By lalina | Apr 19 2015
I'm feeling calm and anxious. On one hand I want to be cynical, on the other I want to be hopeful. And I am both. A little bit of both. And also really chill. Like okay, I set my cards out, your turn. But what if they crumble around me. What do I do?
Now I'm Wondering
So I met a guy. A new guy. And we didn't hook up on the first date. And it was super hot. Way hotter than if we had hooked up. There was just the right amount of tension and chemistry. He wouldn't even let me get out of his car with all his blabbering and his challenge for me to find out a certain thing or two about him in due time. He said not to text though, because a short sentence or two spoils the magic but that I had his email and his phone number. He almost immediately emails me to tell me it was a pretty awesome night. And again to check if I got home okay. When I respond the next day he responds with one liners and I tell him not to spoil it just yet with emails that don't say anything. He obviously didn't respond to that. I've caught my thoughts wandering though. The way they always do. I can't say I've stopped them just in time because he could pop into my head tonight or tomorrow and I'll have a whole scrapbook about our eventual wedding in my head without even realizing. I just sent him an email asking if he would very much mind if we continued our correspondence and perhaps hung out again in the future. And he hasn't responded yet and I'm okay with that. Right now.
What I'm hoping is for some of you to slap me on the head with some truth.
I'm worried that I'll put him on a freaking pedestal without even getting to know him.
I'm worried that I'm focusing all the relentless power of my attentions on one particular guy too soon.
I'm worried that my mind is wandering to places BEFORE I EVEN KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH to be comfortable with stupid one sentence texts.
I'm worried that my cynicism will get the best of me.
I'm worried that this might turn into something.
I'm worried that I'm getting along too well with a stupid charming guy who's gonna sweep me off my feet and then crush my heart.
Oh damn, I think I need to go on a casual date with some other guy.
I'm really worried I have no idea how to set the pace and am going to let him steer whatever this may or may not be in some skewed direction without me having a say in it.