To make a distinction between overthinking and if he’s losing interest, you should take a step back and reflect on your attachment style.
I’ve been through this myself and, trust me there’s a thin line that divides overthinking from him fundamentally losing interest.
Yet, what gave me a final answer was working on my anxious attachment style and recognizing the excessive and constant change in his behavior.
If he is losing interest your focus will be only on him, and if you’re overthinking it the focus will be on you!
Here are 11 signs to define whether you’re overthinking or he is losing interest:
1. He’s online on other platforms but constantly ignores your messages
When your partner or someone you’re talking to is online on other platforms but constantly ignores you, then he might be losing interest.
If he doesn’t do that on purpose, he might let you know that he’s busy or he has something to do.
Yet, if you find him online on dating apps such as Bumble or Tinder and then he doesn’t text you back, he might have lost interest.
And this is quite common with men who are interested only in a fling and don’t show true intentions from the beginning.
2. He’s not making an effort to work together to solve relationship issues
A relationship that is based on true and healthy intentions, means that both people try to work things out for the sake of each other.
Whereas, if your partner or someone you’re dating ignores your request to define a problem and solve it constantly, that’s a problem.
If he’s overwhelmed or stressed and cannot think right now clearly or doesn’t have time to reflect then give him space and time.
But, the most important thing is to approach him and amicably communicate this issue.
- Have a nice dinner or a simple picnic and open the conversation casually.
- You can state the feelings that have been neglected and what’s not working without making it feel like an accusation.
“I wanted to say that lately, you’ve not asked me about my day or what is going on with me. And it’s been a month. I thought it was just a phase but can we talk more about it and find the issue?”
- Ask him if there’s anything that you can do to help him work together on this.
3. He’s always busy when you ask to hang out or when you interact with him
A man can be busy and life is pretty hard but if he constantly turns your offers down to hang out and doesn’t initiate, that’s a clear sign.
When a man loses interest, he will never plan dates or doesn’t want to go on a date anymore.
He might even claim that the thrill of dates exists only when you are dating or promise you that he’s going to make it up to you.
Hence he never does it, instead most of the time, he tries to meet you briefly and claims that he’s constantly busy.
If this situation is confusing and you need to reflect more on your situation, you might check for the help of a personal coach.
4. He starts to treat you more like a friend than a lover
The craziest shift that a guy makes when he starts to lose interest is treating you differently.
It seems like you’re just interacting for the sake of your friendship.
- There are no signs of intimacy (physical and emotional).
- He rarely or never compliments you anymore.
- He doesn’t prioritize you anymore and doesn’t try to impress you like before.
It’s important to know that this type of behavior can occur suddenly or in a blink of an eye.
Yet, you can feel the shift of energy from impacting you positively and having a good time, to making you feel left out and unwanted/unloved.
5. He’s not affectionate as before
One of the most fundamental signs that he’s losing interest is when he acts like you’re someone he doesn’t know.
This means there is less physical touch and he doesn’t feel interested in making you feel like the only woman in the world.
- Shortly, there is a lack of enthusiasm and he doesn’t treat you the same as before.
- He doesn’t seem that much interested in what you think or feel.
- He’s less flirty and doesn’t use the same tone as before with you.
If you notice all these changes in his behavior then try to find a time when both of you sit and talk.
When he pulls away and starts to lose interest, he’ll give you mixed signs and whenever you want to talk, he’ll come passive-aggressive.
6. You feel always under pressure and anxious when it comes to the relationship
If you’ll always feel like you need to be and do your best to keep him interested maybe he wasn’t interested from the beginning.
Or you constantly, have that fear that he’s going to find better if you don’t do something special for him.
Like initiating dates, calling or texting him always first, always taking care of him, etc.
And in essence, overthinking is a product of anxious attachment.
If he is initiating calls and texts normally and you’re still worried and want to make him think about you, then you’re overthinking it.
7. You’re always trying to read through his actions or behavior
If you’re constantly analyzing every little action that he takes and how he interacts with you then you might be overthinking.
If his behavior doesn’t impact you negatively directly but you tend to
Let’s take for example, he calls you every morning, but for some reason, he isn’t doing it for a week.
Now you constantly start to overanalyze conversations and all.
In this case, what you need to do is to interact and communicate with him.
Use humor and explain to him that you’re feeling a little bit left out.
8. Doubting your worth and impact on this relationship
It doesn’t mean that you won’t doubt yourself in the relationship even if he isn’t losing interest.
The moment that he’s not belittling you, he’s compassionate and tries to meet your needs then you should reflect on yourself.
The moment that his actions don’t impact you negatively, then that means that you’re overthinking and convincing yourself that he’s the one to blame.
If your self-worth isn’t connected to his actions but to your past experiences, then it’s better to find the source and work on these feelings.
Also, the coach Riana Milne, claims that is important to heal childhood or past trauma to navigate your dating life better.
9. You cannot be present in the relationship
Now, you’re thinking about what might happen next, all the time.
You’re constantly thinking about the worst scenarios and it feels like you’re always going to be dumped.
This right here is a pure sign of overthinking. If your date or partner doesn’t take an action that triggers these feelings then he hasn’t lost interest.
