jenkatkins

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So, met this really cool guy and we connected on so many levels and talked for hours into the night and into the day. He initially then made the first move and I followed it up. I ended up back at his, and we all know how that goes...

So now I'm wondering is this just a hookup or could it potentially be more?

I texted him and this was his reply:

Can't upload pics, so the text was:
Hi, sorry for the late reply. I had a really nice time last weekend too! Let's catch up when you come down here again. Hope your journey wasn't too stressful! x

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Just a hookup or something more?

Share link
lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Hookup. No effort to see you, just a "let me know when you're in town." Sorry.

paulsolorzano

It is what it is. You don't live in town, so he'll see you when he sees you. Who's to say what it could evolve into. The investment level on his part at the moment is low. You can't blame him as you two don't even live in the same place.

versace5

He didn't say anything alluding to him wanting to see you. He's not into you. You're just a hookup

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

"Let's catch up when you come down here" means that he expects the next time you guys hang 1. won't be very soon (hence having to "catch up") and 2. will occur not because you purposely try to get together, but because you happen to be in the area. So yeah, just a hook up. He's just being realistic that starting to date will be too difficult if you are long distance.

infinitesun

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So me and one of my guy friends, who I like, were hanging out and we were talking about our opinions on relationships (we're in high school) and what traits we'd want to be a relationship with somebody. He was talking about how he thinks that every time he could see himself in a relationship with someone and being happy that he somehow talks himself out of it and sabotages it. And then we were sitting on the couch and he said, "so do you have anybody in mind? like do you like anybody?"

And stupid me I got all caught up in the moment and I'm pretty sure I started blushing and softly like squeaked "no... not really." And then he was like, "are u sure?" and I was like "maybe not a single person but like... a stereotype." Then we switched subjects. Gahh I'm so frustrated at myself. I totally didn't hint at anything. Do you think I should've just been honest and said that I liked him? I feel like I missed my chance to tell him.

Also we have kind of formed our own friend group and we've known each other for 8 years. He's also the guy in my previous posts. Our families do a lot together so I feel like maybe it was better for me to say nothing, in case it made things awkward. I just didn't want our friendship to get "sabotaged" as he says he does whenever he could see himself in a relationship.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So I know this is all really confusing but do you think he was just asking who I liked as a friend or is he prying to see if I like him because he likes me? And how do you think I should handle this situation? Should I just let it pass and I'll eventually get over it or should I try and revisit the subject? Thanks in advance for your advice.

Share link
lia TOP COMMENTER

It's hard to tell just from this if he likes you or if he's being just friendly. Seems like you have a lot to lose if things got awkward because of an unrequited confession, so maybe that's not the best way to go yet. However, you could use your long friendship as an advantage to go out with him and see if there's interest. Suggest going out with him, just the two of you, and maybe bring up the subject again, ask him if he likes someone, etc. As a general rule, you won't get over it while it's still hanging there, you'll need some sort of closure first.

lilbean

If you don't at least find out you may regret it for a long time. I am 30 and to this day I still wonder what would have happened if I had just kissed my best guy friend from high school.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You should talk to him and seeing he feels the same

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I think u did great! Make him work for it! Besides, im sure he picked up on u blushing and squeaking...jus keep flirting with him...he'll get the point. He never came straight out and asked if u liked "him", so u werent avoiding the subject. See my point?

rollwiththepunches

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Okay, so a boy that I am in the same program with at my college and I have a mutual friendship. We have never hungout outside of our program, besides the activities we all do as a group, but there is a mutual hint of flirtation and that we mutually think each other is attractive. We are friends on all forms of social media and casually like each other's posts or pictures. In our program, he is a year younger than me and I am regarded as one of his superiors. There isn't much of a difference besides a respect level and understanding of different responsibilities.
-okay to get to the point...
I didn't know he partied and one night out in campus we drunkenly ran into each mother crossing the street, I hugged him and leaned in to kiss him and he said "no, I don't want our first kiss to be this way" we went separate ways and the night continued.
About an hour later I called him, he met me on the end of the street to walk to me home (it was pouring rain) we kissed, held hands, he even carried me over puddles. We got back to his dorm, and hooked up, talked about having sex.. And then did.
The next morning it was a little weird because the drunk heated night turned into a confusing awkward morning. I left and we briefly texted that night, not bringing up the hookup. I texted him the next night and he did not respond.

That week in classes he smiled and winked at me, it was not awkward.. It was like we had a hot secret inside joke, I was happy. But he has never texted me afterwards... Why?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If he was attracted to me, and seemed interested, why isn't he texting me or asking to hangout again? What is the deal, can we be hookup friends, or date?

