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I got insecure when he started pulling away and became needy and clingy. He is giving me the silent treatment. I dont blame him and I'm using the time for myself. But I really like him and I just want to know if there is a possibility I can even get him to talk to me again.

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Relationship

We have been dating for over 2.5 years now and he feels like he...

By hugsandkisses | Feb 18 2015

dating for more than 2.5 years. He is too comfortable with me and says that he can't prioritize me?

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in our late 30s, he says s not prepared 4 marriage but says we will some day.

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So I met this guy on a dating site who seemed to be quite over the top, romantic and a bit off. I am not the best with my choices so this is why I was attracted to him in the first place. When I say off I mean artistic, a poet, just a little bit over the top. I could tell he is the insecure, jealous, clingy guy. I am into all that kind of stuff. Fast forward, he was all over me from texts for 2-3 weeks and then finally we met. There was a lot of kissing talk from texts and he made it very clear he was looking for a relationship and he really liked me and I was beautiful and what on earth was I doing on a dating site. Real asnwer?-Fear of rejection! Anyway, up until we met I felt that he had dived right in, I enjoyed every moment of talking and flirting and I was curious to see if it would materialise. He seemed to really get me. Upon meeting I was utterly shocked to see how different he looked in real life and how timid and shy he was. The way he walked and carried himself he seemed so withdrawn. I was shocked at the fact that he did not smile when he saw me. Not a smirk not a half smile, nothing. From my experience I do feel that he might be depressed. Anyway, I was dissapointed and I am aware I came off as overpowering and quite cocky at times. I did not flirt at all or give him a compliment, quite the opposite. I felt that he was so shy I could not even understand what we were doing there and how he could have even been talking about kissing and all that from text. I could talk to him for hours and he did seem to have essence, I could imagine falling for him but usually guys are quite all over me so this came as a bit of a shock that he was so reserved so I assumed he was not interested. Because I am very insecure myself, I thought since he doesnt like me I should show disinterest aswell. Level of immaturity?100! Anyway. After the date he asked if I enjoyed myself to which I replied that I did but that he seemed bored. Within myself I know he was not bored but that h was extremely awkward and withdrawn. He reassured me he was not bored and that I was beautiful, chatty, lovely, charming and intelligent and do not need a dating site. When I thanked him for his words he told me that he knows he is unattractive and not interesting enough so he knows he will need to keep looking. I was baffled!!! You go on a date with a girl and on the same night tell her this?! He asked me again if I enjoyed it and I told him that I kind of did but I also did not because he seemed bored, and he was not really laughing with my jokes and then he said that he had enjoyed it and literally dissapeared. For 5 days he didnt initiate any contact, and he always texted every morning prior to our meeting. So I thought I should initiate contact and I told him that I had missed talking to him. He only said he is so sorry he has been quiet but he has the flu and he will be well soon. What nonsense?!

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He Says He Likes Me, But Never Texts Me Or Calls and afraids to hang out.

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I have a bit of a problem with anxiety and obsessively thinking/analyzing situations. I have posted on here a few times about a guy I had met online and thus far, after a month of talking, and 2 wonderful dates, the general consensus has been that he is into me. He is a great guy in the sense that he is a gentleman, drives over an hour to see me, plans fun dates, texts me just about every day, initiates phone calls, etc.
The new issue that I am obsessing about is this: We had a date on Saturday. On said date he asked to take my picture 2 times: once in front of a Christmas tree lighting we saw and once at dinner. I instead said "Jump in the picture and be in it with me!" He did so. We had a GREAT date. Lots of laughs, good conversation, he complimented me a lot, etc.
At dinner we were discussing a trip he just went on and he pulled out his phone to show me pictures from it. As he was scrolling down, I saw ANOTHER picture of ANOTHER girl --one that he was obviously at dinner with and that he asked to take a picture of, much as he did me. Now, I have NO idea when that picture was, but I am guessing it was before he went on this trip and that was over a month ago. (We had our first date 2 weeks ago). I guess I am just feeling a little insecure about it, jealous maybe.
He texted me about an hour after our date ended, fowarded me our pictures that we took together, was sweet in conversation, and today I haven't heard from him at all. (We sometimes don't text until around 5-9 pm).
Something else to take into consideration is this: I had told him I had deactivated my POF account because of a certain situation. Just last week he called me and I made a joke about the POF site and he said "I deleted my profile about a week ago. I got tired of getting dings on my phone notifying me of an email". He had a PAID page on there... do you think maybe he deleted his account because he met ME or because he got tired of the "dings". He could have very easily turned the alerts off. He also mentioned last week when I said "I know you are super busy with blah blah blah so if you want to meet up XYZ date...." and he replied "I'm not talking to anyone else and I'm not dating anyone else". (I didn't ask if he was-he VOLUNTARILY told me).

