elizabethfinn

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this freshman, frat guy (I'm a sophomore) on Tinder over Labor Day weekend. We hooked up(only made out) basically right away. It had been a long time since I had been physical with a guy, and I saw it as a refresher. I didn't think he would contact me again, and I was okay with that. However he did, and we hooked up a few times eventually having sex. Again, I was okay if we were to never cross path after that, as I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend. Two days after the first time we had sex, he took me to ice cream, saying "he thought it would be nice to do something different than fool around in my room". He invited me to his frat party (because of other circumstances, I didn't go) and he kissed me goodnight. And then he disappeared for almost a month. We hardly text and we didn't see each other. At the beginning of October he text me saying he hoped I didn't think he didn't like me, that he had just been really busy, that I was beautiful, and he wanted to get to know me. From there we hung out a few times, watching movies, with no sex. Eventually, we did start having sex again. This guy, being in a frat, parties a lot. I never really do. Well, he invited me to his frat one night, and I got really drunk. He took really good care of me, and said he wouldn't try to have sex with me because he respected me and knew I wouldn't want that. He was drunk, but less than me, and he told me he cared about me and wanted it to be more than sex. The next night he came over and we watched a movie, no sex, and didn't talk about what had been said the night before. We hung out a few times after that, one being a night when we were both a little drunk, and it just felt...like we were closer than usual. However, it has now been almost a month since we have seen each other. I rarely text him first, because I don't want to seem clingy, but also because I don't really know if I actually like him or not. Anyway, tomorrow it will have been two weeks since he's texted me. I know he's been really busy, and possibly sick, but still, I find it odd, even though there was a time before when we went a while without talking. I should also add that I know he's lied to me before, when we first met, and his lifestyle makes it very hard for me to trust him.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

My question is, do you think this guy, at some point, has genuinely liked me? What's going on here? Thanks!

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preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

It's hard to tell if they are into you when you hook up with them before knowing if they just want to be with you. You'll never really know if he just wanted more sex. But the fact that he hasn't been in touch with you now is evidence that he is not interested in anything. With you. If he contacts you again it will probably be for sex. Lesson: don't hook up with guys before you know their intentions with you. You say you won't care, but as a woman eventually you will cRe what the guy you kissed and gave your body to thinks about you. It's just in our nature. Guys can have sex wih zero emotion. As you cN see with this guy. Just be more picky about who you sleep with. Get to know them. It is much

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

It is much more fun to have sex with a guy that actually loves you.

parisss TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like he just liked you for sex.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not busy, he's just not that into you

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Someone who really cares and likes you will want to see you. It just sounds like he only cares for you and likes you when he can have sex in exchange. Stop talking to this player.

mrsbillygil

Def dont trust this guy. You seem like a nice girl who can do better than a frat guy who parties too much and goes MIA on u. He only likes u once in a while, if he really wanted you, you'd know.

bluesdetoi

I dont know whether there has been a time when he really liked you, but he definitely liked sex with you. Just because there were times when you didn't have sex, doesn't mean that that was bonding time, maybe he just wanted to cultivate a "relationship-like" feeling with you so you were comfortable continuing to have sex with him. You should probably just see this as what it started out like - a friends with benefits arrangement and not much. He might like your company, but he hasnt tried to make you his although he has had plenty of opportunity.

happygurl

He likes you but he still wants to have fun and a lot of parties (and girl friends). He's not ready for a relationship.

tequilandlime

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I have this guy that is older than me and we have been hooking up on and off for the past 4 years. I am working on my undergraduate degree and he is finishing up some intense graduate schooling. Sometimes he replies and sometimes he doesn't. We had a short period where we were essentially dating, but nothing official.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why does he only reply to my texts sometimes? If he wasn't interested he would completely ignore me. What are his intentions with me?

