byeforever

HERE'S THE DEAL...

so my one of my friend's housemate's apparently saw my on her facebook and thought i was really pretty. He kept asking her to introduce us and onetime I was supposed to be going to their house to hang out, and when he found out I was coming he freaked out and was "really excited". I ended up not going, but also matched with him on tinder, even though I didn't know any of this was going on. He gave me his number on tinder and we started texting a lot, but he cant talk that much because he works almost all day. He told my friend that he thinks its refreshing that I dont get mad at him when he doesnt text back immediately like some other girls, but I understand that hes at work. We made plans after about two weeks of talking to finally meet on my birthday, and my friend said that he couldnt stop talking about how excited he was. I ended up at a party on my birthday and he found me there and we talked the whole night. I went with him and my friends back to his friends house and we hung out for hours and it was a lot of fun. He seemed a little thrown off at the party though, because other guys kept hitting on me right in front of him and at one point he asked "does this happen to you a lot?". I was pretty drunk that night and he was too, but we mostly just talked and then eventually I left with my friends. We didnt' hook up or anything, but it seemed kinda weird that he didn't make a move at all? The next morning he texted me saying he really wanted to make plans again, but I've been busy and he's been busy so its hard for us to find time. We made plans for tuesday, but I feel like it's not gonna happen since he hasn't texted me in two days. My friend who lives with him says hes super busy with schoolwork and he works constantly, so maybe thats why, but I cant help but think he met me and thought I was less cool in person.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm kinda into him, but I feel like maybe he doesnt think I'm cool anymore? Am I just being unreasonable because he hasn't talked to me in a couple of days? He snapchats me constantly but I dont really know what to think.

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andreav

Maybe he thought he wouldn't bother if you were giving other guys the chance to hit on you all night ?

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Whoa. babe, get a grip. Just because he didn't hit on you doesn't mean anything. It was the FIRST TIME you guys ever met. Why do you need him to be touchy when it wasn't even a date when you hung out on your birthday? Your body isn't a weapon of seduction that you easily let guys you barely know have access to, even if it's just a kiss. Have some self-respect and confidence. He obviously thought you were cute to be asking your friend to introduce you. 1. Again, have some confidence you're a cool person. You won't be cool when you don't think you are cool. You barely know this guy and most of it was via texting and a lot of it was built around your head, since you didn't interact much. 2. Yes, you are. You guys haven't even gone out on a date. Why are you expecting so much? And honestly, no one is that busy. He can meet you for a quick hour to catch up, or sleep an hour less to catch up if he wants to. Don't make excuses for him. We all have the same 24 hours everyday. No one should be that entitled to think their time is more previous than anyone else's. 3. See, he has time to snapchat, he is not that busy. If I am busy, I don't have time to text anyone or come on Hetexted.com like you. I won't even have time to eat, and will be struggling with little sleep. That is busy. I wouldn't waste my time texting this guy so constantly if I was you. In fact, I would just intentionally tell your mutual friend you think he is a great guy you would want to know better, but you think he's not keen since he's not making the time to ask you out on a date or make things happen. Then just hold back a little and text with purpose -- only if he is saying something that warrants a reply or is making plans to take you out. Otherwise, don't bother. It's a waste of time.

bluesdetoi

If he has time to snapchat constantly, he also has time to meet you for a a coffee or to even text you. i'm afraid you're right in your assumption, and you're really trying to convince yourself that the busy factor is real because you like him as much as you do. I think your friend (especially if its a guy) was setting him up for an easy score with you by talking about how much into you he is, which might not even be true, especially considering you two never met before.

emisananimal

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Ive been seeing this guy for about a month. he's awesome, but we haven't established anything yet. after seeing him for a few weeks, we hooked up.. so it didn't start out as a sexual thing and we can hang out without sex. we've done it about 3 times now. the last time i came over to his place, we were laying in his bed, and i crawled on top, gave him a bj, and he wasnt getting hard. i got pretty upset, because he wasnt under anything.. and there i was naked... and he wasn't hard. he just went down on me... but even so i felt burned. then he told me i was adorable. and he also said, ' this has never happened to him before."

NOW I'M WONDERING...

i literally felt like crying. did he find me unattractive?
or was he maybe tired?

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

I doubt it was that he found you unattractive. If he is still interested give him another chance and the benefit of the doubt. but next time don't try to go down on him and make him hard, just make out with him no pressure and let him take the lead. hopefully it'll just happen. usually guys get hard from just kissing. if it's not happening, maybe he does have a bit of a problem.

bluesdetoi

My first boyfriend who was my first (he wasn't a virgin) couldn't get it up the first few times we tried to have sex because he was so nervous. There can be a lot of reasons for it. It doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't into you.

inspired12

Ya the first time me and my now ex decided to have sex for the first time I couldn't get wet.... It was so awkward and embarrassing Cuz I was soooo into him in all ways and he got impatient and I could tell was upset thinking it was a sign. We tried again that next day and wow ... Amazing sex and was since then so sometimes maybe I was nervous or just wasn't the right moment but give it a try it can be good

andreav

He's just nervous. It's not you. With more experience and age you will learn this is not a big deal

reece4651

HERE'S THE DEAL...