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So I had been seeing this guy for two and a half months. We had this crazy connection, immediate and very intense. Time melted away for the both of us when we were together and we ended up spending the night together every time we saw each other and didn't go past making out until the last time we saw each other. Even then it was 'just' oral sex. The thing is I only saw him 6 times. But for over 24 hours each time. We don't live in the same city so it's what worked out. He had me meet his friends on two occasions. The last date we went on was a concert and we double dated with his best friend. When we first started seeing each other, our communication was intense--and involved-- and sweet. However; it wasn't sustainable for either of us. So we stopped texting as much. He never called… I only spoke to him on the phone once the whole 2 and a half months! I started to feel ignored-- and I actually think I was. We both just recently got out of 7 and 8 year long relationships so it didn't make sense to be exclusive (we are both 24 and needed to get some dating experience!) So when I would text him and not get a response AND THEN see on instagram that he was commenting on beautiful women's pictures it made me feel insecure. I didn't want to see that, but it presented itself. We weren't exclusive, so really, there was nothing technically wrong with this. The past week, after we had oral sex, his communication shut down. (I know it wasn't because any part of that intimate experience was bad-- he went out of his way a couple times to tell me how much he enjoyed the whole thing) We still texted every day, but it would take him hours to respond & I could see he was actively using his phone (thanks again instagram) Then it was his birthday last Friday. I didn't want to be presumptuous and try and plan something on his birthday because that seemed out of place. When I tried to offer to do something for his bday-- like get tickets to do something to celebrate his bday a following week-- he at first said that it sounded fun. Then later replied that he had a lot going on and wasn't in the "head space" to decide and that he would let me know later. He celebrated his birthday with his best buds and apparently his ex girlfriend. This whole internal battle of me not feeling adequate enough was driving me crazy and quite frankly I have so much going on I can't devote my time to this struggle with my insecurities. So that is what led me to having this conversation.

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So I've been seeing this guy now for about a month now and he's absolutely wonderful so far. We have a lot in common and I love spending time with him even though we don't see each other as much as I'd like due to conflicting schedules, but he makes me feel special and the time we do spend together more than makes up for the time we don't. Sometimes he sends me these texts out of the blue, usually when I accidentally fall asleep in the middle of texting each other, that are really long and basically all about how happy he is with me and how beautiful I am, ect., but the problem is that I have trouble taking them seriously? This is probably due to my last boyfriend, who would send me texts just like those but then flirt with other girls in front of me, spend more time with his friends instead of me, and text other girls whenever he did spend time with me. He eventually ended up cheating on me. Those texts sounded so genuine, though I now realize he was just playing me. In between those nice, sweet texts he would text the noncommittal "K"'s and "Cool"'s that all girls despise. The only other time he'd send me longer texts were when he'd sext me. Now I have this new guy who is everything my old boyfriend wasn't (sweet, honest, told me to slap him if he ever texts a single "K" to me, reminds me of a puppy) and he sends me the same sort of nice texts, and though I'm not as naive as I used to be and I know he's not a player and he really seems to genuinely like me, I can't help but flash back to my old boyfriend who said all those nice things but didn't mean them.