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nataliejolie

He probably likes the attention he gets from you. It seems he doesn't like you more than just a friend with benefits, hence the inconsistency. If this bothers you, you should stop seeing him/speaking to him.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He intends to continue sleeping with you intermittently without making any sort of commitment.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

He replies once in a while to keep you hooked so that he can keep having sex with you that's all. Stop communicating with him unless you want him to use you for sex, just stop.

sarahy91

Being a grad student myself and having a bf who's in grad school too, I can confidently tell you that regardless of his busy schedule, if he's interested in you for the right reasons, he'll make the time to reply to texts and messages. My bf doesn't always respond right away but when he has super busy days, he texts me when he gets home and we have our conversation then. And if you've slept with him before, there's no confidence that he's actually serious about you past friends with benefits.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You have been hooking up for four years. If he wanted something to happen, it would have happened. This is a FWB arrangement. If you don't like it, move on.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

He is keeping you on the back burner for occasional sex. He sometimes doesn't reply because he doesn't feel like it. He's also showing you that he's not your boyfriend, he's not committed, don't rely on him etc. and you put up with that so why would he do anything different. the arrangement works for him. if it's not working for you, stop seeing him.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

He knows you'll have sex with him anyway.

screenbean

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy about a year ago through a campus group. We usually didn’t see each other outside group events and parties, but when we did we would talk and be friendly toward each other. I thought he was funny and cute, but I didn't think about him too much at the time because he is younger than me and I had a lot of things going on at the time that we met. For the record, he's really outgoing, and I'm a bit more shy and reserved when it comes to guys.

After one party, I offered to drive him home. We were both pretty drunk, and ending up making out in my car (he was the one who initiated it). He told me that he liked me, and that I was pretty, smart, funny, etc.

He then told me he wanted to have sex, but I he didn’t have a condom so I said no. I told him that I didn't want to have sex without birth control (even though I really, really wanted to). I thought that would piss him off, like it would a lot of guys, but he was really understanding about it, and we did a lot of other things instead like oral, touching, etc. He never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do, which was great.

We spent the rest of the night and most of the morning together. We both told each other some deeper personal stuff as well, and I felt like we really connected. I told him that I had a hard time opening up to people a lot of times, and he said that was okay.

We exchanged numbers and started texting. I usually was the one to text first (which is rare for me because I'm shy), but he seemed happy when I did, even though it was mostly small talk. He came right out and told me he was transferring, so I took that as him not wanting to be in a serious relationship. I would have been fine with friends with benefits or being just friends, but I didn't want to come out and say that because I'm a shy person. I also tried to give him some space so I wouldn't appear clingy, because I know a lot of guys hate that. So I kept my distance by not texting him every day or couple of days like an obsessive person. I also didn't try to get him to make definite plans with me, but occasionally I would ask if he was planning on going to a certain party or event or something. Mostly the text conversations we had were just saying hi and asking how are you, but they never went much beyond that. I was okay with that though, because some guys aren't big on texting.

But every time I tried to talk to him in person, he would walk away or appear uninterested. Sometimes he looked at me like I was an alien or something. I didn't know if this was just because he had other things on his mind, or just didn't want to be around me in person. He still answered my texts when I sent them, though. But again, I didn't want to pressure him with questions about why he was acting that way, so the conversations were pretty basic.

After a while I stopped texting him to see if he would text me first, but he never did. After a couple of weeks when I did try to text him again, I got error messages, so I thought he might have changed his number or blocked me (but we're still Facebook friends). Sometimes the error went away and I thought the message went through, though I was never sure if he actually got the message and was just choosing not to respond. When I saw him in person, I told him to text me if he wanted to hang out, and he said okay, but he never did.

Finally I asked him at a party if he was avoiding me and he said he wasn't. I told him I wasn't avoiding him either and I wasn't trying to be awkward, but he didn't say anything. I wanted to ask how he felt about me, but a friend interrupted so I didn’t get the chance.

Now he is in this relationship with a girl he has only known for a few months. I've never even seen this girl with him, not that I have been seeing him much lately as it is, since I'm pretty sure he is avoiding me even though he said he wasn't. I thought he didn't want anything serious or a long-distance relationship, and yet he is with this other girl.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I liked this guy and think about him a lot, but it seems any feelings he had for me disappeared. I want to know what I did wrong. Was I not assertive enough? I feel like I screwed up and missed my chance to be with him because I didn’t take enough initiative and told him how I felt.

I just want to know if there was more or less that I could have done to make things work. I thought things were going well, and then everything sort of fell apart. I'm sad he's with someone else, and I wish I could just ask him what was wrong with me, but I know I can't (if I did, it would be rude and embarrassing). I'm just really confused because he started it in the first place and dropped hints that he wasn't ready for something serious, yet this happened. I know that we were drunk when we almost hooked up, but if he woke up the next day and realized he made a huge mistake, then why did he text back all those times?

