what they’re doing on their phone/computer, and locking the phone or computer the moment you’re around or near them.
In general, if they’ve never been this protective of their electronic devices before it means they’re up to something secretive now, and they don’t want you to find out something they’re doing.
They could be hiding a surprise for you, an affair, or something entirely different.
This is one of the most common behaviors of partners who cheat online.
- You found out they changed their passwords without letting you know, and they refuse to share it even if you need their phone for an entirely different reason than checking their phone to see if they’re cheating.
- They put their phone on silent, and they never had it that way before.
- They avoid using their devices when you’re around them, or if you enter the room they quickly stop doing what they were doing. They try to hide what they’re doing on their phone/computer from you.
- They’re nervous when you’re looking at something together on their phone/computer. The moment you finish looking at the video(s), picture(s), or information in general, they abruptly and nervously lock their phone or grab it in their direction.
- They require privacy more than they did before. Suddenly they don’t want their phone or computer to be touched or looked at because they suddenly need their privacy respected.
- They clear their browsing or searching history on their devices (phones, computers, etc.).
- They get mad, angry, upset, or nervous when you touch their phone or computer.
4. They have secret folders or apps installed on their personal devices.
These apps at times can look like they’re default apps for phones or computers without any obvious particular purpose.
Some phones have them installed by default, and if the user doesn’t want to use them, they remain there unactivated.
However, it can be a sign of an online affair or infidelity if your partner has secure folders installed on their devices.
Those apps/folders are often used to keep photos, apps, or different files secured with an extra password.
This means you have to know the password set for them to have access to those folders or apps.
- A lot of the cheating partners that practice infidelity online use secure folders to hide pictures of the person(s) they’re cheating with or even pictures of themselves they don’t want you to see.
- Secure folders are also a way for cheaters to hide their dating apps from their partners.
- One of the most common signs of an online affair/infidelity is when the partner hides things on their phone or computer, especially in a folder that’s not accessible unless you know the password for it.
5. They say things similar to “Why don’t you do [things]?!”
When an affair is going on, the new person that entered your partner’s life does and says particular things to them that keep your partner attached to going back to them.
Now, that new person can show them ways of doing or conversing with things that your partner doesn’t do with you.
In a way, your partner is learning new things and experiencing new things.
This can lead them to say things such as “Why don’t you call me handsome?” or “Let’s try this new thing out”
Of course, such things can be said normally in relationships, however, they are also known to be part of the behavior of someone who’s started cheating.
6. Their approach towards you is suddenly very different.
Once the factor of cheating is involved, they start making changes in their lives and their behavior.
Their approach towards you and their way of liking or preferring things changes too, leading you to confusion and suspicion.
When your partner is cheating, generally, infidelity affects the way they behave around you, and the way they approach you.
Virtual cheating, emotional cheating, or sexual cheating – in general, any form of infidelity towards you – will automatically affect your relationship.
They might try to act natural and make it obvious, or they try to overdo things due to the guilt and shame they’re feeling.
- When your partner is cheating on you online, they’re more likely to project their experience and accuse you of cheating online. They might try or demand access to your devices, or get upset when you spend time on your phone.
- Their behavior towards you gets you to feel suspicion and a feeling that they’re up to something odd. In other words, they’re acting strangely differently around you.
- When someone is cheating, often, as a way to compensate for the guilt they become over-affectionate or they become very distant to avoid the feeling of guilt and fear of getting caught.
7. They’re behaving differently on their social media.
If your partner is cheating online, they’ll act weird on their social media as well.
They’ll start removing pictures that may indicate they’re taken, they’ll start following people you’ve never heard of before, their inbox is filled, etc.
Cheating online isn’t limited to dating apps only; Cheating online often happens through social media as well.
If your partner is starting to slowly remove pictures of you on their social media or to remove any post that indicates they’re taken, then take it as a sign.
Usually, people back off when they realize that the person they’re trying to date, or have sex with is taken; Generally, it’s a turnoff.
That’s why pretending to be single on social media is yet another strong sign that your partner is up to something such as cheating online.
- They remove posts that involve you or anything else that lets other people know they’re in a relationship.
- They start posting things that are not in their nature (things they wouldn’t normally post on social media).
- They’re following a person (or people) you’ve never heard of before. They’re liking those people’s pictures and/or commenting on their posts in a way that indicates something is going on between them.