Share link
bigsliceoflemon

It sounds like it was just a one night thing, he's not making the effort to contact you at all which makes it seem like he's not interested in you.

jasminesparkle

I think it's a one night thing to him

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

It was only for one night. He is not interested

mickeyblue

Sounds like it was for one night, if you are interested,, next time in class pull him aside and ask him if he wants to start a relationship or was it a "one" time thing? just to be clear.. ( its always best to come straight )

cubanchica

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So im in a fwb with a guy for the past month and its been fine we call each other up to meet up we don't talk unless we want to have sex. I call him up more than he does me. This week on Wednesday, I texted him that I wanted to meet up he texted me much later saying he had to go somewhere (he's in grad school) something school related I think and he said sorry in a really cutsie way. Then yesterday I texted him, he was sober and I told him lets meet up.. he didn't respond to the "lets meet up" part but replied to the part where I asked him if he was drinking tonight. Then I became EXTREMELY drunk and texted him 12 times, called him 3 times and snapchatted my bra over the course of the night. The next morning he texts me saying sorry he fell asleep early (which im pretty sure is true because he's studying) and I apologized for all the drunken stuff I did and he said its fine and the convo ended. I deleted his number because I was kind of embarrassed and I thought he didn't want fwb with me anymore. Then he snapchats me his face saying "sup girl" and I replied but he never responed. (we don't send dirty snaps or anything)

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he still want to be fwb and why won't he respond if he starts a convo?

Share link
steve67 TOP COMMENTER

If you really like him, then admit it to yourself. FWB is BS for women. Guys love it.

cubanchica

I don't like him at all. I just use him for sex.

coolkid2

I think at this point he is taking advantage of you. He texts you to see if he can still get a response from you, that's all he needs to know. Personally, I don't think guys respect girls who are okay with this FWB situation. It shows them that you don't believe that you deserve a real commitment yourself, so why should they give you one. If you are cool with this then fine, but just know your selling yourself short.

januarystar

In response to the comments about, i think that is a huge double standard. H ow about a guy that is okay with fwb? I guess she should not respect him either, because he doesnt think he deserves a "real relationship"? And anyway, if she does not like him, i dont she cares how he feels, long as she gets what she wants. I think fwb means both are using each other, not just one sided...its possible for a girl to just want physical true...and it not just because a girl wont "admit it to herself." In response to the situation, i think hed still be open to the fwb if he hit you up in the first place. If you text him asking to meet up, if hes free i think hed do it.

januarystar

Sometimes women just want something for the moment and no commitment...men arent the only ones who like being single/free........

cubanchica

I agree with januarystar. A girl in an fwb gets bad press. I don't want to be in a relationship with this guy because I think there's someone better for me. But to be honest. We both are busy with our professional lives and use this as a means of not complicating our lives with relationships and satisfying our craving for sex. Personally I just use this so I don't want to sleep around and at parties I don't hookup with guys just because I feel deprived and am craving sex.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

I agree with januarystar the original poster even says that she doesn't like him in the form of a boyfriend but she likes the physical benefits. If she enjoys him in that way who are we to judge. Yes fwb is difficult and usually most girls are lying to themselves since they develop lots of emotions for the guy but it doesn't seem like it with the original poster. I think you should message him and let him know when you are ready to hook up. He snap chatted you so clearly he is still interested. Don't close the door on him just yet,

preferphonecalls

Disagree with januarystar. It's not that girls in FWB relationships get a bad rep, is that almost 100% of the time, they end up wanting more than sex. They end up wishing for a relationship. Because of our biology, which hasn't changed in 2000 years, we are much more likely to develop feelings and attachments to guys we sleep with. It is much easier for men to separate sex and emotions, and much, much harder for women. If a women in an FWB relationship is given a choice between just having an FWB relationship with their guy versus having the guy declare his love for her and get into a committed relationship with her, where she becomes his official girlfriend, most women would choose to be the girlfriend. But by being in an FWB relationship, they put themselves in a position where the guy never has a chance to develop true feelings for her, because he is more concerned with having sex with her than anything else. I haven't met a single woman in an FWB relationship that is happy with it, but I know lots of guys that are perfectly happy having sex without commitment. Cubanchica, if you have no emotional attachments to this guy and it truly is just sex, as you stated, why are you asking for adivce? You can have sex with anyone. And if you have no emotional attachments to this guy whatsover, would it bother you if he got a girlfriend and ended your FWB relationship? Would it bother you to see him in a committed relationship with some other girl? Would it bother to see him taking some other girl out on dates and introducing her to his family and friends as his girlfriend? If any of the things I just listed would bother you, then you want him for more than just sex. Like I said, the only person who benefits from an FWB relationship is the man, in almost every single scenario, but maybe you are the exception. I think you are probably a very nice girl and that you deserve a real relationship with a guy that will respect you and earn the right to get to sleep with you. That's just my personal opinion. If all you want is sex, then stay in you FWB relatinship.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@preferphonecalls your opinion was spot on and perfectly accurate. Girls do 100% of the time develop emotions in fwb situations. Maybe the original poster will be different than the norm. Maybe she will succumb to emotions and form an attachment so she is just fooling herself. With all that said who are we to judge we can only give our advice however we cannot judge. Personally I think fwb is always a bad idea it never works and is always hurtful to the girl in the end however it is not my personal opinion that matters it is about answering and providing non judgmental advice to the poster with words of caution of course. We can only do so much : )

xhugsandwishes

You're spending too much time on him as a freind with benefits. Starting to look like you might want more, perhaps take a step bak. If you're worried about him not responded you might be wanting more. Take a step back and see exactly where this relationship stands.