Normally these sort of things don't bother me, but since I don't know what I did wrong, I feel really stuck. I honestly wouldn't mind being friends like we were before if he gave me the chance, but now I can't tell if he wants anything to do with me at all.

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bluesdetoi

The first thing you did wrong was you didnt give him a chance to be the chaser and to try and win you. You served yourself up on a platter, and for a shy girl, you sound like you went all in with oral sex on the first night and you were always the first to text him. There was no intrigue in it for him, he had nothing to find out about you. What you continued to do wrong is to keep texting him even after he had taken a step back and stopped replying to you or even greeting you in public. It's pretty apparent that he wasn't into it. Don't ask him what was wrong with you, the fact is that he is not the judge of that. You "devalued" yourself by being always available and always the first to initiate contact. Try to move on with your life, and next time you meet someone new, don't give all of yourself for someone who isn't doing anything in return. You're the prize, and he should at least put in some effort to win you. You'll be doing both yourself and the next guy a favour.

bleuly1

First, take a breath and relax. This has nothing to do with your personality and who you are, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And who is anyone else to judge the worth of your character? You're fine the way you are. All that happened is that you put yourself completely out there for a guy who had not yet earned the right to that kind of affection and attention from you, and thus he took it for granted. When he began to withdraw, you did the right thing in taking a step back as well, but then in backtracking and trying to reestablish the relationship, it led him to take everything for granted even more. You'll be fine in the future as long as you know you've spent your attention and affections on someone who has already shown through consistent actions they care for you. You sound like a great girl. Don't let this get you too down.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This was basically one drunken hookup, and he showed no further interest after that. He will go after what he wants, he's got a gf now, leave the guy alone.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

The first thing you need to do is give yourself a little more value. Don't offer sex ( even oral sex) to a man that has never done anything to earn that type of intamacy from you. What I mean is, if you want to protect your heart, in the future, only give your body and effections to a man that has actually earned it by showing you he loves you (not telling you). This would be the man that takes you out on dates and is there for you when you have a problem and makes you a part of his life and asks you to be his official girlfriend. The posters above are right, when you offer yourself to a man that hasn't done anything to deserve you, they take it forgranted and they value you less. I don't think they even know why, but they do. Maybe he just wanted to hook up or maybe he would've waited for sex and taken The time to get to know you, who knows. In the future, give yourself some time with men. Let them show you what their real intentions are with you and you have to know deep in your heart that you are enough. That any man should be happy to just get the chance to talk to you and spend time with you. If you don't feel that way about yourself, you will always be giving too much of yourself and men will take it forgranted and treat you like a hook up girl. Guys don't date the hook up girl. They just hook Up with the hook up girl. And you are more than a hook up.

jellyhead123

Girl, don't blame yourself or sit there thinking there's something wrong with you. You are way better than that. I completely agree with everything bleuly1 said above, so take her advice :-D The only thing I would like to add to what she said is, that a) You made a very good decision by abstaining from sex in the absence of birth control, so well done for not giving it up in the heat of the moment and b) The reason he replied to your texts is because even if a guy isn't especially interested, he might reply just to be somewhat polite. Next time, if he's not initiating, don't be the one to do all the chasing. You deserve someone who will be just as much into you as you are into them. And also please, please, pleeeeease don't have the mindset of "he didn't like me because there's something wrong with me." No way, girl!!! Forget about him and be the best person you can be FOR YOURSELF. Identify all your good qualities (your positive personality traits, your talents, your hobbies, everything) and hone them so that you are maximising everything about you that's awesome. You are a unique package - there's nothing WRONG with you! The right guy will be the one who sees all the things that are RIGHT with you. Good luck and good riddance to this one :-)

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

This was just a drunk hookup to him. You did nothing wrong, he prob was just not that into you. I do think you should have taken the hint sooner though and stopped texting him so much. But he just wanted to hook up that night. The fact that he didn't get pissed off that you didn't want to have sex and had to settle for oral does not make him a nice guy. He still just wanted to get into your pants, sorry to say.

