hammslice

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Imagine this. You meet someone and instantly hit it off. You have everything in common and finish each other's sentences. You text from the minute you wake up to the minute you fall asleep. You go park in a beach parking lot at night and just talk for a few hours about everything. He hugs you hello and goodbye when you see each other. And not some weak friend hug, he actually squeezes you. He says you can sleep in his bed when his roommate is gone and he will sleep on the couch. You have multiple late nights texting each other and suffer the consequences the next day but you still don't learn your lesson and do it all over again the next night. He tells you his day is better when he talks to you. He says your name in conversations to get a point across and you can't help but smile. He sincerely asks questions and remember what you tell him. But you aren't sure what your are because you haven't asked him about it and he doesn't bring it up.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he into you or did you just get friendzoned?

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giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

You don't mention how long you two have know each other. He sounds very friendly. I think you tried to read too deeply into his comment when he was clearly offering his bed but said he couldn't because his roommate was still home. There was no hidden meaning. Continue with the friendship and don't try to force anything to happen. Women get impatient and try to rush things along. Good luck!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

From what you said, he does seem interested, and seems every bit the gentleman. But I agree with @giggles. If you guys have just met, there is no need to rush it. Boy is interested alright, just pace yourself properly and not rush things. Take the time to get to know each other.

rox

Yeah you haven't mentioned how long you have known each other. Coz me as a guy would generally ask a girl out immeidately if I really like her. We guys are trained to profess our love immediately if we're really into the girl with such questions as "Will you be my girlfriend?"or "Can we be exclusive now?". Trust me, no matter how nice he is to you, if these are the subjects he's not bringing up then technically you're just on the friend zone.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Take your time. He seems interested, see where it goes and how he behaves.

hammslice

We've known each other almost 3 weeks now

jennymichele

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Dating for 3 months, spend weekends together and a few nights a week, lately started to not text as much and takes longer to respond, is he just more comfortable or losing interest?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he just too comfortable or losing interest!? Did he really forget to text back?

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giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

Nobody can answer your second question. Only he knows the answer to that. Trust your gut. If you feel like things are different, they probably are. Act accordingly. You called him out and now it's up to him to fix it. If he's pulling back, you should do the same. However, if it was just one time this happened you may be overreacting.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he's texting you less, but making more plans to spend time with you in person, I wouldn't be too worried. But if he's not making plans to see you or text, then you should have your answer there.

rox

did he ask SPECIFICALLY to be exclusive? avoid a textual relationship. it's always better to have these kind of conversations via phone or face-to-face

jennymichele

Thanks, he clarified today by saying he often doesn't reply as much if it doesn't seem like it's a question, and he reminded me we have been spending lots of time together, and he's not much of a small talk texter

jennymichele

Thanks

katrinaustraliaa93

Nobody "forgets" to text back someone that is important to them. & if they do, they make it up to them later by starting another conversation. It sounds to me like this guy is uninterested.

jennymichele

Well he's pulled back more, he lost his job and is having a hard time balancing dating low funds and a job hunt. I'm going to take my own advice and move on!!!!

lana_n

i don't care what excuse he has to give you, when you like someone you don't just forget to text them, if anything you reach out to them and let them know your doing something but he seems to careless. good luck, i wouldn't put up with him only talking to me when its convenient for him.

tiairabre

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We are together, but we haven't DTR (defined the relationship). This is my first relationship with a guy and I'm so antsy about offending him even though he doesn't get offended that easily. (I'm the green.)

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He kept texting me lol whatever or nvm. Did I piss him off because I really didn't understand him or I was just teasing? I really don't wanna mess this up

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justme_4

To be honest; he doesn't seem to be participating in the conversation and therefore I would guess that he isn't interested at all. However, you said that you guys are sort of together, so I don't know what to make of it. But you did absolutely nothing to offend him. Be more confident. Who would be offended by a comment about a teddybear?

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agree with the person who commented above. How old are you guys? Why talk about teddy bears? It sounded like you tried to flirt and he brushed you off. Are you sure you are in a r/s?

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

He didn't sound like he wanted to participate in the conversation. And you sounded pretty awkward trying to push the convo further. Slow down on the texting.

giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

If you haven't "defined" it yet, I wouldn't assume you're in a relationship. People who are in relationships have clearly defined what their status is. He didn't sound like he wanted to participate. I agree that you didn't say anything offensive. I also agree that you shouldn't force conversation. If you see the other person is giving one word responses, stop texting.

rox

i agree with giggleskdd, if it's not defined, then you're not together. it's either you're together or not - nothing in between. and you seem to be texting him more than the other way around.

hope_2

Getting responses like "lol" and "whatever" would usually be a sign to not text back until he texts you something that gives you a chance to share your opinion with him. No more dragging the conversation just so you guys don't have to stop talking

katelyn449

Well, I think you should wait it out a bit. See if those kind if texts keep happening. If he keeps acting uninterested in conversations confront him in person about it. And ask where you stand in your relationship. If he clarifies things, or makes it clear that you do mean a lot to him and apologizes then just see what you can so to improve your conversations. But if he brushes it off or seems annoyed about it then it probably isn't worth your time. He needs to comit.

beckybarbie

TBH, couldn't even follow that text convo that you tried to start. He's probably just confused and doesn't know how to respond.

sarahs_2

I think he was horny and alone and just thought he'd try to see if you would sext. Its happened to me before, when he realised you werent going to he could be bothered carrying on the conversation.

leila

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is it okay if the guy you're going out with isn't very affectionate? Like he's great in a million other ways and really sweet to me, but for example he won't hold me when we go to bed, even though I told him it's really important to me? Feel like it's a silly question but it really bothers me, and I think it's probably something that's important to most girls.