8. They’re online more often than usual.
Cheating online can be done through social media, dating apps, or even communication apps such as Whatsapp or similar ones to it.
If you know your partner’s routine, and if you know that they don’t have many people or work to do online through those apps, yet you still constantly see them online, then you might want to take that as a sign.
- You see their online status late at night on a specific social media or a communication app (e.g. Whatsapp).
- It’s a commonly strong sign if this is an unlikely behavior of theirs, and if you’re very well aware of the importance of social media in your partner’s life.
9. They have their notifications off.
Every phone has notifications options, including turning notifications off entirely. Meaning, getting no sound and no message even if someone texts you in a particular app.
This is a method used by people to avoid getting caught cheating online, especially if their partner is using their phone or computer often for other reasons.
If they were the person to always have the notifications on and to be easy going when it comes to the usage of their phone or computer, then you might want to take note once that behavior takes a turn.
Once the notifications are off, and your partner freaks out the moment you have their phone or computer in your hands, it’s the moment you should start noting their behavior.
- You never notice seeing or hearing any notification on their phone for the longest time. You see them texting when they take their phone in their hands despite them not getting any notification.
- They get defensive when asked about their phone, computer, social media, or apps on their phone.
10. Your partner receives notifications very late at night.
When someone is cheating online they’re likely to try to find a convenient time to text or talk to the person they’re cheating with.
It’s harsh to say, but that time is usually when the partner being cheated on is asleep. This goes without saying that it commonly happens late at night.
If your partner has their notifications on, and they’re cheating online, then you might as well see such notifications (about text messages or calls) during late nights.
It makes room for concern if this happens frequently and if your partner gets defensive about it when you ask them.
- A friend can call late at night if that’s normal in the friendship. That’s ok, and acceptable as long as you’re aware that that’s the way your partner’s friendship flows.
- It’s not normal if your partner never had someone text them late at night but now they do all of a sudden. And it didn’t happen just once or twice, but it’s a recurring thing that you’ve noticed.
How to find out your partner is cheating online? – Actions you can take yourself
There are ways to find out if your partner is cheating online or not.
If you took a look at the signs and they resonated with your partner’s behavior, there are ways to confirm or remove your doubts about this issue.
Some apps can help you find out if someone is cheating through dating apps, but there are also other ways to find out about an online affair.
Whether it is your spouse, your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, the signs and the actions don’t differ that much when it comes to finding out they’re cheating online.
Here are 5 ways to find out if your partner is cheating online:
1. Look for them on dating apps/sites.
There are a lot of different ways to find someone on dating apps for free or not. Some of those include:
- Searching their name on Google by typing “site:tinder.com name” or as a URL, “tinder.com/@username
- Search their images through Google; it’s free so it’s worth trying.
- Use third-party apps specifically designed for this purpose. Some of those apps to mention Usersearch, Spokeo, etc.
- Ask your friends who are using dating apps to keep an eye on the profiles they’re seeing on those dating apps.
- Check your partner’s devices (phones, computers) to see if they have any dating apps installed or if they’re browsing dating sites.
2. Pay attention to their social media profiles and activity.
A lot of people get caught cheating online through social media by their partners because of their suspicious social media activity.
If they abruptly make huge changes in their social media such as removing posts that indicate they’re in a relationship, following people, liking and commenting on posts suspiciously affectionate, or getting likes and comments in their posts by people you’ve never heard of before.
If their social media activity is suspicious it can be enough sign for you to address your concerns regarding this issue so that you can finally find the truth no matter what it is.
3. Check their devices for secure folders/apps & dating apps.
A secure app or folder is an app or folder in which you can put pictures, documents, or even apps to which you set a password that is required every time you click/tap on the app.
If you know the passwords to their phone or computer then you might want to look for secure folders or apps.
Usually, you can tell if those apps or folders are active on a phone by trying to enter those.
If that secure folder or app is being used and is active, it’ll ask you to put a password when you click/tap on it.
On the other hand, it’ll show you a “Let’s get started” type of steps if it isn’t being used.
While a dating app can be hidden in a secure folder, some people sort of forget to do so.
You can check the device for dating apps, they’re usually noticeable from the icons and the names. In this case, you’re looking for names such as Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, eHarmony, etc.
