Loneliness is a part of the post-breakup process. It feels like you’re stuck in a dark bubble and is getting harder to breathe and live.
Even if this passes with time, each experience and breakup is different from one another.
Experiencing panic attacks and feeling lonely after the breakup is quite normal.
The person that used to be the main focus of your life is not there. The void that they live in will haunt you for a while.
Even if you’re the dumper or the dumpee the marks that a breakup will leave will induce loneliness and anxiety.
For some people, the loneliness might last shortly whereas someone would be stuck in it for a longer time.
It’s hard to get used to loneliness but once you embrace it, you will be free forever.
Here are 12 tips on how to deal with loneliness after a breakup:
1. Accept solitude
Accepting solitude and learning to recognize your feelings is the first step to coping with loneliness.
Solitude can help you to learn more about yourself and seek healing.
You can learn to be good on your own once you stop blaming yourself.
It is quite normal and easy to ruminate and blame yourself for everything.
You’ll always be wondering what could have been done differently, even if you’re the dumper or the dumpee.
Take activities and take a journey by yourself, so you will slowly start to feel good in your skin.
This is a process that will take months or even a year.
It all depends on how you stick to the plan so you can progress and heal yourself.
2. Understand that it takes time for a wide range of emotions to pass
After the break, you will feel anguished and want this period to be over in a blink of an eye.
On the contrary, being tacked on this will only make you feel even lonelier.
You need to understand that going through the stages of the breakup you will be exposed to different emotions.
Nothing is linear and you won’t feel the same every day. Someday you will be anxious and the other day you will feel more relieved.
To deal with these emotions one day at a time, question your thoughts. That’s because rumination is related to how you feel.
The moment you realize you feel this way, you will learn to manage the situation.
3. Vent to your friends or family
Many people isolate themselves after the breakup and don’t talk with anyone. This will increase the feeling of loneliness and anxiety.
Don’t be ashamed or afraid to be judged for what you’re feeling.
Talk about it and your feelings so you can get out of what you’re feeling.
Suppressing feelings will make the situation even worse, you will end up hurting yourself even more.
Just know that you need someone to talk to but be careful what you share and what type of advice you take.
As a study shows, sharing feelings sometimes can have a negative effect.
That’s because friends and family can be biased sometimes and this might lead to wrong conclusions.
4. Dig deep down to what’s causing the prolonged loneliness
Dealing with loneliness after the breakup on your own is hard.
Sometimes, even the help of friends and family isn’t successful.
There might be a hidden reason for this prolonged loneliness.
It could be a memory, a feeling, you or just being constantly exposed to things that remind you of your ex.
To get a grip on this situation you need the help of a relationship coach or a therapist.
Both of them will make you reflect in their way. Coaches from Relationship Hero will help you to cope with the breakup and move on.
You can’t cope with these feelings and heal unless you pin down the problem.
That’s why the coaches and other therapists will help you to understand exactly why you’re feeling empty and lonely.
5. Practice mindfulness
Anxiety, regret, and holding up to the past are quite apparent after a breakup.
That’s why setting the right mindset helps you to set your mind straight and be present.
You might feel hopeless and wish to change the past to not feel lonely.
Hence, creating the right mindset will omit intrusive thoughts.
You can do this while using a few techniques:
- Close your eyes, inhale and exhale;
- Write down your good traits;
- Write down what you want to change about yourself and why;
- Try to connect more with your inner voice and change the way how you criticize yourself;
- Consider taking a walk, reading a book, or listening to music, whatever soothes you;
Whatever helps you to grasp and control your thoughts, will be quite useful to set the right mindset.
6. Surround yourself with new people and do new activities
Being surrounded by new people and doing new things will help you in regaining confidence and explore your potential.
This way you will be busy but with a purpose. Making yourself busy just to push your thoughts to the back of your head won’t help.
Doing it will make you overthink constantly, which will lead to feeling lonely even more.
Pick a new hobby, join different clubs, and try to get out of your comfort zone.
Only like this, you can shift the mindset from thinking of your ex to putting yourself first.
Otherwise, being obsessed with your ex will only increase the chance to feel more lonely.
7. Reflect on yourself and what you want to change
Self-reflection is one of the most important things to do after a breakup.
I know that it sounds like it will be difficult at some point but doing it will have a huge impact on your healing.
Take it as a fun process when you will write down every day how you feel.
If you are sad then go ahead and write what the hell you’re feeling.
At the same time, express your emotions if that helps (shout or cry).
Being compassionate means that you are aware that there’s suffering.
~You can soothe this suffering by writing what you’re feeling and what would you want to change.
~Write down what did you learn through this breakup.
~What can you do to support yourself during this time.
