carmenphilomena

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Okay so a guy started working at my job about a few months ago, I knew he wasn't going to be there very long cause after he was hired he was also in the process of joining the airforce. He use to flirt with me all the time at work, lots of physical and eye contact, eventually we started hanging out and even went on a few dates. We both were not looking for anything serious since he's leaving soon so we hooked up two times and we both had an amazing time. Not only is the sex amazing but us just hanging out is pretty amazing too. Recently he's been ignoring me yet not ignoring me...for example I'll text him and he'll reply two or three times and then stop completely, or at work he'll say hi to me and stare at me the entire time yet not speak to me and go out of his way to avoid contact afterwords. Im really confused and I miss the good times we use to have. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, but he won't even give me the chance to ask...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why the eff is he semi-ignoring me?!

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

To quote you, "We both were not looking for anything serious." It is what it is. It was a fling, a casual hook up and it's ran its course. Nothing to be confused about. Move on.

carmenphilomena

Well yes but was their a particular reason why it just suddenly stopped?

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Urm, yes, but I am not him and cannot read minds so I cannot tell you what it is. If you want the real reason, you should ask him. That is, if he wants to tell. Boys don't do well with confrontation and closure. I suggest you just forget it. The endless possibilities will drive you nuts.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Could it be that it's time for him to leave his job and join the air-force? So he's cutting all strings attached.

spades

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy in the summer while I was interning. We clicked immediately and constantly hung out (and obvi hooked up) but it wasn't only sex. We actually spent all our free time together. We acted like we were in a serious relationship even though we weren't. And he told me I was what he wanted in a wife. Before I left I realized that I fell for him. So I told him, he told me that since I was going back to my city... he wasn't sure when we'd see each other again. in other words, after summer our fling would end. After I left, when I texted him he always replies back in an instant. And says he misses me too and all. But it ended up I was always the one to hit him up and there never was a convo going or he didn't reply. We basically stopped talking except when he sends snapchat selfies which used to be like once a day but now its once a week. but one day I told him I was coming up to his city to visit and we should hangout, he told me he'd skip his classes those days to spend time with me. (I proceeded to go crazy the following day and told him I didn't want to see him when I visit because I still liked him, and the following day I told him id want to see him, etc) He's never been the first to text me but he texted me "Hi baby, miss ya" and then snapchatted me a few days later just saying "miss ya" I know I went crazy and texted/snapped him too much in the beginning. but is he just hitting me up so that he'll have someone for those days?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he just looking to hookup when I visit his city?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Yes, it was a summer fling. Get over it. You're the one chasing, who's chasing you? Not him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

yes I think you have answered your own question about his intentions, but what are you looking to do when you visit him if not hook up? It sounds like he really liked you in the beginning and you had good chemistry but maybe you've been chasing too hard and he's pulled back.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Yes it's just a hookup

northeastchick

I agree all of the above..you say you want to see him then u tell him no...then you question if its just a hookup for him but your the one visiting and offering? Of course it is!!

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

He isn't looking for anything. You're the one who's offering. And you do sound crazy like you said.

spades

the only reason I texted him I wanted to see him.. then I didnt.. and then again I did.. was because I still like him so I was afraid I'll still be falling for him if I hookup with him again. and tbh Im still not over him. and he knows that too.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

So it's up to you whether you wanna see him but be prepared that it's a hookup and that it will hurt a bit when it doesn't turn into anything more. You have to decide whether the pleasure is worth the pain...so to speak.

pip12

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Met this guy online a few months back we were going to meet but then I got cold feet due to Ex issues, couple of months later I rejoined and he messaged me again we met up a couple of times got on well had a laugh but there was no spark so left it there, I then saw him about a few times and we chatted but never arranged to meet up, then last week I bumped into him in a club this time we ended up hooking up which was really good. I stayed all night and we went out for lunch next day with bad hangovers when we left we kissed but we didn't make any further plans, i text him in the week to ask how his new job was he replied back but then when I text again nothing... that was just asking if he was doing anything fun at the weekend (Friday) and a link to something funny online (Sunday)

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I am not looking for anything serious and I don't think he either is so should I bite the bullet say I had fun and would like to do it again

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torirule

He's not into you if he didn't reply to those messages. Texting someone multiple times when they haven't replied to your previous messages gives off the desperate vibe, bear that in mind. If you want sex and only sex from him feel free to message him directly and offer that but don't expect anything more from him.

pip12

Thanks, yep you have said exactly what I knew already re the desperate vibe.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

No, don't send him any more texts. If he wants to have sex, he'll reply to your unanswered msgs, then you can tell him that you want a FWB relationship (if that what you really want)