annastasia0207

Firstly, I just want to say that you really should not have been driving if you were drunk. That is extremely, extremely dangerous and you really could have killed someone. Next time, please please please be more responsible of your own and other people's lives. In regards to your situation, it happens to the best of us. People can be jerks to people who don't deserve it, especially immature guys. Sure, you probably shouldn't have gone so far with him that first night that you guys kissed, but what's done is done and the fact that he left you high and dry afterwards just shows you what a jerk he really was, to be so intimate with you and then pretend you don't exist. But believe me when I say you're going to find someone wayy better than this guy. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe it will be in 5 or 10 years, but you're still young and you still have so many other boys to meet in your lifespan that will treat you like the world. Hold out for him and don't bother worrying about irrelevancies like this guy.

autumnphoenix

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So my bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. He is very nice to me. We met on tagged. Things are fine between us but I still have this feeling itching in my head about him and his "true self". I have no doubt about his loyalty towards me until I found out conversations of him with some people (including the girls he was meeting and involving with before we got together). I found out that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, I know we were not yet together at that time but it still bugs me that he met a lot of people and it appears to me that I was not even special to him. And I found out that, just before our 3rd date (which was when he kissed me for the 1st time) he was going out with this girl and tried to bring her home (you know what that means).
What is more is that I have this feel that I became his gf only because I was the easiest one for him to get along with and that it was easier with me than with those other girls, it didn't work out with them. I'm not sure if what i am talking about even makes sense at all but it's a very unpleasant feeling.
He told me he never slept around or had meaningless sex, but I also found out he randomly hooked up with some girl he met online (it was before we met). So I am having a trust issue.... I have talked with him about this and he said he had told me everything and that he had nothing to hide, that is why he was happy for me to know all his passwords and stuff... But still I didn't get the answer I wanted.
It still annoys me that all that time we were dating, he went out and considered other girls...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What should I do about this? Is he trustworthy?

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tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Unless he gives you reasons to doubt him, you need to stop digging in the past. Whatever happened, happened 2 years ago. He's with you now. You're insecure and it gets in the way of your relationship. I can tell it isn't much about the girls whom he's going out with before you guys became a couple, it's about why he wanted you to be his gf. You need to work on your confidence and leave the past behind. Oh, and did I mention he's with you now?!?

bluesdetoi

Honestly, this is something that you should talk to your boyfriend about, even if he feels its a hassle. If he loves you, he won't mind you digging up an old issue if it will fix things between you guys. You may seem insecure, but I feel like that shouldn't be an issue you're worried about in a relationship, its something you deal with together and after 2 years, no things should be off limit. However, I do think that maybe you need to accept that those things happened before you two were exclusive, and even if you werent his first choice then, you became it otherwise he wouldn't still be with you. You should probably examine your own feelings though if the best thing you can say about your boyfriend is "he is nice to me."

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agreed with tee. Of course he is not going to tell you he hooks up with girls randomly if he is serious about you. Everyone's had their moment of weakness or drunk nights at some point, and no one likes admitting they had meaningless sex to someone they love. If you slept with more people than him, would you admit that to him? The fact he was dating around before you were together doesn't matter, you guys weren't together, of course he had to choose from the lot, and he decided you were the best. If you doubt that, and want to throw it away even though you say he is very nice to you, then it's your choice. Also, don't go digging for info you don't need when you have no cause for doubt.

autumnphoenix

Thanks guys, yea I guess I should work on my insecurity. Maybe I am thinking too much.

lucyinthesky_2

I agree woth the other commenters. The problem here is your insecurity and you have to work on that. Its not big deal that he dated other girls before you got serious. In the end he chose you and still with you.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This is all two year old information. He was dating other people and so were you. That's what people do. You cannot hold this over his head forever - he did nothing wrong. If your insecurity is preventing you from enjoying a relationship for two years then you need to go get yourself some professional hope, or you are going to destroy every opportunity for happiness you will ever have.

sophisticated

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I asked him this question thinking that we'd just hangout and hookup like we normally do but his response kind of made me do a double take...

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he actually want to go out and do something or just hookup?

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

just ask him....

bluesdetoi

Its a little hard to determine from those texts what kind of thing he wants to do, but you should ask him yourself.

northeastchick

Ask him ....his response could go either way....

sophisticated

I didn't respond and the next day he took me out on an actual date... It's so confusing because he says he doesn't want a relationship but yet he does things like this and will text me every day.... I guess we're dating but not dating???

torirule TOP COMMENTER

that's good! where did he take you?

sophisticated

We went out to dinner and then to a movie :) It was nice but added to the confusion lol

torirule TOP COMMENTER

you're dating and hooking up, but you're not boyfriend and girlfriend. At least it's not just hooking up.

emilysalas

HERE'S THE DEAL...