preferphonecalls

cubanchica, if I sounded judgemental, I apologize. I'm speaking from personal experience. I was in an FWB relationship, a long time ago, and I thought to myself that it's better to be with him this way, than not at all. And I thought that maybe he would develop feelings for me, but I was wrong and I ended up getting very deeply hurt. It took me a very long time to get over it. I think we all deserve to be in happy, committed relationships, IF that's what we want. If that is what you want, then FWB relationship will get you no where. Anyways, you have to go with your gut and do what you feel is right for you. I truly hope it all works out.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@preferphonecalls. It was great reading your comment and apology to the original poster : ) I too have experience with a FWB so I definitely know how it ends. A committed relationship is definitely the only way to go these days.

cubanchica

Thanks for all your replies! I'm reevaluating everything to make sure I know what I want. Just to throw it out there maybe I'm different from the norm but I've done a fwb and it ended a bit later and there were no complex feelings involved. He started developing feelings for a girl he wanted to pursue and we stopped seeing each other. I wasn't emotionally attached to him in anyway. Most people in fwb end badly. Ive learned to keep emotions out in my previous. That being said. I'm not sure if I can with this fwb. So I might actually end it if I think I could develop feelings for the guy. You guys were a great help!!

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

Listen, if all you wanted was commitment free sex you wouldn't be drunk calling him a million times... He knows that and that's why his response was tardy. I really think if you genuinely want sex with no relationship you're better off making it a one time thing. But be honest with yourself... Most women want en emotional connection. There's nothing wrong with that.

coolkid2 TOP COMMENTER

I completely agree with preferphonecalls. I'm not saying that cubanchica won't be an exception. I'm just saying in the history of planet earth, women are wired to be emotional creatures, men are physical, it's in our genetic makeup. All I'm saying to cubanchica is be careful! I'm not saying that women can't just have sex. I'm saying it's extremely hard for us to, especially if it is with the same guy over and over. Typically, something more begins to develop! For everyone who wants a FWB relationship, then why are you asking for advice? If you know its just sex, you shouldn't really care about what he thinks of you, if he leaves you, or goes out with other girls, etc. because its just sex, right?

blairlucke

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy told my friend I had "gotten cute" and "could get it" and got my number from my friend. I obviously assumed he was only looking for a hookup. But he texted me every day for over a week and was generally pretty polite, not like he was just trying to get laid. We did hook up last weekend (everything but sex) and then went MIA for four days. I decided not to text him and wait for him to get in contact with me. He finally texted me yesterday but made a sexual innuendo when I said I was going to take a shower so I never responded. He told my friend he doesn't know how he feels about me. I really don't want a hookup right now, so if that's all he's after, I need to tell him that.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he only looking for sex, or is that just a natural way boys act around a girl they're interested in?

Share link
marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like he wants to hook up.

fromaguy

Yup...total hook up. If you are interested, steer the relationship away from being physical via your texting. If he persists on being sexual, move on.

2009 TOP COMMENTER

Give him a chance to get to know you properly (and process what's going on) and then worry about that talk if things don't develop. My thoughts are that I doubt you will have to say anything if he is indeed after a hookup because his interest will just drop off if he doesn't think it'll happen.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

He only wants a hook up. You shouldn't communicate with him further. Good girl for not responding to his sexual innuendo text. He is a loser!

lia TOP COMMENTER

Not every guy is sincere enough to tell you right from the start they want to just hook up. So just because he was polite the first week doesn't mean he wanted more. He played you.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@lia well said! : )

xhugsandwishes

They are smooth until they get what they want at times. If he was into you he would take you out. That's the true indication an if he wants to take you out after hooking up that's the biggest indication. So see where is goes but don't have high expectations what from what you've told me

infinitesun

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I was invited to hang out with a bunch of people at one of my guy friend's parties. And I was over at his house the night before with our families and I fell asleep on their couch while watching the Olympics.

Him: u better not fall asleep during the movie tomorrow
Me: im not goin to guarantee anything
Him: ok, it probs wont help that it's gonna be a cuddlefest
Me: YAY I LOVE CUDDLEFEST, i just never get a spot on the couch cuz im always late haha
Him: just lay on top of everyone then
Him: dibs on middle btw ;)
Me: No I get the middle!
Him: Ill fight you for it
Me: fine imma just have to lay on top of you
Him: no ur fat
Him: jk I dont mean it
Him: im sorry
Him: that was so mean
Him: that was very rude of me
Him: u can have the middle
Him: i is sowwy
Me: im not offended don't wory, Ive got tough skin
Him: for some reason i doubt that. it's obvious that u joke around just to hid how you really feel. Isn't that you you write music, because you want someone to listen to how you feel?
(to clarify: the day before was the first time on of my songs had actually been produced and it's kind of a love song about wishing you could tell a guy how you felt...)
Me: oh shoot, you're onto me. thats exactly why I write music :p
Him: See. that right there. I feel like you are jokin, but you dont want people to be able to understand that that is the truth.