emily9591

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I met this guy online a few weeks ago. The first time we met up was when we were both out at the bars with friends. It was a very casual meet up, but was safe and comfortable since we did meet online. After that, he texted me after and said it was great to meet me and that he really hoped we could hang out again soon. I replied that I agreed. So about a week goes by, I hadn't really heard from him, but that Friday evening he texted me asking me how my week was and what I had going on that weekend. I told him my plans for that weekend and he replied that we should meet up for a drink again if we were out in the same area again that night. We didn't end up seeing each other though because he ended up falling asleep early that night. He apologized and said we should try and meet up for a drink sometime that following week. We texted some here and there throughout the week, but I was really busy with work so once again plans didn't work out. Finally, the following week we were able to meet up for drinks on a Tuesday. We sat and chatted for a couple of hours and had, what I thought, was a great time. He drove me back to my apartment, I invited him in for a little bit. We made out on my couch for quite some time but didn't have sex. He seemed really engaged though, and when he left that night, I felt good like he was pretty interested in me. The next day(Wednesday), I realized he had left his watch at my apartment, so I texted him to let him know. He asked if he could come get it and I said yes. He stops by, and I handed him the watch and we talked for a few minutes then he was on his way. An hour later, he texts me saying traffic was awful and he wished he would have stayed and hung out with me for a while until rush hour was over. I apologized for not inviting him to hang out, and he said no worries next time :) So this Friday, he texts me at 11pm… I was already asleep so I woke up to this. He asked me what I was up to. I replied the next morning apologizing that I had fallen asleep. I didn't hear from him all day. Finally, I texted him around 5:30 yesterday evening asking what he was up to that night. We told each other about our plans for that night and agreed to try and meet up. We end up meeting up around 1am which I realize was a total booty call probably…. We went back to his place and hooked up. And afterwards and in the morning he was very cuddly. Much more than I would expect from anyone looking for just sex. We talked a lot this morning and cuddled and had sex again. I caught him even staring at me smiling a couple of times. Cuddled some more, and then he drove me home. I was slightly shocked by this because I had just planned on taking a cab since he lives probably 15-20 min away from me. We talked a lot the whole drive home, laughed and had fun. Then when he dropped me off we had an awkward moment where I didn't know if I should have hugged him or kissed him goodbye or what. So I just leaned over and gave him a kiss.
He hasn't texted me all day today.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I just a booty call? Or does he possibly want more?
The way he cuddled with me and looked at me and how he kept wanting to kiss me and how much we talked it just very confusing. It makes me think he might possibly want something more eventually.

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lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Some guys like to cuddle, don't read into it. He's calling you late on the weekends, he's not making plans ahead of time to make sure that you're free - it looks like you're his plan B. Do not get your hopes up. He may get more interested, but initial signs don't look promising.

beemer_2

I agree with the first person-he would make concrete early plans if he wanted them to work out.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like it. He a, ways calls u last minute. I dont like that. Friday evening to find out wat weekend plans are? Calling that day for that night? Nah, not wen u just start dating. Thats a privilege of dating for awhile. I think ur making it too convenient for him. Try pulling back and making ur plans early so if he tries to make plans u already have them. Guys should be contacting by wed night at the latest for weekend dates in the early stages of dating, imo.

torirule

he's treating you in a very last minute kind of way with the late night texting and booty call and 'let's meet up for a drink if we're in the same area, sorry I fell asleep' kind of thing. don't read into cuddling at all. men enjoy a cuddle and sex just like women do except for them it does not necessarily mean they have feelings or are getting attached. agree with gitreel. don't be convenient, instead make him work for your time and affection, plan things ahead of time. if he doesn't do this you'll know he's not into you, but at least you'll know. if you keep agreeing to last minute type catch ups, you'll never know and you'll be confused because you'll keep getting together with him and wondering 'where is this going?'

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I personally would not have texted him to ask for his plans if he did not reply to the "I was asleep" text. He texted you at 11pm. He was intending to booty call you. A guy who sees you as anything more would have made plans to take you out for dinner. I hope I am wrong, but just try to take things slow and hold off anything sexual until he is willing to commit, then you wouldn't have to wonder what he is after. You'll weed out a lot of the emotionally unavailable boys like this. I've been there, and I find that this helps me best. Good luck, I hope I am wrong. :)

giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

I'm always skeptical of men who don't text the next day after sex. It's just poor manners to me. I think women often think that if a man just wants sex he'll get up as soon as sex is over and send a woman on her way. Women read into the fact that the guy cuddled with them, took them to breakfast, was "smiley" and gooey eyed. In reality those things mean nothing on their own. Women have to realize that some men like all of those things but they know how to separate the actual act of sex from the woman they just slept with. In essence she could be any woman. Hopefully you can update and say this wasn't the case. However, it does seem like he's only interested in the physical aspect.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

He texted you at 11pm to know what's up >>You didn't get back to him until next morning >> He's didn't want to answer you and probably annoyed because he couldn't get some the night before. But then you texted him again and this time he knew he could get you so he texted back >> You shouldn't be shocked because he drove you home, it only costed him 15-20 mins and since he got free sex from you, that's the least he could do for you. Value yourself more and make him work a little harder for your attention.

karabarrios

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Alright guys, this is going to be long... And I apologize.

Sometime in April, I met this guy at a club, on the dance floor, we locked eyes, made out and I decided to go home with. We had a great time, not just sexually but we ended up actually enjoying each other's company staying up til 6 am and falling asleep, cuddling. In the morning I wake up to tea that he made me, he drove me home and we exchanged numbers. We did the courtesy it was nice meeting you texts but that was it.

Every day I still think about that, fast forward to 3 days ago, I remembered he was leaving on the 29th to go back home to Europe. So I decided to text him and just see how he was. He told me that he did pass his big pilot test and will be celebrating in dtd. Ironically, I was going that night too. So we texted about keeping each other updated. I end up keeping my tab open while waiting cause I was nervous. He ends up getting there with a ton of guys and introduces me to each one. He buys drinks for my friends. We decide to leave together again. Right before we did, we went back to his friends and said our goodbyes.
It was another perfect behond perfect night. But we called it a little earlier cause of errands we had the next day... Well next day came and he decided to skip his beach party plans and spend the day with me to get "breakfast"-- as it was 1 pm. We pass by a Filipino restaurant and he offers to go there (sorry please understand he is British and has never had Filipino food before... The food of my people lol) I didn't know what to order and he asked me what I wanted and I said I was confused between a,b , c,...he then tells the server to get all three.

We finish "breakfast" and we just drove around listening to music, and he even serenaded me.

He drops me off at my apartment and say an almost difficult goodbye, he was leaving on Monday and today was Saturday night already... We kissed for a really longtime with this sad feeling that I wasn't going to see him again.

