I have been seeing this guy for three months. The first two weeks were intense, we have seen each other every day. Later on we had a talk, deciding that it was too intense, so we slowed down a bit.
Now I was the one asking for a relation shop sort out talk since I started to develop feelings for him. Last week we wanted to see each other but both of us didn`t set a date - possibly afraid to have the talk. Then we agreed to meet this Friday. But on Thursday one of my family members died and I felt and still feel sad about it. I told him, nevertheless he agreed to meet me. Than he sent these text messages ( happened last night)

Him: I am sitting in the bureau. A friend came by but I made him leave. It is about us. I don`t know if I am doing the right thing. I like you and I like spending time with you but something is missing. I don`t want to play. Only to write you this it took me some courage. I`m afraid to come to you because of your loss. I want to come to you and talk to you but today I can't sorry."

Me: " But I really want to talk about us - without harsh words and accusations - but to give the two us a chance to name what is missing - not only for you but for me, too. I know what I have been missing lately. Please be fair and let us talk"

Him: " Of course we will talk to each other. I don't want to hurt you. There are no accusations. It is like it is. I can't drive anymore, I needed some drinks to muster up writing with you. And I don't want to do it now, because I can't. Please give me a couple of days time."

Me:" I will give you time. Just tell me if this is over for you now.. Otherwise I couldn't make it through the night. And right now I am really scared you say "Yes" and that I behaved like an idiot. I changed into someone I never wanted to be and I believe I destroyed everything"

Him:" How this between us will turn out, I'm not sure right now, that's why I want to talk. I don't think you behaved like an idiot and I don't think, if something is destroyed, that this is your fault - I would`t even talk about fault. I don't want to state facts via writing ( I would never do that and I don't want to), that's why I won't say yes to your question. I really want to meet you. Like I said, I don't feel good about all that and I try to drink it down."

Me:" Okay, then the both of us are drinking it down separately. Take your time, in the meantime I am going to take my time too. I will still give you a good night kiss, because I like you and I don't want you to feel bad - when in doubt on the cheek."

Him:" That`s how we do it. I like you too ( and that is not the `giving the compliment back thing). I hope you will make it through the night with these informations. Of course you will get a kiss back - wherever you want to feel it (smiley)

After that I turned off my cell phone, drank red wine and cried myself to sleep. Now I am between feeling like I want to choke him and crying all the time.

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