autumnphoenix

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So my bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. He is very nice to me. We met on tagged. Things are fine between us but I still have this feeling itching in my head about him and his "true self". I have no doubt about his loyalty towards me until I found out conversations of him with some people (including the girls he was meeting and involving with before we got together). I found out that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, I know we were not yet together at that time but it still bugs me that he met a lot of people and it appears to me that I was not even special to him. And I found out that, just before our 3rd date (which was when he kissed me for the 1st time) he was going out with this girl and tried to bring her home (you know what that means).
What is more is that I have this feel that I became his gf only because I was the easiest one for him to get along with and that it was easier with me than with those other girls, it didn't work out with them. I'm not sure if what i am talking about even makes sense at all but it's a very unpleasant feeling.
He told me he never slept around or had meaningless sex, but I also found out he randomly hooked up with some girl he met online (it was before we met). So I am having a trust issue.... I have talked with him about this and he said he had told me everything and that he had nothing to hide, that is why he was happy for me to know all his passwords and stuff... But still I didn't get the answer I wanted.
It still annoys me that all that time we were dating, he went out and considered other girls...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What should I do about this? Is he trustworthy?

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tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Unless he gives you reasons to doubt him, you need to stop digging in the past. Whatever happened, happened 2 years ago. He's with you now. You're insecure and it gets in the way of your relationship. I can tell it isn't much about the girls whom he's going out with before you guys became a couple, it's about why he wanted you to be his gf. You need to work on your confidence and leave the past behind. Oh, and did I mention he's with you now?!?

bluesdetoi

Honestly, this is something that you should talk to your boyfriend about, even if he feels its a hassle. If he loves you, he won't mind you digging up an old issue if it will fix things between you guys. You may seem insecure, but I feel like that shouldn't be an issue you're worried about in a relationship, its something you deal with together and after 2 years, no things should be off limit. However, I do think that maybe you need to accept that those things happened before you two were exclusive, and even if you werent his first choice then, you became it otherwise he wouldn't still be with you. You should probably examine your own feelings though if the best thing you can say about your boyfriend is "he is nice to me."

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agreed with tee. Of course he is not going to tell you he hooks up with girls randomly if he is serious about you. Everyone's had their moment of weakness or drunk nights at some point, and no one likes admitting they had meaningless sex to someone they love. If you slept with more people than him, would you admit that to him? The fact he was dating around before you were together doesn't matter, you guys weren't together, of course he had to choose from the lot, and he decided you were the best. If you doubt that, and want to throw it away even though you say he is very nice to you, then it's your choice. Also, don't go digging for info you don't need when you have no cause for doubt.

autumnphoenix

Thanks guys, yea I guess I should work on my insecurity. Maybe I am thinking too much.

lucyinthesky_2

I agree woth the other commenters. The problem here is your insecurity and you have to work on that. Its not big deal that he dated other girls before you got serious. In the end he chose you and still with you.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This is all two year old information. He was dating other people and so were you. That's what people do. You cannot hold this over his head forever - he did nothing wrong. If your insecurity is preventing you from enjoying a relationship for two years then you need to go get yourself some professional hope, or you are going to destroy every opportunity for happiness you will ever have.

sophisticated

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I asked him this question thinking that we'd just hangout and hookup like we normally do but his response kind of made me do a double take...

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he actually want to go out and do something or just hookup?

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

just ask him....

bluesdetoi

Its a little hard to determine from those texts what kind of thing he wants to do, but you should ask him yourself.

northeastchick

Ask him ....his response could go either way....

emilysalas

HERE'S THE DEAL...

QUICK QUESTION! GUYS

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If a guy states hes single in his instagram bio does it mean hes a player...looking for a relationship? or... looking to hook up?

Thanks guys !