NeXt night, I was out at the bar we first met at, and he texted me saying he was there and to meet up....except I saw this text an hour after when I replied, he said he got kicked out of the bar but he still wanted to see me. I end up taking a cab to his appartment ,that he pays for. When I get there he refuses to have sex and just wants to kiss and make out... Eventually does of course.

I had a flight in the am and has to leave early, with a cab outside waiting for me at his appartment and he refused to let me go. He said that he didn't want me to leave and he didn't want to let' me go. We end up joking and I say "at Least I'm more than a one night stand " and he was like " will, my best friend said the same thing about you and me". right before I leave to get on the cab, i asked him do you want to build a snowman? ( which is a big frozen reference, which he has never seen just made him listen ) he responded yes I want to build a snowman.

Since I left his appartment , we haven't stopped texting.
Even now that he is back home in Europe.

He comes back in a month or two but will be moving 2 hrs away.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Can you at least tell me that it was at least no than a one night stand?

Also, where does he stand ? Is there even a chance? I need full On analysis. Please.

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blondiee

Ok, he's into you, but we can't tell by how much because he was on vacation. Always, always, always, remember that when someone is on vacation you're getting the best possible version of themselves...there's no doubt he took an interest in you more than a one night stand, (it's called a one night stand for a reason) but I can't tell you how it'll work out once he's living 2 hrs away from you. Use the comfort of texting him for yourself for now and still casually date...I'm not saying this can't work out but it'll have a better chance without having all of your eggs in one basket.

blondiee

p.s. Yes there is a chance and yes he's excited to see you again (from what I can tell).

lia TOP COMMENTER

He clearly likes you, but time and distance can change things. I think you can use this time apart to get to know each other and see if it can go anywhere. There's always a chance, but don't get too invested. Often relationships that start as quickly as this one end just as quickly.

karabarrios

Well, he wasn't really on vacation. He lives here for school at @blondiee.

karabarrios

Well, he wasn't really on vacation. He lives here for school at @blondiee.

karabarrios

UPDATE: He mentioned to me that everytime I text him, it makes him smile so his Kum

karabarrios

*mum asked about it, and he told her about me... Good sign right?!

ishy

it's a sweet story and who knows what will happen next! he definitely seems interested though, although it could be hard for it to last and getting somewhere. it's gonna take time, and maybe see what happens when he comes back?? 2 hrs away is manageable if there's strong connection and chemistry. p.s. what do you mean by the " do you want to build a snowman" reference? I watched frozen but I still don't get it xp

g_love12

To me it doesn't sound that great. He made no effort to see you again after the initial meeting...it was only after bumping into you accidentally right before he was leaving that he showed some interest. So basically he gets to have a text buddy now without the pressure of developing a real relationship. Well that's my take anyway.

angelinaw TOP COMMENTER

I think what lia and g_love12 say are right on the money. Don't put too much into this unless he asks you to be his girlfriend, he is calling you and arranging to see you. He had a limited time and he knew he was leaving. Things were very physical with him and he enjoyed that. He enjoyed your company too obviously but he didn't try and arrange any meet ups until he bumped into you again. Texting is very easy and its all talk. It will be how he treats you and how often he sees you when he gets back that counts. Right now he is getting all the friends with benefits stuff without commitment. He also has not mentioned you becoming his girlfriend. I would say, sure, date him if he treats you well but if someone else you like comes along and wants to get serious with you then go for it.

sororitygirlprobs

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This is going to be long:
I met this guy at a fraternity one night and my friend dared him to kiss me (after secretly telling him that he should talk to me). That same night i gave him my number and he walked me home and we made out on the back steps. the next day he text me about a greek dance thing we were both competing in. We text off and on for like two weeks then when I seen him at the fraternity again he kept making out with me and getting handsy. A few weeks after that he was my date to my sorority's "date night" time event and we had a great time. I then asked him to my formal and he took two days to reply(he takes awhile to text me back all the time). At the formal we very "couply" meaning we were holding hands and kissing and he kept putting his arm around me. I hung out at his house a few weeks ago and as things were getting heated in his room I told him I couldnt (have sex...I was trying to be a lady lol) he said it was fine and that there was no pressure. A few days ago I drunk texted/called him and ended up at his house and we did hook up but I also stayed the night and he drove me home the next morning. Before we hooked up I told him I didnt want to just be the girl he f***ked and he said something along the lines of I dont want to make anything official but I like hanging out with you blah blah. He didnt text me but I know he never does so I text him two days later..see picture
Also we have been "talking" for two months and live in the same hometown

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

My question is what on earth is going on between us? Whenever we are together he holds my hand and treats me like he likes me but then I seen he went to another girls formal a few weeks ago. I called him out on his non texting abilities and he always apologizes for it and says hes a bad texter. I really like him and want to see where all this takes us

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bicyclist234

i think he's def into you and obviously you're not exclusive yet but still. maybe talk more and then initiate a hang out and see where things go?

soconfused_3 TOP COMMENTER

He is into you for sure. As for the amount of interest, I don't think even he's sure of it yet. Just be cool, don't give him the girlfriend benefits, let him initiate most conversations, and prioritize everything else over him. Meaning if he wants to get together, don't change plans because of him. Be busy with family, friends, and just life in general, and if he wants to see you can, but only when you're free, and make the times that you do spend together amazing. Don't ever ever ever bring up the topic amount commitment or "where's this going?" Guys aren't afraid of commitment, but are afraid when girls start pressuring them into it or thinking it's more than it is (i.e. casual relationship). If he likes you enough and enjoys spending the time that you do have together (which shouldn't be very often) then he'll want to move on to dating and eventually being exclusive :)

elise1

I'd say just see where it goes. I can't stand "bad texters" but if you have patience to deal with it, have at it! :)

g_love12

It doesn't sound like he's looking for anything serious...

