honeypiesugar

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I've been dating this guy for 6 months, and 3 months ago he asked me to be his gf, and I said yes at that point because I didn't knew he was drinking that much. We met through a friend and entered into the relationship with clear intentions; that we wanted to get married and have kids (I don't come from a western culture, this is very common). Now I've slowly realized that he's the parting/drinking type (which is fine) but I'm super religious. I don't drink, never had sex, never done drugs etc. (you know all that) and his drinking is slowly getting to me. I feel sick to my stomach not for what he does (that's his life) but because I feel I'm compromising my values and everything I've learned from my upbringing. Talking doesn't work with this guy. We had an argument a couple of weeks ago, and I told him that I don't like him drinking and I tried to talk logically instead of feelings and then a week later he suddenly told me that he went to church. Obviously he's lying and instead of trying to make an effort to change, he's "covering his tracks" - which is the trigger point for me.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do I break up with him? I really need some advise, and I have been crying a little, because I can't figure out what to do?

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

You obviously don't like him drinking and partying. He's probably not going to stop for you from the sounds of it. I personally don't see how that is bad unless he is an alcoholic, they are worse vices out there. I can't decide what your deal breaker is, you have to decide that yourself. If you have such strong opinions on him drinking, it's best you cut your losses, break up and find someone who share your values and religion.

honeypiesugar TOP COMMENTER

As I said in my post, I do not judge him for his life style, but I judge him for not standing up for himself and his life style. It irritates me that he feels he has to hide (as if I'm stupid enough to believe) instead of telling me that he likes to drink and that I should respect that. In that case I would respect his wish and cut all ties and move on. Right now I feel he wants the "best from both worlds" and because I'm unable to reach him (because he rather wants to lie than stand up for himself) I stand in this position and have to make a decision based on this. :/

inspired12

It seems like he is hiding it because you may come off to him like anti drinking and like drinking means he's a bad person. If he drinks occasionally and has fun that is fine but if it's a real problem with your values you can easily find a guy who is aligned with your values and is more like you in that way! That will work better in the long run its more about sharing values than chemistry and common interests

honeypiesugar TOP COMMENTER

I see. But how do I explain this to him after being gf/bf for only 3 months (total 6 months that we've known each other)?

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

If the drinking and partying doesn't bother you, tell him. But I think at some level it does. You also have to remember that people do not change very much, so he will not be changing his partying habits anytime soon even for you. If you really are okay with his lifestyle, then tell him, because I know you don't appreciate the lying.

annastasia0207

I think the fact that you've only been dating him for 3 months makes this a lot easier. That's not really that long of a relationship but it's enough time to figure out who he is and decide if you like him a lot or not. You said in your post you don't like him drinking and you've obviously made it clear in your argument you had with him that you weren't okay with it and instead of trying to work on it, he lied to you. Another point I think is important to bring up is just the fact that you're assuming he's lying to you about things. Whether or not he's a good liar, the fact that you can't trust him enough to take his word for something that you clearly feel passionate about in your relationship is not a good sign at all. My honest opinion is that you need to break up with him because he is not the guy for you. Just sit him down and tell him straight up that in the three months you guys have been dating, you've realized that you two have different values and you're looking for someone to marry and that this guy just isn't the one you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

agirl

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We have been friends for almost 3 years and he moved overseas (as he was only in my country as an exchange student). We had always been flirty but he's kind of an player...I know this because he hasn't had any relationships (he's 23). He used to hook up with girls every weekend and although I had a crush on him, I knew he would never commit. But ever since he moved/before a few months he was moving, he had been different. I'm planning to go to his country as an exchange student next year, do I have a shot? He has said that all the girls he met were only interested in hooking up.