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bleuly1

It depends on the guy. He might be single, or he could be lying. Either way, if he is single, you can't tell from that status if he's in search of a relationship or a hook up. Get to know the person and it becomes very apparent what they're looking for.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Player. An emotionally available guy wouldn't see the need to announce on his social media he is single. Check out who he follows too. That usually can be a tell tale, especially if he follows half naked models.

peaches

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy in my graduate program started texting me and asked me out on a date. I originally declined as I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship and thought it might be awkward to go on a date with someone in my program. He finally convinced me to give him a shot and over the course of two weeks we went on two dates while consistently texting on a daily basis. A few days after our second date I invited him over to watch a movie. He was more interested in hooking up than in watching the move, however I was hesitant to do anything because we had only been on two dates. He texted me first the next morning but then quickly started acting weird and taking hours to respond. I didn't respond to his last text because he no longer seemed interested in conversing. We haven't spoken since, through text or during class. Things seemed kind of awkward so two weeks after we hooked up I texted him to let him know that I didn't want things to be weird between us since we were in class together. He seemed completely confused as to why I thought things were weird.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I the one being crazy or is he acting weird? How do I make this situation non awkward?

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traveler519

Good luck with that. Just let some time pass and it likely won't even bother you anymore.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

It's going to be difficult, but just stay away from him unless you absolutely have to interact with him. I don't know what type of grad program you're in, but hopefully is not science and you won't be stuck in a lab with him. Why did you hook up with him if you felt it was too soon? What's done is done. So for now, just focus in your studies and don't approach him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Live and learn. In future don't invite a guy over to watch a movie (or agree to go to his place to watch a movie) unless you are ready and wanting to get physical. If you want to watch a movie or have dinner with someone in the early stages of dating, go out instead.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Oh girl, he knows why he is distant since the hookup, and is just playing stupid. This guy sounds like a douche. FYI when you said it would be weird to date someone from the same program, he probably saw you as a challenge then. Trust your instincts next time, and stick to them. It's only going to be awkward if you make it awkward. Ignore him and move on.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

And torirule is right. A real date constitute the guy actually taking you somewhere. Watching a movie at his place or your place takes no effort on his part and it's not really a date. In addition, watching a movie at home is usually code for let's get physical. The bed is only a few feet away.

lostinlove_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy in college, and we hooked up a few days before I went off to grad school in France. It was difficult to just leave since he and I became really close before I left, but I had to go. A year later, he's graduated from college and found a job in the United States. I am almost 3/4 of the way through my grad school program, but this guy has miraculously managed to stay in touch with me. Every now and then he pops up all over my Facebook newsfeed, liking my photos and statuses and even leaving comments. I recently received a message from him saying: "hey ya, just thought i'd check in and see how's france?"

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Every time I think he's gone, he shows up again and it drives me crazy. Why is he practically blowing up my newsfeed? Should I respond likewise by liking his photos and statuses? What is going through his mind? What does he want from me?
I am so confused and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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graziellab

I think maybe it's a way for him to remind you that he still exists in a way. Like he knows that you two can't obviously physically see each other, so maybe that's his own little way

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Liking your status and leaving comments on FB isn't keeping in touch. Calling you or exchanging meaningful messages and emails is. Note the difference. I feel girls tend to overthink everything. You're reading too much into things. He's curious what you're up to. So he goes on to your profile and look, and hits on 'like' instead of just lurking. Also, guys like to check out cute girls, that crosses over to social media too. What's so confusing about that? I mean you should be aware that if you added him as a contact on FB, you're allowing him to have access to your updates. If it's too much for you to handle, simply delete him off all social media platforms.

lostinlove_2

I agree that I'm overthinking this. He's doing both though, having conversations with me and liking my statuses and leaving comments. I'm just not sure if curiosity indicates interest as in he might want something more. I'm confused because a few months after arriving here in France I overreacted to something he said over messaging and he cut off all contact with me until I apologized and now months later we're back to talking again. I'm just trying to be careful I guess because if he's moved on then I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

pinkcab56

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I've been talking to this guy since college. We started off as friends but after a year and a half, our relationship became a sexual one. After that we would always meet to hook up, but it was nothing serious. We had our fights but we always came back to each other. I thought the relationship was only about sex..So I figured it would end. After I graduated from college I thought our fun time was over.. And I didn't hear from him again after some time. After six months he reached out to me saying we should be together and that I should move back and be with him for life. He has left me and came back into my life many times before.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I let him go ? Is this all a game?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Yes

pinkcab56

Thanks g_love12 I will try to move on.. Even though I still have feelings for him..