candystraws

he's into you as a fwb, nothing more.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

He's only got sex on his mind from his text messages? No one is a bad texter. If they want to be in touch, they will be in touch. And if you said he went to another girl's formal, he's probably not that serious about you. He's still keeping his options open, so should you.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

I know you've been talking for two months, but he has he taken You out on a single date? The type where he picks you up and pays for the date? If he hasn't and if he has only texted you and invites to maybe "hang out" (not a date) then unfortunately he is treating you like just the girl he f#%%^^ed. I'm sorry Hun. You deserve better. Let this little boy go.

jessica3466

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Me and this guy Tom have hooked up a couple of times. We met at a friend's party and things escalated quickly, so we met up a couple of times at his place. I really started liking him and last time we hooked up (beginning of March) I sabotaged our thing by bruising his ego throughout the night. Yet he kept asking what I was doing the next day, cuddled and tried to hold my hand on the way to the cab. He said 'see you again right?' and then disappeared. When I say I bruised his ego I mean I said things that a woman should never say to a guy she likes. I texted him 5 says after and he never replied. 10 days ago it was his birthday and I sent him a birthday text in hopes he wouldn't reply and I would move on. But he did with a 'thank you :))' So last night I called, he didn't pick up, so I sent 'I thought of you today and I know things were a bit off last time I saw you, but I'd still want to see you at some point. Have a nice evening x'. He replied with a 'Hey hey, what's up?'

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why did he say what's up, it was obvious I was expanding an olive branch saying he can call me if he pleases. Then he didn't reply when I texted him back to that saying 'I was just having a drink with a friend and I thought of you, everything okay?'
Should I give up?

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gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Ithink u need to work on why u insulted him so that u dont ever have that type of behavior in the future. Ur the most important thing that needs attention right now. A man cant fix ur issues. Once u get to the source of ur issue then re-emerge for dating. To slice someone down isnt normal behavior....

angelinaw TOP COMMENTER

Maybe things *might* work out. But from what you say above and his lack of asking you to meet up. Yes. I would give up if I were you. Again, it sounds like things were bad after the first time and they never really recovered. I dont' think it's his fault. He likes you as a person but as one of those books is called "He just not that into you". That's what it sounds like from here at the moment - he doesn't get in touch with you either, from what you say you are doing the pursuing and he is doing the replying.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

"What's up?" means "why are you texting me?" Especially a "why is this girl who insulted me in contact?" Try being nicer next time.

jenkatkins

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So, met this really cool guy and we connected on so many levels and talked for hours into the night and into the day. He initially then made the first move and I followed it up. I ended up back at his, and we all know how that goes...

So now I'm wondering is this just a hookup or could it potentially be more?

I texted him and this was his reply:

Can't upload pics, so the text was:
Hi, sorry for the late reply. I had a really nice time last weekend too! Let's catch up when you come down here again. Hope your journey wasn't too stressful! x

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Just a hookup or something more?

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lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Hookup. No effort to see you, just a "let me know when you're in town." Sorry.

paulsolorzano

It is what it is. You don't live in town, so he'll see you when he sees you. Who's to say what it could evolve into. The investment level on his part at the moment is low. You can't blame him as you two don't even live in the same place.

versace5

He didn't say anything alluding to him wanting to see you. He's not into you. You're just a hookup

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

"Let's catch up when you come down here" means that he expects the next time you guys hang 1. won't be very soon (hence having to "catch up") and 2. will occur not because you purposely try to get together, but because you happen to be in the area. So yeah, just a hook up. He's just being realistic that starting to date will be too difficult if you are long distance.

infinitesun

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So me and one of my guy friends, who I like, were hanging out and we were talking about our opinions on relationships (we're in high school) and what traits we'd want to be a relationship with somebody. He was talking about how he thinks that every time he could see himself in a relationship with someone and being happy that he somehow talks himself out of it and sabotages it. And then we were sitting on the couch and he said, "so do you have anybody in mind? like do you like anybody?"

And stupid me I got all caught up in the moment and I'm pretty sure I started blushing and softly like squeaked "no... not really." And then he was like, "are u sure?" and I was like "maybe not a single person but like... a stereotype." Then we switched subjects. Gahh I'm so frustrated at myself. I totally didn't hint at anything. Do you think I should've just been honest and said that I liked him? I feel like I missed my chance to tell him.

Also we have kind of formed our own friend group and we've known each other for 8 years. He's also the guy in my previous posts. Our families do a lot together so I feel like maybe it was better for me to say nothing, in case it made things awkward. I just didn't want our friendship to get "sabotaged" as he says he does whenever he could see himself in a relationship.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So I know this is all really confusing but do you think he was just asking who I liked as a friend or is he prying to see if I like him because he likes me? And how do you think I should handle this situation? Should I just let it pass and I'll eventually get over it or should I try and revisit the subject? Thanks in advance for your advice.