A couple months ago my best guy friend and I had a bit of a "thing" where we both acknowledged that we were into each other and hooked up a couple times. It wasn't anything official. He broke it off because he decided he didn't want to mess up our friendship. But I have been in love with him for 2 years and it completely broke my heart because I thought things had finally worked out. Anyway, we've still been friends since but lately we've been talking more than usually. I've hinted to him a few times with some flirty comments, but he just doesn't seem to be getting it. He wants to hook up but he doesn't seem to understand that the reason id be alright with hooking up is because he means the world to me.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What can I say or do to try to get him to want to be with me because he cares about me? Not just because he's taking advantage of my feelings.

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aquaelephant

I'm sorry, this is an unfortunate situation. There really is no way you can get him to want to be with you. It is likely that he will only ever see you as a friend and someone to sleep with. Get some distance until you've moved on.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Girl, it was painful to read this. Please have some self-respect and read what you wrote and think what you would say to a stranger who wrote what you wrote. He already made it clear he doesn't want to be with you but yet he still wants to hook up. You already said he is trying to take advantage of your feelings, and he doesn't care. Why do you even want this kind of shitty guy in your life, even as a friend?You cannot make someone care about you if they don't. Accept this and have the courage to walk away. Don't waste another two years of your life. You don't stay young forever. Cut this guy out of your life for good.

bluesdetoi

I agree with the other commenters. You can't get him to like you. Please don't let him take advantage of your emotional involvement by having sex with him. It's only going to turn into more heartbreak for you, and it will continue to chip at your self worth. You deserve to have someone who wants all of you, not just the sex. Trust me it's not worth it, please spare yourself and deal with the first few hard months on your own, it will get easier after a while and you will move on. I don't know if you guys have been intimate, but my advice for the future is to stay away from physical intimacy until you've established an emotional connection, it will save you a lot of trouble.

halham101

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've liked this guy for the past 4 months. We met at work. We hit it off immediately. Flirting and talking and he always went on break at the same time as me. After a while he still did not ask me out so I suggested to him that we should hang out. He said sure but neither of us initiated the hang out so it never happened. I distanced myself from him after that, cause I thought if he really liked me he would have done something. A couple weeks later he mentioned the fact that we never hang out outside of work and the day before we were supposed to hang out we had a talk. He walked me home from work. I told him I liked him and he told me he just wanted to have fun. Aka hook up. I told him I wasn't that kind of girl so we can hangout but just as friends. I texted him to go bowling and he said I'm going to have to pass. After that I distanced myself from him again and he overheard me and a coworker talking about this date I was going on. He looked extremely pissed and put his headphones in. I didn't understand why he looked so upset about me going on a date? He quite a month ago and one week ago we had a work dinner that I planned but I didn't invite him. His friend called him and asked him if he wanted to join us and he had plans but he came anyway. He knew I was going to be there. When we saw each other it felt like fire works all over again. The way he was looking at me was just like I was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. I tried to ignore it but couldn't. He kept teasing me and making me laugh. He asked me if I wanted to come to his friends party it was close to my place so I said sure. I went it was fun. I had a great time with him. He told me a lot of things about his life and family. I got to know a lot about him that night. He walked me home and he told me there's something he wants to say to me but he's afraid to say it. I told him if okay and he told me. I pushed you away before because I didn't want a girlfriend at work but now that I'm not working there I want to date, I want to get to know you better. He said you're the first real girl that I've met since I've been single, you're a girl worth keeping around. He told me I think you're beautiful, smart and cool and I love the way you dress. He also said he felt bad about the way he treated me before and he wants me to see the better side of him. I told him we can get to know each other and see where it goes. We hugged goodbye that night he texted me. We texted the next day and a couple days after that and I haven't heard from him in a week. He intiated 2 out of the 3 conversations we had. I initiated one. The last one and the convo ended but he hasn't initiated in a week. We have had zero contact.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I text him or wait for him to text me. Maybe he just changed his mind about us and that's why I haven't heard from him.

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dnursedani

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So, met this guy in May at a club. We had amazing, unprecedented chemistry and ended up hooking up that night. This was an isolated incident, not something I make a habit of. This sex was great and we parted ways amicably. I live in Portland and he was visiting for a bachelor party but he lives in Seattle. We continued heavy texting after our hookup and I took a roadtrip a couple of weekends later to Seattle to see him. It's about a 3 and a half hour drive. I got a hotel room as he says he had a roommate who had just had a baby and he didn't want to be rude by inviting someone over to stay the night. He, however, did not offer to pay for my gas or go dutch on the hotel room, even though he stayed the night. Strike one.