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rxbfan04

I don't think it's "ok" or "not ok", but if it's something that's very important to you than maybe he isn't the right guy for you. It's not that there's anything wrong with him for not being more affectionate, or anything wrong with you for wanting to be more affectionate, it's just sometimes people don't always match what they want. If it's something that he is willing to work on for you then that's great but if it's truly something that bothers you i'd take a look at whether you're willing to not have that to be in a relationship with this guy.

leila TOP COMMENTER

Thanks @rxbfan04! That was really helpful advice :-)

justme_4

Exactly what the other commenter said.

torirule

lily allen wrote a song about this problem called 'it's not fair'.

viotteflowers

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met him at a party and he asked for my number. He usually texts first and we have been talking for about a month now. He's a little shy and I don't think he's ever had a serious gf before. In addition to this text he says other sweet things. After I saw "TFIOS" he said we could have cried together. He also tells me to stop apologizing when I say I've fallen asleep.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm not very good into reading guys- I was just wondering what you think! Thank you so much!

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alissacrystal

He seems like a sweet guy. Although, it's been a month. Have you all hung out since the party? If he doesn't make moves soon, I'd say don't get your hopes up. Guys can be shy, but they gotta man up sometime. Otherwise, that whole "never had a serious gf" thing isn't going to change.

viotteflowers

Thank you! This is great advice!

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Funny!! He shouldve asked u out by now...pull back and see if he asks u out. Otherwise uve gained a texting buddy...

sarahy91

If you feel like he likes you or is somewhat interested in you, don't be afraid to make the first move. When dating shy guys, you should expect to take the initiative to ask him out and he'll open up eventually.

rox

Sorry he's not into you. if he's into you, he would've asked you in the first 1-2 weeks. He just wants a textmate.

viotteflowers

Thank you all!

selfirhode

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Former coworkers that slept together last year and have remained in a very unique friendship; he is still on and off with his ex and grieving over the passing of his dad some months back. I simultaneously love him like family and also think he's the most attractive human on the planet. Im a writer and he's an actor that just got unceremoneously let go from the show I work on. Ive lost my muse, workfriend and fear that he wont stay in contact with me.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Its been two weeks without contact since he was fired and I cried my eyes out to him on the phone. Yesterday he sent a txt asking how I am. I want to know whether he was only texting me to get work gossip and why he didnt reply to my last message? Do you think he really does want to catch up or is just trying to be polite?

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andreaashley182

Why is he comforting you when he was the one that lost his job? Shouldn't you be comforting him?

giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

You'll have to wait it out. If he comes up with a time and place, more than likely he wants to catch up. If he's not following up on HIS idea don't push it.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

He is in an on and off r/s with his GF. If he wanted to be with you, he would already. And if you have to wonder if he wants to catch up with you or is just using you for work gossip, it's not a good sign. Here, watch this video: http://youtu.be/kJuWoXxo-DE

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

It does seem like your more keen than him to be honest...

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I think he was jus being polite....I could be wrong, but thats the vibe I get....

rox

You guys already hooked and yet he didn't pursue anything... and still with his on/off GF. He said he wanted to catch up but didn't really specifically mention when or where. So he's just bookmarking you and just being polite

selfirhode

Thanks everyone. He hasn't contacted me since to follow anything up so you were all right...as usual! Thank the lord for all the helpful peeps on this site :)

awsugar

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I'm 25. My ex co-worker is 40. A few years ago at my old job we switched office locations. I ended up sitting literally right in front of him all day long -- our desks faced each other. Everyone in my office Skypes, in fact, when you're a new employee the boss tells you to add everyone on your Skype. We started talking more on Skype. Eventually we ended up talking after office hours on Skype. He did a lot of freelance work, so he would be online in the evenings. I have a lot of long distance friends, so I just happened to be online as well. Eventually it turned into texting. It all seems very harmless. We never discuss questionable topics. Nothing sexual or flirty. It's always jokes, links to interesting articles, discussions about movies, what his wife and kids are doing. (Slumber parties, recitals, Halloween decorating, etc.) I probably talk to him just as much if not more than I talk to my best girlfriend. At this point, we know a lot about each other and have a lot in common.

About two months ago I switched jobs.

He still texts me every day and we talk on Facebook all the time. Plus, we've scheduled a lunch for next week.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is it weird that he still texts me? Is it unacceptable to go to lunch with him?
Basically: Is he into me or does he just genuinely want to be my friend? Am I overanalyzing this because of our age difference and all the cliche "middle aged man twenty something girl" stories? Or am I right to feel a little uncomfortable?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

If you're uncomfortable, then don't go. No one is pointing a gun at your head. And no idea if he wants to be your friend or he is into you. But he's married WITH KIDS, tread carefully.