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I have been seeing this guy for three months. The first two weeks were intense, we have seen each other every day. Later on we had a talk, deciding that it was too intense, so we slowed down a bit.
Now I was the one asking for a relation shop sort out talk since I started to develop feelings for him. Last week we wanted to see each other but both of us didn`t set a date - possibly afraid to have the talk. Then we agreed to meet this Friday. But on Thursday one of my family members died and I felt and still feel sad about it. I told him, nevertheless he agreed to meet me. Than he sent these text messages ( happened last night)

Him: I am sitting in the bureau. A friend came by but I made him leave. It is about us. I don`t know if I am doing the right thing. I like you and I like spending time with you but something is missing. I don`t want to play. Only to write you this it took me some courage. I`m afraid to come to you because of your loss. I want to come to you and talk to you but today I can't sorry."

Me: " But I really want to talk about us - without harsh words and accusations - but to give the two us a chance to name what is missing - not only for you but for me, too. I know what I have been missing lately. Please be fair and let us talk"

Him: " Of course we will talk to each other. I don't want to hurt you. There are no accusations. It is like it is. I can't drive anymore, I needed some drinks to muster up writing with you. And I don't want to do it now, because I can't. Please give me a couple of days time."

Me:" I will give you time. Just tell me if this is over for you now.. Otherwise I couldn't make it through the night. And right now I am really scared you say "Yes" and that I behaved like an idiot. I changed into someone I never wanted to be and I believe I destroyed everything"

Him:" How this between us will turn out, I'm not sure right now, that's why I want to talk. I don't think you behaved like an idiot and I don't think, if something is destroyed, that this is your fault - I would`t even talk about fault. I don't want to state facts via writing ( I would never do that and I don't want to), that's why I won't say yes to your question. I really want to meet you. Like I said, I don't feel good about all that and I try to drink it down."

Me:" Okay, then the both of us are drinking it down separately. Take your time, in the meantime I am going to take my time too. I will still give you a good night kiss, because I like you and I don't want you to feel bad - when in doubt on the cheek."

Him:" That`s how we do it. I like you too ( and that is not the `giving the compliment back thing). I hope you will make it through the night with these informations. Of course you will get a kiss back - wherever you want to feel it (smiley)

After that I turned off my cell phone, drank red wine and cried myself to sleep. Now I am between feeling like I want to choke him and crying all the time.

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My best friend is a male. We talk for hours every day and he tells me all his deep secrets. I feel strongly about him, but I have never told him explicitly. We could never really be together anyway, because we both come from separate (but equally strict) cultural backgrounds and our families wouldn't be cool with an intermarriage.

Anyway, yesterday he started telling me about a girl he met at work and suggesting that he might like her. I did feel insecure at that point because she is very knowledgable about things like politics which I am not so well informed about. (He's big on political discussions too.)

Some of the messages we exchanged are below - please read them from left to right. I have tried to include most of the relevant points of our conversation, but left out texts in between that were about something else.

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So my best friend is a guy. We talk for hours every single day. He shares all his deep secrets with me. I secretly love him but have never told him - we could never be together because we both come from separate but equally strict cultural backgrounds and our families wouldn't be OK with intermarriage. Today he told me that he met a girl at work and he thinks he might like her.

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does he like me just as a friend… or more…...