Despite this, we continued texting. He was upfront and said that between his job and his training for MMA, that he had little time to dedicate to a relationship. I accepted the relationship for what it was..a fling. But as all females tend to do, I started developing feelings. I mentioned those feelings and again, he hit me with brutal honesty. He enjoyed me physically but did not know how he felt about me outside of that. Ouch! Strike two.

So, no surprise to anyone...the relationship just abruptly stops. I move on with my life and hold on to the erotic memories. Just another life lesson in what not to do in the world of dating.

A couple of Saturdays ago, he hits me up at 3 in the morning. It has been 5 months of NO CONTACT. I know what everyone is thinking...BOOTY CALL. BUT, we live 3 hours away...so what gives? I happened to have woken up shortly after he texted and thought wth? I'll see what this is about. He was apologetic about our losing contact and asked if I was still single. I had just stopped talking to someone and let him know that. He stated that had been crazy busy but he wanted to plan a visit to Portland to see me as I had driven out to see him last time. I've been hesitant but he has been persistent. Again, he talks a lot about our physical chemistry but has starting making comments about maybe "taking it to another level." When I made mention about the fact that he could probably get local ass much easier he stated "Yeah, but you are hard to give up." WTF????

The only reason he even stands a chance with me, is the insane chemistry we have between us. And we also have very witty and interesting conversations both via text and in person, so I do have some interest even though he has acted like a jerk in the past.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why the sudden contact after 5 months of none? Is he just lonely? Why all the effort for someone who lives so far away? Is he now saying things just to ensure that we have sex again?

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ladyinky

Yes, he very much took advantage of you in the first go around. I too find it strange that he contacted you out of the blue. If you were so hard to give up I don't think he would have ever lost touch with you. I'd let him go.

rxbfan04

Sounds like he's lonely and just wants to get some. While it might be easier for him to just find some girl up where he lives, he knows you liked him, so in a sense that would be easier for him than trying to go to a bar and pick up other girls. I wouldn't give this guy the time of day if I were you.

bleuly1

He's still only interested in seeing you for the physical, not for you, or out of interest in a relationship. There's no point in pursuing this, particularly if you're not looking to get your feelings hurt. I agree with rxbfan. While you are not convenient in terms of location, he feels you are more convenient in a number of other ways and is willing to go out of his way distance-wise on that account. For ex. he thinks he knows what he'd be getting in terms of quality of the sex, etc.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

This guy is trouble. Yes, he is probably lonely and wants the comfort of someone he knows he has had chemistry with. It's the holiday season, it makes people lonely and depressed. Don't fall for his tricks. If you do fall, at least make sure you don't house him, and make him pay for gas and hotel like he made you. Lol. I am evil. :p

dnursedani

Thanks everyone for the great feedback!

torirule TOP COMMENTER

3am? maybe he was drunk or high and horny. So his 'roommate' has a newborn baby hey and you have to stay in a hotel when you visit him? WTF???? are you sure he's not married. This guy sounds like a major user. If you want to hook up with him for sex and witty conversation only, I agree with jhops make him pay for a hotel room or no visit. That's not evil, that's fair.

bluesdetoi

Sorry girl but he probably found time and a gap in his schedule to drive the 3 hours for sex, it doesn't mean anything. He's trying to make you believe hes ready for a relationship so you give up the sex easier.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

He's lonely. It's up to you if you want to give him a chance, but you should mKe him stay in a hotel and take the sex off the table. See if he'll go to you just for you and your personality. Avoid the sex, unless you want to get used again, like last time. If he wants sex and insist, suggest for him to get a porstitute. Don't let him use you again.

chelsea97

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Okay so I met this guy during summer he goes to my school he had just gotten out of a relationship and we started hooking up just fuck buddies and been doing that for about 6 months still texting everyday got to know each other but purely sex he made it clear he didn't want anything and I wasn't looking for anything plus he was cheated on. Now he's complicated in that he wants me to go out and be with other people etc. here's the weird part though he took me out on a formal date recently dinner paid walked me to my door kiss goodbye the whole shabang but now I have no idea what is going on...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What does it mean when your fuck buddy takes you on a formal nice date?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

It means nothing. He made it clear he didn't want a r/s with you and told you to see other people. My friend brings his FBs to all expenses paid trips over the world. It just means he is lonely and has a lot of money to burn. If you find yourself falling for him, you better cut him off.

bluesdetoi

He said he wants you to see other people. Thats all there is to it, who cares about the date. He's probably afraid you'll get attached so he wants to make sure you're not.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

agree that the date doesn't mean anything necessarily if he has told you that he doesn't want a relationship and he thinks you should see other people. how do you feel about him? Are you open to dating other guys?

inspired12

If he is clear in that he does not want a relationship and is not leading into one then his date sounds like a way to keep you stringing along so later he can say I was respectful and took you out!! Idk sounds kinda risky but if this behavior is ok with you and you're happy being only a fuck buddy keep going with it

lindageorge

He has made it clear that he only wants sex. Taking you out doesn't mean anything

curlyk05

HERE'S THE DEAL...