Then later in the conversation...

Him: It's all in my gut, I kinda feel like I understand people... but then again I could be totally wrong.
Me: Well you've got a good gut.
Him: I wish I knew more about psycology though, I understand how people feel. I just don't understand what those feelings mean.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: You know how you feel when you see the face of the guy you like?
Me: Well yah... why?
Him: the reason you feel that way is more complicated than just attraction and admiration, It has to do with your deepest insecurities and dreams. And even your parents. I want to know why that is.
Me: So it's a whole lot more than "i like you..." haha
Him: yup, it's the reason why when you're with them, things are special. It's the reason why they're one of the first people we talk to when we have something on our mind...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So, do you think he's only interested in being friends? Or do you see some sort of potential. I know that there's not that much info for you to go off of but I'm just very confused by our relationship. He's also the guy that I've mentioned in previous situations. Sorry for the long story...

Share link
kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

Seems as if he was just being friendly.

timnyc ADVISOR TOP COMMENTER

I'm not sure this is enough to tell us much. The things he was talking about didn't seem to have an edge of flirting to them. I think in the case on this conversation we are not seeing his feelings/thoughts either way towards you, but instead his excitement to talk about that topic.

~Tim

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Im not sure, but I see it leaning towards friends with him opening up about his personal thoughts like that...he obviously feels some type of connection with u...could go either way..I personally, would protect myself and not assume its anything more than close friends until he let on for sure that he liked u.

karbar

I’m sorry, but are we going to just gloss over the fact that he called you fat? For absolutely no reason that I can think of other than he is a Grade A, certified jerk wad? There is only one situation that I can think of in which this phrase is acceptable. That being, it’s 1994 and you are arguing with a friend about who’s cooler (ie"You’re phat, no you’re phat"… see how implausible this scenario is?). Which leads me to conclude that he is, in fact, an A-hole. It’s not like he could accidentally blurt it out. This is texting- he had to go through the process of typing and sending it. I’ll award him half a point back for attempting to apologize after. But then, after you are gracious enough to brush it off and forgive him (you’re a better woman than I), he has the audacity to suggest that you are probably too insecure to not be offended. Excuse me? And, what’s better, he draws this conclusion from his self-professed lack of any legitimate psychology knowledge. Great that he has a dream, but maybe he should start with a Psych 101 class rather than using you as a guinea pig to project his clearly vast array of Freudian complexes onto. In my opinion, he seems way too self-absorbed to be into you, you're way too good for him, and frankly, you’d probably be dodging a big ol’ bullet with this one.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@karbar love your response. Him calling her fat was a grade A jerk move but if she is genuinely interested in him there is nothing we as strangers can do to stop her from wanting to be a jerk. She glossed over it as well so I'm guessing it doesn't bother her much. But I do agree he is a douche. Some girls like douches.....enough said

infinitesun

@karbar Your response was literally one of the greatest responses I have ever read on this site! :) THANK YOU. I honestly wasn't offended and understood that he was joking since we've been friends since the 2nd grade so we're tight. But that being said, I still agree that he can be a jerk-wad sometimes.

difinkle

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hooked up weeks ago with a guy I worked on a project with, on the night we celebrated its end. I don't ever hook up randomly (and he too seems like a shy/awkward type), but I had been interested and he told me all the reasons he liked me, and it just happened. It felt like it would be more than just a hook up. We no longer work on the same stuff so I have no reason to see him, but we talked normally afterwards. He texts me about mundane work stuff fairly often but never asks me out- or even to just hang out. When I see him around work we pretend we didn't see each other- me because I'm a bit shy about what happened and him...well it's kind of to be expected given how awkward/shy he is generally.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What to do?

Share link
kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You're both not acknowledging what happened when you hooked up so this is not going to go anywhere unless one of you broaches the topic

steve67 TOP COMMENTER

Ask him out if you like him. Start anew and see if he is willing to proceed.

lolwut20

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've known this guy since the end of last year. We've always gotten along really well and worked together on a project, and when we've hung out one-on-one (unplanned) the conversation is really easy and fun. He's always been someone I've seen as more of a friend first and I thought there was no interest beyond that. He's definitely cute of course, but there hadn't ever been any major signs… well, actually I take that back…. I once invited him to a party with a bunch of people he didn't know and he went out of his way to show up, and he's come to see me DJ a few times when crowds weren't very big. He's also defended me to people who have talked badly about me and been very supportive of me during some issues with a group of people, and he's wanted me to meet his best friend as well as asked if I would come hang out with him at parties, etc etc. However, this guy is friends with several girls, and I just took it to mean that he was nice and cared about me like he cared about his other girl friends. There was one thing he said to me about 3 weeks ago that struck me as odd… we were talking about hookups and hookup culture and he said he had some commitment issues but he'd kind of gotten them out of his system and wanted more of a relationship…..