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

40 year old guys do not want to be friends with 20 year old girls or go on platonic lunch dates with them... Don't be naive

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

I think its very odd for a 40 yr old man with wife and kids to be texting a 25 yr old daily....doesnt sound good....id let it fade off....

ilovezsparkles97_2

I would try to back off. Not only does he have a wife, but I'm sure she wouldn't like that her husband texts a younger woman every day and goes on dates with her.

libbythomas

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hey! I met this guy a few weeks ago and he's really wonderful. Funny, smart, caring, confident, talented, cute, and even gets along really well with my family. I don't have much dating experience (21, my only other bf turned out to be gay) so I'm pretty fresh at this. Anyway, he kissed me the other night (semi-make out?) and I felt so uncomfortable. I feel sick when I'm holding hands with him, or cuddling/kissing him. If I know we're hanging out with no expectation of anything physical, I feel fine, but as soon as I think he's expecting that, I freak out. We talked and he said he wants to date me, but respects that I don't know how I feel yet. He's so perfect, I can't understand why I feel this way.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I feeling nervous because I don't want to date him (no spark, just not a good personality fit for some insane reason) or just because I'm inexperienced? Should I try to push through how horrible I feel, or is that unfairly awkward to both of us?

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rxbfan04

you should NEVER do anything that makes you feel that uncomfortable, even if you think it seems unreasonable to you. if you want the honest truth, i think you should look into therapy. i do not mean that as a diss or an insult, i just feel that if this is something you think is inhibiting your ability to do the things you want then it couldn't hurt talking to someone. they'll be able to better figure out what the root of your problems are and can help you work through them. i am in therapy and i can say it has helped me more than i ever thought it would. best of luck!

ad93

From experience, I can tell you that he probably just isn't the right guy for you. I also have very little experience with dating (also 21 here) and the first couple of guys I dated physically, I was the same way. I hated kissing them and felt awkward and bored cuddling with them but I met a guy a couple months ago where it was completely different. I actually liked when he would want to hold hands and not only felt comfortable kissing him, but actually found myself wanting to. I don't really think it has anything to do with experience, considering before him I had only kissed three other guys and dreaded when they would want to make out, but more about how you feel. If you want to continue trying to make it work, that's completely up to you but from my experience, if it's not there it's just not there. I once dated a guy for almost 3 months, hoping that at some point I would actually enjoy kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc. as much as he did, but it never happened.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Just because someone is great, doesnt mean you will develop feelings for thm.

darlabrown

How could you date someone who makes you feel sick and uncomfortable? That's not being fair to him either.

sarajacobs

You may be psyching yourself out with your inexperience and that may be a barrier that is preventing you from enjoying a kiss with him. I speak from experience. I had my first kiss 2.5 years ago in my late 20s. I didn't tell the guy that it was my first kiss, and it was a bad first kiss. Long story short, up until March of this year, I had been carrying around the "shame" that I wasn't a good kisser. I didn't know how to resolve this issue when dating other guys (e.g., Do I tell a guy early on when we're dating before he gets the chance to know the real me? Do I tell him right before we kiss? Do I keep quiet and let him figure out that something's up because I'm not a good kisser?) The kiss I had in March was amazing and it came so naturally to me. I then concluded that my first kiss may have been bad because I didn't know what I was doing, but chances are he wasn't a good kisser either. Just some food for thought. Oh, and any guy worth keeping around is going to be willing to move at your pace and respect your boundaries.

dapperflapper

What sarajacobs said

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

No, dont push past ur uncomfortable feeling. Maybe some counseling could help? Sounds like some past experiences may be to blame for wats going on.

inspired12

Some ppl have elaborate answers but simply out you are not into him sexually... That's OK! I have had this happen and it is ok to not have those kinds of pulls you aren't attracted to every nice guy.. Just make sure it's because you aren't into him sexually and not grossed out by how nice he treats you. Don't lead him on if you decide it isn't a good fit

ilovezsparkles97_2

Tell him you just want to focus on being friends for now. If you start to develop feelings for him, then great. If not, then you have yourself a great guy friend

chloe_3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hi everyone, the other day, I met a boy, Toby (friend with a friend of mine). We were a group of 8 girls and two boys. After one hour, it appears clearly to me he was closer to me than to the other girls. At the end of the day, my friend proposed to us to go to a nightclub the next day. We say yes, and when we arrived at the nightclub, my friend told me Toby was into me. We danced together, I have been drinking but not him. When he had to leave, I was going to catch up my friend but he held me back by the waist, and kissed me. After that, he disappeared...
Few days later, I added him on Facebook, and now we've just started to talk friendly about the nightclub and music (but not the kiss).

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Now I'm lost, I really want to see him again but I don't know if he just wanted to hook up with me... It seems bizarre to me because he wasn't drunk at all, so yay I'm wondering about what I should do ... I don't dare to ask him about the kiss because I would be very ashamed if it was nothing important for him...

