When it comes to love, there is no definite answer—everyone falls and feels differently.
Back then, people used to fall in love with the beauty found in words, through exchanging letters with one another.
The technology of communication nowadays is much more advanced, and falling for someone over text may be difficult, but not unlikely.
First, let’s try to define the enigmatic: What is love?
When you ask someone to define love, you’re never going to get the same answer. That’s because love is abstract.
More or less, love is what makes us create different places for the people in our lives on account of how we feel about them.
Love is feeling all sorts of positive feelings for someone, but not just anyone: comfort, happiness, passion, devotion, and so forth.
But romantic love is different from, say, the love you would feel for a friend.
When you love someone, you want to be with them constantly; you’re possessive and your happiness depends on their happiness.
You are both physically and emotionally attracted to them, is what I’m trying to say! Alternatively, a romantic partner is a best friend who gives you the hots.
Yes! You absolutely can fall in love over text.
You can’t predict how and when you’ll fall in love, or even with whom for that matter.
Yes, someone can fall in love through text! But it depends on external factors as well:
- How often you text;
- The nature of your conversations;
- Your priorities;
- How often you meet up offline, etc.
For instance, a person who’s already in a committed, fulfilling relationship IRL is less likely to fall in love with their texting buddy.
But otherwise, I don’t see why two people who enjoy talking to each other can’t fall in love; it is the same, but with the lack of physical presence.
9 signs that prove YOU have fallen in love with the person you’re texting.
No matter the circumstances—it is still someone you want to spend all of your time with.
Again, the only difference is that you two aren’t facing each other.
Falling in love over text happens often in today’s age—if you’re showing any of these signs, then you’re experiencing the same thing:
1. You talk to each other for HOURS without getting bored.
The ability to talk to someone the whole day, every day, without ever once getting bored is a clear sign of affection.
You can write this off as having the “talking-stage zoomies” but if your relationship is still fresh even after months, it’s most likely love
Always finding ways to learn new things about someone and never being able to quench your thirst for them is not something everyone can make you feel.
This means that neither of you cares your relationship doesn’t go beyond the online world, you just want to be together at all costs.
2. You turn other people who aren’t them away.
If this person is the only one giving you butterflies in your stomach, then yes: you have fallen for them.
I keep raving about how love makes certain people special to us because that’s one of its side effects—had this theory been incorrect, then we’d love all the 7 billion people on Earth.
The person that makes you want to reject everyone else—that’s the one for you, regardless of how you communicate.
3. Everything reminds you of them.
We sometimes identify people with our surroundings—we are sentimental beings, and as such, we jump at the opportunity to recall the important people in our lives.
If you find yourself often being reminded of that person, then that means they’re constantly on your mind, but laying dormant.
Your brain is reserved for remembering things about people you love!
4. Your mood depends entirely on them.
“Mood mirroring” is something we unconsciously do when we fall in love; our mood depends on the person most important to us.
If they’re happy, you’re happy. If they’re sad, you’re sad.
If they don’t text you back as soon as you’d like them to, you start feeling uncomfortable, and the same things happen if they say something that rubs you the wrong way.
A friendly reminder that we’re not usually phased by something people we don’t care about say.
5. Texting them is the first thing that pops into your head when you wake up.
Excitedly texting them good morning is quite telling because you’re literally trying to milk your time together by talking each waking minute.
This person’s presence means so much to you to the point you don’t feel whole without shooting a text their way.
6. You jump at every notification, thinking it’s them.
Do you know the feeling when your phone buzzes and you excitedly check it thinking it’s your favorite person texting, but it’s just Gmail promoting stuff?
Turns out the person you wish for it to be is the person you have feelings for; patiently waiting for a reply and getting sad when not getting it is your clue.
7. You two have a lot of cute moments and inside jokes.
The difference between loving someone and crushing on them is that love makes you feel secure.
You don’t have to walk on eggshells around them because you want to leave a good impression; loving someone means not pretending to be someone else.
You two are able to goof around with each other, tease one another, and call each other adorable nicknames.
There’s no judging or awkwardness between you two, just coziness.
8. You scroll through your conversation with a big smile on your face.
It’s much deeper than that, though, this shows just how much of a safe space this person is for you.
Whenever you’re sad, you turn to your happy space:
- Re-reading your conversation;
- Scrolling through their pictures;
- Hugging the gifts they got you.
This is your way of recalling good memories by giving meaning to inanimate things that remind you of the one you love.
9. You get the urge to see them.
And finally, you’re so into this person you can’t stand only being able to text them—it’s not like it’s a turn-off for you, but you just want to take things to the next level.
We are visual creatures after all, so it’s a given you want to see more of the person you have feelings for.
You might find yourself frequently asking them to send you selfies, or even planning to meet up IRL!
– It all depends on the person’s boundaries, preferences, and turn-offs.