On a night out i met Mat, and we had what i felt was an instant connection however i lost him during the night and met another guy. Me and this other guy hooked up and then at the end of the night i saw Mat, and i was gutted; I started seeing Bill but still thought about Mat i saw him again recently as his friend tired to hook us up i think and we hooked up we kissed again. Yet he's seen me with Bill and knows that theres something going on there then the day after Mat and i had a really good talk and he told me he remembered the first night that we met and we both had regrets that we didn't find each other as he told me he was looking for me the whole night. Mat and i exchanged numbers, and i started a conversation with however he stopped replying and hasn't bothered to start any form of conversation with me, but he's said stuff like 'i came to see you' and 'when I'm down i'll make you dinner'. When he's with me he shows a proper interest.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

the question is does he like me? and if he doesn't, why does he show an interest?

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andthenshesaid

I respect your desire for options, but why are you dabbling with two men? Odds are, they see you with another man, they'll lose THEIR respect for you and move on. The highest quality in a mate is loyalty. If there serious about dating you, and it sounds like Bill isn't if you two are merely seeing each other with NSA or as FWB (perhaps I'm wrong, this is just how I interpreted it), but if Mat has stopped contacting you as often, he digs you, but upon seeing you with another guy, he's choosing to get over you. If you like him, act fast. Guys move on wayyy quicker than girls. Tell him and stop seeing Bill. Sounds to me like he's more serious about a relationship with you. Btw, I'm pro Mat. He sounds like more of a catch and there's more of a spark. Good luck to you and happy hunting :)

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Timeline is a little muddled. Not even sure how many times you have seen Mat. He's not keen if he doesn't make plans to see you. He probably doesn't think you are gf material based on your history. Forget it and move on.

andreav

If you really care you will cut ALL contact off with the other guy. If a guy was doing what you are doing we would all likely advise you to dump him and move on

phoenix_3

He could very well be interested in you but feels insecure about pursuing you because you're hooking up with another guy. You need to prove to him that you're worth pursuing, otherwise nothing will happen.

andymsc

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy at a pub in 2010, I was behind the bar and he was fun, smart and flirty. Something clicked, I realised we were in the same University and be became friends on Facebook. We met a couple of times at random uni things during the year, he had a girlfriend at the time and nothing came of it. I finished my course and left the country. In the course of the last 4 years, he's messaged me whenever we were in the same part of the world and we never met(it's only happened twice though). Recently, I came back to the country and just dropped him a line letting him know that I was back and we got to talking regularly. He's still a lot of fun and he's really gotten better with age.

A friend of mine was sending me a parcel and I mentioned it to him in passing, he joked about how he travels a lot(work-related) and if he was in her part of the world he'd pick it up for me. I laughed about it and left it at that. A week later he tells me he's going to the exact city she's in and if she hadn't sent it already he'd pick it up. She hadn't gotten around to posting it and so he picked it up. At this point I was grateful, but didn't think anything else of it. He lives about a 4 hour drive away from me and I told him I'd drive down over the weekend to pick it up. He said he was busy for the next two weekends and said he'd let me know when he was free. However, on the second weekend(the one where he was supposedly busy) he called up and asked me if I minded him driving up, his calendar had just opened up, he needed a break, etc, etc. I usually have quiet weekends and this one was no different so I said I was free and he said he'd drive up on Saturday morning. He turned up mid-afternoon, that spark from all those years was still there and long story short we spent most of the weekend in bed.

I specified to him that I don't have time for a relationship, I'm simply too busy with my career and plan to stay that way for the next 10 or so years. He was fine with it, thrilled even, said that he wasn't looking for one either, his past ones had left him too scarred to trust in them again. It was an ideal situation, he's a nice, caring, smart, funny, slight wicked(in a good way) guy and we click very well together.

The problem with it is, I think I might be in a relationship and not realise that I'm in one. We're chatting on Skype, Snapchat, Facebook inbox, whatsapp, Hangouts through the course of the day, sometimes simultaneously on more than one of them. We're on call every second day, even if they're short 4-5 minute calls. We've hooked up 5 of the last 6 weekends. I've hung out with his friends, he's hung out with mine, I've even made tentative summer plans with one of his girl-friends. And as I'm listing all of this out I'm kind of realising that I might have answered the question I'm going to ask. But this all hit me last night when we were on call and he told me that he wanted to kiss me the very first time he saw me and how it sucks that we never managed to meet more often and how he wishes we'd hooked up sooner.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I in a relationship with the guy or is it all just a coincidence that I'm reading too much into? If I am, do I confront him about it or just slowly try to lessen the contact? I really like this guy, but I know my job will send me to a new land sooner rather than later and I really don't want to hurt him.