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martinmosher

From a mans perspective, he is into you, but unsure if you are into him. Looking for affirmation

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Just keep doing wat ur doing...show interest and hopefully he should ask u out...good luck!!

rachel1123

If he's still talking to you then idt he was taking advantage of your drunkness. I think he's interested. Just drop hints about hanging out, just the two of you and see how he responds

chloe_3

yes I'm interested by him of course :)

chloe_3

thx for everything

rox

sorry he already lost interest when you added him on facebook. You should let him add you first. Did he ask you out already? If not, then he's not into you.

ilovezsparkles97_2

Or just ask him why he kissed you... So a guy kissed you and you don't know what it meant. No need to be ashamed for wanting to know why!

roseymoon3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've just become friends with this guy who is a friend of my good friend. He's very sweet and fun to talk to. He's flirtatious with me as well but I don't know him that well. He sent me this one evening and I'm kind of concerned about 2 things: is this a joke or is he serious? And is this a bit too much to tell someone so soon?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Creepy? Nice? Too much? I'm reconsidering his sobriety while writing this but... Thoughts?

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camacae

It doesn't sound like a joke. Maybe it's just his way of trying to tell you he likes you? Or maybe he's just a bit weird and creepy! My advice would be to see how he makes you feel when you're together. If he gives you the creeps a bit then steer clear, but if you think he's just nice and a bit goofy then great. Trust your instincts.

giggleskdd

I think it's creepy and definitely too much. If you feel creeped out in a text do not hangout with him.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

If u hardly know him its too much....

fractalpatterns

I agree with the other commenters. Approach this one with caution...if I were you, I'd either not reply or I'd say something like "I'm flattered that you think so highly of me, but I honestly don't know you very well and you know me very well, either. This made me feel a little uncomfortable and I'd appreciate it if you gave me some space for a while so I can figure things out."

kattyz

I agree - that is creepy, and definitely too much to tell someone so soon.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Everything is relative, isn't it? If you fancied the guy, this would be massively sweet, if you don't, then this is creepy.

tata

I say if he loves you take a chance

jazzfishy

Seems like the idea was nice but the text came out awkward and a little creepy... Be wary, but dont write him off completely if this seems out of the ordinary for him.

rox

too much. but i would suggest not responding to it. wait for him to call..

ilovezsparkles97_2

I don't know, I personally just think he's trying to be honest and it's just coming out in a way that could make it sound creepy to some people. Maybe he's just really thankful for your friendship and that's his way of putting it into words

laidbackluke

It wouldn't be creepy if you liked him back. Obv u don't, this was too soon, rookie mistake. You should probably date him but you wont, cause he doesn't give you tingles.

miserella4

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I got a job last September, and we opened a new, bigger store in April, which brought along plenty of new people. One of those people happened to be a guy who was pretty cute and also my new manager (ten years older than me, with a girlfriend). So as we got to know each other, we started being more.. flirtatious with each other. He made comments about me being on my knees, I made comments about him being a sadist yadda yadda yadda. Harmless stuff, it never went anywhere past work. Then he started brushing up against me and he would always stand really close to me. Like I had no personal space; move a fraction of an inch and we would be touching. It continued on like that for a while, and it started to be an on and off thing. He either flirted or he didn't. We'd have these little things like me owing him favors (I'm not entirely sure how to explain that, but it wasn't your normal "let me borrow five bucks" favors), him lending me his jacket and putting it on me, and him supposed to enlighten me on the true definition of the "f" word, since I apparently overuse it and it lost its true meaning. Eventually it led to us exchanging snap chat names. Lame, I know. And it kept being on and off. Up until recently, we didn't talk as much, his girlfriend started coming in to visit him a lot and I just lost interest. I also felt shitty for flirting with a taken guy. This brings us to last week. I got drunk with some friends and snap chatted him. I don't remember what was said, but we snapped each other all night. The next day we worked together and the flirtation fell back into place. That night he snapchatted me first, and this time he was drinking. He asked me to come pick him up from a bar, to which I declined. (Isn't that what his girlfriend is for?) He ended up giving me his number via snap chat, and I fell asleep texting him telling him to find a different ride. Work the next day was fine, and we snapped each other that night but nothing else came of it. Then for about two days he texted me (sober) like a normal person. We worked and flirted and then two nights ago he drunk texts me again and asks me to do shots with him and to come party with him and his friends. I again said no because I had work at 7 the next morning and I've done the whole coming in to work drunk/hungover thing and I'm not a big fan. And now I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's still with his girlfriend. I don't know if it's just a friendly thing. I don't know if he just wants some ass.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So what are his motives?

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annastasia0207

It sounds like he's interested in you but honestly, it doesn't mean anything until his breaks up with his girlfriend. If he's broken up with his girlfriend, then go for it! But if he hasn't, it means that he's continuing to choose his girlfriend over you and just wants you around for what he thinks is harmless fun. If you have a guilty conscience about flirting with a taken guy then end it now and let him know you don't feel comfortable with the escalation in flirtation while his has a girlfriend.

anadventuretolove

It honestly seems like he's interested but in ass not a real relationship because he has that. He might just like attention

pluto

You have no idea what he wants because it's all been done over snapchat. See if he has a real life conversation with you, it could be he's just window shopping...

giggleskdd

Yeah he sounds like a great guy. Listen, I wouldn't waste a minute trying to figure out his motives. I think he's just flirting but either way he has a girlfriend and he's being disrespectful to her. If he does make a move I would think long and hard about going there with him.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Alterior motives. Def not good. U should stop the flirty thing cuz then life will make more sense, ya know? When we entertain theze type of things then we cant grow....