Some of my other texts with him:
Him: I kind of blame the girls too…it’s like how delusional are you?
Him: Sex on the first date? Really?
Him: It’s like girls are so naïve
Him: I just hope you don’t get played like that…no matter how good it seems
Me: …coming for you, you’re an unique one ;)
Him: Haha shut up, you are too
Me: Hehe
Him: I don’t talk about this stuff with anyone you know
Him: If I try and share with guy friends, they think I’m showing off or something
Him: So naturally, I have to keep certain things to myself
Me: Aww so am I special?
Him: Yes
Him: You’re like the only girl…or person for that matter that I’ve shared any of this stuff with
Me: I’m glad!! :)
Him: Seriously though, that’s why I got a little jumpy at the idea of you sharing this with anyone
Him: You’re the only one on the planet that knows this much about my life
Me: Wow that makes me feel dizzy
Him: Haha just thought I should clarify :P
Him: …not even my mum knows
Me: She shouldn’t!!
Him: Nooo. I mean you know more about me than my mum…mums know a lot about their sons yeah?
Me: Aw yeah I got it
Him: Well thank you
Me: For what?
Him: You’ve been most helpful with both listening and giving advices
Me: Aw no problem! That’s what friends are for right? ;)
Him: I’ll get you a fruit basket and some flowers
Him: Maybe take you on a date instead
Me: Dude! Sarcastic much?
Him: No for reals
Me: Oh yeah totally ;)
Him: Dude! Sarcastic much?
Me: Hehe
Him: You’re so mean. You never take me seriously. You don’t know what love is!
Me: Pshhh. I’m surprised you could even spell love ;)
Him: Go away
Him: So yeah I really want to see you
Me: Me too :( I miss your face
Him: One more year :) We can go to the taco loco place that overlooks the beach
Him: I could use my piece of chit motorcycle that has spider webs on it
Me: Aw we can sit on it and pretend to go vroom vroom ;)

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is there a possibility he would give up all the girls and just commit to me? Btw I'm turning 20 in almost a month.

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

There is 0 chance of that. This guy sounds like a complete douche bag.

gypsy1970

He just sounds like an incredibly good player.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Girl, if a guy has to tell you things like, "girls I meet are only interested in hooking up" and he tells you all the details about how he sleeps with them on the first date, he is a player. Don't ever sleep with him. He probably tells all the other girls the same thing to get them in bed. Go for the exchange ONLY if you are going for the exchange, not for him. Also, date guys who are in your country. Even if he was a decent guy, do you think the LTR will work?

northeastchick

Appears you guys have a friendship. His attitude towards women is very demeaning. That is a red flag because even though he is coming across a bit sincere towards you and nice once he sleeps with you his outlook on you will be the same as the women he had one night stands with. A guy who talks about women in that way regardless of how easy the woman made it for him shows his lack of respect for "all" women. A guy who respects women would not sleep with them then say they are naive or delusional for sleeping with him. Keep him as a friend if you want but if you ever want to see if he will have a relationship with you go in with eyes wide open!

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

He's a player. And he's pretty good at it. Don't fall for it. I don't like that he used the phrase "sexually alluring". Why bring up the sex and like the posters above said, the way he talks about women is a. Huge red flag. Don't fall for this bad boy.

jolie_3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So theres this guy I like who is 18 and im 15. Hes my best friends brother and he knows that i like him. Sometimes I talk to him on facebook but not often and when we talk its always me who starts the conversation.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Next saturday we have a halloween party and im going over to his house to prepare the makeup with his sister. Probably he is going to be there and i want to make a good impression and dont want things to get awkward. What shall i do and not do? thanks X

Share link
annastasia0207

Don't flirt with him. Do hang out with your friend and don't worry about this guy. You haven't given much info here, but he doesn't seem to be interested in you, sorry to say :( He knows you like him, he probably only responds to your facebook messages to be polite, and lastly, he's 18 and you're 15. While it doesn't seem like much of an age gap, most guys at 18 aren't looking at 15 year olds as potential anything, much less the 15 year olds that are friends with their little sister. Have fun with your friends at the party and just be yourself and don't worry about him :)

jolie_3

Thanks this helped alot :)

feejordan

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So met this guy off a dating site thing and hit it off really well-talk everyday and he's always asking questions and seems to care about my day to day life. He asked me out for a drink and we were meant to meet on a Friday but we just never got round to it. Bearing in mind I'm 17 and he's 20...and I've never done anything like this before so I'm slightly nervous of meeting him, but he's so lovely when I speak to him. We stopped texting for a while as I was trying to get my life in order but then I picked it back up again and it's so nice.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Problemo is that I'm kinda scared to meet him. Not that I don't believe he's a lovely guy but just because I've never done anything like this before and i don't want to ruin what we have over text...sounds silly but I don't know what I want from it.