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smiles23

I don't think your in an official relationship. You guys are friends with benefits who happen to be emotionally attached also. If you seriously want to be with him officially let him know or even if you like him more then you think he knows ley him know how you truly feel. Best wishes?!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

The fact that he was thrilled you didn't want anything more seems to say no despite the fact you have hung out with his friends and him with yours. He knew right from the start you didn't want anything serious, so you know, you don't have to guard him or protect him. Not your problem.

bleuly1

No, you are not in a relationship. He has not asked to be in one, nor did either of you expect to going into this.

mrsbillygil

Doesn't seem like you are too busy with your career at all. So what's the problem? Someday you might be sent to a different country doesn't seem like a valid reason to avoid love for 10 years? Seems to me you are just scared of a relationship and getting hurt. And saying you dont want one is a way to reject a guy before he can reject you. I could be way off base, but that's what it seems like to me. It seems like you want him to want to be in a relationship with you. And there's nothing wrong w that.

bluesdetoi

Is he the one always visiting you? I think that in spite of what he has said in the very beginning, he might have gotten emotionally attached and maybe this has developed to more for both of you. I don't think you should do a disappearing act on him and randomly see him less, but you should have a mature conversation and ask him if he still feels the same way he did in the beginning. You'll know where you stand and how to handle it.

onlygirl

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've been on a few dates with this guy who I've met about a month ago. I'm 25 and he's almost 30. He's treated me really nicely and made me feel like the only girl in the world. He's told me he really likes me and "I'm worth it". On Friday night, we agree to meet at a bar with each of our friends. I was really drunk and want to go to his house instead. So we go to his house and hook up (things got pretty sexual but we did not have sex - this is the first time we've done more than make out). I hang out with him all morning and we cuddle. Before I leave, I break the news to him that I'd be moving away for 7 months. He is really disappointed and even offers to come visit me and he tells me that we need to see each other as many times as possible before I leave in a few weeks. As he drops me off at my house, he tells me to text him later so we could hang out at a bar hop for his friend's birthday.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I text him in a few hours and ask what he's doing. I know he's probably already drunk anyways. He text me back 7 hours later at 1:00am with "hey cutie what are you up to?" and I don't respond. So I just want to know, am I just a booty call now because I hooked up with him too soon /am moving soon? What should I do?

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andreav

Yes. He likely sees it as he can have as much sex with you and knows he won't be committing to a relationship since you will be leaving

torirule TOP COMMENTER

yes, the 1am text was a definite booty call text. as andreav said he's up for no strings attached sex.

smleighton

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Last week, I was at a concert with my friend and we were a little drunk. In my mind, it seemed like a fun idea to snapchat this guy in the grade above me who I've thought is cute for the longest time. We talked a little bit and then I asked if he could give us a ride home, so next thing I knew, we were in his car. He dropped my friend off first, and when it was just us in his car we had some good conversation, which surprised me because guys who are into just hooking up (which he is) are usually made out to be pretty douchey. We talked about which colleges we're interested in, sports, our siblings, pets, and just pretty much covered all the basics. His older sister even called him while were driving and when she asked where he was he said "Driving my friend *my name* home, I'll be back in 10 minutes", which I thought was a good sign. When we got to my house, he insinuated that he wanted to hook up, which I was completely expecting. I was feeling unwell so I said no, but I made it clear that it was a temporary no and that I was definitely interested. For some reason I felt it was necessary to apologize for not hooking up with him, so I did, and he said "No what are you talking about? We're just getting to know each other, this was good". So he told me to friend him on Facebook and to text him when I wanted to hang out, we hugged, and I went inside. He texted me almost immediately after and said "Hang out tomorrow?" and I semi-jokingly replied "You're so persistent, we'll see", then he asked if my parents woke up when I came in, I asked him the same, and he said goodnight. This is where the problem begins: the next day, I friended him on Facebook, and he still hasn't responded to the request. Last night, I wanted to get together, so I snapchatted him. He opened it about 30 minutes after I sent it, but he didn't reply.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I over-thinking this or is something going on? I don't want to contact him again incase it looks too desperate or persistent. I didn't think it was possible to ruin a friends with benefits before it even really started happening...

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not into you. Forget about him.

annastasia0207

Agreed. This guy seems no good. He'll probably text you back in a couple of days and ask if you're still down to hanging out but if I were you, I would say no. He's trying to make sure the relationship you guys have is in his control so he'll only make plans when he wants to (aka has nothing better to do). I'm sure you not being over-eager the minute he asked if you wanted to hang out the next day and being coy about it bruised his ego because he's used to girls jumping at the chance to hang out with him.

mrsbillygil

Agree w the above and you are coming across as too eager by friending him, snapping chatting him etc. If he were into u he wouldn't need u to remind him that you exist.

bluesdetoi

Annastasia is 100% right, hes making sure youre wondering what happened and give him all control. Dont do it.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

He's making himself seem unattainable and therefore more attractive, so if he does end up working down his list to you, you won't say no next time. He's quite the player. Don't fall for it unless you like crying.

screenbean

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy about a year ago through a campus group. We usually didn’t see each other outside group events and parties, but when we did we would talk and be friendly toward each other. I thought he was funny and cute, but I didn't think about him too much at the time because he is younger than me and I had a lot of things going on at the time that we met. For the record, he's really outgoing, and I'm a bit more shy and reserved when it comes to guys.