Two weeks ago, I was out at a club and got this guy free entry into the club because I DJ there (I've given him free entry before because, again, he's my friend). Anyway, we are in the club together, and he's taking me around the club and making a point to introduce me to all his friends (even though I already knew most of them). I said I wanted to dance, so we started dancing in a big group of people (my friends and his friends), then split off on our own. The guy asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no, and he said "Oh, someone told me you were dating so-and-so"… this guy then proceeded to ask me about my perfume, which I thought was kind of weird since again our relationship had never gotten into this kind of flirty territory…. so our dancing quickly went to grinding, which I was super surprised by because I've never seen this guy try to grind on a girl or hook up with a girl ever in the year that I've known him. All his friends saw and were hooting and hollering because again, this guy never publicly makes any moves on someone… I ended up inviting this guy back to mine, and we hooked up but didn't have sex because we were both afraid it would "make things weird" and he said that "I couldn't just do a one time thing with you"… he didn't stay over because he said he "didn't trust himself" not to fuck me and had to leave or else he would. So, he left and I thought okay, I guess this is a one time thing? I don't know.

Flash forward to a week later, we see each other at an event, and his best friend comes up to me and says "so… do you like (boy)"? I was honestly so surprised by the question, seeing as he didn't text me the whole week, that I said, "well yeah… I mean… has he said anything about me?" to which she replied "he hasn't said much other than he got with you, and he never hooks up with ANYONE" and that "he likes you but he's a moron and you have to kind of coerce him into being with you", as well as "all of us (his friends) want you guys to be together… we approve"

so I'm like OH OKAY WELL NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

So we are all hanging out at the event and we go outside to get some food (me, the boy, a fresher that wants to get with the boy, and his best friend)… I make a joke about my boobs and his eyes just kind of widen with an embarrassed 6th grade boy look like "NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT HER BOOBS"… his best friend actually laughs at his reaction because he got so flustered… he also gave me his jacket to wear outside although he was standing with 3 other girls…. anyway we go back inside and I'm running around and seeing people and getting tired so I tell him I'm leaving and he says "wait, no I want you to stay"…. we are dancing and he is doing his thing NEAR me but not WITH me… we start dancing together finally and he says "wait, I don't think we can do this again because if we do, then we'll start catching feelings… you know what I mean?"… to which I say okay sure whatever and then dip out because I'm now so damn confused… his best friend asked me what happened and I tell her and she says "I don't understand him… I'll talk to him"…. SOOOOO I am now home and in pajamas making food when the boy texts me asking me if I left the party, to which I said yes… basically he starts hinting at the fact that he wants to come by and eat the food I'm fixing, so I'm like "… okay"… he comes by and I feed him and we chat for an hour, then he's like "come over here, I'm so cold" and I'm like "YO WAIT WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER" and he was like "I know, I know…" we snuggled in my bed (CLOTHES ON) and watched some TV and then he started kissing me and I brought up what he said at the event, to which he replied "I know, I even talked to my friends from back home and they told me it probably wasn't such a good idea to come over but I JUST COULDN'T STAY AWAY FROM YOU"

OKAY I'M SORRY WHO FUCKING SAYS THAT osdufosudf0u30r WHAT

so again we hook up (me sans makeup and in gross sweats, which he said I looked cute in… WHAT) and again we DID NOT have sex, although we both really wanted to he said he didn't want to do that to me… he said he wanted to stay over and slept in my bed until 8 am then had to leave to say goodbye to pals that were visiting him from home. The next day we texted a little bit but didn't talk about what had happened the night before. Now, he's being really awkward as in we have been at parties and meetings together several times in the past week and he's always hanging out NEAR me but not WITH me, and stealing glances at me and dancing NEAR me but not making any moves on me. Last week we were at a bar together and he kind of hung out with me, and he called me "babygirl (*cringe* but still)" and bought me a drink, and then when I gave him shit for avoiding me a bit he got kind of upset and insisted he wasn't avoiding me, just trying to act as normal as possible… I invited him to smoke at a friend's house after we were out and he said "as much as I'd like to I have a 10 am class tomorrow", and he also apologized for not texting me much… and then again we were at a party earlier this week and I was chatting with his friend for a while, and this boy's friend said to my galfriend "yeah, I was talking to (me) and (boy) just kept giving me kind of weird looks all night", to which my girlfriend said "maybe (boy) likes (me)", and the friend said "OOOOH THAT'S WHAT IT IS"… after that party the boy didn't say goodbye to me or anything but just dipped out….

Tonight we had a meeting and he came in and just kept staring at me until I would catch him, etc but seemed kind of uncomfortable… like a 6th grade boy who's seen someone's boobs and now doesn't know what to do. Basically, this guy isn't texting me much and isn't making any plans to see me, but every time we see each other he's acting like he's 12 and I just don't know what to do. All of my friends and a lot of his friends have commented on the fact that he keeps trying to be near me but he isn't interacting with me, and they alllll know we hooked up/tease him about the "new girl in his life". WHAT?