Share link
rxbfan04

If you're happy with a texting buddy, then you should keep it up! I understand you being nervous, especially cuz you are pretty young to be on a dating site. Does he know you're 17? IF you decide to meet him, make sure it is in a very public place, meet him there, and make sure your friends/family know where and when you are meeting him. It may not even be a bad idea to bring a friend along with you. Personally I think you should just enjoy being 17 and about to go off to college and not worry about dating. There will be plenty of time in your life to do that, just enjoy your life now.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

How will you get a drink if you're 17? Also, any 20 yr old that would date a 17 yr old is creepy.

annastasia0207

^she could live in a country where the drinking age is lower. But yeah, if you end up going out, be safe and go somewhere public and make sure he knows you're 17. I know you don't want to scare him off but it's better that he know now then find out later and be super mad that you didn't tell him all this time

feejordan

He knows I'm in college! I wouldn't keep that from him! And i do get served so...haha

feejordan

I'm also really mature for my age and have had flings with guys aged 19/20, but the difference is that I've known them before hand

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Meet him in a very very public place and let a friend know where you are going. Also give his phone number and picture to the friend and go with your gut feeling. If something feels weird, just leave. I thing it's a good sign that he wants to meet In person. I think it's a red flag when the person Never wants to meet you.

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

Also don't let him pick you up, don't go to his place or let him take your home. He's still a stranger and we don't get into vehicles with strangers. Just some extra safety meaus

preferphonecalls TOP COMMENTER

*safery measures

sawyer21

HERE'S THE DEAL...

The guy and I met on tinder and we started texting. It's been an everyday thing and we've talked on the phone. Three days ago he asked when we could come see me and we made plans for this coming weekend. He also said he deleted tinder because he likes just talking to me. But it's been three days of nothing. I texted twice and asked if something happened but haven't heard a thing. We really got a long and he constantly called me cute nicknames and complimented me a lot.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What do I do? If he moved on I just want to know? Should I text him in a few days?

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

No, forget about him and ignore him if he texts again

candystraws

i'm assuming he met someone else. wait for him to text you.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

have you actually met him at all yet? If you haven't even met then it's doubtful that he deleted tinder already just to talk to yo, u, especially now that he is not even replying to you and being super flaky, he probably just unmatched you now that he has your number. A few guys I met on Tinder did this too. They do it so you can't see that they are 'active on Tinder 2 minutes ago'. Don't text him again and just see what happens this weekend. If you don't hear from him or if you just hear from him at like 9 o clock on Saturday night 'what are you doing?' then forget about this guy.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agree with @torirule. Some of my gfs have had this happened to them too. It's even more apparent when the guys say things like, "Listen, I am hardly on Tinder, want to exchange numbers?" Most of the time, you'll see these guys are always online! Going back to you, you have already texted twice asking if something happened. DO NOT text him anymore. It will smell like desperation, even if you're not. If he doesn't get back to you by Friday, make plans with your girls and stick to it. Don't be his last minute plan: you'll be telling him you're ok with him treating you badly. Also, next time, if a guy doesn't reply the first time, don't text anymore. It's 2014. I think we can be sure the guy got the message and it's not because of bad connectivity. What I would do when I was still dating online, is refuse to give out my number. I'll say something like, "You seem interesting, but I don't give out my number to someone I have not met. Let's chat here for a while more, and see if we have a lot more in common." Then the guy sees this as a challenge --that you don't give out your number to every Tom, Dick and Harry, so he steps up to win your interest. I've eliminated a lot of the players and losers this way. Try it! :)

missm

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hey guys, I messed up really bad And I need your help!

Me and this guy have have dealing and hooking up for several months now.

He was supposed to get back to me about a party this weekend and he didn't text me. It's been a week since.

So I told my friend about what going on and why he hasn't texted me in a week. She asked me to send her pictures of the conversation from last week when he was really looking forward to seeing me. But accidentally sent the pictures to him by accident!! And wrote on it "heres the convo from last week, he was pretty nice"

The next morning he texted me "What does that mean and who was it meant for?"