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lia TOP COMMENTER

It's hard to tell just from this if he likes you or if he's being just friendly. Seems like you have a lot to lose if things got awkward because of an unrequited confession, so maybe that's not the best way to go yet. However, you could use your long friendship as an advantage to go out with him and see if there's interest. Suggest going out with him, just the two of you, and maybe bring up the subject again, ask him if he likes someone, etc. As a general rule, you won't get over it while it's still hanging there, you'll need some sort of closure first.

lilbean

If you don't at least find out you may regret it for a long time. I am 30 and to this day I still wonder what would have happened if I had just kissed my best guy friend from high school.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You should talk to him and seeing he feels the same

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I think u did great! Make him work for it! Besides, im sure he picked up on u blushing and squeaking...jus keep flirting with him...he'll get the point. He never came straight out and asked if u liked "him", so u werent avoiding the subject. See my point?

rollwiththepunches

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Okay, so a boy that I am in the same program with at my college and I have a mutual friendship. We have never hungout outside of our program, besides the activities we all do as a group, but there is a mutual hint of flirtation and that we mutually think each other is attractive. We are friends on all forms of social media and casually like each other's posts or pictures. In our program, he is a year younger than me and I am regarded as one of his superiors. There isn't much of a difference besides a respect level and understanding of different responsibilities.
-okay to get to the point...
I didn't know he partied and one night out in campus we drunkenly ran into each mother crossing the street, I hugged him and leaned in to kiss him and he said "no, I don't want our first kiss to be this way" we went separate ways and the night continued.
About an hour later I called him, he met me on the end of the street to walk to me home (it was pouring rain) we kissed, held hands, he even carried me over puddles. We got back to his dorm, and hooked up, talked about having sex.. And then did.
The next morning it was a little weird because the drunk heated night turned into a confusing awkward morning. I left and we briefly texted that night, not bringing up the hookup. I texted him the next night and he did not respond.

That week in classes he smiled and winked at me, it was not awkward.. It was like we had a hot secret inside joke, I was happy. But he has never texted me afterwards... Why?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If he was attracted to me, and seemed interested, why isn't he texting me or asking to hangout again? What is the deal, can we be hookup friends, or date?

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bigsliceoflemon

It sounds like it was just a one night thing, he's not making the effort to contact you at all which makes it seem like he's not interested in you.

jasminesparkle

I think it's a one night thing to him

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

It was only for one night. He is not interested

mickeyblue

Sounds like it was for one night, if you are interested,, next time in class pull him aside and ask him if he wants to start a relationship or was it a "one" time thing? just to be clear.. ( its always best to come straight )

cubanchica

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So im in a fwb with a guy for the past month and its been fine we call each other up to meet up we don't talk unless we want to have sex. I call him up more than he does me. This week on Wednesday, I texted him that I wanted to meet up he texted me much later saying he had to go somewhere (he's in grad school) something school related I think and he said sorry in a really cutsie way. Then yesterday I texted him, he was sober and I told him lets meet up.. he didn't respond to the "lets meet up" part but replied to the part where I asked him if he was drinking tonight. Then I became EXTREMELY drunk and texted him 12 times, called him 3 times and snapchatted my bra over the course of the night. The next morning he texts me saying sorry he fell asleep early (which im pretty sure is true because he's studying) and I apologized for all the drunken stuff I did and he said its fine and the convo ended. I deleted his number because I was kind of embarrassed and I thought he didn't want fwb with me anymore. Then he snapchats me his face saying "sup girl" and I replied but he never responed. (we don't send dirty snaps or anything)

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he still want to be fwb and why won't he respond if he starts a convo?

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steve67 TOP COMMENTER

If you really like him, then admit it to yourself. FWB is BS for women. Guys love it.

cubanchica

I don't like him at all. I just use him for sex.

coolkid2 TOP COMMENTER

I think at this point he is taking advantage of you. He texts you to see if he can still get a response from you, that's all he needs to know. Personally, I don't think guys respect girls who are okay with this FWB situation. It shows them that you don't believe that you deserve a real commitment yourself, so why should they give you one. If you are cool with this then fine, but just know your selling yourself short.

januarystar

In response to the comments about, i think that is a huge double standard. H ow about a guy that is okay with fwb? I guess she should not respect him either, because he doesnt think he deserves a "real relationship"? And anyway, if she does not like him, i dont she cares how he feels, long as she gets what she wants. I think fwb means both are using each other, not just one sided...its possible for a girl to just want physical true...and it not just because a girl wont "admit it to herself." In response to the situation, i think hed still be open to the fwb if he hit you up in the first place. If you text him asking to meet up, if hes free i think hed do it.

januarystar

Sometimes women just want something for the moment and no commitment...men arent the only ones who like being single/free........

cubanchica

I agree with januarystar. A girl in an fwb gets bad press. I don't want to be in a relationship with this guy because I think there's someone better for me. But to be honest. We both are busy with our professional lives and use this as a means of not complicating our lives with relationships and satisfying our craving for sex. Personally I just use this so I don't want to sleep around and at parties I don't hookup with guys just because I feel deprived and am craving sex.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

I agree with januarystar the original poster even says that she doesn't like him in the form of a boyfriend but she likes the physical benefits. If she enjoys him in that way who are we to judge. Yes fwb is difficult and usually most girls are lying to themselves since they develop lots of emotions for the guy but it doesn't seem like it with the original poster. I think you should message him and let him know when you are ready to hook up. He snap chatted you so clearly he is still interested. Don't close the door on him just yet,