QUICK QUESTION! GUYS

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If a guy states hes single in his instagram bio does it mean hes a player...looking for a relationship? or... looking to hook up?

Thanks guys !

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bleuly1

It depends on the guy. He might be single, or he could be lying. Either way, if he is single, you can't tell from that status if he's in search of a relationship or a hook up. Get to know the person and it becomes very apparent what they're looking for.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Player. An emotionally available guy wouldn't see the need to announce on his social media he is single. Check out who he follows too. That usually can be a tell tale, especially if he follows half naked models.

peaches

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy in my graduate program started texting me and asked me out on a date. I originally declined as I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship and thought it might be awkward to go on a date with someone in my program. He finally convinced me to give him a shot and over the course of two weeks we went on two dates while consistently texting on a daily basis. A few days after our second date I invited him over to watch a movie. He was more interested in hooking up than in watching the move, however I was hesitant to do anything because we had only been on two dates. He texted me first the next morning but then quickly started acting weird and taking hours to respond. I didn't respond to his last text because he no longer seemed interested in conversing. We haven't spoken since, through text or during class. Things seemed kind of awkward so two weeks after we hooked up I texted him to let him know that I didn't want things to be weird between us since we were in class together. He seemed completely confused as to why I thought things were weird.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I the one being crazy or is he acting weird? How do I make this situation non awkward?

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traveler519

Good luck with that. Just let some time pass and it likely won't even bother you anymore.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

It's going to be difficult, but just stay away from him unless you absolutely have to interact with him. I don't know what type of grad program you're in, but hopefully is not science and you won't be stuck in a lab with him. Why did you hook up with him if you felt it was too soon? What's done is done. So for now, just focus in your studies and don't approach him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Live and learn. In future don't invite a guy over to watch a movie (or agree to go to his place to watch a movie) unless you are ready and wanting to get physical. If you want to watch a movie or have dinner with someone in the early stages of dating, go out instead.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Oh girl, he knows why he is distant since the hookup, and is just playing stupid. This guy sounds like a douche. FYI when you said it would be weird to date someone from the same program, he probably saw you as a challenge then. Trust your instincts next time, and stick to them. It's only going to be awkward if you make it awkward. Ignore him and move on.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

And torirule is right. A real date constitute the guy actually taking you somewhere. Watching a movie at his place or your place takes no effort on his part and it's not really a date. In addition, watching a movie at home is usually code for let's get physical. The bed is only a few feet away.

lostinlove_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy in college, and we hooked up a few days before I went off to grad school in France. It was difficult to just leave since he and I became really close before I left, but I had to go. A year later, he's graduated from college and found a job in the United States. I am almost 3/4 of the way through my grad school program, but this guy has miraculously managed to stay in touch with me. Every now and then he pops up all over my Facebook newsfeed, liking my photos and statuses and even leaving comments. I recently received a message from him saying: "hey ya, just thought i'd check in and see how's france?"

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Every time I think he's gone, he shows up again and it drives me crazy. Why is he practically blowing up my newsfeed? Should I respond likewise by liking his photos and statuses? What is going through his mind? What does he want from me?
I am so confused and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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graziellab

I think maybe it's a way for him to remind you that he still exists in a way. Like he knows that you two can't obviously physically see each other, so maybe that's his own little way

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Liking your status and leaving comments on FB isn't keeping in touch. Calling you or exchanging meaningful messages and emails is. Note the difference. I feel girls tend to overthink everything. You're reading too much into things. He's curious what you're up to. So he goes on to your profile and look, and hits on 'like' instead of just lurking. Also, guys like to check out cute girls, that crosses over to social media too. What's so confusing about that? I mean you should be aware that if you added him as a contact on FB, you're allowing him to have access to your updates. If it's too much for you to handle, simply delete him off all social media platforms.