mrsbillygil

You only have feelings for him because you want him to change and finally want to be w u. Once u see that will never happen (really really believe it) you'll stop having feelings for him.

pinkcab56

I'm starting to believe that. I just feel so bad that I have allowed this to get outta hand like it has

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he loved you, he wouldn't disappear for six months. You shouldn't feel bad. Learn and move on. The key is to take away something and never do something like this that makes you feel so low.

pinkcab56

Very true.

northeastchick

OK you say that you felt this was nothing serious with him. So you never gave him the impression that you wanted more?....in those 6 months did you try reaching out to him? I do not think that all is lost when you have a FWB relationship.... sometimes it takes time apart to realize what you have...just because someone is not calling you everyday does not mean they may not want to reach out. He contacted you the ball is in your court....if you feel he does that often come in and out of your life then make the decision so he doesn't use you as a doormat. However, if he is sincere about wanting to start something then make him work for it....don't leave your life to go to him..say if you want something more than FWB then prove that to me. Have him come visit you and eventually make solid future plans that work for both of you.

pinkcab56

I gave him the impression that I wanted more... But nothing ever happened. I didn't try to contact him either after 6 months. But, I did tell in that if he is for real he should come and visit me. I live 7 hours away and I am not going to sacrifice my own happiness just to be with him. I told him that too.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Well, he's been in and out of your life before and the best predictor of future behavior is bad behavior, then he can easily hurt you again. If he really wants to show you that he wants to be with you, then He has to be the one to get off his a$$ and stop his life to go see you. That's the only way you'll know if he is serous. In the mean time, like you said, don't stop your life for him. I think you are in the right track, by preserving yourself. Stay focused on your life and let him show you, not tell you, but show you with actions that he wants something serious with you. I suggest you don't hold your breath and like I tell most of the ladies on this site date and date and date. Don't sleep with anyone until your committed and they make it official, but date a lot. It's the only way to not get too attached to one guy too soon. It gives you a chance to observe their behavior. And you get rid of the bad apples easily because you don't feel desperate. And guys can smell desperation, just like they can sense that you are just find getting rid of them if they treat you badly. Join dating sites, go to singles events, and do activities that you enjoy and let the guys approach you and ask you out. Your calendar will be full and Mr. FWB will have to make an appointment to see you. And you won't be thinink much about him. It's the best way to date.

glittergirl77

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I'm a senior in college and have been hooking up with a sophomore. This past weekend when we hooked up I was drunk and he was sober. He even came to pick me and my friends up from the bar. The next morning he drove me he and everything seemed fine. I felt bad and embarrassed for being such an annoying drunk the night before so texted him to apologize and never heard back.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Did I ruin things by being an annoying drunk?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

I think you have to do more than that to make a guy give up NSA sex

katiewilliams9237

I don't think you ruined things by being drunk, but the fact that he hooked up with you sober while you were drunk makes me nervous. Getting with someone who doesn't have complete control of her mental faculties while you do . . . kind of fishy. But that's just my opinion.

krackrock

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I got a text from a dude I was hooking up with saying he may be entering a relationship and probably shouldn't see me "for the time being" and then went on to say he wants me to know that he really likes me and he's just confused about his relationship status and doesn't want to be disloyal or w.e.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Luckily we were not serious so I'm not upset or anything. Just a lost opportunity. Mostly I'm just wondering who says "I really like you" in a message intended to end things? What does this mean? I've sent and received my fair share of rejection, but I've never received anything like this l

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

It was a "break-up" message. He said it to soften the blow, and so you can be the backup, in case his new r/s doesn't work out. Don't be that girl who will be there. See other people.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

People always say something along the lines of "you're really great, but..." To soften the blow. It's polite.

krackrock

I am seeing other ppl.

krackrock

But ya that's what I thought it was. I've done the soften the blow shit before its just he picked a dumb way to do it. Or a smart way if I'm his "backup" lmfao

torirule TOP COMMENTER

agree, he wants you to still be his backup plan.

mfh

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months... He used to always come over on a weekly basis since April. We just hang out and have sex, nothing serious. Everything was great and chill between us. But lately I feel like we're playing games.