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Disagree with januarystar. It's not that girls in FWB relationships get a bad rep, is that almost 100% of the time, they end up wanting more than sex. They end up wishing for a relationship. Because of our biology, which hasn't changed in 2000 years, we are much more likely to develop feelings and attachments to guys we sleep with. It is much easier for men to separate sex and emotions, and much, much harder for women. If a women in an FWB relationship is given a choice between just having an FWB relationship with their guy versus having the guy declare his love for her and get into a committed relationship with her, where she becomes his official girlfriend, most women would choose to be the girlfriend. But by being in an FWB relationship, they put themselves in a position where the guy never has a chance to develop true feelings for her, because he is more concerned with having sex with her than anything else. I haven't met a single woman in an FWB relationship that is happy with it, but I know lots of guys that are perfectly happy having sex without commitment. Cubanchica, if you have no emotional attachments to this guy and it truly is just sex, as you stated, why are you asking for adivce? You can have sex with anyone. And if you have no emotional attachments to this guy whatsover, would it bother you if he got a girlfriend and ended your FWB relationship? Would it bother you to see him in a committed relationship with some other girl? Would it bother to see him taking some other girl out on dates and introducing her to his family and friends as his girlfriend? If any of the things I just listed would bother you, then you want him for more than just sex. Like I said, the only person who benefits from an FWB relationship is the man, in almost every single scenario, but maybe you are the exception. I think you are probably a very nice girl and that you deserve a real relationship with a guy that will respect you and earn the right to get to sleep with you. That's just my personal opinion. If all you want is sex, then stay in you FWB relatinship.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@preferphonecalls your opinion was spot on and perfectly accurate. Girls do 100% of the time develop emotions in fwb situations. Maybe the original poster will be different than the norm. Maybe she will succumb to emotions and form an attachment so she is just fooling herself. With all that said who are we to judge we can only give our advice however we cannot judge. Personally I think fwb is always a bad idea it never works and is always hurtful to the girl in the end however it is not my personal opinion that matters it is about answering and providing non judgmental advice to the poster with words of caution of course. We can only do so much : )

xhugsandwishes

You're spending too much time on him as a freind with benefits. Starting to look like you might want more, perhaps take a step bak. If you're worried about him not responded you might be wanting more. Take a step back and see exactly where this relationship stands.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

cubanchica, if I sounded judgemental, I apologize. I'm speaking from personal experience. I was in an FWB relationship, a long time ago, and I thought to myself that it's better to be with him this way, than not at all. And I thought that maybe he would develop feelings for me, but I was wrong and I ended up getting very deeply hurt. It took me a very long time to get over it. I think we all deserve to be in happy, committed relationships, IF that's what we want. If that is what you want, then FWB relationship will get you no where. Anyways, you have to go with your gut and do what you feel is right for you. I truly hope it all works out.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@preferphonecalls. It was great reading your comment and apology to the original poster : ) I too have experience with a FWB so I definitely know how it ends. A committed relationship is definitely the only way to go these days.

cubanchica

Thanks for all your replies! I'm reevaluating everything to make sure I know what I want. Just to throw it out there maybe I'm different from the norm but I've done a fwb and it ended a bit later and there were no complex feelings involved. He started developing feelings for a girl he wanted to pursue and we stopped seeing each other. I wasn't emotionally attached to him in anyway. Most people in fwb end badly. Ive learned to keep emotions out in my previous. That being said. I'm not sure if I can with this fwb. So I might actually end it if I think I could develop feelings for the guy. You guys were a great help!!

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

Listen, if all you wanted was commitment free sex you wouldn't be drunk calling him a million times... He knows that and that's why his response was tardy. I really think if you genuinely want sex with no relationship you're better off making it a one time thing. But be honest with yourself... Most women want en emotional connection. There's nothing wrong with that.

coolkid2 TOP COMMENTER

I completely agree with preferphonecalls. I'm not saying that cubanchica won't be an exception. I'm just saying in the history of planet earth, women are wired to be emotional creatures, men are physical, it's in our genetic makeup. All I'm saying to cubanchica is be careful! I'm not saying that women can't just have sex. I'm saying it's extremely hard for us to, especially if it is with the same guy over and over. Typically, something more begins to develop! For everyone who wants a FWB relationship, then why are you asking for advice? If you know its just sex, you shouldn't really care about what he thinks of you, if he leaves you, or goes out with other girls, etc. because its just sex, right?

infinitesun

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I was invited to hang out with a bunch of people at one of my guy friend's parties. And I was over at his house the night before with our families and I fell asleep on their couch while watching the Olympics.

Him: u better not fall asleep during the movie tomorrow
Me: im not goin to guarantee anything
Him: ok, it probs wont help that it's gonna be a cuddlefest
Me: YAY I LOVE CUDDLEFEST, i just never get a spot on the couch cuz im always late haha
Him: just lay on top of everyone then
Him: dibs on middle btw ;)
Me: No I get the middle!
Him: Ill fight you for it
Me: fine imma just have to lay on top of you
Him: no ur fat
Him: jk I dont mean it
Him: im sorry
Him: that was so mean
Him: that was very rude of me
Him: u can have the middle
Him: i is sowwy
Me: im not offended don't wory, Ive got tough skin
Him: for some reason i doubt that. it's obvious that u joke around just to hid how you really feel. Isn't that you you write music, because you want someone to listen to how you feel?
(to clarify: the day before was the first time on of my songs had actually been produced and it's kind of a love song about wishing you could tell a guy how you felt...)
Me: oh shoot, you're onto me. thats exactly why I write music :p
Him: See. that right there. I feel like you are jokin, but you dont want people to be able to understand that that is the truth.

Then later in the conversation...

Him: It's all in my gut, I kinda feel like I understand people... but then again I could be totally wrong.
Me: Well you've got a good gut.
Him: I wish I knew more about psycology though, I understand how people feel. I just don't understand what those feelings mean.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: You know how you feel when you see the face of the guy you like?
Me: Well yah... why?
Him: the reason you feel that way is more complicated than just attraction and admiration, It has to do with your deepest insecurities and dreams. And even your parents. I want to know why that is.
Me: So it's a whole lot more than "i like you..." haha
Him: yup, it's the reason why when you're with them, things are special. It's the reason why they're one of the first people we talk to when we have something on our mind...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So, do you think he's only interested in being friends? Or do you see some sort of potential. I know that there's not that much info for you to go off of but I'm just very confused by our relationship. He's also the guy that I've mentioned in previous situations. Sorry for the long story...