lostinlove_2

I agree that I'm overthinking this. He's doing both though, having conversations with me and liking my statuses and leaving comments. I'm just not sure if curiosity indicates interest as in he might want something more. I'm confused because a few months after arriving here in France I overreacted to something he said over messaging and he cut off all contact with me until I apologized and now months later we're back to talking again. I'm just trying to be careful I guess because if he's moved on then I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

pinkcab56

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I've been talking to this guy since college. We started off as friends but after a year and a half, our relationship became a sexual one. After that we would always meet to hook up, but it was nothing serious. We had our fights but we always came back to each other. I thought the relationship was only about sex..So I figured it would end. After I graduated from college I thought our fun time was over.. And I didn't hear from him again after some time. After six months he reached out to me saying we should be together and that I should move back and be with him for life. He has left me and came back into my life many times before.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I let him go ? Is this all a game?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Yes

pinkcab56

Thanks g_love12 I will try to move on.. Even though I still have feelings for him..

mrsbillygil

You only have feelings for him because you want him to change and finally want to be w u. Once u see that will never happen (really really believe it) you'll stop having feelings for him.

pinkcab56

I'm starting to believe that. I just feel so bad that I have allowed this to get outta hand like it has

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he loved you, he wouldn't disappear for six months. You shouldn't feel bad. Learn and move on. The key is to take away something and never do something like this that makes you feel so low.

pinkcab56

Very true.

northeastchick

OK you say that you felt this was nothing serious with him. So you never gave him the impression that you wanted more?....in those 6 months did you try reaching out to him? I do not think that all is lost when you have a FWB relationship.... sometimes it takes time apart to realize what you have...just because someone is not calling you everyday does not mean they may not want to reach out. He contacted you the ball is in your court....if you feel he does that often come in and out of your life then make the decision so he doesn't use you as a doormat. However, if he is sincere about wanting to start something then make him work for it....don't leave your life to go to him..say if you want something more than FWB then prove that to me. Have him come visit you and eventually make solid future plans that work for both of you.

pinkcab56

I gave him the impression that I wanted more... But nothing ever happened. I didn't try to contact him either after 6 months. But, I did tell in that if he is for real he should come and visit me. I live 7 hours away and I am not going to sacrifice my own happiness just to be with him. I told him that too.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Well, he's been in and out of your life before and the best predictor of future behavior is bad behavior, then he can easily hurt you again. If he really wants to show you that he wants to be with you, then He has to be the one to get off his a$$ and stop his life to go see you. That's the only way you'll know if he is serous. In the mean time, like you said, don't stop your life for him. I think you are in the right track, by preserving yourself. Stay focused on your life and let him show you, not tell you, but show you with actions that he wants something serious with you. I suggest you don't hold your breath and like I tell most of the ladies on this site date and date and date. Don't sleep with anyone until your committed and they make it official, but date a lot. It's the only way to not get too attached to one guy too soon. It gives you a chance to observe their behavior. And you get rid of the bad apples easily because you don't feel desperate. And guys can smell desperation, just like they can sense that you are just find getting rid of them if they treat you badly. Join dating sites, go to singles events, and do activities that you enjoy and let the guys approach you and ask you out. Your calendar will be full and Mr. FWB will have to make an appointment to see you. And you won't be thinink much about him. It's the best way to date.

glittergirl77

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I'm a senior in college and have been hooking up with a sophomore. This past weekend when we hooked up I was drunk and he was sober. He even came to pick me and my friends up from the bar. The next morning he drove me he and everything seemed fine. I felt bad and embarrassed for being such an annoying drunk the night before so texted him to apologize and never heard back.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Did I ruin things by being an annoying drunk?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

I think you have to do more than that to make a guy give up NSA sex

katiewilliams9237

I don't think you ruined things by being drunk, but the fact that he hooked up with you sober while you were drunk makes me nervous. Getting with someone who doesn't have complete control of her mental faculties while you do . . . kind of fishy. But that's just my opinion.

krackrock

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I got a text from a dude I was hooking up with saying he may be entering a relationship and probably shouldn't see me "for the time being" and then went on to say he wants me to know that he really likes me and he's just confused about his relationship status and doesn't want to be disloyal or w.e.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Luckily we were not serious so I'm not upset or anything. Just a lost opportunity. Mostly I'm just wondering who says "I really like you" in a message intended to end things? What does this mean? I've sent and received my fair share of rejection, but I've never received anything like this l

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

It was a "break-up" message. He said it to soften the blow, and so you can be the backup, in case his new r/s doesn't work out. Don't be that girl who will be there. See other people.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

People always say something along the lines of "you're really great, but..." To soften the blow. It's polite.

krackrock

I am seeing other ppl.

krackrock

But ya that's what I thought it was. I've done the soften the blow shit before its just he picked a dumb way to do it. Or a smart way if I'm his "backup" lmfao

torirule TOP COMMENTER

agree, he wants you to still be his backup plan.

mfh

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months... He used to always come over on a weekly basis since April. We just hang out and have sex, nothing serious. Everything was great and chill between us. But lately I feel like we're playing games.