We tried to hang out twice since. First time he flopped at last min because "stuff came up". He said he felt really bad, and it was the first time he did. Second time, I made an excuse that I was already busy.

I invited him to a few Halloween events with me, but he either had work (he works 6 times a week), or he never got back to me on it..

Last Thursday he texted me asking how a halloween party the other night went. I replied nicely saying it was great but that it got really crowded. He replied: "Nice, sounds dope better too busy than too dead". I never replied. What was I supposed to say to that?

He hasn't texted me since last Thursday (October 30th) which is weird because he usually texts me at least 1, if not twice a week to see me. He complimented my smile in one of my new instagram last Saturday. I replied to his comment.

But I haven't heard from him since. He still views all my snapchat stories which doesn't mean much. I know I've been acting a little more distant too, but I'm thinking he should make an effort to keep me. So, I'm not sure if I should just move on, or if he's thinking I'm no longer interested in him?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

The 3 screenshots above, I'm the green, he's they grey: the first one is from a month ago during thanksgiving. The second one was the time he was asking to see me that night, and then last minute he flopped saying "My bad for doing that to you :(". The third one were the lasts times I heard from him, 1-2 weeks ago. When he called me "loser" was when he asked to hang out at last min because he was in my area and I told him I was busy and didn't reply to him after that. Then of course around Halloween he asked me how the party went. I never responded after that.

What is going on through this guy's head?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Nothing confusing. It's a FWB arrangement, all about sex. Nothing else, darling. He asked you to "hang" (read: sex) last minute because you probably have agreed to it previously, and you're just not that important to be asked out in advance. If you want to be treated better, look for another guy.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like he's losing interest. But he never cared much anyway, since you guys were only fwb.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

agree with both of the above, it's pretty clear where his head's at. Are you hoping for more commitment, interest and respect from this guy?? Not gonna happen sorry.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Live and learn, guys don't really bake the girls that are in FWB relationships with them, they treat you like a las minute plan, like an afterthought

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

FWB usually fizzles out eventually because it's not exciting to just have no strings attached sex with the same person over and over. Unlike in a relationship where things grow and two people become more invested in each other, with hookup situations/FWB, things get less exciting. At least this is how it usually goes for the guy, and it looks like that could be happening here.

shynconfused

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy a few weeks ago. He came back to my place.and stayed most of the night. I knew then o reallly liked this guy.He Text me by noon the next morning and we have text never a phone call pretty much everyday since.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So he asks me if I lime him. I say a little and ask him if he likes me he says ur cool... what??
What does that mean should I keep up with the texting and ask him out

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

Don't ask him out. Wait for him to ask you out. Did you bring him back to your place right after meeting him though??

shynconfused

Yea I brought him back to my place after I met him. Opps. That shouldn't matter really boys are so weird.. this guy I guess just wants a texting friend

torirule TOP COMMENTER

it sounds like he might just be texting you to keep you on the back burner for another hookup in the future

ashlily87

HERE'S THE DEAL...

back story- in the beginning me and this guy were on the same page, we admitted to each other our insecurities, I met his family and even stood the night at his place once. Then he began pulling away little by little and so did I. we argue, I would say goodbye then he would send a reply and we began talking all over again this was back & forth, 9 months later we're still on and off talking and hooking up whenever we have free time. recently idk what the heck happened but I THINK he admitted something to me which blew my mind and now idk how to react towards him.