By its_brittany_bitch_ | Aug 22 2014

okay… so I went on this church retreat for a week to NC last month… it was this big massive retreat with other churches from all over the country and so each person from our church group got separated into a smaller group with other people from all over the country… on the first day of small group i met this guy…(who i thought was really cute)… we'd talk whenever small group met and would often laugh and joke around with each other…and on the day that small group ended we all went around the circle and said nice things about each other… he told the group that" i was an amazing person and if you don't know her… i highly recommend that you do" …. we all hugged each other and said our goodbyes… i was one of the last people to walk out of the room and he was behind me… i had twisted my ankle earlier on... and was limping out of the room… there were some steps to go down in order to get outside and as i was walking towards them he asked if i needed help walking down them… i stupidly said no… he still insisted on waiting and offered a hand out to me… i took his hand and struggled to get down the first stair.. he then insisted on carrying me down the stairs…and once we got down them…we made our separate ways and left… i realized i forgot to thank him and had his number… so i texted him the next day to thank him for helping me… we ended up talking for hours because we both had long car rides home… i ended up venting to him about personal stuff and he texted me a really long sweet message… basically along the lines of "in my opinion i think that you're beautiful… you're an amazing person….i know we just met but i feel like i know you… and if u ever need anyone… I'm here" so… i kinda took that as an excuse to talk to him…lol… and I've been venting to him about all my stuff ever since…and the things that he says are usually along the lines of "you're beautiful just the way you are and you shouldn't be insecure about yourself" and it always seems to put a smile on my face.. but i can't tell if he likes me back… or if he's just being "Friendly"... i text him first usually… and I feel guilty about it...but i always get a text back from him no matter what… we can always seem to hold a conversation…..besides when i vent to him…but i feel like if he liked me he would have said it a long time ago…. this was his most recent text that he sent me after i vented to him last night… and I can't tell if he meant this in a friendly way or romantic… i really like this guy… help… (part of the text is cropped out cuz it couldn't fit… but it says "one of the strongest people i know.. and even though she might not believe that she is all of this… SHE IS.."

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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. He's 29 and I am 20. He is originally from Asia but has been living here a long time already. We are living 170 km apart from each other, he used to come to my place almost every weekend. I would've gone there but he lives with his mothers friends family because just before we started dating he moved there because of work and hasn't found an apartment yet.
He has a year old daughter from a one night stand. When he told me that, I was a little bit shocked but not angry. I have grown without a father and of course I don't want a baby to grow without a father. Luckily abandoning his child was never in his thoughts. I have never seen the child. Would want to. But.. the thing is, he has seen almost everyone from my life. My family, friends, neighbors. I haven't seen ANYONE from his life. Yes, we are very different - he is very closed person, I am very open.
Last Monday I called him up and said calmly that I will try to fix my behavior (about that later), if he will let me meet at least someone from his side because I felt that he was a big part of my life but I wasn't. He said it was good I told him that and that I am a big part of his life but if I feel I am not we should do something about it.
We have had many fights recently. I start crying very easily, he hates that. It's not my fault, I try not to cry in front of him but sometimes it's not possible to stop the tears.
There was one weekend recently when he could've come but didn't. He did not have any reason. He just didn't. I was disappointed. And sent him a message saying why I was disappointed. He answered me: "Look.. I thought all week about if I come or not. Before I did things with you because I wanted to. Now I do them out of fear that you will become sad. It's NOT a breakup. I'm just feeling you're choking me..."
I read the NOT a breakup part but I felt the breakup was coming. I was a mess the whole day. In the evening I drank some whiskey to calm down and called him. Explained. Said I just missed him. We talked things out.
Last weekend when he was here we had very great time. But we also talked. And I said to him that lately I've been feeling that he doesn't care about me anymore as much as he used to. And I told him that I completely understand if he wants to get out because as I've heard there's this 4-5 months period in the beginning of the relationship when people are in love. After that it usually either grows or fades.
He said he wanted to be with me and he hadn't noticed his behavior with me had changed in any way. I asked that suppose he wanted to end the relationship how would he tell me, would he tell me right away. He told me that of course he would, he's a grown man and will talk if he had something to say.
This weekend he had to go visiting her daughter. I was sad he wasn't spending at least one night here because I am going hitch hiking for couple of weeks and we're not seeing each other for at least a month.
But I understood.
We didn't talk this week almost at all. There are days when we don't talk. It's not that we are mad or something, we just don't feel the need to be in contact every day. But we do usually talk most of the days.
On friday night I tried to call him. He sent me a message saying he couldn't talk because he was with some people, talking.
He didn't call me the next day either. So I called him on the afternoon. He didn't pick up. Then I saw about 30 minutes later he had checked in a place that is in his town, not in the town his baby is. I tried to call again and started panicking a little, sent him a message asking was everything alright with us, had I done something wrong?
He called me an hour later saying everything was alright and he was just on a tour. I was freaked out. Asked why he didn't go to see his baby. He said he didn't want to this weekend. I asked why then he didn't come here. He probably said that he just wanted to be in his town this weekend. And I understand that he needs his alone time, he likes to be alone with his thoughts often. But the thing that I won't see him for a month.. If I was him, I would've come.
Anyway, so I told him calmly that if he is a boyfriend to me but I am just a thing to play when he is bored then it's not right and I don't wanna be in a relationship like this.
He got angry and said he will call me after the weekend, on Monday or Tuesday. I asked could we at least talk a little bit because we hadn't talked for a week. He said he didn't feel like talking, said bye and ended the call.