It’s your anxious attachment and codependency that makes you feel insecure and need to have things under control.
It’s pretty normal to overthink when in a relationship and it isn’t very easy to stop it in an instant.
In this case, it’s important to learn to prioritize yourself by trying individual or couple therapy.
10. He stopped talking about mutual plans
When your partner was enthusiastic about plans and now rarely talks about them, he might be hurt or stopped caring about you.
If you try to mention these plans in your conversations, he might act like he’s not interested or he might even change the subject.
If this happens most of the time, then this is a tell-tale sign that he’s losing interest and you’re not overthinking it.
In this situation, it’s better to be open with him and tell him how this makes you feel and how you process and see this issue.
In addition, ask him if there is something that bothers him or if any of your actions have impacted his decision.
11. He seems distracted and uninterested whenever you’re together
Sometimes due to personal issues and being burnt out, he might seem distracted but that might not last forever.
If he hasn’t been engaging in conversations or trying to make a decent conversation for some months now, he might have lost interest.
When he still has feelings for you but for some reason he had a bad phase, he would still try to be physical with you.
So when the vibe changes, it means that the relationship has become dull at some point.
He doesn’t seem to like interacting with you, finds your jokes annoying, and turns anything into a fight, you’re not overthinking it.
What to do when he is losing interest and you’re uncertain about it?
During this uncomfortable situation, you should be able to take a step back, reflect, and communicate with him.
1. The key solution to knowing whether to move on or try to work on this situation is his reaction.
Sometimes, he might be overloaded with work but if he isn’t losing interest he will give you a hint.
Maybe he’ll communicate his feelings with you and explain to you that right now he’s busy or he’s having a hard time.
On the other hand, if he’s losing interest or he can’t utter his emotions then the best thing you can do is to be understanding.
Yet, while you’re trying to understand him, be careful to not lose yourself in this process.
You can be compassionate by setting your boundaries and focusing on yourself too.
2. Focus on yourself, improve yourself, and avoid blaming yourself.
If he chooses to not communicate his needs, feelings, or decisions with you then that is his problem.
You don’t have to blame yourself for his decisions. If he found you incompatible then he has to explain that to you.
Hence, not all men do this. So, if he chose to ghost you for some time or breadcrumb you for whatever reason, just talk to him and explain your stance.
If he refuses to do it then it’s better to focus on your well-being and if you’re just talking with him then focus on someone else too.
3. If you’re in a long-term relationship and you are aware of what caused him to lose interest then try to state these reasons.
The moment that you state these reasons make sure that you come up with some sort of solution.
Thus, it will be easier for him to reflect on what’s happening when he has your opinion too.
Based on this research a man tends to avoid talking about how he feels and that results in anger, most of the time.
So, a healthy and real relationship isn’t what it looks like in Hollywood movies. The thrill doesn’t last forever if you don’t work to nourish it.
Be patient and give him some time on his own.
You give him attention enough to know that you’re there for him, don’t cut all contact immediately.
4. If he constantly refuses to work it out and ignores you constantly then it’s time to move on.
Understandably, it’s a hard thing to do especially if you have experienced a lot of things together.
But, the best solution to not be stuck in a vicious circle, is to break that cycle.
If you were the one constantly trying to make things work then know that that would lead you to a toxic relationship.
If he doesn’t give an effort to reflect on what caused the loss of interest then he might have never had pure intentions.
What to do if you’re overthinking if he’s losing interest?
One thing that you should do when you’re overthinking whether he’s lost interest is to not vent to many people.
1. Venting to your friends and family isn’t always wrong but in this case, having a lot of opinions will make you even more confused.
That’s because these opinions are mostly based on feelings and will increase your overthinking.
Nobody, in this case, will make you the bad guy, that’s why you will need the opinion of a therapist or a relationship coach.
I would advise you to work with both of them because you need the help of a therapist to decode and sort out your feelings and thoughts.
Then together with a relationship coach you will reflect on these feelings in the relationship and decode his behavior too.
2. Moreover, I know that it might sound cliche and impossible but try to live in the moment and focus on facts.
Keep a journal.
- Write how you feel;
- Check how he feels too;
- What he said to you;
- How long has he been acting like this;
- Reflect on what type of his behavior makes you think that he’s losing interest and how you react or feel;
3. Practice activities that will help you in boosting your self-esteem and positively impact your attachment style.
Some activities that you can try are:
- Running or Dancing;
- Reading books on attachment style such as: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
- Engage more in healthy relationships with your friends, family, colleagues, or anyone with that you find a common interest.
The moment that you connect these dots, you’ll be able to separate overthinking from losing interest.
The final verdict: Overthinking vs. Him losing interest!
Defining whether he’s losing interest or you’re just overthinking and imagining it all it’s not that easy.
Most of the time, the signs can quite be confusing when you focus only to define what’s going wrong with him.
Focusing also on what you’re feeling and finding the source of this confusion, will help you to define if he has started to lose interest or not.
Remember that timing and how his actions impact you are two main elements that help you in drawing a difference.
Indeed, it’s a hard and confusing time for you, but try to focus on nourishing yourself while working with professionals.
Just know that: YOU DESERVE THE WORLD,