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I (20 y/o) met this amazing guy (24 y/o) on a social dating app...

By llirtcelc | Apr 21 2015

His actions are confusing me: he's so hot and so cold! Help!

Now I'm Wondering

I (20 y/o) met this amazing guy (24 y/o) on a social dating app about a month and a half ago and we hit it off great. He’s funny, cute and very charming. However, he told me something I considered red flag when I first met him: he told me he broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years only 5 months ago. When I asked if he still loved her, he also told me that he still did. Although I had as slight problem with it, I thought I was emotionally strong for a FWB-type of relationship with him but I was so wrong. We finally met about four weeks into getting to know each other. The chemistry between us was definitely there. We kissed all throughout the movie date and had an amazing dinner afterwards with much of the same, flirty talk and kissing that we both quickly grew accoustumed to. Soon after (like three days later), I ended up spending some time at his place and we had sex. This happened at the time because we were in the heat of the moment, so I happened to let my guard down. Now thinking back a week later, I’m starting to regret sleeping with him. I started off as a passive, cool and nonchalant girl when I first met him (defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt) and didn’t really expect much to grow between us but after that watershed moment, my feelings for him have grown for him tenfold! I grew too emotionally attached, too fast. I can’t get him out of my head since then; it was like a light switched and I started falling for him. I guess I expected much of the same for him but that doesn’t seem like the case. Some days, he’ll be so sweet and send me cute messages and invite me out to events with him but other times, his tone can be so cold and distant towards me. For instance, he told me to call him later on today “because I never take the initiative to call him”. Fast forward six hours later when I called and I can barely get out a “Hi” from him before he tells me in a cold/harsh way that he’ll call me later (even though I knew he wouldn’t). Like seriously, what gives???? Every time I think I’m over him, he just finds a way for me to fall back into liking him again! At this moment and time, I haven’t communicated these feelings I’m started to have for him because I’ve been playing it off cool like him. But in reality, I’m tired of feeling like some obsessed, overanalyzing, needy and desperate chick! I need your advice because this is seriously stressing me out as the days continue to pass. I want to go back to the way I was before I met him! Please help?
He's also still frequenting on Tinder and adding moments... Is this a sign?

6 Comments

llirtcelc

22 Apr

Wow, jhops, you delivered the cold, hard truth that I needed. Just reading your comment alone brought tears in my eyes not only because I'm so devastated that I've developed feelings for him but because all of what you said is TRUE and what I need to do in order to get my sanity back. It's going to be hard but that is the best solution. I think the dagger to it all happened today (a little after posting this post) when he said he would call me tonight but he never did. And yet he expects me to meet up with him tomorrow? Pfft, please. However, I don't want to suddenly go MIA... I'd rather give him a piece of mind before I leave. Any ideas on how I can construct a firm and reflective text so he knows how much his games hurt me, jhops?

bluesdetoi

Top Commenter

22 Apr

Sorry but the guy told you right off the bat that he was fresh out of a relationship and still loved his ex. You can blame yourself for your emotional involvement, because that statement from him screams that he is not going to give you anything emotionally heavy. He is looking for a distraction to deflect whatever he still feels for his ex. He probably to some extent notices how involved you are, and is trying to curb your feelings by keeping you at an arms length. I would leave him alone, maybe when he is in the mindframe to date it will be a different story, but this sounds like a recipe for failure to me.

jassy

4 May

I do not believe guys from dating apps. I had the same story with a guy (i met him in http://adultfriendfinder.com/go/g987201) Everything was so great! But it was not for a long time... After some time i found out that i was just one from 4 girls he met there.....

jassy

4 May

I do not believe guys from dating apps. I had the same story with a guy (i met him in http://adultfriendfinder.com/go/g987201) Everything was so great! But it was not for a long time... After some time i found out that i was just one from 4 girls he met there.....

daniellee5

13 May

Everyone confirms he loves his ex, but the reason can be another : he is afraid of new relationships, he is scared to suffer again. If I were you , I would call him and tried to meet, just to find out what's going on between us. I would do it for myself, just to be sure I must get rid of the feeling of obsession. I have some dating experience (OkC, https://kovla.com/datings/us/los-angeles-city-center/ ) and what I learned about people is that you never know what is hidden under one's skin, usually it differs a lot from what we see on the surface. Good luck!

marciaskepins

29 May

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