We tried to hang out twice since. First time he flopped at last min because "stuff came up". He said he felt really bad, and it was the first time he did. Second time, I made an excuse that I was already busy.

I invited him to a few Halloween events with me, but he either had work (he works 6 times a week), or he never got back to me on it..

Last Thursday he texted me asking how a halloween party the other night went. I replied nicely saying it was great but that it got really crowded. He replied: "Nice, sounds dope better too busy than too dead". I never replied. What was I supposed to say to that?

He hasn't texted me since last Thursday (October 30th) which is weird because he usually texts me at least 1, if not twice a week to see me. He complimented my smile in one of my new instagram last Saturday. I replied to his comment.

But I haven't heard from him since. He still views all my snapchat stories which doesn't mean much. I know I've been acting a little more distant too, but I'm thinking he should make an effort to keep me. So, I'm not sure if I should just move on, or if he's thinking I'm no longer interested in him?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

The 3 screenshots above, I'm the green, he's they grey: the first one is from a month ago during thanksgiving. The second one was the time he was asking to see me that night, and then last minute he flopped saying "My bad for doing that to you :(". The third one were the lasts times I heard from him, 1-2 weeks ago. When he called me "loser" was when he asked to hang out at last min because he was in my area and I told him I was busy and didn't reply to him after that. Then of course around Halloween he asked me how the party went. I never responded after that.

What is going on through this guy's head?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Nothing confusing. It's a FWB arrangement, all about sex. Nothing else, darling. He asked you to "hang" (read: sex) last minute because you probably have agreed to it previously, and you're just not that important to be asked out in advance. If you want to be treated better, look for another guy.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like he's losing interest. But he never cared much anyway, since you guys were only fwb.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

agree with both of the above, it's pretty clear where his head's at. Are you hoping for more commitment, interest and respect from this guy?? Not gonna happen sorry.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Live and learn, guys don't really bake the girls that are in FWB relationships with them, they treat you like a las minute plan, like an afterthought

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

FWB usually fizzles out eventually because it's not exciting to just have no strings attached sex with the same person over and over. Unlike in a relationship where things grow and two people become more invested in each other, with hookup situations/FWB, things get less exciting. At least this is how it usually goes for the guy, and it looks like that could be happening here.

shynconfused

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy a few weeks ago. He came back to my place.and stayed most of the night. I knew then o reallly liked this guy.He Text me by noon the next morning and we have text never a phone call pretty much everyday since.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So he asks me if I lime him. I say a little and ask him if he likes me he says ur cool... what??
What does that mean should I keep up with the texting and ask him out

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

Don't ask him out. Wait for him to ask you out. Did you bring him back to your place right after meeting him though??

shynconfused

Yea I brought him back to my place after I met him. Opps. That shouldn't matter really boys are so weird.. this guy I guess just wants a texting friend

torirule TOP COMMENTER

it sounds like he might just be texting you to keep you on the back burner for another hookup in the future

ashlily87

HERE'S THE DEAL...

back story- in the beginning me and this guy were on the same page, we admitted to each other our insecurities, I met his family and even stood the night at his place once. Then he began pulling away little by little and so did I. we argue, I would say goodbye then he would send a reply and we began talking all over again this was back & forth, 9 months later we're still on and off talking and hooking up whenever we have free time. recently idk what the heck happened but I THINK he admitted something to me which blew my mind and now idk how to react towards him.