After one party, I offered to drive him home. We were both pretty drunk, and ending up making out in my car (he was the one who initiated it). He told me that he liked me, and that I was pretty, smart, funny, etc.

He then told me he wanted to have sex, but I he didn’t have a condom so I said no. I told him that I didn't want to have sex without birth control (even though I really, really wanted to). I thought that would piss him off, like it would a lot of guys, but he was really understanding about it, and we did a lot of other things instead like oral, touching, etc. He never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do, which was great.

We spent the rest of the night and most of the morning together. We both told each other some deeper personal stuff as well, and I felt like we really connected. I told him that I had a hard time opening up to people a lot of times, and he said that was okay.

We exchanged numbers and started texting. I usually was the one to text first (which is rare for me because I'm shy), but he seemed happy when I did, even though it was mostly small talk. He came right out and told me he was transferring, so I took that as him not wanting to be in a serious relationship. I would have been fine with friends with benefits or being just friends, but I didn't want to come out and say that because I'm a shy person. I also tried to give him some space so I wouldn't appear clingy, because I know a lot of guys hate that. So I kept my distance by not texting him every day or couple of days like an obsessive person. I also didn't try to get him to make definite plans with me, but occasionally I would ask if he was planning on going to a certain party or event or something. Mostly the text conversations we had were just saying hi and asking how are you, but they never went much beyond that. I was okay with that though, because some guys aren't big on texting.

But every time I tried to talk to him in person, he would walk away or appear uninterested. Sometimes he looked at me like I was an alien or something. I didn't know if this was just because he had other things on his mind, or just didn't want to be around me in person. He still answered my texts when I sent them, though. But again, I didn't want to pressure him with questions about why he was acting that way, so the conversations were pretty basic.

After a while I stopped texting him to see if he would text me first, but he never did. After a couple of weeks when I did try to text him again, I got error messages, so I thought he might have changed his number or blocked me (but we're still Facebook friends). Sometimes the error went away and I thought the message went through, though I was never sure if he actually got the message and was just choosing not to respond. When I saw him in person, I told him to text me if he wanted to hang out, and he said okay, but he never did.

Finally I asked him at a party if he was avoiding me and he said he wasn't. I told him I wasn't avoiding him either and I wasn't trying to be awkward, but he didn't say anything. I wanted to ask how he felt about me, but a friend interrupted so I didn’t get the chance.

Now he is in this relationship with a girl he has only known for a few months. I've never even seen this girl with him, not that I have been seeing him much lately as it is, since I'm pretty sure he is avoiding me even though he said he wasn't. I thought he didn't want anything serious or a long-distance relationship, and yet he is with this other girl.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I liked this guy and think about him a lot, but it seems any feelings he had for me disappeared. I want to know what I did wrong. Was I not assertive enough? I feel like I screwed up and missed my chance to be with him because I didn’t take enough initiative and told him how I felt.

I just want to know if there was more or less that I could have done to make things work. I thought things were going well, and then everything sort of fell apart. I'm sad he's with someone else, and I wish I could just ask him what was wrong with me, but I know I can't (if I did, it would be rude and embarrassing). I'm just really confused because he started it in the first place and dropped hints that he wasn't ready for something serious, yet this happened. I know that we were drunk when we almost hooked up, but if he woke up the next day and realized he made a huge mistake, then why did he text back all those times?

Normally these sort of things don't bother me, but since I don't know what I did wrong, I feel really stuck. I honestly wouldn't mind being friends like we were before if he gave me the chance, but now I can't tell if he wants anything to do with me at all.

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bluesdetoi

The first thing you did wrong was you didnt give him a chance to be the chaser and to try and win you. You served yourself up on a platter, and for a shy girl, you sound like you went all in with oral sex on the first night and you were always the first to text him. There was no intrigue in it for him, he had nothing to find out about you. What you continued to do wrong is to keep texting him even after he had taken a step back and stopped replying to you or even greeting you in public. It's pretty apparent that he wasn't into it. Don't ask him what was wrong with you, the fact is that he is not the judge of that. You "devalued" yourself by being always available and always the first to initiate contact. Try to move on with your life, and next time you meet someone new, don't give all of yourself for someone who isn't doing anything in return. You're the prize, and he should at least put in some effort to win you. You'll be doing both yourself and the next guy a favour.

bleuly1

First, take a breath and relax. This has nothing to do with your personality and who you are, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And who is anyone else to judge the worth of your character? You're fine the way you are. All that happened is that you put yourself completely out there for a guy who had not yet earned the right to that kind of affection and attention from you, and thus he took it for granted. When he began to withdraw, you did the right thing in taking a step back as well, but then in backtracking and trying to reestablish the relationship, it led him to take everything for granted even more. You'll be fine in the future as long as you know you've spent your attention and affections on someone who has already shown through consistent actions they care for you. You sound like a great girl. Don't let this get you too down.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This was basically one drunken hookup, and he showed no further interest after that. He will go after what he wants, he's got a gf now, leave the guy alone.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