So when I responded I just told him my guy friend of 2 years texted me and asked me about my attendance and if I'm bringing my friend. And that my guy friend was asking about him and I accidentally sent it to you instead. I tried to laugh it over text it like it was no big deal.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He never responded. I saw that he viewed my snap chat story not long ago so he obviously saw my text.. I know I messed up really bad, and it was an accident.

I know what I did turned him off. I guess the best thing to so is not text him? Question is, if he actually liked me, would he have responded anyways and not been turned off?

Share link
missm TOP COMMENTER

Actually he just responded to saying "ya it's Thursday right? I work on Fridays so that's the problem

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he was really into you anyway, so I say just cut your losses and move on

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Totally agree with g_love. Move on.

leila TOP COMMENTER

Think this is totally recoverable, and no big deal at all. You handled it well! Sounds like things will work out!

missm TOP COMMENTER

Thanks! I thought I was doomed and never going to hear from him again. but he did send me a snapchat tonight replying positively to one of my stories I posted today.

missm TOP COMMENTER

and he did end up replying to my text saying "lmao yeah it's just that I work the next day so it's a problem"

torirule TOP COMMENTER

I think that fact that he didn't get back to you about the party and you didn't hear from him for a week is more of a concern. At least he responded when you accidently sent the screenshot of his own messages LOL.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

When you said "dealing and hooking up", did you mean "DATING and hooking up"? I don't think he likes you in a "I want you to be my gf" kinda way if he has been hooking up for months, and still not defining the r/s. The fact that he didn't even respond to a simple question for a whole week until that whole texting faux paus is even shocking. If you want a r/s, this guy isn't it. The r/s is just going to be casual.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Sure it's not that big of a deal that you sent that message to him by accident, BUT it is a big deal that he was ignoring you and avoiding discussing the party you asked him to go to... and the huge one that you have been hooking up for months without actually being a couple. He's now responding because he's gotten himself out of the party and can resume the casual thing with you when he wants it, on his own timeline. I don't think he's going to dump you as a hookup buddy over this, but like jhops said, that doesn't mean that there's any chance of this becoming a relationship.

jongalt

You're texting from the phone. What you have to explain cannot be expressed in a text. Use the damn phone and call him. Tell him he matters to you. He needs to hear the sincerity in your voice. If he hears that and still refuses, it's time to move on.

missm TOP COMMENTER

Thanks guys! Later on last night he sent me a snap chat. I was a little worried to open it. Anyways, he basically said "Yah thats my nigga" with a selfie. He was referencing my Snapchat story of a photo I took yesterday of a pimp I see often in the city. So I responded back "Yeah he looks pretty sharp eh..You wish I was your nigga.." and he responded back "I thought you were already my nigga". Thoughts?

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Meet him in person, have the DTR with him. Don't have this talk over text or snapchat.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

by "nigga" do you mean girlfriend? Sounds more like something guys would say to each other meaning 'buddy'...

northeastchick

He called a pimp his nigga then you too...that's not a good comparison in my eyes!

pitytamy

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I have been dating a guy for 2 months so friday I wanted to clear everything out and first I told him that I was a virgin he said that he had some clues about it then he said something like i thought you were gonna say something else like the girlfriend title and he said that he doesnt want that because girls get crazy with that title and i will end up crying also he said that he moved here and he doesnt know who will meet up can be more compatible but then he said that he is not talking with no one else but me what does it mean? later I receive a text saying "thanks for talking to me! that took some courage. I can be distant and not the best communicating sometimes. But I look forward to hanging out with you and building our friendship.Your awesome!" what does that mean????! also after that we had plan before all this to go rock climbing there I tried to be distant because we just talked all of this and he was distant too but at the end he kissed me and said that he wanted to see the next week and we talked ... but yesterday and today I havent heard from him and we have talked every day!! maybe because his family is in town but thats no excuse

NOW I'M WONDERING...

what does it mean??? what do I do??? HELP

Share link
illnevertell

He told you he doesn't want to be your "boyfriend" and the he looks forward to a better "friendship". I don't think he is feeling anything romantic for you. And it definitely sounds like he isn't looking for a relationship. If you want a friend, great. If not, probably best to move on and find someone who wants to be with you.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

yep, agree totally. he does not want a relationship, so if that's what you are a looking forward you need to date a different guy. what do you want??