MESSAGE:
him: I spoke to you the way I did in the beginning because I wanted to see ya and be your friend and chill a lot. I was excited to talk to you and get out of depression talk to and see or meet anyone but you dragged it out way too long and I lost interest in speaking to you as often. All I want from you is sex that's it. If you emotional and want more please find someone else. I'll let you go and stay out of your life once you find that person. But I want to be the only one fuxking you until then.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

what exactly is going on with him? and why would someone say things like that if its just strictly sexual?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Wow, he could not have been more clear. He probably asked that you not sleep with anyone else while you're sleeping with him so he doesn't have to worry about STDs.

ashlily87

he knows i'm not like that and he knows he is the second guy I ever been with

2009 TOP COMMENTER

Why would he say what? All he is admitting to is that he liked the friendship and distraction at the start, but now that things have dragged on and soured (which he blames you for btw) he just wants sex. You say that you're not "that kind of girl" but sleeping with someone who just wants sex and not even friendship from you is a pretty low bar, why would he think it would take much effort from anyone else to "cut his grass"

jhops TOP COMMENTER

What is not clear? He said that to lay out the cards it's just sex. Like 2009 has said, if you are "not like that", then act like a girl who wants a r/s. Only sleep with the guy if will commit to a serious r/s with you. Cut him off, this will not end up anywhere. And get tested even though he is only the second person you have been with. You don't know where he has been, he could have gotten STD. Stay safe.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

This guy is way too smart for you. He wants free sex and is making SURE that he'll get safe sex. He doesn't give you any mix signals as you wish he does, he's pretty clear that he only wants sex from you.

mrsbillygil

Horribly insulting message. If I were you I'd ignore it and never speak w him ever again. He's a dick.

northeastchick

Stop talking or having sex with this guy. He is demeaning and insulting. He wants to have sex with you but wants no competition. He wants to be the one to "leave you" when you get too emotionally involved. I would respond with "No thanks" ...

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Don't hold onto how it was in the beginning, pay close attention to his last message, every word. And by the way, he sounds like an absolutely AWFUL person. So if you are happy to keep having no strings attached sex with him and no one else and be treated like absolute crap by him go for it. But if that's not what you want I would text him 'wow, what a sweet offer..... tbh never been so insulted by someone' and then block his number and never speak to or see him again. You deserve and will find WAY BETTER.

dandeelyon

HERE'S THE DEAL...

this boy who is in my classes took me home from a bar one night and we watched netflix and had sex. it was fun i made him laugh and he gave me a lot of compliments. we agreed to be fuck buddies and started to consistently meet up for a casual bang sesh. But now we end up texting for hours and flirt a lot and joke around whenever we're together.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is there any chance that he kinda likes me? It's hard to tell if we're strictly fuck buddies or if he secretly actually likes me a little.

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

You had sex with him on a casual hang out. He has already filed you under "FWB/fling", not "GF material". In fact, you agreed to be "f*** buddies" like you so put so. It's not a test. He does not like you in a romantic way if he does not ask out out on a date or ask you to be his girl.

northeastchick

jhops makes some valid points. I do not totally believe FWB cannot lead into something more but it depends on how you handle it. If you really like him as more than a FWB you need to do more than just have sex....and that is if he is also interested in more than just FWB. Try witholding sex once in awhile and suggest you guys do something if he saids no then you have your answer!

torirule TOP COMMENTER

good idea to ask him to do something with you like go out somewhere together - the cinema or ice skating, anything except hang out at home (sex). If he doesn't seem interested or has excuses why he can't go, but is still making himself available for sex then you have your answer. Usually in a fuck buddy situation, one person gets feelings and wants the arrangement to be more emotional.

dandeelyon

hmm okay makes sense. He can also be sort of shy sometimes. I'm not sure why he texts me so much though and tries to get to know me.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he's not shy to state he wants to the dirty with you with no strings attached, he's not shy, girl. Stop making excuses for him. But of course, it's your life, you can keep thinking he likes you and keep trading sex in the hope of it becoming a r/s. I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you. Not being mean, just want you to be realistic, because I don't want you to get too involved and get hurt.