The first thing you need to do is give yourself a little more value. Don't offer sex ( even oral sex) to a man that has never done anything to earn that type of intamacy from you. What I mean is, if you want to protect your heart, in the future, only give your body and effections to a man that has actually earned it by showing you he loves you (not telling you). This would be the man that takes you out on dates and is there for you when you have a problem and makes you a part of his life and asks you to be his official girlfriend. The posters above are right, when you offer yourself to a man that hasn't done anything to deserve you, they take it forgranted and they value you less. I don't think they even know why, but they do. Maybe he just wanted to hook up or maybe he would've waited for sex and taken The time to get to know you, who knows. In the future, give yourself some time with men. Let them show you what their real intentions are with you and you have to know deep in your heart that you are enough. That any man should be happy to just get the chance to talk to you and spend time with you. If you don't feel that way about yourself, you will always be giving too much of yourself and men will take it forgranted and treat you like a hook up girl. Guys don't date the hook up girl. They just hook Up with the hook up girl. And you are more than a hook up.

jellyhead123

Girl, don't blame yourself or sit there thinking there's something wrong with you. You are way better than that. I completely agree with everything bleuly1 said above, so take her advice :-D The only thing I would like to add to what she said is, that a) You made a very good decision by abstaining from sex in the absence of birth control, so well done for not giving it up in the heat of the moment and b) The reason he replied to your texts is because even if a guy isn't especially interested, he might reply just to be somewhat polite. Next time, if he's not initiating, don't be the one to do all the chasing. You deserve someone who will be just as much into you as you are into them. And also please, please, pleeeeease don't have the mindset of "he didn't like me because there's something wrong with me." No way, girl!!! Forget about him and be the best person you can be FOR YOURSELF. Identify all your good qualities (your positive personality traits, your talents, your hobbies, everything) and hone them so that you are maximising everything about you that's awesome. You are a unique package - there's nothing WRONG with you! The right guy will be the one who sees all the things that are RIGHT with you. Good luck and good riddance to this one :-)

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

This was just a drunk hookup to him. You did nothing wrong, he prob was just not that into you. I do think you should have taken the hint sooner though and stopped texting him so much. But he just wanted to hook up that night. The fact that he didn't get pissed off that you didn't want to have sex and had to settle for oral does not make him a nice guy. He still just wanted to get into your pants, sorry to say.

annastasia0207

Firstly, I just want to say that you really should not have been driving if you were drunk. That is extremely, extremely dangerous and you really could have killed someone. Next time, please please please be more responsible of your own and other people's lives. In regards to your situation, it happens to the best of us. People can be jerks to people who don't deserve it, especially immature guys. Sure, you probably shouldn't have gone so far with him that first night that you guys kissed, but what's done is done and the fact that he left you high and dry afterwards just shows you what a jerk he really was, to be so intimate with you and then pretend you don't exist. But believe me when I say you're going to find someone wayy better than this guy. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe it will be in 5 or 10 years, but you're still young and you still have so many other boys to meet in your lifespan that will treat you like the world. Hold out for him and don't bother worrying about irrelevancies like this guy.

autumnphoenix

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So my bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. He is very nice to me. We met on tagged. Things are fine between us but I still have this feeling itching in my head about him and his "true self". I have no doubt about his loyalty towards me until I found out conversations of him with some people (including the girls he was meeting and involving with before we got together). I found out that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, I know we were not yet together at that time but it still bugs me that he met a lot of people and it appears to me that I was not even special to him. And I found out that, just before our 3rd date (which was when he kissed me for the 1st time) he was going out with this girl and tried to bring her home (you know what that means).
What is more is that I have this feel that I became his gf only because I was the easiest one for him to get along with and that it was easier with me than with those other girls, it didn't work out with them. I'm not sure if what i am talking about even makes sense at all but it's a very unpleasant feeling.
He told me he never slept around or had meaningless sex, but I also found out he randomly hooked up with some girl he met online (it was before we met). So I am having a trust issue.... I have talked with him about this and he said he had told me everything and that he had nothing to hide, that is why he was happy for me to know all his passwords and stuff... But still I didn't get the answer I wanted.
It still annoys me that all that time we were dating, he went out and considered other girls...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What should I do about this? Is he trustworthy?