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he brushes up against you at work, that's sexual harassment. Reasons for you not to pursue this: One, he is your manager whom you report to. Two, he has a gf. Three, invitation to hang out after 10pm usually means BOOTY CALL. Time to give this guy the boot.

miserella4

Lol so here's an update: I texted him last night just to see what the conversation would be like and he didn't respond for about three and a half hours. When he did respond though it was "What's up? Sorry I didn't see your text. I was watching a movie with my girl." Lol. Awesome. So he's still with this girl, yet he's texting me to come do shots and pick him up from bars. Eff this.

jazzfishy

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. Don't get involved, this kind of thing never ends well.

rachel1123

He has a gf and is being inappropriate with you and crossing boundaries. Who's to say that if he breaks up with his gf and starts dating you, he won't do the exact same thing. And do you really wanna be the reason they break up?! I say tell him things need to be strictly professional out of respect for his gf

rox

if you ask me right now if he's interested in YOU or just a hookup, what do you think I would answer? The guy knows that you know that he has a girlfriend and yet you still continue to flirt with him so it lessens your value (to him). Again, what do you think is the answer to my prior question?

flyyingflamingos

HERE'S THE DEAL...

My ex broke up with me about a year ago after being friends since 6th grade, in an official relationship for 2yrs and engaged for one. His reasoning seemed something like he felt like the relationship has "run it's course" and that he didnt think things between us would change. Long story short, I asked him to reconsider which he said he would but he was really leading me on so he wouldn't hurt me. Instead of "working on the relationship" like he said he would do, he ended up leaving me for a girl who he was friends with while we were together. I was so hurt and it took me a while to get past because we were also engaged. He was still telling people he loved me and was awfully concerned about the guy I was talking to at the time. I was confused because I wanted to know why he would still be even mentioning me to other people if he was happily in a new relationship?... fast forward to now: he ended up proposing to the girl hes with -_-. Hes 19 by the way and when I found out, it made me question our previous relationship. He called me about 6months ago out of the blue, I suppose to see how I was doing and then recently he started following me on instagram. I accepted his request but didnt follow back. Then he started trying to communicate with me through ask.fm. he first, he brouvht up an inside joke that we used to laugh about in niddle school (even though ask.fm is anonymous I immediately knew it was him.) Then, I startrd getting questions like "are you in love" which im sure it was him because that's a pretty personal question to ask. Then he asked if "there will be reconciliation in our future." I played dumb just to see if he'd finally reveal himself. He said "would you reconcile with the 'ring holder' friendship wise" then he direct messaged me on instagram with a screenshot of the questions he'd ask and captioned it "friendly reconcile " I was quite shocked and confused.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why on earth would he be trying to be friends after 1yr has passed. I could see if we didnt end on bad terms but this isnt the case. Also, if he is engaged, why would he think this is appropriate given his situation. Why is he even still thinking about having me in his life if hes truly happy with his so called "fiancé"? What do you think his intentions are? Could he be plotting?

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rxbfan04

this may be the most obvious statement i have ever made, but guys are weird. I would drop him like a moldy piece of bread if i were you but I totally understand that with history there it's not that easy. There are plenty of other men out there who won't treat you like an option. Don't waste your breath on this guy.

flyyingflamingos

I agree. I told him that I didn't want to be friends. Im over him but I think its ridiculous that he'd even have the audacity to think I'd accept a "friendship" with someone who is engaged to a girl he left me for. I just wanna know what his intentions could be.

reallynow43

He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and is just seeking options. Don't be an option for him, he had his chance.

giggleskdd

Sometimes it does no good to try to figure out what someone intentions are. Clearly his intentions are not good and he's hoping for a outcome to suit him not you. So there I solved it for you; his intentions are purely selfish and it doesn't sound like he cares about you or this new girl. It's good you've moved on. I wouldn't waste another brain cell thinking about him. Good luck!

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

He sounds like an immature mess. He is somebody else's problem now.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

Who knows wat hes thinking, but he sounds flaky. I wouldnt reconsider, esp since he hurt u. Ur worth more...

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He always thinks he can get a better girl. Play him at his own game. Block and delete him off everything - Instagram, FB, phone...You'll be the girl that got away. And he'll never know why. Don't let him have the satisfaction of your reply and knowing he got you hooked.

flyyingflamingos

He didnt cheat on me though.