dandeelyon

haha i wouldn't be too upset if he didn't like me back, it's just a small crush and would be exciting. And I personally am less shy about doing the dirty than I am when it comes to actually talking to a guy. I've had a fuck buddy fall for me before so I figured there's a chance it might with this one. thanks for your detailed input though i really appreciate it!

cococrunches

it's always hard to tell with these kind of situations. but just guard your heart just in case.

dandeelyon

will do. my heart isn't that invested just so you guys know lol. I barely know the guy, but there might be a little spark.

jms792

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I started talking to this guy about a year ago and we became good friends. He moved away and we lost contact. Last week he texts me to hang out. This weekend he comes to stay the night with me. I assume he just wants to hook up and never talk again. Instead he takes me to a movie and dinner. While we're catching up he just stops mid conversation and says "I could see myself falling in love with you". I don't think much of it thinking he's just trying to be flattering and what not. When were walking into the theater he grabs my hand and says "how did I get so lucky to be holding your hand" once again think nothing of it. While watching the movie, which by the way he really wanted to see, he keeps playing with my hand and kissing me. And again turns to me and says "how is it possible I've become this addicted to your touch and kisses?" I start wondering what is going on with him. The night goes on as planned. Next morning we get up and are talking and he says "it's nice to have a mutual agreement that this is just hooking up with no expectations of anything more." Which threw me off at first but then I remembered that was the agreement. Before he leaves he kisses me, walks away then comes back to kiss me again. That happens like three times. The last time he comes back he says "I'm not going to say goodbye because I want to see you again." The end of the day. He texts me with in an half an hour of leaving to see what I'm doing and say he misses me already. Then throughout the day he tells me he really likes me and doesn't want to mess things up.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What does he really want? Is he wanting just a hook up or more?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He wants a hookup.

bleuly1

He wants a hook up and directly told you so, but if I were you, I would extract myself from this situation. He is laying the compliments, touches, and sugar on thick and consistently. Even if you're okay with this current set-up and are feeling unaffected now, at the rate he is laying words into you and sprinkling the affection, you're bound to catch feelings down the line. As straightforward as he was about not wanting a relationship, it's clear he means it. Any FWB of his who catches feelings is going to be in a hot mess. You don't want to be there for that mess. Let that be some other girl.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

No guy will tell the girl of his dreams this, "It's nice to have a mutual agreement that this is just hooking up with no expectations of anything more" after being intimate with her. Don't read into the other signs that makes you think he likes you. A guy who truly likes you? His actions won't make you question what he is after. If this is hard for you, best to stop this casual sex arrangement. Also, do get tested regularly, you don't know what you can catch from him. I've said this before, will say it again. A friend caught HPV even though she was practicing safe sex, but forgot to have safe oral sex. She now is in high risk of cancer and might not be able to conceive. Now that she is ready to settle down, her dates run away on hearing she has a STD that cannot be cured. Be safe, not sorry.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

What do YOU want with him? Do you want more than just a no strings attached hookup? Do you see yourself falling in love with him?

jms792

If I think about it I could see us together but I am ok with just a hook up. I really don't like how he acts like we could be together but then throws in there that we won't. I don't need the flattery to hook up, we had already discussed this.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Then tell him you just want it to be sex, and would prefer it if he stops telling you stupid lovey dovey stuff which means nothing because it throws you off. You don't have to stay in a FWB arrangements if it gets weird, not like it's a r/s. If the sex is no longer good, you leave, If he is making it hard to be just sex, you leave. It's not a r/s where you make effort to make it work. The fact that you are here asking about him, and saying you can see him as a potential partner is flirting with danger. You're going to end up getting hurt if he doesn't want anything more. And chances are, he's not wanting more. You best talk with him before you get too involved, girl. Don't want to see you get hurt.