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

It means he only wants something casual with you.

pitytamy

but i dont understand why he will be ok that I am virgin and say he is not talking to nobody else?

pitytamy

and also say he want to still build up our frienship if he knows I am not gonna sleep with him like that

pitytamy

isn it weird?

pitytamy

i do want a relationship

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

All of that doesn't matter... He's prob just saying those things to be nice and keep a casual thing going with you. Saying that he doesn't like the girlfriend title means he doesn't want a relationship with you.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

It means he does not want a relationship with you. You want one obviously. It's not a match. Girl, when a guy tells you things like "I don't see the need to put labels on things" or refuse you give the title and claims he is not talking to anyone else, call them out on their BS. Also, be clear on your boundaries. If you aim to have that label and title, then don't settle for less. If you say you will take anything lesser than what you want, you are telling this guy you are lower value than he is, and it's ok to treat you like crap. That's not right. Stop seeing this guy please, you will end up getting hurt. Throw a pity party with your gfs, play the saddest songs, cry it out and then move on. You deserve someone who wants the same things, and he is out there.

katyagal

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I dated this guy for a month but I didn't like it so I broke up with him and got back with my ex.

The thing is that he used to talk with a girl for years (she didn't live here but now does). So he started ignoring her when we were dating (she used to like him, but he didn't tell her to back off or anything). He saw her at a club like a week ago (after years of not seeing each other), kept staring at her a lot and now they talk like they used to he even invited her to get lunch.

She knows his cousins and they like her instagram pictures when they even not bothered to follow me. A friend of him told me that shes sort of annoying always talking to him but the fact that he doesn't tell her to stop and talks to her in a really sweet way makes me think he actually likes it. They have gotten into a lot of fights but always end up apologizing a day after but when we did we broke up.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Shes actually quite a catch but I'm scared. Do you think he can end up liking her after all? Whats gonna happen?

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

He is with you, not her. If you keep thinking he will cheat on you, he probably will because you're so insecure and that makes you unattractive. Unless you catch him doing something wrong, don't listen to what his friends say and stop obsessing whether his cousins follow you on IG. Focus on being a great person, improving yourself and making a genuine connection with people in your life and his life. Be the change you want to be.

katyagal

I broke up with him lol, I'm scared he's gonna like her now.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I don't get it. Who are you talking about? The guy you dated for a month and broke up with or your ex who is now the bf? Can you make it clearer?

katyagal

The guy I dated for a month

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Why do you care? You broke up with him.

katyagal

Well we just broke up and tbh I didn't expect him to like someone so soon

mrsbillygil

You didn't want him, so it's rather petty and selfish to have your nose in his business and be worried he likes someone else. Just focus on your own life.

clairebear84

Why do you care of you dumped him?Its up to him who he talks to etc.Sounds a bit silly and childish to me

torirule TOP COMMENTER

If you only dated one month don't want to be with him, why does it matter....do you still have feelings??

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agree with @mrsbillygil. You broke up with him. He has every right to see whomever he wants. He's not your backup boy. Don't be selfish and focus on your current r/s.

amandamoraisdesouza

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I'm Brazilian and I've met this guy on Tinder while I was in London, we had an awesome and perfect date and he suggested that we kept in contact through Facebook and Whatsapp, which we've been doing for over two months now... I may have a crush on him, but I'm cool about it because I know we are far way and all.
The thing is: he is ALWAYS the last one o text, even if it's just an emoticon or a laugh. And I start 95% of our conversations.
Even tough he make questions and stuff, being always the one the starts the conversations annoys me.
That's why I decided to stop texting him. But after some time without talking (from one up to three week), he would text me and we would keep chatting as nothing happened.

Why does he act like this? Should I stop talking with him forever and ignoring him when he texts?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I always start the conversations, he always ends them, does it mean something?