4. Check their browsing history.
Checking your partner’s browsing history will allow you to find out whether they’ve been using dating sites.
Sometimes names that they have been frequently texting through social media chats such as Facebook might appear on their Google history, of course, if they used it on the browser (i.e. Facebook.com).
If they’re cheating online you might even find pornographic material that includes cybersex in their browser history.
5. Check their social media inboxes.
If you have access to their social media accounts, you can check their inboxes for anything unusual going on in their chats.
Often, online affairs and infidelity happen through social media, and the key communication form in those affairs appears to be the social media chat(s).
You can have a quick look at them or an in-depth look at what your partner has been up to.
* Quick note: some of these options might be considered toxic and unhealthy as they represent a privacy violation of your partner, but if you feel helpless they might help you to ease your doubts and mind.
Is cybersex considered cheating?
It depends on what the couple or an individual defines as cheating, however, in many cases, cybersex and cyber affair are considered cheating.
The fact that cybersex happens behind the partner’s back, and the partner practicing it is being secretive about it, makes cybersex a form of betrayal of trust in a relationship.
It’s essentially one partner being secretive while gaining sexual pleasure from another person other than their partner while interacting with them virtually.
The part that makes it cheating is the secrecy, intimacy, and the misuse of trust in a relationship where monogamy and sexual exclusivity are promised.
Despite there not being physical touch, interacting with another person directly through the virtual presence and having cybersex, is considered cheating in a lot of relationships and aspects.
The aftermath of finding your partner cheating online: the healing
Finding out your partner is cheating can have a tremendously negative impact on you and your thought process, which will automatically affect the way you see your partner and the world around you.
It’s a difficult process to go through since you’re overwhelmed by feelings of betrayal and the loss of trust towards your partner as your worst doubts have been confirmed.
There are 5 basic things you can do about yourself and the relationship if you find out your partner is cheating online:
1. Processing and considering what you’ve found out.
Take the time you need to process, consider, and form a rational opinion based on a balance between logic and emotion in this situation.
It’s tough to be in such a position, it’s also overwhelming, which is why you need some time to process and consider the truth you’ve found out before you move on to any decision or further action.
2. Talk about it with your partner.
Addressing what you’ve found out can be very helpful despite the possibility of the debate turning chaotic and messy.
Talking about this with your partner will allow you to have an idea of why they cheated on you, and whether the cheating was consistent or a ‘once and never again’ thing.
A conversation with your partner about what you’ve found out will help you make a decision and clear your thoughts on what the next move will be.
If they take accountability for their actions, if they sincerely apologize, if the cheating happened once and never again, then it can be easier to repair.
On the other hand, if the cheating has been going on for too long, and your partner doesn’t take accountability for what they’ve done, the repair is going to be very tough to do.
Either way, you’ll get help in deciding by looking at the way that your partner reacts and responds.
3. Saving yourself from the marriage or the relationship.
This doesn’t mean breaking the marriage or the relationship, this means taking care of yourself and your wellbeing.
This is a very tough experience to go through and it can take a toll on your mental and physical health.
That’s why you need to save yourself and take anything you need to feel secure, safe, and ok.
Take the time you need to take care of yourself, surround yourself with loving people, participate in physical activities, and do things you enjoy doing.
This means taking your time to heal and regain trust in people.
4. Making a decision: Saving the relationship/marriage or moving on.
After considering several things, it will be time for you to make a decision.
Usually, people decide a very short period after they’ve found out their partner is cheating, and that period expands a little when it comes to online infidelity.
Since cheating online is seen differently by different people, this might take you a little longer to think about and to make a decision.
Make the decision you feel it’s right for you, for the relationship, and for your wellbeing.
If you don’t see long-term benefits from your decision, take a step back to think about it while you take your time to heal.
If you want to save the marriage/relationship it’ll take two of you to work things out.
5. Therapy.
If you’re in a stable financial position and can afford therapy, this is a great way to gain trust in people and yourself again.
Despite your decision on this therapy will do tremendous help in this situation.
If you decide to work things out with your partner and give this another chance, therapy will guide you to heal and work things out in your relationship as a couple.
On the other hand, if you decide to leave the relationship, therapy will help you calm down from the overwhelming experience and will help you slowly build trust in people again.
Love,
Callisto
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