2009 TOP COMMENTER

I think the flattery has very little to do with your needs, it's probably more for his own sake so that he doesn't feel like he's treating you poorly (or in a way which is less than you deserve).

bethany_2

Stop sleeping with this guy. Girls these days don't leave any work for the man to to do. He seems to actually like you, but made that weird statement to see where your head was at. Just let things cool off for a while. He seems very eager, but you need to back up and step away from the situation to figure out if you want to spend valuable time getting involved with him.

kk4201

NOW I'M WONDERING...

We matched on Tinder about a month ago and have been messaging each other back and forth since (he's 26, i'm 23). We ended up meeting up this weekend and went to the bar to get drinks (he paid), then ended up hooking up. I stayed over, then left next morning not wanting to overstay my welcome. Wasn't sure whether to text him so I ended up sending a text first later that night saying thanks for the drinks and I had a good time and to my surprise, he responded back within the minute saying he did too and it was nice to finally meet me. Not sure how interested he is though or if it's too early to tell?

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rxbfan04

I hate to say this, but I don't think much more will come from this. He responded back to you to be nice, but he makes no mention of seeing you again, or even wanting to continue the conversation. There's absolutely no problem with going home with a guy after a first date as long as it's what you wanted, but, unfortunately, it does put the whole "relationship" into a different perspective. I hate to beat a dead horse, and I also hate that this is true, but guys like to chase. You gave it up to him without him having to try very hard, so he probably doesn't think there's any reason to put in anymore effort. I'm not saying this is your fault, as you're an adult and you can make any decision you want, but I recommend next time you make the guy work harder to get to know you before you jump into bed. As far as this specific situation, I would just hold back and see if he reaches out. He might, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

mrsbillygil

Too early to tell.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

wait to see if he contacts you again and for what.

kk4201

good advice-thanks everyone, I really appreciate the honest feedback! I'll see if he reaches out again, but I won't count on it either.

cococrunches

too early to tell!!! see if he continues texting you and sounds friendly etc :)

mfh

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Long story short… me and this guy met in first year and we only started hooking up towards the end of it. This was in Feb-March 2013. He's from out of the city stayed to work here over the summer and saw each other a couple times.

Since 2nd year started, we started hooking up on a weekly basis. Sometimes he would take me out on dates, go for coffee, made me breakfast in bed.. We were like fwb.

After christmas he told me he wanted to take me out on a nice date, and he asked me out.. but he meant as in an "open relationship.." which I wasn't too happy about. It went downhill from here.

Until one night a few weeks later he came over apologizing and saying how "special I am to him", that he wants me to be his, and slept together again. The next morning he left for class and texted me how he was sorry for doing it but he was just drunk and doesn't like me that way. I never replied and it obviously ended. This was in March this year.

At the beginning of third year (september) he messaged me, but I didn't respond. Again, 2 months later, he messages me again asking if we could meet up for coffee and that he really wants to talk to me.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he really want to talk to me about what happened way back in March, or is he trying to get back with me?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's either trying to initiate fwb again or just trying to ease a guilty conscience. Either way I'd tell him to get lost.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Do you not have enough friends? This guy is manipulative and has you wrapped around his little finger. Don't be the backup girl and one of his many options. Don't meet him and cut him out of your life. Get well soon, BTW.

2isbetterthan1

He sounds like he does have something up his sleeve... I'd say just move on from him. I'm sure you're a gorgeous girl who can get someone else that will treat you right from the get-go. It's never good to go back to guys who have already hurt you. Show him how awesome you are without him.

katyagal

I wouldn't go. It usually doesn't end well once you start having feelings for your fwb

torirule TOP COMMENTER

you can just go for coffee with him and see what he has to say but if you don't want to be FWB again and you've made that clear to him and he said that's not what he's trying to do either.....DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM! Just find out what he wants to talk about, but be very cautious.

missm TOP COMMENTER

thanks everyone!! :)

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

just a warning though, he did suggest meeting downstairs from your place did he not? That sounds like a booty call, even though it's starbucks so maybe meeting somewhere else would be a safer bet for you if you don't want it to turn into a casual sex thing again.

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