I like him but I don't want to scare him off with commitment etc. I really don't want much commitment to be honest - I just want to know what's up, and if I'm wasting my time by thinking this is a viable new dating interest.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? does this boy like me still or did he just want to hook up with me? is he shy/afraid of feelings or am I being played yet again?

Share link
lolwut20

OH! I forgot to add that last night this guy kept asking me to come to a party to come see him because he wanted to hang out with me. Meeehhh

letsbereal TOP COMMENTER

That was way too long. Ask him out or to hang out and see what happens instead of analyzing every single stare.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You need to ask him point blank if he wants to go on a date and see where it leads. This guy is immature so he will never make the first move. He comes across as a douche but it's because he is immature.

lolwut20

Thanks guys, sorry for the huge essay - kind of brain dumped but the truth of the matter is that he's not making any efforts to see me, and his actions are speaking louder than words. Had he not hooked up with me the second time I wouldn't even be giving him the time of day. I'll ask him out and see what happens but I already have a strong feeling that it'll be "oh I don't see us like that".... I hate trying to date people

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

Hang in there. There is someone out there for you, keep the faith : ) Definitely not this guy though

izzyrose

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If a guy you like but you know just wants to hook up asks you to hang at his house, how do you suggest going out somewhere instead because you don't want just a hookup?
Ex. Him: hey do you want to come over later?
Me: ________

Share link
kmarie

If you want to hang out with him, suggest going elsewhere rather than over to his house.

nainasharma

say "hey, wanna get a drink at ____" or suggest some other activity. I think you may be in charge of planning the date cuz he clearly already gave his suggestion.

anjelinaj

Why would you want to go out with someone that only wants to hook up? He isn't going to lose the desire. But if you've considered this and don't care then the easy part is asking him out. Include the reason why you want to go out versus going to his house when asking him out. Go the funny, frank route, "Let's go out instead, because I don't want this this be a booty call."

anjelinaj

"I'm feeling like getting out, let's go out instead."

anjelinaj

"I really want to see you, let's go out and do something."

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

I would love to see you but let's go do x y and z... I think that's how you should respond.

mrae_1414

Maybe: Well I want to hang out, how about x?

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I'm for losing the guy altogether. Y "like" someone that only wants to fool around and u don't want to fool around? Ur gonna end up fending off his advances, and then hes gonna drop interest. If u just want to b friends, tell him that's what you want, so he knows up front and if he still wants to hang u no he's a friend and won't try anything on u.

cubanchica

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I'm in a fwb and last night after we had sex, the guy told me he doesn't cuddle I said I didn't care so we just slept side by side. But while we were having a convo before falling asleep... He goes to me "you don't believe in love right?" And I said I didn't, even though I do. He the tells me that he believes in love and that he's actually a softie. And when I leave in the morning he tells me to stay a little longer, and says "Oh I don't even get a hug now, you're just going to leave" as if he likes physical affection.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If he really is a softie then why won't he cuddle?

Share link
steve67 TOP COMMENTER

Generally, guys are less into cuddling that women. Not to say all men don't like to cuddle. So, that is a different question then whether he is capable of loving you and being tender. It sounds like he wants love. Do you? If you are afraid of being hurt, maybe you need to tell him that you don't believe in being hurt. See what he says.

lia TOP COMMENTER

I think you are making a mistake by lying to him. Why would you say you don't believe in love if you do? So many girls in fwb relationships try to pretend they don't care, and that always ends up bad for them. If he's a "softie" but can't cuddle you after having sex with you, he has less respect for you than you deserve. Being fwb doesn't mean being cold to each other.

jennarose

I'm sure he does believe in love and likes to cuddle, just not w/ someone he's having casual sex with. Guys say they don't like all that stuff, but they do w/ the right girl. Not sure it's you b/c of your fwb relationship. Sometimes you can turn those into more but usually not.

anjelinaj

I agree with Lia. Why would you lie about something you believe in? You shouldn't be trying to mold yourself into to someone you think he will keep around. Besides, if you want him to be genuine you, yourself, should be genuine. I'm on the fence over whether this guy is into you or just into the sex. Based on the information you have given, he seems guarded and in control of affection. If you are happy with being a booty call, don't change anything. But if you want more , I wouldn't suggest doing the FWB thing anymore without telling him exactly what you want and him agreeing he is on the same page. There are a lot of guys that cuddle and don't like it. Yet, they do it to please their partner because it takes very little effort. What big softie doesn't cuddle? Sounds sketchy.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Don't be someone you're not, especially with a friend. (With or without benefits). He may be developing feelings for you - some guys do. Is that what you want?

