I didn't want a commitment but now I do. Is it too late? How do I ask for it without scaring him off?

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Relationship

Please can you advise me what could be driving my behaviour If...

By runawaybride_2 | Mar 10 2016

Hi guys,

I am writing because I need advice for how to handle the predicament I am in. I am engaged, and have been in a relationship with my fiance for 3 years. We have a great time together, he is the sweetest and most considerate person in the world, he loves me and would do anything for me. Our families get along great and everything seems to be perfect. We have an exciting sex-life, albeit not as exciting as 2 years ago. We both have great careers and have the same future goals. The only area where we don't mesh is the fact that I'm a hopeless dreamer, someone who always wants to be fulfilled spiritually and who is always looking for inner peace, and can never find it. My fiance doesn't have that desire, and it's not something we talk about. After all, it's difficult to explain when I don't necessarily know what it is that I am searching for.

We are planning the last details for our wedding in a few months, and the closer the wedding date comes, the more terrified I am. I have found that talk of the wedding gives me knots in my stomach, makes me feel trapped and makes me lose attraction and devotion to my fiance. I have never cheated on him, but I have noticed that I've started noticing other guys more and I have a strong urge to be with someone else sexually and passionately, it's almost like I am planning how and with whom to do it. I can't get it out of my head, it consumes me and I have no idea how to bring it up to my fiance - or if I even should. He would be heartbroken. The idea of losing him and not being with him is equally as scary to me, if I ever saw him with another woman I would be heartbroken too.

I can easily imagine a life where we don't get married and where I am free to explore myself and what life has in store for me. I have a much harder time imaging myself as someone's wife, someone's mother and someone who has everything mapped out. But where we are currently; everything is planned and paid for, guests are invited to our destination wedding, and it seems like pulling it is impossible, and I don't even know if I want to.

I should say I am 29 years old, and this is the first really long relationship I've had. I've dated guys for longer periods, but never with the amount of commitment in my current relationship. I cry every day, and my fiance is noticing that I'm affected, but he thinks it's just wedding jitters and that everything will be fine. It might just be wedding jitters, I don't know. I used to be excited about our engagement, but I dread everything about it now. I don't want to be married, it feels like I'm walking voluntarily into a prison. But I also don't want to lose my fiance, whom I adore wholeheartedly.

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I'm not very active on the online dating scene but I met a guy on cougarlife.com and we hit it off right away. In fact, we were both totally caught off guard by how well we were getting along with similar interests, cultural background and personality traits. We met up within 2 days of connecting online. I was inititally hesitant since being a full-figured woman doesn't always translate into a successful first meeting. I made sure he knew what I looked like before we met so we shared pics (full length ones!) before meeting. Things went great on our 1st meeting and clearly we had a strong connection. He said multiple times that this is just casual, all fun and games...nothing serious etc. and I told him multiple times that I was on the same page! We had an intense makeout session before parting ways for the night. Later that night, we had a long sexually charged conversation and the same the next night. I suggested twice that he come over to my place so we can "hang out" . They were last minute but I felt that's the idea behind this...it's not a proper full-on dating -leading-to-commitment relationship.I knew what I wanted so a couple of days after this, I told him let's meet and have some ground rules for our little fling. Honestly, I was anxious to get things going or not...so we didn't waste our time....And here's the response I got:
" lol thats a long ass message. I felt bad after how we talked the first time we met. I might have gotten a bit drunk to say that stuff. Dont think Im a player :p I dont sleep around with a lot of women. Only some id actually click with . However I do find you a nice person. And I would lole to see you again. As for sex, lets not get into that for now. If it happens later, it happens.
hope you understand. And sorry if you feel I led you on. "

I responded to this saying glad we sorted this out now. He responded saying:
" yes. But dont take it the wrong way. Im not ignoring u or its not that i dont wanna see you at all. It would be nice to see you whenever we can."

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Would yo go half way for a first time meet up with someone from online?

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Texted

he and I have a mutual friend who put us in touch. At the...

By alejandrasaavedra | Apr 12 2015

Hi I've been talking to a guy from February but actually I do not know what he wants ...

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I know this is our first fight but I feel like this shouldn't be...

By hopelessromantic294 | Apr 09 2015

Red Flags everywhere or overanalyzing?

So I started dating this guy in January and he was everything I wanted and more. He was sweet and kind to me and was nothing like my ex. However, because Ive been hurt, I told him I wanted to take things slow before I committed myself to him. A month later he thought was the right time and then a month after that he told me he was in love with me while we were drunk one night at a party. He said how much he cared for me and tried to have sex with me that night when I told him before I want to take things slow. At the time I didn't think too much into it but now looking back I am so shocked. This past weekend we got in a huge fight and I haven't talked to him the past few days because when he gets angry, he gets angry. I saw him throw things and start screaming and swearing and that was a big turnoff. So incidently we got in a fight and he started acting really rude to me. The reason why we never really fought before was because he would always stop a conversation before it got too far. I also found out that he has been lying to me about smoking pot even after I had asked him to his face if he was doing it or not and he said no. So now I am doubting my trust. We were supposed to talk today but I haven't heard from him yet.