Share link
seniana

I think he likes you. But maybe the distance keeps him from expecting anything and making plans. What´s are you talking about? Are you just friends or do you talk more clearly about your attraction for him?

amandamoraisdesouza

Most of out talks are friendly... We tease each other once in a while, but joking. I don't talk about my attraction for him because I don't understand why he keeps in contact with me, what's on his mind and well, I'm aware of the geographical complications.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Who knows? He could be texting because he is bored or he wants to see if you will respond. My question to you is: you obviously know nothing can come out of this because of the distance, why continue to text him? Allow yourself the opportunity to meet someone near you. Get back on Tinder, and meet people near you.

amandamoraisdesouza

Hey guys, I just would like to thank you. Reading your honest opinions helped me to see things clearly and stop having silly thoughts on it :)

celine_3

It's hard to keep a long distance relationship going. You run out of things to say! Sharing true life experiences is what a lot of relationships are based on..Maybe make your messaging a weekly thing instead of daily so you have plenty to discuss.

reasonablyrowdy

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So, this guy is someone who I have hung out with occasionally because we happened to have a mutual friend. We started talking to each other about a month and a half, two months ago and I can say that we do click. I openly flirt with him, he openly flirts with me, we have nicknames for each other and he did tell me about a dream he had in which he got me pregnant with his child, which was how the nicknames started (momma and daddy). He's a really sweet guy, he was strung around by our mutual friend for three years almost because he had feelings for her, so when I do try to flirt with him, he withdraws a few times but I'm patient and I get why. I don't know where it's going at the moment. I know where I want it to go and I really do like him (I myself liked our mutual friend's brother for some time) but I feel as if I get varying signals from him. He and I had a conversation a few days ago where I said I was frustrated, he got the hint that he was frustrating me, and he indeed acted concerned about it and asked me what was honestly bothering me. I didn't tell him that I like him/am developing feelings/feel a little on the fence about what we really are because I've had a guy get scared off before by me being honest about my feelings and thoughts after some time of talking. I dodged the question but now I felt like I should have been a little honest. We have an inside joke (our "child") and we can have some extremely interesting conversations but most of the time, I'm the one trying to fuel it and he's usually the one responding with one word and it makes me feel like giving up once in a while. He has let me in at some instances and I can safely say we're friends, but I recently realized I've formed perhaps a small emotional attachment. I will say, though, that we have gotten a little explicit with each other over the phone. No pictures but there has been some texting and both of us enjoy it. That wasn't the primary reason we even began talking, though, it was just because we found each other interesting. Neither of us have cars at the moment due to financially prioritizing other things but he is a measly half hour away (which is definitely a shorter distance compared to CT and CA) and he does text me a second time if I don't get back to him soon. I'm just wondering whether I'm reading things right or wrong or if his intentions with me are romantic, because he can be that type of guy. And also, I've had more relationships with women than I've had with men (he is aware of this) so I don't wanna get too hopeful about things because of any misinterpretation.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm just wondering if this is heading to a positive place or if perhaps he wants something else from me.

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

The flirting, "sexy" dreams don't mean squat. He's not asking you out after 1.5 - 2 months of texting. I have mentioned this to a lot of girls. If you like someone, you would want to see them in person, not just text them. He lives just half an hour away, not like he needs to get on a plane to see you. You have to initiate the conversation and keep it going because he gives one-word replies. The boy is not interested. Don't waste your time. Drop it.

northeastchick

I think you need to have a talk with him he is clearly asking you in the text what are you frustrated about. He is not a mind reader ...sometimes we need to right out say what we want and see what happens. If you like him more than a friend tell him then the ball is in his court. If he distances himself then you know he is not interested.......if he starts making an effort than maybe that is what needed to happen!

annastasia0207

I agree with @northeastchick. I know you don't want to ruin your friendship with him and make it awkward, but if it's bothering and frustrating you this much, it's much healthier for you to get it off your chest. It definitely sounds like he is flirting with you and has some idea that you are interested, so it's not like the question would be totally out of left field. The fact that you're getting frustrated about the situation, letting him know, and he automatically knows you're talking about him, shows that you guys have gotten beyond the "just friends" phase anyways.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

I think you need to be honest with him, and not play games like above. Are you trying to make him think you are dating someone else? Or that you are not interested? Be straight with the guy. He may be waiting for some encouragement from you, and that negative vague stuff you posted is NOT it.

reasonablyrowdy

He knows he's the only guy I'm talking to at the moment. But I know I should be more blunt and I am now. We've gotten closer a lot recently and now he's dropping subtle hints that he wants more, too. The only reason I'm still hesitant is because he's not into conversing with me about feelings and it makes me think he either doesn't have any for me or he doesn't want to address it. I'm thinking of blatantly blurting it out one of these days and saying, "You know, Devin, I really like you. And not only as my friend."