I got a very serious panic attack. I cried, I had to move all the time, I had all these crazy thoughts, I bit myself, I sweated very much. My mother was very worried about me and said she was afraid to leave me home alone.
After two-three hours I calmed down. Why I freaked out? Because I was sure this is the end of it and I had to wait till Monday or Tuesday for him to really say it. I prefer ripping the bandage off right away so I could start the healing process as soon as possible. So I was in panic because I knew I had to wait.
At any point I wouldn't have called him or contacted him any way. I am not a begger type. If he wants to go.. begging and crying in front of him would just make sure he would leave.
I went to the centrum with my friends, got really wasted (I know, not the smartest thing to do but I just needed that). I saw from 4square that he was in a bar, too. And he drinks very rarely. So I guess he wasn't happy either.

We haven't had any contact, I decided I will leave already tomorrow because I just can't be here and wait the words "It's over, sorry".

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Okay so I just started dating this guy and he is a sergon whom has just finished his residency and is starting his lab work today now what that means is he now has a 9 to 5 type job, versus crazy hours. So last night was our first official date and by my book it went great. I dressed up and he looked quite snazzy and we went to fro yo and walked around peeking I to little shops and everyrhing was going great. And the whole time he was super clutzy and nervous which I found insanely cute and all so continuing on we wound up back at his place where a heated make out session ensued and well we had both agreed that we do not go all the way on the first date since we both don't really believe in random hook ups. And the whole time he kept telling me how sexy he thought I was and it was really sweet and we had a great time and everything that I'm normally really insecure about he was all over and called hot and so on. He had plans later on that night for his good friends birthday (it was supposed to have happened Sunday but the friends gf was in town so he pushed it back) well anyway, the date ends he walks me to my car and give me a good by kiss out in the parking lot where almost anyone can see. Later that night I texted him telling him I had a great time and he texted back that he had a great time as well and thanked me for driving in with a :) emoticon. Then this morning I texted him good morning and have yet to hear anything back from him.

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I met this guy through a school team. We never noticed each others before that! There is other girls in the team too but he rarely talk to them. We always do stuff together and he would wait for me when practice is over. Recently, he would take me home from practices and one time even ran all the way to the cinema to watch a movie with me because i said i was alone there! We have been texting everyday now and he always start the conversation in the morning first!
One of the conversation goes like this:
Me: Am i keeping u up? My skin is burning, cant sleep :(
Him:no you're fine, I'm eating more food. Have you put aloe Vera on it yet?
Me: Yea. I put a lot on! It got worse tho! Some how texting w u helps haha! Its 1 already u should rest! 
Him:I'll stay up with you as long as you need

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