MESSAGE:
him: I spoke to you the way I did in the beginning because I wanted to see ya and be your friend and chill a lot. I was excited to talk to you and get out of depression talk to and see or meet anyone but you dragged it out way too long and I lost interest in speaking to you as often. All I want from you is sex that's it. If you emotional and want more please find someone else. I'll let you go and stay out of your life once you find that person. But I want to be the only one fuxking you until then.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

what exactly is going on with him? and why would someone say things like that if its just strictly sexual?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Wow, he could not have been more clear. He probably asked that you not sleep with anyone else while you're sleeping with him so he doesn't have to worry about STDs.

ashlily87

he knows i'm not like that and he knows he is the second guy I ever been with

2009 TOP COMMENTER

Why would he say what? All he is admitting to is that he liked the friendship and distraction at the start, but now that things have dragged on and soured (which he blames you for btw) he just wants sex. You say that you're not "that kind of girl" but sleeping with someone who just wants sex and not even friendship from you is a pretty low bar, why would he think it would take much effort from anyone else to "cut his grass"

jhops TOP COMMENTER

What is not clear? He said that to lay out the cards it's just sex. Like 2009 has said, if you are "not like that", then act like a girl who wants a r/s. Only sleep with the guy if will commit to a serious r/s with you. Cut him off, this will not end up anywhere. And get tested even though he is only the second person you have been with. You don't know where he has been, he could have gotten STD. Stay safe.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

This guy is way too smart for you. He wants free sex and is making SURE that he'll get safe sex. He doesn't give you any mix signals as you wish he does, he's pretty clear that he only wants sex from you.

mrsbillygil

Horribly insulting message. If I were you I'd ignore it and never speak w him ever again. He's a dick.

northeastchick

Stop talking or having sex with this guy. He is demeaning and insulting. He wants to have sex with you but wants no competition. He wants to be the one to "leave you" when you get too emotionally involved. I would respond with "No thanks" ...

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Don't hold onto how it was in the beginning, pay close attention to his last message, every word. And by the way, he sounds like an absolutely AWFUL person. So if you are happy to keep having no strings attached sex with him and no one else and be treated like absolute crap by him go for it. But if that's not what you want I would text him 'wow, what a sweet offer..... tbh never been so insulted by someone' and then block his number and never speak to or see him again. You deserve and will find WAY BETTER.

dandeelyon

HERE'S THE DEAL...

this boy who is in my classes took me home from a bar one night and we watched netflix and had sex. it was fun i made him laugh and he gave me a lot of compliments. we agreed to be fuck buddies and started to consistently meet up for a casual bang sesh. But now we end up texting for hours and flirt a lot and joke around whenever we're together.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is there any chance that he kinda likes me? It's hard to tell if we're strictly fuck buddies or if he secretly actually likes me a little.

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

You had sex with him on a casual hang out. He has already filed you under "FWB/fling", not "GF material". In fact, you agreed to be "f*** buddies" like you so put so. It's not a test. He does not like you in a romantic way if he does not ask out out on a date or ask you to be his girl.

northeastchick

jhops makes some valid points. I do not totally believe FWB cannot lead into something more but it depends on how you handle it. If you really like him as more than a FWB you need to do more than just have sex....and that is if he is also interested in more than just FWB. Try witholding sex once in awhile and suggest you guys do something if he saids no then you have your answer!

torirule TOP COMMENTER

good idea to ask him to do something with you like go out somewhere together - the cinema or ice skating, anything except hang out at home (sex). If he doesn't seem interested or has excuses why he can't go, but is still making himself available for sex then you have your answer. Usually in a fuck buddy situation, one person gets feelings and wants the arrangement to be more emotional.

dandeelyon

hmm okay makes sense. He can also be sort of shy sometimes. I'm not sure why he texts me so much though and tries to get to know me.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he's not shy to state he wants to the dirty with you with no strings attached, he's not shy, girl. Stop making excuses for him. But of course, it's your life, you can keep thinking he likes you and keep trading sex in the hope of it becoming a r/s. I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you. Not being mean, just want you to be realistic, because I don't want you to get too involved and get hurt.

dandeelyon

haha i wouldn't be too upset if he didn't like me back, it's just a small crush and would be exciting. And I personally am less shy about doing the dirty than I am when it comes to actually talking to a guy. I've had a fuck buddy fall for me before so I figured there's a chance it might with this one. thanks for your detailed input though i really appreciate it!

cococrunches

it's always hard to tell with these kind of situations. but just guard your heart just in case.

dandeelyon

will do. my heart isn't that invested just so you guys know lol. I barely know the guy, but there might be a little spark.

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