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

He may be developing feeling and he just doesn't know how to handle it so he acts all macho by not wanting to cuddle. Also never lie to a guy about what you believe in just to please him. If you believe in love then say so, no harm.

kruck_it

If you're sleeping over AND he's asking you to stay longer in the morning it's not just sex... at least for him. FWB don't sleep over. After sex cuddling is the gray area. It sounds like he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, which surprisingly often happens to guys who get into FWB situations with girls they could actually date. Give it time. Be clear about what you want. If you want more maybe you should let him know, or think about stopping the "benefits" part of the arrangement.

itsjusnikki

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy on POF we've texted for a few months, since before christmas. The last three weeks we've texted daily. I typically get a good morning text, and then a pic around noon when he's done at the gym. He is not big on talking on the phone but I have gotten him to call me recently, spending hours on the phone. Constantly tells me Im beautiful, sexy, etc. Tells me he cant believe I'm single. We were supposed to hang out weeks ago. I was out drinking Friday night slept all day saturday and kind of blew him off. He wasn't detered. He lives over an hour and a half away. He has never asked me to come down always plans to come up. Finally it happened. This past Tuesday. Not pre-planned. Flirtatious texting led to him offering to come up, and I said yes. It was a long drive, it was late, we both had to work the next morning. So there was no time wasted.We hooked up, not just once. It was great. He was as sweet and flattering in Person as in text. The next day obviously we were both tired and working but we texted on and off all day. Thursday I decided to pre-empt him with a good morning text and picture. No reply. Taking a page out of his book from a day I didnt respond to him I sent "What no love today?" around 2pm. He replied back within a half hour saying he was at the shooting range couldnt have his phone out. (Military Man) I Said text me later. Nothing since.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Was it simply a conquest situation? Or am I freaking out too soon? Typically I wouldnt care, but he grew on me.

Share link
guysside TOP COMMENTER

It's hard to say at this point. Unfortunately there's a lot of guys who just want one thing. But give it a little more time. Because it's Valentine's Day guys tend to avoid girls they're not serious with yet

thewiseone

Yeah, you slept with him way too soon. At least spend the weekend with him going on dates before you sleep with the guy next time!

jennarose

Ya gotta be careful w/ online dating. You really have to be on your guard and meet for the first few times in public and NOT go back to your or his place. You'll weed out the dudes just looking for an easy lay. I'd say this guy was just looking to get laid.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Listen to jennarose...grwat advice!

donnie

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I catch the bus to uni with a guy, who I find very attractive. We would secretly eye each other off during the journey, but he always struck me as a shyer guy which is why I expect he never attempted to speak to me on the bus (and because approaching people on the bus might come across as strange). However, beyond the bus rides I didn't give him a second thought. This was until we spotted each other clubbing on night (in Aus) and I knew I recognised him, but being uni break I hadn't seen him in a while. We hooked up, he got my name and number, we didn't chat and I DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO ASK HIS NAME (too dazzled or something)!! We parted, I remembered where I'd seen him; but I sadly haven't received a text since after that night :( and I haven't had the chance to see him on the bus again because we're both still on uni break...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is there a chance that something could happen from here or does he just sound not interested? Would you text a girl who didn't know your name? How should I approach this from here? Need some insight!

Share link
guysside TOP COMMENTER

Wait until your back at school and see if he says anything on the bus

gunner43 TOP COMMENTER

I would just wait until the bus and see if he comes to talk to you :) he's probably just enjoying his break!

guycode

He`s got your name and number. If he`s really into you, he`ll call. Meanwhile enjoy your break!

truthhurts

If the girls hot i would text while taking a dump

mt90nm

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I have been texting a guy that I meet from OkCupid. We have been exchanging texts for a while and then decided that we should meet up. Sadly I have the most awful and hectic schedule that a few times I had to reschedule but last week I was finally able to say I'm free. So we decided that we would meet up for coffee around 7:30pm. So we meet at a local coffee shop and started to talk. I have to say that I was really happy that he looked like his profile picture and that he didn't over estimate on his height! (I'm rather tall for a girl so this is kind of a big deal.)
After we were finished with our coffee he asks me if I want to go to an art gallery. I say yes and we walk over to it and it was a bit of a walk but I didn't mind and neither did he. We talk about a few other things but there were some points where it was quiet. I'm very comfortable with silence and he figured that out quickly since I'm not much of a talker. Well we finally reached the art gallery and it was closed so we walked back (I'm going to guess that it was around 930pm at this time). He then asked if I wanted to see a movie and I was all for it but in the end we decided to rent a few movies. So we walk all the way back to the original meeting place and use my car to go get the movies. He told me about his place and how he only had a laptop at his apartment. So he suggested that we go back to my place, but I had to tell him that my roommate was home with guests.
So when we were at his apartment we started to watch the movies but soon got distracted because of his cat and to be honest I don't think him and I had the attention span to watch the movies. So we would talk on and off about movies and music. After a while he told me that he was developing his skills at messages. This is what really sent off my adrenaline, he led me to his room and things started to get heated and… well… we all know where this goes.

It lasted well into the night. I would doze off and he would wake me back up for another go… well more than a few times. At one point I got up to look for my phone to see if what time it was just out of curiosity and I was at the foot of the bed trying to find my clothes since my phone was in my pants pocket. He woke up at that point and asked me what up? I told him I was looking for my clothes and found my phone. I then turned it on silent and went back to bed. We started to talk again and we dozed back off only for him to wake me back up.

In the morning I had to leave to go to work and he was still a sleep. I wasn't sure what to do, so I got dressed in the room and lightly touched him to see if he was awake, which he was and I told him see you later.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So I guess the question is… Since this was my first time in this situation what do I do?