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kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

Seems as if he was just being friendly.

timnyc ADVISOR TOP COMMENTER

I'm not sure this is enough to tell us much. The things he was talking about didn't seem to have an edge of flirting to them. I think in the case on this conversation we are not seeing his feelings/thoughts either way towards you, but instead his excitement to talk about that topic.

~Tim

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Im not sure, but I see it leaning towards friends with him opening up about his personal thoughts like that...he obviously feels some type of connection with u...could go either way..I personally, would protect myself and not assume its anything more than close friends until he let on for sure that he liked u.

karbar

I’m sorry, but are we going to just gloss over the fact that he called you fat? For absolutely no reason that I can think of other than he is a Grade A, certified jerk wad? There is only one situation that I can think of in which this phrase is acceptable. That being, it’s 1994 and you are arguing with a friend about who’s cooler (ie"You’re phat, no you’re phat"… see how implausible this scenario is?). Which leads me to conclude that he is, in fact, an A-hole. It’s not like he could accidentally blurt it out. This is texting- he had to go through the process of typing and sending it. I’ll award him half a point back for attempting to apologize after. But then, after you are gracious enough to brush it off and forgive him (you’re a better woman than I), he has the audacity to suggest that you are probably too insecure to not be offended. Excuse me? And, what’s better, he draws this conclusion from his self-professed lack of any legitimate psychology knowledge. Great that he has a dream, but maybe he should start with a Psych 101 class rather than using you as a guinea pig to project his clearly vast array of Freudian complexes onto. In my opinion, he seems way too self-absorbed to be into you, you're way too good for him, and frankly, you’d probably be dodging a big ol’ bullet with this one.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

@karbar love your response. Him calling her fat was a grade A jerk move but if she is genuinely interested in him there is nothing we as strangers can do to stop her from wanting to be a jerk. She glossed over it as well so I'm guessing it doesn't bother her much. But I do agree he is a douche. Some girls like douches.....enough said

infinitesun

@karbar Your response was literally one of the greatest responses I have ever read on this site! :) THANK YOU. I honestly wasn't offended and understood that he was joking since we've been friends since the 2nd grade so we're tight. But that being said, I still agree that he can be a jerk-wad sometimes.

difinkle

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hooked up weeks ago with a guy I worked on a project with, on the night we celebrated its end. I don't ever hook up randomly (and he too seems like a shy/awkward type), but I had been interested and he told me all the reasons he liked me, and it just happened. It felt like it would be more than just a hook up. We no longer work on the same stuff so I have no reason to see him, but we talked normally afterwards. He texts me about mundane work stuff fairly often but never asks me out- or even to just hang out. When I see him around work we pretend we didn't see each other- me because I'm a bit shy about what happened and him...well it's kind of to be expected given how awkward/shy he is generally.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What to do?

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kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You're both not acknowledging what happened when you hooked up so this is not going to go anywhere unless one of you broaches the topic

steve67 TOP COMMENTER

Ask him out if you like him. Start anew and see if he is willing to proceed.

lolwut20

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've known this guy since the end of last year. We've always gotten along really well and worked together on a project, and when we've hung out one-on-one (unplanned) the conversation is really easy and fun. He's always been someone I've seen as more of a friend first and I thought there was no interest beyond that. He's definitely cute of course, but there hadn't ever been any major signs… well, actually I take that back…. I once invited him to a party with a bunch of people he didn't know and he went out of his way to show up, and he's come to see me DJ a few times when crowds weren't very big. He's also defended me to people who have talked badly about me and been very supportive of me during some issues with a group of people, and he's wanted me to meet his best friend as well as asked if I would come hang out with him at parties, etc etc. However, this guy is friends with several girls, and I just took it to mean that he was nice and cared about me like he cared about his other girl friends. There was one thing he said to me about 3 weeks ago that struck me as odd… we were talking about hookups and hookup culture and he said he had some commitment issues but he'd kind of gotten them out of his system and wanted more of a relationship…..

Two weeks ago, I was out at a club and got this guy free entry into the club because I DJ there (I've given him free entry before because, again, he's my friend). Anyway, we are in the club together, and he's taking me around the club and making a point to introduce me to all his friends (even though I already knew most of them). I said I wanted to dance, so we started dancing in a big group of people (my friends and his friends), then split off on our own. The guy asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no, and he said "Oh, someone told me you were dating so-and-so"… this guy then proceeded to ask me about my perfume, which I thought was kind of weird since again our relationship had never gotten into this kind of flirty territory…. so our dancing quickly went to grinding, which I was super surprised by because I've never seen this guy try to grind on a girl or hook up with a girl ever in the year that I've known him. All his friends saw and were hooting and hollering because again, this guy never publicly makes any moves on someone… I ended up inviting this guy back to mine, and we hooked up but didn't have sex because we were both afraid it would "make things weird" and he said that "I couldn't just do a one time thing with you"… he didn't stay over because he said he "didn't trust himself" not to fuck me and had to leave or else he would. So, he left and I thought okay, I guess this is a one time thing? I don't know.

