Texting a man too much is a bad thing, and texting him not often enough is also a bad thing…where does this leave us?
Believe it or not, there is a golden balance to this predicament but what’s really important is NOT overdoing it.
If you’re texting him too much, it’s best to stop before it’s too late!
Why is over-texting usually seen as a bad thing?
So, let’s lay some ground rules:
How often someone wants to receive a text from someone depends on their relationship.
For example, a boyfriend is more likely not to mind about being double-texted rather than someone you’re in a talking stage with.
And when you’re in a talking stage with someone, you do not want to appear insecure or desperate—something that might happen if you over-text.
This may make your partner get bored or annoyed with you as you are not giving him the much-needed space to miss you.
- It’s always best for new lovebirds to leave some things a mystery and promote a healthy space so that they both stay interested and independent.
And how do you know if you’re texting him too much? Well, if you’re doing any of these:
1. You ALWAYS have to text him first.
This is where balance is very important because you do not want to be the initiator of every single conversation if you want to impress him.
When you start thinking to yourself, “Wow. I always have to text first.”, that’s when you have to stop; it’s not fair for you.
This shows unwillingness on his part to reach out, and pushing it is only going to make it worse.
He may be getting tired of your consistent efforts, so the number of texts you send isn’t going to leave a mark on him.
2. He takes his sweet time replying to you.
It could mean anything when a guy takes forever to text back—anywhere from him being mean to him trying to get you to chase him.
Or he’s fed up with the intensity of your text messages, and that gradually made him want to ease up on replying to seek some freedom.
This is him trying to re-establish some sort of “balance” in your conversation regime.
And if not that, he may be trying to find ways to avoid texting with you because he needs a breather.
If you notice him not texting back for hours or even days at a time, then you might just be texting him too much.
3. He is a dry texter when he FINALLY replies.
This happens because he’s forcing himself to reply, something guys sometimes do when they’re overwhelmed.
Being overly available to someone makes them appreciate us way less, and this theory is proven by how they treat us like a nuisance.
In this situation, he doesn’t see replying to you as a priority, but rather a chore he needs to get out of the way because he knows he’ll find you in the same spot.
4. You send too many texts in a row.
Are you sending texts in rapid succession? Say, over 5 messages in a row while he only sends one or two?
If so, then yes. You might be texting him too much and it’s best if you slow down just a little bit.
- Sending too many text messages in a row makes it hard for people to reply to all of them. And the cherry on top? They will also think of you as clingy or desperate.
I always tell people to match the other person’s energy in new relationships: just to be safe, text only as much as you’re texted.
5. You don’t wait for him to respond between your messages.
You send A LOT but never wait for him to respond to your first message, something that can and should be avoided.
A conversation needs to have two willing, interactive participants, or else it’d be just one person talking to themselves. And this is practically what you’re doing. Talking to yourself.
You have to let this guy respond first and indulge in your conversation bit by bit, as opposed to drowning him with messages.
6. You don’t let him miss you.
Everyone has their own opinion on what texting too much means—some are okay with the other person replying promptly, and some are not.
The ones that aren’t, prefer not to be suffocated by their partners with texts and enjoy some space.
If you’re replying to every single message literally a second after he sends them, then you might be overdoing it.
As toxic as this might sound, letting a man wait from time to time helps preserve his interest!
7. Your texts are way too lengthy.
I want you to take a minute to read your text messages—are they way longer than his? If they are, then you might be texting too much.
Most people don’t want to be sitting and reading a 10-sentence paragraph unless they REALLY have to; they want relatively short and interesting texts for a more enjoyable experience.
Plus being a bit mysterious gets people to want you—if you’re constantly oversharing, maybe it’s time to tone it down a bit.
2 or 3 sentence paragraphs should suffice if you two are talking casually!
8. You often find yourself begging him for a reply.
If you’ve told him time and time again that his habit of not replying upsets you, yet he never does anything to fix it, then consider taking a rain check!
Even if you’re not objectively texting him a lot, it’s too much if he doesn’t want to reciprocate your efforts.
Do not beg him for a text back—conversations are carried out willfully, so forcing a reply out of someone who doesn’t want to talk is ineffective.
9. You reach out to him without a reason.
If you two are dating, then it’s probably okay—if not, however, he might not appreciate being talked to for no reason.
Or he might like talking to you regardless, but make sure to assess his personality beforehand.
- He most likely enjoys talking to you if he is a communicative person and you two have a relatively good relationship.
But for right now, texting him just to text him might make him uncomfortable (something you can tell by the way he texts).