Expressing and writing down your feelings can help you to process these feelings. You can write down everything that you can’t say and then go back to reading them
Only this way you can reflect on yourself and prevent anxiety.
8. Create a new daily routine
Breaking your daily pattern will immediately distance you from the past and help you to move on.
This way you won’t be intrigued by the past which will lead you to reminisce about your ex.
If you were used to getting morning texts from your ex and now not getting messages makes you feel lonely, change it.
Instead of getting these messages, you can write morning affirmations that will boost your confidence.
Write down what you like about yourself or what others like about you.
It is going to be hard to do this during the first days of the breakup but then later on you’ll see the difference.
9. Use the No Contact Rule
The most important thing to do to not feel lonely after the breakup is to distance yourself from your ex.
You need to delete their number, shut down social media or even block your ex.
You should act according to your situation.
If you are the dumper and you are pondering your decision then you can mute your ex or shut down social media.
This way, you won’t concentrate only on your ex and deal more with loneliness. You will give yourself and your ex time and space to breathe and reflect.
Having no contact with them will decrease the level of anxiety too after some time.
I know that not contacting them, in the beginning, will give you a hard time.
Hence, over time, you will notice that you will shift your focus from your ex to yourself.
Only then, you will feel complete and healed.
10. Set a goal and focus on that
Quite often breakups can leave you with low self-confidence and a lack of life motive.
Hence, setting a goal for yourself after the breakup will help you to progress in healing.
It can be whatever goal. Only, this goal should be related to enhancing you and not helping you to suppress your feelings.
Reflect on your needs and what you want to achieve as a single person. What dreams do you have that you need to follow?
Be careful, do not set goals just to keep your mind busy. Set them to make yourself the best version and not be codependent on your ex.
11. Avoid romanticizing your ex
One of the reasons that make you feel anxious and lonely after the breakup is just hanging only to good memories.
This is tightly connected with you denying the breakup and everything that happened.
You should not be ashamed of it and not blame yourself. This is quite normal to happen if you were invested too much in the relationship.
When you keep replying to only good memories, you will lose the purpose in life and be stuck in the past.
This will cause all the loneliness that you will feel after the breakup.
You can stop romanticizing your ex by writing down what made you break up with them or vice versa.
In addition, remind yourself if this version of yourself would want to continue the relationship.
12. Join a breakup supporting group
Sharing your feelings and thoughts with other people that are going through the same thing is essential.
Through these meetings, you will be able to share your feelings and thoughts without judgment.
Also, other people will talk about dealing with post-breakup loneliness and you’ll get another perspective.
This can be a safe place to understand others and be understood.
Pain and longing are two elements that cause anxiety and loneliness.
Joining breakup supporting groups can help you focus on pain and how to deal with it.
How long does it take to stop feeling lonely after a breakup?
There is no certain period when the loneliness after the breakup will go away because loneliness comes in waves.
For example, loneliness will hit the dumper later than the dumpee.
~When the dumper realizes that they might have lost you forever that’s when the loneliness hits them.
Their loneliness will go away only when they realize that the breakup is permanent and you’re better on your own.
~Whereas, the dumpee’s situation is different. The loneliness hits the dumpee right after the breakup.
This happens because the dumpee feels underestimated and not lovable, they feel worthless.
This feeling of loneliness might be continual or will come time after time.
The dumpee will overcome loneliness only when they focus on themselves and realize their worth.
Why is it hard to be alone after a breakup?
It is hard to be alone after a breakup because you are used to a pattern and to a routine that you shared with someone.
Disconnecting with someone emotionally isn’t easy and it leaves a vast void in your life.
Other than this, what really causes loneliness and anxiety is being too involved in the relationship.
Emotional overdependence is the main reason that you are so hung up on your ex and lonely.
It is so hard to be alone after the breakup because you will immediately tend to overthink.
You think about the person that you thought was the one but things didn’t turn out right.
It’s all these elements that contribute to feeling lonely, depressed, and empty.
Learning to live by yourself and be independent after the breakup might take some time.
You start with small steps: accepting the pain and looking forward.
Bottom line: Feeling lonely and anxious after the breakup!
You will feel lonely and anxious after the breakup because you are adjusting to being apart from someone you love.
Even if you are the dumper or the dumpee the loneliness will hit you when you think deeply about the relationship.
It doesn’t always mean that just regular relationships and breakups will leave you feeling lonely.
Also, if you were a part of a toxic relationship, you will feel lonely after experiencing a dysfunctional relationship.
You need to understand that feeling lonely and anxious isn’t wrong. Just by accepting your feelings, you will take the first step toward mending yourself.
Keep going further…
Love,
Callisto Adams
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