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like you are hoping he wants you back. Im not sure that's his intention though. He mentions 'friends' and 'friendly reconciliation'. If he wanted you back wouldn't he be more upfront about it? Maybe he's feeling guilty and regrets losing your friendship. Sounds like you guys were friends for a long time before you were an item. Also men hate feeling bad about themselves. Anyway it doesn't sound like there's any future for you guys. And what is he playing at getting engaged twice before he's 20! He's too young and he doesn't know what he wants. I wouldn't keep in contact if I were you. It will make it harder to move on.

bigsliceoflemon

He's 19 and been engaged twice?? He is immature, young and definitely worth avoiding! It sounds like he needs to grow up a lot before he starts 'proposing' to girls! I would avoid him, don't reply, don't acknowledge his questions or messages, you don't want him in your life as he will just hurt you again.

flyyingflamingos

@emilyrose No. it doesn't sound like im "hoping" for anything. So that's where you are wrong:). I never specifically said anything about getting back together, so im curious to know where you got this bright idea from, seeming as though there are no feelings left on my end and if there were, this would have been said. LOL. Furthermore, that would run across the mind of ANY ex who gets a random message from an old flame. What substantial reason would he be reaching out to me if he is "committed" and why would he think I'd be okay will being friends while he is in a new relationship? Those ask.fm questions about whether I was "in love" were pretty suspect as well. Someone who just wants to be "friends" wouldn't aak all that. Im just saying thats common sense. Im not saying he's dying to get back with me, I just personally feel like he still has some sort of feelings.

itjustme

My ex does that. He broke up with me for his "friend girl" I knew there were something between them two but anyways, he does sound like he can't make up his mind. He want you there for back up plan and he also want current his gf. I know what's he thinking I been there with my ex. He's taking advantage of playing with your minds. So it's best to let him be and leave him alone. Don't have contact with him. AT ALL.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

LOL! You're that annoying girl who kept telling everyone off because they said a guy wasn't into you, and blamed them for not reading/analysing properly when you can't explain things properly. The illiterate one that @lilliekins said she will pantomime for!

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

So if you're not happy with other people comments/guesses on your question, why don't you ask him directly? Problems solved.

flyyingflamingos

Haha idk what you're talking about but clearly you're a little pest for even wasting time out of your life that you cant get back to comment on this post and I dont even known you. I didn't even waste my time reading the rest of your pathetic comment because clearly you're corny. Lol

flyyingflamingos

Its not that I'm "unsatisfied" with what is being said but I think its silly to assume that im dying for him to want me back, like seriously? Thats all you can come up with? LOL. What a travesty....

flyyingflamingos

And if you are bothered sooo much @jhops why would you even be looking at my question. Sounds like you should find an agenda to tend to seeming as though this website and the people on it are your only excuse for having a life. LOL. You shouldn't bother replying either, it would only make you look salty. Cheers!

annastasia0207

Your attitude is really unnecessary. Don't be so rude to people who are just trying to help.

flyyingflamingos

The extra commentary and insults are unnecessary. Period.

annastasia0207

In regards to the attitude, I was referring to all sour attitudes on this site. There's no need to make someone feel like shit about themselves, simply because they want open advice..and if you don't like the advice, stop asking for it.

lia TOP COMMENTER

Some people can't let go of past loves, especially in a relationship that lasted so long. This guy clearly doesn't know what he wants, and you're a "sure thing", in the sense that he knows what he gets and doesn't get with you, and whenever things go wrong for him with other girls, he'll be thinking of you. That's no "feelings", that's just selfishness and fear to be alone. If you really have moved on, as you say you have, don't put yourself in any position that might get in the way of that. And like someone said, engaged twice at 19 just proves he doesn't know what he's doing.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

@flyyingflamingos Me? I'm not real, darling. I'm a bot. My agenda is to help, which was what my first comment was. You however, your agenda to be nasty to everyone seems to rub off on the Internet. I remember a brat when I see one. You've used this nick on your other post to reply to someone/bash someone by mistake. That's how I noticed you have multiple accounts. I happen to have a very good memory, darling. Don't play dumb and don't tell lies. It's unbecoming. The way you lashed out at @emilyrose jogged my memory. How many accounts do you have, troll? Seems like you need to find time doing something constructive with your life, darling. My comment was not rude. You ARE annoying. They are girls with real problems, and have a better attitude than you. Maybe English isn't your first language, but your English is really hard to read. No one's fault if no one knows what you're blabbering on about. #sorrynotsorry

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Also, if you are rude, don't expect others to be nice. Respect goes both ways. If you were not mean to @emilyrose, I wouldn't have noticed your nick and remember who you are. Am I sorry I blew your cover? Hell no.

flyyingflamingos

LOL @jhops and yet you STILL reply with such great lengths! Save the essay for a dissertation because I refuse! Lol you're quite the entertainer in any event...

flyyingflamingos

@lia great advice. I definitely declined his "offer of friendship" I was just curious. As far as the selfishness, this definetely applies to him I am just confused at why he is anonymously asking personal questions like if im "in love" if he dosent have feelings. We had been through a lot which I havent mentioned on the site. I was his first longterm relationship so Im kinda not suprised he is still thinking of me

giggleskdd

I don't understand why people ask strangers for advice and get mad when said strangers (who don't know the whole back story) don't give them the response they want. Here's a novel idea.... wait for it.... wait for it... ask the flipping guy you have the issue with. That way you won't have a bitch fit because people didn't answer in the manner you wanted. You know why men get back in contact with certain women? Come closer sweetie and I'll enlighten you. They do it because they think they can and certain weak women will get all excited and think yay they came crawling back to me. When in reality he knows that he can always come back and treat you in whatever way he wants. It's as simple as that. Men get back in contact to test the waters. I wouldn't give anybody like that the time of day. Better off without them.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