If he almost never responds to your attempts at communication, you’re better off taking a break.
10. They disabled their activity or “seen” status.
Very, very unlikely for someone to be going to such lengths but…did he suddenly turn off his activity and “seen” status?
He may be trying to avoid replying to your texts due to how many you send.
Being online means that he has to text you back, so he’s come up with a pretty smart idea: turning off his activity status so that he can use social media freely.
11. He always tries to cut your conversations short.
He might try to leave as soon as possible if he thinks you’re being overbearing…we’ve all done this to someone at one point.
- He could be doing just this if he leaves you on seen, always tells you he has to leave even though you just started talking, or is dry.
Some people don’t do too well with keeping in touch with others, especially if they feel obligated to do so.
So they end up escaping when it gets too much.
12. He’s the only person you feel like talking to.
You may be overdoing it with the texting unknowingly if he’s the only person you feel like talking to.
It happens often for someone to be crushing on someone and wanting to spend as much time as humanly possible with them, but is it ideal?
No, it is not. Overstepping his boundaries in this context will make him want to delay his replies and create some space.
- Is he the only one making you want to go against your better judgment? I suggest you distract yourself so that both of you don’t get tired of each other.
However, if you’re not acting upon your desire to keep everyone but him away, then there’s probably nothing to worry about.
13. You get this overwhelming feeling of regret after having texted him.
“Ugh, I should not have done that.” or “Why did I just do that?”—do you find yourself indulging in shame and regret after texting him?
This means that you are aware of the issue but can’t stop yourself.
- Maybe you’re THAT into him and you’re trying your hardest to impress him.
Whatever it is, if you yourself have acknowledged that you’re texting him too much, it’s time to stop!
14. He tells you over and over again you text him too much.
And finally, what is more telling than a guy telling you straight-up that you are doing too much?
If he’s ever, in any way, told you that maybe you should slow down with the texting, you should definitely listen to his advice!
– Compare your chat logs.
Something I like to do when I’m unsure whether I am texting too much or too little is compare my and the person’s chat logs—this usually helps to put things in perspective
Look at your chat logs and ask yourself these 2 questions:
- “Whose texts are longer?”
- And “Who takes longer to respond?”
Is there a lack of balance between your texting habits?
Are you the only one doing all the talking, texting first, replying in a timely manner, and making an effort?
You are texting more than you should ONLY if he’s not putting in the same, exact amount of effort.
How to resist over-texting a man?
The key to keeping your hand out of the cookie jar is to understand your reasons and come up with distractions.
Understand WHY you’re texting him so much.
Have you fallen for him? Are you afraid he might text another woman instead? Whatever your reason is, take it and sort it out.
You’re on your way to stopping your impulses by taking a step back and acknowledging your reasons.
Hide your phone somewhere.
Nope, not kidding. If you feel the urge to text him coming to you, just toss your phone away somewhere.
Sometimes getting rid of all distractions helps in keeping your urges in check.
After you’re done replying to him ONCE, turn your phone off, keep it out of sight, and get back to what you were doing!
Turn off your phone’s notification.
This is another great way to eliminate all distractions because sometimes, we can’t take the suspense of waiting for a reply.
Just go over to your phone’s Settings and disable the notifications of the social media platform you and this guy text on.
Keep yourself distracted.
Message your friends instead or watch a brand new TV show so that you feel more fulfilled.
It is important to understand that life has so much more to offer that isn’t correlated to this guy.
Texted him too much? Don’t worry! You can still fix it.
You can’t take back having sent too many texts, however, you can do some damage control.
- Apologize and explain.
If your over-texting came from a place of panic, say, after your partner wasn’t texting back and you got worried, don’t be shy to apologize.
Explain your reasoning and play it cool! We all lose our composure at times when getting worried.
“I just want to apologize for sending this many texts. You were telling me you were feeling under the weather last night and weren’t responding today.”
- Refrain from repeating it.
One-time mistakes are okay, right? Just make sure that you don’t repeat the same thing or it’s bound to re-shape his opinion of you.
Whenever you feel the urge to over-text him again, just stop and take a deep breath—after that, keep yourself occupied.
- Learn what his boundaries are.
Get to know him better in terms of his boundaries regarding texting and overall communication.
See if he enjoys being reached out to often or if he wants his alone time.
No, you aren’t texting too much…
If he is a social person who loves talking to people and has made it clear in the past, then you’re in the green.
There are still a lot of people who are down for some chit-chat!
Besides, if he responds every single time while matching your energy, then it seems like he enjoys talking to you as well.
Love,
Callisto.
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