Somebody’s character and boundaries regarding online relationships play a major role in whether they’ll fall in love over text.
A survey by YouGov proves that people, despite the advancement of technology, still prefer offline relationships—no surprise here.
If you or the person you’re exchanging texts with would never in a lifetime consider online dating, then nothing will probably happen.
Or even if love were to be born, neither of you would act upon it.
- This happens because people value closeness; for some, falling in love without seeing the other person first is impossible.
However, I am a proud love-knows-no-distance firm believer!
Having fallen for someone who lived on the other side of the planet in the past, I can say with full confidence that you can fall hard for someone this way.
But that’s not to say it’s easy…far from that.
Why is developing feelings over text so hard for people?
Humans are people with little to no object permanence—the less they see of someone, the more they’ll gradually forget about them.
This, of course, doesn’t apply to everybody.
When it comes to falling in love through means such as texting, I have observed three groups of people.
1. The ones that can’t.
An overwhelming majority need to feel stimulated to fall in love with a person, or else simply messaging isn’t going to cut it.
These people need to have “accessible” relationships in the sense that they need to feel, touch, and smell their partners.
This sense of physicality brings them together and serves as a catalyzer; the more this pattern is repeated, the higher the chances of gradually falling in love.
2. The ones that won’t.
Okay, so I lied a little bit when I said people can’t control who they fall in love with, because technically speaking, they can.
They can avoid falling for people whom they logically know they shouldn’t be falling for—it’s a bit confusing, so let me be more specific:
- If a person does not do LDRs, they will avoid putting themselves in situations in which they’re more prone to falling for someone online.
Let’s say you HATE online relationships but have met a cutie from a different continent. You’ll cut them out before things escalate any further.
People with this level of self-control are by far the rarest!
3. The ones that give up.
Multiple surveys confirm that no more than 60% of US long-distance couples have successful relationships—make that 10%, if your definition of success is marriage.
The majority of people don’t even bother starting a relationship under these circumstances.
Many couples who are unable to meet up often end up breaking up due to the pain they were feeling during the relationship.
They went against their own better judgment (which told them that loving from a distance is hard) and wound up giving up mid-way.
What we fail to realize before getting into a relationship with someone who lives far away is that we have to get used to getting worried!
Whether it be getting worried about our partner being unsafe or cheating.
Tips for stealing someone’s heart over text you might find useful.
Most people in the technology era are finding love online while texting the people whose photos caught their eye.
You can create the optimal environment for love to be born inside your chat box, and the trick is to make up for the lack of physicality.
Be consistent, but not desperate.
You want to be texting them every day, but not be desperate about it!
That means reciprocating their texting pattern and not sending an overwhelming number of texts in the hopes of getting a reply.
Not saying you can’t be the one to text first, but you also can’t have them thinking you’re doing all the chasing.
Add some visual stimulus.
You want to make texting fun for this person if you want there to be a chance of them developing feelings.
- Initiate video calls;
- Send photos;
- Use emojis appropriate to the conversation.
Do not be repetitive.
Try your hardest to talk about interesting and engaging topics every day; people are attracted to people who make them feel stuff.
You can choose to talk about things this person likes, for instance, but never make them think you’re dull.
Humor and lighthearted moments will do an amazing job at keeping them interested as well. It’s your call.
Create the opportunity for intimacy.
Who said you can’t become intimate with the person you’re texting? That thinking is a bit outdated because you can become both sexually and emotionally intimate with them.
Sexually as in sexting and emotionally as in opening up to each other.
Clear misunderstandings.
It’s very easy for LDR couples to drift apart, partly due to misunderstandings and partly due to the unwillingness to sort them out.
You have to try EXTRA hard to make up for the fact you can’t see each other, at the end of the day.
When any of you accidentally say the wrong thing, start an argument, or not text back for an unspecified amount of time, communicate instead of ghosting one another.
The sacred “This reminded me of you!”.
Let that person know that you’re thinking of them while also prompting them to think about you and your relationship will gradually grow closer.
Whenever something reminds you of them, send a text their way!
FaceTime and call with each other.
Add some variety to your text conversations by FaceTiming and calling each other from time to time.
Hearing somebody’s voice and seeing them in real-time movement helps in developing feelings for them, even more so than simply texting.
Bring your dates inside the online world.
Going on dates doesn’t always require two people meeting up in real life—you can also plan online dates.
Playing co-op video games, streaming movies (like you can on Discord), or just having long video call sessions.
Be supportive and understanding.
Make this person feel heard and show them they always have your shoulder to cry on; being an empath means being someone’s safe space.
Be there for them and cheer them on front the sidelines.
Love is love, online or offline.
As far as I’m concerned, how far you are from someone does not play a role in the possibility of love being born.
Maintaining a relationship through text only is difficult, that much I’ll admit, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
With the right people and the right time (and of course effort on both of your parts), no obstacle is too big!
Love,
Callisto.
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