And what really stumps me is that he would hold my hand most of the time we were together in bed. Is this something that guys do in this situation? We also talked about a few of our past relationships but didn't really get into details… Well not on my part since I only slept with two other guys but I was fine listening to him and what he believed girls were turned on to..

We haven't really messaged one another other than the fact that I forgot the DVDs but he already returned them a few days afterwards.

Me: Thank you for turning in the movies! :)
Him: No problem.

In a weird twisted way I want to hook up with him again…. but not sure how to go about it… or if it is even worth it. I enjoyed it and I think he did but probably not so much since I haven't been with someone who was above average.

Share link
anniebanks75 TOP COMMENTER

Of course he said he was good at massages. That gets you to lay down and he gets to touch you. Then it leads to making out then sex. Big mistake. You look VERY easy and maybe you don't care but you won't get a relationship that way. Slow and steady wins the race my friend. He only looks at you as a hookup.

steve67 TOP COMMENTER

That is generally true. There are always exceptions to rules, but he should have been gracious and reached out to you to express his liking.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

The "I'm getting really good at massages” line or asking to go back to someone’s apartment on the first date are super common ways to try to get a girl into bed.

If a guy tried that with me on the first date, I’d say no, go home, and probably not talk to him again. But back in the day when I was young and inexperienced, yes, I fell for it. It happens to a lot of us at one point so don’t feel too bad. You live and you learn. :)

I wouldn't bother trying to hook up with him again, it may have felt exciting the first time, but eventually it will become crystal clear to you that he’s only using you for sex and you’ll start to feel like crap. Holding hands doesn’t mean anything other than he likes to hold hands. The fact that he hasn’t followed up is the nail in the coffin that he just saw you as a one night stand, unfortunately.

mt90nm

Thank you all for your advice :)

moosie

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Okay. So I signed up for OkCupid about a week ago, and have been chatting it up with a few guys. I'm not looking for a relationship, just a basic FWB booty call thing. Most of the guys on there knew that, or where just looking for some ass, idk. So, I ended up hitting it off with this guy, and we decided to meet up. Through some confusing texting, we both basically mentioned we wanted to just hookup, so I was down.. He was hot!!! Mutual attraction, no strings attached, super sexy fun? SO DOWN.

So he picked me up in his car, in which I realized his pictures did him NO justice. Back at his place we basically got down to business, and he took me home sometime after. It wasn't awkward, we talked about stuff during the drive and post coitus, super comfortable. I was getting the vibe he enjoyed himself, as he mentioned I definitely lived up to his expectations, etc. Nothing really said he didn't enjoy it? He dropped me off, I texted him later saying thanks for a great night, and he replies with my pleasure. Though he took some time to actually leave the front of my apartment.... all seemed well!

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So my question is, I'm so interested in doing this again. Its been about 3 days, and I'm just curious if I should wait and let him text me if he wants to have another booty call, or if I should ask? And when is too soon? (If I've had a rough day, I could so go for some mid week fun)

Or does anyone think he may have JUST been nice and interested in just a one time thing?

Share link
eastcoastinla

If you were just looking for a FWB, you've got nothing to lose by asking. I would go ahead and text.

chantel929 TOP COMMENTER

I would go ahead and text. He definitely will be flattered. It will be an ego booster for him.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

As everyone said just text him and let him know you are ready for round 2, lol

deeebeee

You both put your cards on the table initially. Text him!

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Text him and have fun!

moosie

Texted. Got confirmation of "many more rounds" AWWW YEAH!

girl27 TOP COMMENTER

Lol. Moosie :-)

infinitesun

HERE'S THE DEAL...

There is a guy I've been talking to and hanging out with a lot. This is also the guy who I've mentioned my previous questions. We were having a conversation on snapchat and then he said this:

Him: Ohmygosh I just sent a really weird pic to Kloe on accident! :(
Me: Ooops... ummm... weird??
Him: Yup... I was shirtless...
Me: Lol I did that to this guy once and it said ILY but I meant it for my sister
Me: Except I had a shirt on...
Him: OH!!! I was gonna say, you send those pics to your sister??
Me: Well... duh, who else would I send them to?
Him: KAYYLIIEEEE
Me: Did she tell you?!?!
Him: yup sorry
Me: Did she show you...
Him: No. Sadly :(((
Me: that's a shame... now who was your pic meant for?
Him: ......
Me: Cici? Kaylie? Kyle?
Him: no, no, and nope ;)
Me: Then who would be honorable enough
Him: Sends me a pic of his face with a seductive smile lol

(the part about me sending pics to kalie was a joke by the way!)

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Thoughts? Do you suppose he was trying to flirt? And do you think he's into me or not? Thanks in advance!

Share link
soconfused_3 TOP COMMENTER

Yes most definitely! :)

kirlir

Sounds really flirtatious:)

timnyc ADVISOR TOP COMMENTER

Definitely sounds flirty to me!

~Tim

BACK TO TOP