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I'm wondering if he loves me for real though, I feel like he does...

By lillywills | Nov 17 2015

I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years I love him to death and I know he loves me. Sometimes though I feel like he is not into me as much as I'm into him. He has a bad temper when he gets mad (which somehow he easily does) he calls me names like stupid and stuff, he used to throw things and push me but now has stopped. (Been 4 months since he has) . He's 23 and I'm turning 21 so I know we are young but I think I want to marry him and he does too but he wants to wait after law school. That would be four more years. I'm thinking at least maybe we should be engaged but he thinks he is too young. What does age have to do with it? I feel like he will not be ready even after law school. How can I know for sure he will marry me> He could meet someone else in school. Also he complains about how I rely on him emotional and he thinks it's too much. We have different views on a lot of things (we have a few things in common tho). I don't know what I'm trying to ask. Is it normal for a guy to behave this way? He's my first boyfriend. Also he treats me great when he is not mad/angry. Like cooks for me and says he loves me. He's just busy to not be texting so much and likes space. Is something wrong with me tho?

Now I'm Wondering

I'm wondering if he loves me for real though, I feel like he does but to some extent only...

2 Comments

sarajacobs

Top Commenter

17 Nov

No intended disrespect, but it sounds like you're more interested in marrying a timeline (e.g., "I'm thinking at least maybe we should be engaged...") rather than a person. He physically abuses you, calls you names, and you don't share common views on a lot of things—nothing you said about this man (boy?) makes him worthy of the title "husband," in my opinion. The way he treats you is contingent on his mood, which is not a good thing. I would've been gone after the first time he assaulted me. If you stay around for it, who's to say it won't happen again? And I believe you'll struggle more to leave him if he abuses you after you're married. I think you're on to something with him not being ready after law school. Just based on what you described, it sounds like he's controlling and manipulative—not to mention emotionally abusive. I think the "wait until law school is over" excuse is a ploy to get you to stay around longer. And then after law school, he may postpone yet again with "once I get a good job so I can pay off all this debt." (Mind you, this is all speculation.) Because really, if he makes you stick around until after law school, what has he got to lose? You're the one who's more eager to be engaged than he is, so he's the one in control (especially because he'll be proposing). You said he's your first boyfriend. Part of me wonders if you're staying with him because you're insecure/worried that you won't be able to find another boyfriend after him. Please let this one go so that someone better can come into your life. And if you're single for awhile? Well, there are plenty of worse things in life. Don't base your confidence on whether or not you're in a relationship. You are young, but even at your age, I feel like the right guy won't leave you wondering about when you'll get engaged or married because he'll realize how good you are and won't want to let you go.

sharongary_2

3 Sep

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