Flash forward to a week later, we see each other at an event, and his best friend comes up to me and says "so… do you like (boy)"? I was honestly so surprised by the question, seeing as he didn't text me the whole week, that I said, "well yeah… I mean… has he said anything about me?" to which she replied "he hasn't said much other than he got with you, and he never hooks up with ANYONE" and that "he likes you but he's a moron and you have to kind of coerce him into being with you", as well as "all of us (his friends) want you guys to be together… we approve"

so I'm like OH OKAY WELL NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

So we are all hanging out at the event and we go outside to get some food (me, the boy, a fresher that wants to get with the boy, and his best friend)… I make a joke about my boobs and his eyes just kind of widen with an embarrassed 6th grade boy look like "NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT HER BOOBS"… his best friend actually laughs at his reaction because he got so flustered… he also gave me his jacket to wear outside although he was standing with 3 other girls…. anyway we go back inside and I'm running around and seeing people and getting tired so I tell him I'm leaving and he says "wait, no I want you to stay"…. we are dancing and he is doing his thing NEAR me but not WITH me… we start dancing together finally and he says "wait, I don't think we can do this again because if we do, then we'll start catching feelings… you know what I mean?"… to which I say okay sure whatever and then dip out because I'm now so damn confused… his best friend asked me what happened and I tell her and she says "I don't understand him… I'll talk to him"…. SOOOOO I am now home and in pajamas making food when the boy texts me asking me if I left the party, to which I said yes… basically he starts hinting at the fact that he wants to come by and eat the food I'm fixing, so I'm like "… okay"… he comes by and I feed him and we chat for an hour, then he's like "come over here, I'm so cold" and I'm like "YO WAIT WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER" and he was like "I know, I know…" we snuggled in my bed (CLOTHES ON) and watched some TV and then he started kissing me and I brought up what he said at the event, to which he replied "I know, I even talked to my friends from back home and they told me it probably wasn't such a good idea to come over but I JUST COULDN'T STAY AWAY FROM YOU"

OKAY I'M SORRY WHO FUCKING SAYS THAT osdufosudf0u30r WHAT

so again we hook up (me sans makeup and in gross sweats, which he said I looked cute in… WHAT) and again we DID NOT have sex, although we both really wanted to he said he didn't want to do that to me… he said he wanted to stay over and slept in my bed until 8 am then had to leave to say goodbye to pals that were visiting him from home. The next day we texted a little bit but didn't talk about what had happened the night before. Now, he's being really awkward as in we have been at parties and meetings together several times in the past week and he's always hanging out NEAR me but not WITH me, and stealing glances at me and dancing NEAR me but not making any moves on me. Last week we were at a bar together and he kind of hung out with me, and he called me "babygirl (*cringe* but still)" and bought me a drink, and then when I gave him shit for avoiding me a bit he got kind of upset and insisted he wasn't avoiding me, just trying to act as normal as possible… I invited him to smoke at a friend's house after we were out and he said "as much as I'd like to I have a 10 am class tomorrow", and he also apologized for not texting me much… and then again we were at a party earlier this week and I was chatting with his friend for a while, and this boy's friend said to my galfriend "yeah, I was talking to (me) and (boy) just kept giving me kind of weird looks all night", to which my girlfriend said "maybe (boy) likes (me)", and the friend said "OOOOH THAT'S WHAT IT IS"… after that party the boy didn't say goodbye to me or anything but just dipped out….

Tonight we had a meeting and he came in and just kept staring at me until I would catch him, etc but seemed kind of uncomfortable… like a 6th grade boy who's seen someone's boobs and now doesn't know what to do. Basically, this guy isn't texting me much and isn't making any plans to see me, but every time we see each other he's acting like he's 12 and I just don't know what to do. All of my friends and a lot of his friends have commented on the fact that he keeps trying to be near me but he isn't interacting with me, and they alllll know we hooked up/tease him about the "new girl in his life". WHAT?

I like him but I don't want to scare him off with commitment etc. I really don't want much commitment to be honest - I just want to know what's up, and if I'm wasting my time by thinking this is a viable new dating interest.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? does this boy like me still or did he just want to hook up with me? is he shy/afraid of feelings or am I being played yet again?

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lolwut20

OH! I forgot to add that last night this guy kept asking me to come to a party to come see him because he wanted to hang out with me. Meeehhh

letsbereal TOP COMMENTER

That was way too long. Ask him out or to hang out and see what happens instead of analyzing every single stare.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

You need to ask him point blank if he wants to go on a date and see where it leads. This guy is immature so he will never make the first move. He comes across as a douche but it's because he is immature.

lolwut20

Thanks guys, sorry for the huge essay - kind of brain dumped but the truth of the matter is that he's not making any efforts to see me, and his actions are speaking louder than words. Had he not hooked up with me the second time I wouldn't even be giving him the time of day. I'll ask him out and see what happens but I already have a strong feeling that it'll be "oh I don't see us like that".... I hate trying to date people

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

Hang in there. There is someone out there for you, keep the faith : ) Definitely not this guy though

izzyrose

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If a guy you like but you know just wants to hook up asks you to hang at his house, how do you suggest going out somewhere instead because you don't want just a hookup?
Ex. Him: hey do you want to come over later?
Me: ________

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kmarie

If you want to hang out with him, suggest going elsewhere rather than over to his house.

nainasharma

say "hey, wanna get a drink at ____" or suggest some other activity. I think you may be in charge of planning the date cuz he clearly already gave his suggestion.

anjelinaj

Why would you want to go out with someone that only wants to hook up? He isn't going to lose the desire. But if you've considered this and don't care then the easy part is asking him out. Include the reason why you want to go out versus going to his house when asking him out. Go the funny, frank route, "Let's go out instead, because I don't want this this be a booty call."

anjelinaj

"I'm feeling like getting out, let's go out instead."

anjelinaj

"I really want to see you, let's go out and do something."

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

I would love to see you but let's go do x y and z... I think that's how you should respond.

mrae_1414

Maybe: Well I want to hang out, how about x?

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I'm for losing the guy altogether. Y "like" someone that only wants to fool around and u don't want to fool around? Ur gonna end up fending off his advances, and then hes gonna drop interest. If u just want to b friends, tell him that's what you want, so he knows up front and if he still wants to hang u no he's a friend and won't try anything on u.

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