@giggles Ignore him/her/it. This is a troll account. :)

flyyingflamingos

@giggles I dont understand why people get annoyed/confused yet STILL proceed to comment. And if you didnt know, im not interesred in your snoozefest novel! You're dismissed and @jhops damn you've done it again. Just CANT let go. Sweetie, if you had even a fragment of a life why would yoiu even be addressing a troll? Uggh what does that even make you like a dwarf. Bless your heart but remember you should consider getting your shit together seeming as though you commented on MY post, so I should be doing the ignoring! You're a joke, I can't even....

flyyingflamingos

And for the record the only thing I DISLIKED about the "advice" is that @emilyrose would assume that it "sounds like I want him back" like seriously? That had nothing to do with the question I asked and it also wasnt backed by any logical evidence because I never said anything that would allude to that. So I didn't like this assumption. Then, these meer cats decided to jump on my post and further assume I was dissatisfied with the advice, as if they know everything. LOL. Im not the only person this has been happened to on this site. So maybe it is you @jhops who is upset at the fact that im being honest about what im saying and you continue to respond insultingly.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

At least I only have ONE account. ;) Troll.

flyyingflamingos

I only have ONE account also. Ha! Seems like you have me confused for one of your imaginary friends you probably stalk on here. Delusional sponge brained dwarf. Why do you insist on replying anyway. Awe you must be bothered... little obsessed much. Gross.....you clearly take pleasure in arguing over the Internet. Im done. So long peasant. You can go back to your hut now;)

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

He may be looking for a side piece, especially if he smells desperation.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Liar, liar, pants on fire. You know the truth. You deleted your other post. I know a liar when I see one. Which is why you reply when you say you don't read my replies. Lol.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Cupcake!

flyyingflamingos

If I deleted the post wouldnt that mean it's from the SAME account then? Fucking loser. Lol. What a waste of existence. (Sigh.) I really have you upset!

flyyingflamingos

And how am I desperate...but he REQUESTED to follow me and didnt get a follow back? If anything HE is desperate. In any event, I know for a fact that hes not the "sidepiece" kind of guy. YOU probably have been a sidepiece so you would know! Bitch you're dumb as fuck! Lmao. @lilliekins or whatever tf your name is. Girl bye, use your head for more than a hat rack!

flyyingflamingos

And I said I read the FIRST sentence of those long ass stories you wrote, NOT the whole thing. Dumbass. But I suppose you've never heard of skimming through something before. LOL. Still dosent change the fact that your feelings are hurt and you have nothing better to do but be on this site. Ok really bye now dwarves! Llf!

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Ahahahaha!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You posted that post using another handle about a guy insisting he likes you, but all the signs say NO. Then you went on like a dog on rampage on someone using this handle in the comments section to reply/scold someone for not reading properly. That's how you bitched slapped yourself. Then you deleted that post. You stupid or what? LIAR!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You are so full of BS. Ever wonder why your ex dumped you and left you for another girl? Think about it. DRAMA QUEEN.

pluto

he's not ready to marry anybody

rox

He's not into you. Forget him. Ever heard of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That's exactly what's he's doing. he knows you're still crazy in love with him. That's why he's leading you on. Again forget him.

badidea

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hi and thanks for taking the time to read my problem.
I am 33 and am an alcoholic. The individual in this issue is also a user.
It directly relates to my story. I met him one night as he had no where to go as his girlfriend kicked him out as she doesn't allow him to use. We slept together and I allow him to do whatever he wants after all who am I to judge.
He continually talks about her and one day he just went back. This cycle keeps repeating itself. She kicks him out, I take him back, he leaves. I can't say no to him. I'm in live with him and having a drug problem does not make you a bad person. I recently found out while he was away he wrote to her everyday pages of letters. He says he hates her and she's crazy and he's using her so why write letters and keep going back when he can stay here. He left again and said he's not going back this time. He's also trying to get better.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I believe him or will he go back to her? Is he still in love with her?
Please no rude comments about our issues. Life is hard enough as it is.

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xerot1

Sorry to say, but you need to move on. Guy going to keep going back to her like a lost puppy. His only using you.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Please find the strength to move on and focus on getting better for yourself. I have been in a relationship with an addict, and while he was not a bad person, he was a sick person who did bad things, and I didn’t deserve that. Neither do you, no matter what you are going through. There’s no way to have a healthy relationship while he and you are struggling with addiction - these cycles that he gets into will continue to repeat despite his best intentions. Even if he and you both get into recovery, it’s going to be very very hard to have a relationship while you are working on getting clean.

Make yourself the priority. You absolutely deserve it. I’m guessing you’ve had a tough life, but things will get better if you make the choice. Your question is much more complicated than others on this site because of the addiction aspect... so if you haven’t gone to AA or NA or Alanon yet, I strongly urge you to take that step. Even if for just one meeting, I think telling your story to the people there will be more beneficial than posting on this site. Things will get better.