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tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Unless he gives you reasons to doubt him, you need to stop digging in the past. Whatever happened, happened 2 years ago. He's with you now. You're insecure and it gets in the way of your relationship. I can tell it isn't much about the girls whom he's going out with before you guys became a couple, it's about why he wanted you to be his gf. You need to work on your confidence and leave the past behind. Oh, and did I mention he's with you now?!?

bluesdetoi

Honestly, this is something that you should talk to your boyfriend about, even if he feels its a hassle. If he loves you, he won't mind you digging up an old issue if it will fix things between you guys. You may seem insecure, but I feel like that shouldn't be an issue you're worried about in a relationship, its something you deal with together and after 2 years, no things should be off limit. However, I do think that maybe you need to accept that those things happened before you two were exclusive, and even if you werent his first choice then, you became it otherwise he wouldn't still be with you. You should probably examine your own feelings though if the best thing you can say about your boyfriend is "he is nice to me."

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agreed with tee. Of course he is not going to tell you he hooks up with girls randomly if he is serious about you. Everyone's had their moment of weakness or drunk nights at some point, and no one likes admitting they had meaningless sex to someone they love. If you slept with more people than him, would you admit that to him? The fact he was dating around before you were together doesn't matter, you guys weren't together, of course he had to choose from the lot, and he decided you were the best. If you doubt that, and want to throw it away even though you say he is very nice to you, then it's your choice. Also, don't go digging for info you don't need when you have no cause for doubt.

autumnphoenix

Thanks guys, yea I guess I should work on my insecurity. Maybe I am thinking too much.

lucyinthesky_2

I agree woth the other commenters. The problem here is your insecurity and you have to work on that. Its not big deal that he dated other girls before you got serious. In the end he chose you and still with you.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This is all two year old information. He was dating other people and so were you. That's what people do. You cannot hold this over his head forever - he did nothing wrong. If your insecurity is preventing you from enjoying a relationship for two years then you need to go get yourself some professional hope, or you are going to destroy every opportunity for happiness you will ever have.

sophisticated

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I asked him this question thinking that we'd just hangout and hookup like we normally do but his response kind of made me do a double take...

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he actually want to go out and do something or just hookup?

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

just ask him....

bluesdetoi

Its a little hard to determine from those texts what kind of thing he wants to do, but you should ask him yourself.

northeastchick

Ask him ....his response could go either way....

sophisticated

I didn't respond and the next day he took me out on an actual date... It's so confusing because he says he doesn't want a relationship but yet he does things like this and will text me every day.... I guess we're dating but not dating???

torirule TOP COMMENTER

that's good! where did he take you?

sophisticated

We went out to dinner and then to a movie :) It was nice but added to the confusion lol

torirule TOP COMMENTER

you're dating and hooking up, but you're not boyfriend and girlfriend. At least it's not just hooking up.

emilysalas

HERE'S THE DEAL...

QUICK QUESTION! GUYS

NOW I'M WONDERING...

If a guy states hes single in his instagram bio does it mean hes a player...looking for a relationship? or... looking to hook up?

Thanks guys !

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bleuly1

It depends on the guy. He might be single, or he could be lying. Either way, if he is single, you can't tell from that status if he's in search of a relationship or a hook up. Get to know the person and it becomes very apparent what they're looking for.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Player. An emotionally available guy wouldn't see the need to announce on his social media he is single. Check out who he follows too. That usually can be a tell tale, especially if he follows half naked models.

peaches

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy in my graduate program started texting me and asked me out on a date. I originally declined as I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship and thought it might be awkward to go on a date with someone in my program. He finally convinced me to give him a shot and over the course of two weeks we went on two dates while consistently texting on a daily basis. A few days after our second date I invited him over to watch a movie. He was more interested in hooking up than in watching the move, however I was hesitant to do anything because we had only been on two dates. He texted me first the next morning but then quickly started acting weird and taking hours to respond. I didn't respond to his last text because he no longer seemed interested in conversing. We haven't spoken since, through text or during class. Things seemed kind of awkward so two weeks after we hooked up I texted him to let him know that I didn't want things to be weird between us since we were in class together. He seemed completely confused as to why I thought things were weird.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I the one being crazy or is he acting weird? How do I make this situation non awkward?

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traveler519

Good luck with that. Just let some time pass and it likely won't even bother you anymore.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

It's going to be difficult, but just stay away from him unless you absolutely have to interact with him. I don't know what type of grad program you're in, but hopefully is not science and you won't be stuck in a lab with him. Why did you hook up with him if you felt it was too soon? What's done is done. So for now, just focus in your studies and don't approach him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Live and learn. In future don't invite a guy over to watch a movie (or agree to go to his place to watch a movie) unless you are ready and wanting to get physical. If you want to watch a movie or have dinner with someone in the early stages of dating, go out instead.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Oh girl, he knows why he is distant since the hookup, and is just playing stupid. This guy sounds like a douche. FYI when you said it would be weird to date someone from the same program, he probably saw you as a challenge then. Trust your instincts next time, and stick to them. It's only going to be awkward if you make it awkward. Ignore him and move on.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

And torirule is right. A real date constitute the guy actually taking you somewhere. Watching a movie at his place or your place takes no effort on his part and it's not really a date. In addition, watching a movie at home is usually code for let's get physical. The bed is only a few feet away.

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