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I `ve kissed alot of frogs on Tinder. Figuratively speaking. But about two weeks ago I`ve met a guy on Tinder and the conversation went over several days before he asked me out for coffee. We went for coffee and he paid. He talked a lot about himself and seemed a bit nervous, but asked a lot questions too. We connected over common music interests and other common hobbies. Some hours later he went home with me and we hung out a couple of hours before he kissed me. Nothing more happened. When I drove him to the buss stop he asked me to come visit him. To weeks later I did. It was pretty early so he made us breakfast before we just hung out at his place. We talked about a trip he went on a year ago and he showed me some pictures from that trip and some family photos. That went on for about and hour before went out and he showed me around town. We made out when I was there, but nothing more happend. The day ended with him making us pancakes before I went home. When he made that batter for the pancakes he held me and kissed me while he was cooking. Before we said goodbye he said lets meet again sometime and update me on how school is going because I talked about a internship I was starting the following day. When I sat on the bus home I texted him and said thank you for today and that I love meet up again. One day has passed and no response. There was alot of sexual tension between us and I am bit afraid that this was just another hookup. I am not a big fan of the blurry lines between a hookup and a date. Was he just looking for the girlfriend experience for a day without further commitment? I am overthinking why he has not responded? Was this just another Tinder hookup? And above all will there be a third date? Tinders reputation as a hookup is really making me overanalyzing the situation. To clear to I am not looking for just a hookup.

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Hi,
I have been texting a guy for a week. He hasn't responded. We met 8 years ago in a college which I left and he stayed. We hooked up once six years ago. We lost contact then. I only got his number a week ago. I still feel a duck imprint bond towards him since he was my first. I want us to be friends again, we should only hook up if we are committed. How do I get him to respond and text me. Calling seems scary. Thanks.

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We've been sleeping together and hanging out for a few months . He says im the only girl he's with but he and also tells me right now his career consumes all and that he is not at a place in his life that he's ready for a comittment . Yet, we talk almost everyday and I believe the chemistry between is is stronger and more passionate than with anyone I've ever been with. What's going on with him? Is he scared? Is he telling the truth? Is there a chance he will ever commit??

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Well, he is a kind of fuck buddy. We live in differents cities....

By isobel_carolina | Mar 04 2015

He asked me to go with him to the wedding of his godfather. What does that means? it´s important rigtht? I really like him

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I've known this guy for 2 months now. He's met my parents and I've met his. The thing is I really like him and I'm ready for a relationship... I know he likes me too but I'm not sure how ready he is to be in a committed relationship.

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I see have to see this guy every summer who professed his love and I don't return it. What can I do?

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i think we will be a good thing, and looking forward to the future :) does he want a relationship, dating, etc?

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We were going out on a third date, but he canceled that same day with the excuse he was sick?

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knew this guy for a year..both going through divorces and respected each others space..he finally sent me the vibe and asked me out..the same day went on dated clicked well, we continued dating for 3 months getting along great, was even ready for us to introduce our kids into the mix..then he went cold having some personal issues..gave him plenty of space and he came back stronger, but it is alot of getting over our past damages..two years later we are still dating but still no commitment...

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Do you see any future between me and him ...

By angel_5 | Jan 08 2015

Its been a month that have been dating online a bipolar guy that just came out of rehab 4 months ago and he is been sober for 4 months and a half. We met online through a friend and we still didn't meet because he lives in a country that is 30 minutes far by plane from mine. He loves me since the first day we talked! I said to him it's so early how can u love me without even have seen me! Anyway little by little I started loving him too.
My family is very traditional and will never let me travel by myself to see him therefor he has to come here to see me. The problem is that he has some financial problems therefor he can't come for another month or two. Yesterday he got me very angry because he said if he doesn't see me he won't be in a relationship me and that he needs to stay away from
Many things he likes and he can't stay away also from
Other things he likes and he feels down bc he still didn't see me. Ok and that's logic but its been a month that he tells me he loves me every single day and that he sends me messages all day long and that he will do the maximum it takes to make it work. So we had a fight and I blocked him On facebook and thought it was over. This morning I found 10 messages from him that he couldn't sleep the whole night long that he is very sad and that it can't be over like this and that he is sorry and to please talk to
Him. I didn't feel like answering his FaceTime call but I answered his iMessages and said I was so upset at the things he said. He said he loves me and that I'm perfect and all he wants but that its so hard bc he didn't see me yet. I said ok but I don't see you are patient and you have ups and downs with me and I don't like that at all. I'm 29 years old
And had many heartbreaks in my life. I need stability and a man that doesn't have ups and downs. I want to make a family and want a man that will love me sooo much! I have alot to give. He said he will try all his best to come see me here.
Oh and today in the early morning while he couldn't sleep he took heroine for the first time in 4 months and a half because he told me that it makes him feel as if I'm there. And he wanted to commit suicide due to his family issues and because we had broken up. He has big family issues! He said it would of never been my fault if he commited suicide. He said he was sorry for wat he said that it was so painful to say those things.

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