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

No, uve done way more than enuf for this guy. Hes using u plain and simple, like users do. U r worth more. Just because u profess to be an alcoholic doesnt mean u have to be doomed to people who use u. Id also say u have a codependency problem as well. U no, uve taking the biggest first step. U admitted u have a problem. U can get help! U have an abundant happy life awaiting u. Sure everyone has problems in life, but wen u get help, life gets easier and better. U can do it. Ive seen many people come out on top. Heck, look at Robert Downey Jr! !! If he can get clean, so can u. I believe u can have a better life. U should too. U can do it!!! :) ;)

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Who are you to judge? You are a person. You have values. Therefore you judge. Now, I don't want to sound critical, but this is for your own good. This relationship is toxic for you. He leaves you, comes back, leaves you, come back. Rinse, repeat, lather. Not everything good for you needs to be an addiction - be it a substance or a person. It seems like both of you are both guilty of that. It should not be like this. You need to be the source of your happiness. You have to be happy to be happy in a relationship. Not rely on someone/something to make you happy for a quick moment. It's not going to work. Try to focus on getting better and get help. Sober up. This is your life, you own it. No one else but you can straighten it up. Good luck, I hope you pull through, and will root for you.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This is an unhealthy relationship for you. You are not responsible for his actions, but you are responsible for your decisions.

emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

It seems clear that he is just using you when he has no place to stay. As others have said you probably need to focus on yourself right now.

rox

Ever heard of what guys call a "bottom bitch"? The girl who will just take whatever is being handed to her and always the one who picks up the pieces but the kind of girl you will never really get serious with? I'm not trying to sound rude but that's what how he sees you. You know for yourself that that's not the kind of relationship that you want and you deserve better but you still stayed because it's better having him than having no one. Get out of it while you still can.

lostinlove_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy at a university in France where he was a student for one semester. He went back to his home in Germany once the semester was over but we still keep in touch through messaging. We communicate very well with each other and I have started to develop feelings for him. I'm not sure if he feels the same way, so I asked him if he was seeing anyone to get a better idea.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

By his reply, it seems as though he's friendzoning me and letting me down easy. Is that the case? The only other thing I can think of is that he may also like me back but isn't going to make a move unless he's sure. I just don't really know what to think with an answer like that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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emilyrose TOP COMMENTER

I'm not sure if he likes you or not - but realistically where is this going to go? Since I'm assuming you live in different countries?

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Germans are extremely practical and romantic. He seems to be open and honest with you, that's a good start. How far is the distance between you?

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

If he were truly interested in dating you, he would've this question first. If Germans are practical, like lillikins says, I think that if he really wanted to date you, he would've asked. I think you are hoping and pushing for something that's not going to go anywhere. What about guys right here in your neck of the woods?

lostinlove_2

@emilyrose Realistically, I think it's probably not going to go anywhere. But at the moment, I'm in France and he's in Germany. I may or may not at some point over the next year be in Germany (for academic reasons).

lostinlove_2

@lilliekins I'm currently residing in France and he's in Germany, so not too far for now at least.

lostinlove_2

@preferphonecalls I agree. Here in my neck of the woods, I've found a few options, but they didn't feel the same way.

itjustme

In the end he never gave you the answer if he seeing anyone or not.

steph_143

I'm sorry but I honestly don't think he's interested if he is, he definitely doesn't know how to show it.

thisgirlnamedirenee

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I have the same boyfriend as last time still the one I had problems with... I sent him 5 paragraphs of how I feel about him & he gives me 3 words & when I tried to call him he texted me " don't call " ... Then I said Okayy.... And he hasn't answered me back... Is this normal ? Did I do these 5 paragraphs for nothing ?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Help?

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confused_8

Sorry honey :( I don't think pouring your heart out really got his attention!!! Maybe he's just a little freaked out; give him some time to realize how wonderful you are :)

thisgirlnamedirenee

Okayy

ever42

Give him some time ... you poored your feelings and your heart, he has to think. Dont warry, he will answer if his feelings are the same. and about his reply ... many guys reply with VERY short sentences, or with one word ... they are like that. We write novels ... they just .. write two or three words. Men should be judged by actions but not the amount of words they write ;-)

thisgirlnamedirenee

We'll he never responded about it .. I asked him if he read it & he said " yeah yeah yeah.. I read it " as if he was annoyed or as if he was trying to shut me up

ever42

Meet him and don't read too much into it

jazzfishy

GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Dump him. He doesn't care how you feel. And ,"don't call"? Seriously???

gitreel TOP COMMENTER

"Dont call" ???? Wat a serious loser!!! Dump him! Please!!

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

"Don't call" to me means he's not alone.

crashintome91

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about this one. If he only responded 3 words and said don't call that might mean that he is busy. Maybe he is helping someone out or working on something that requires his full attention. Men don't view texting the same way that women do. I would just let him get back to you when he can and there may be a perfectly logical explanation for this.

rox

If I'm this guy, I would freak out. My gf is not this needy. She doesn't text me at all and I like calling her a lot. Texts are just for logistics or for confirming something. This type of conversation should be done face-to-face or thru a phone call. If I'm the guy, I would immediately run.. no offense

hope_2

He should of at least followed up the rude "don't call" text with an excuse like "sorry I was in the movie theatre" or something like that explaining why he didnt want you to call him. I don't like this guy he seems like an asshole

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