2isbetterthan1

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I studied abroad in Paris last fall and I was dating a french guy while I was there. He sent me two smiley emoticons and then sent this message on facebook. I replied, but he didn't say anything back. However, he liked my profile picture randomly a week after I had already posted it. I also know he doesn't really use is facebook much--he literally only has like 3 profile pics and the most recent one is from 2012!

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Why would he message me and then not respond, but then go and like my picture ?? Is he playing games or what? We didn't exactly end on the best terms the night before I left, so I was a little shocked that he even sent me this message to begin with.

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's doing just enough to keep you around, without putting in too much effort

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Maybe he didn't reply because he has no plans to visit you....but is liking your photos because he would like to see you again if you visit him.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Liking your pics on social media has got nothing to do with him liking you. If he is not making plans to see you, then no, he is not into you. Texting is easy. Let me repeat what I have told many girls here: he can be texting you while in bed with someone else, while at the bar when he is bored, while he is taking a dump, while he is in a meeting at work. So don't play him games. No meet up in person = not interested.

2isbetterthan1

I mean I was joking when I asked when he's coming to visit me...Because I live all the way in California. So I know It would be extremely expensive for him to come. I just get really annoyed when guys text first and sound super anxious to talk to you and then after don't respond. Like what was the point of reaching out to begin with? Lol

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Because he wants attention

xhugsandwishes

They like to keep you around. I dated someone in France this summer on my study abroad too. They want to keep you in the picture if you come back around.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

The point of reaching out was just to see if you would reply, I agree he just checking he's still got your attention.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Regardless of whether you two were joking, it doesn't matter. International flights are so affordable these days. There's no such thing as "too expensive" if someone is interested. It only is expensive if there is no interest. He only misses you and is keen if you go over to see him because he does not need to spend anything. Does that answer your question? Block and delete. Waste of time chatting with him.

seniana

He want to see you. But if he can't right now he doesn't see the point in talking to you. Maybe if you see each other he'll gent more interested in you and will chat with you even when you're away.

sadcookie

HERE'S THE DEAL...

My best friend is a male. We talk for hours every day and he tells me all his deep secrets. I feel strongly about him, but I have never told him explicitly. We could never really be together anyway, because we both come from separate (but equally strict) cultural backgrounds and our families wouldn't be cool with an intermarriage.

Anyway, yesterday he started telling me about a girl he met at work and suggesting that he might like her. I did feel insecure at that point because she is very knowledgable about things like politics which I am not so well informed about. (He's big on political discussions too.)

Some of the messages we exchanged are below - please read them from left to right. I have tried to include most of the relevant points of our conversation, but left out texts in between that were about something else.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do you think he could be telling me about this girl just to tease me, incite jealousy in me and gauge my feelings about him? He knows I fall for things quite easily so he likes to play little jokes on me sometimes... I'm confused and upset and yes, I admit it, jealous :( I don't know what to do.

Share link
sadcookie

Sorry, I forgot to add that my texts are in green. Also, there was is one text of mine which got a bit cut off in the screenshot. He told me to call him (to wake him up in the morning) and I said in a jealous huff "Maybe you should get (name of girl) to call you instead." Have I reacted like an idiot to this whole thing? I'm so confused :(

andreav

He sounds like kind of a jerk. You can call it "teasing" if you want but really he is just playing into your insecurities and trying to make you feel bad and bring down your self esteem.

mrsbillygil

I agree w Andrea that he's a jerk. I think he gets that you like him and enjoys the attention. I dont really see why you are such good friends with this guy if he usually acts like this.

mrsbillygil

Also it's clear that he's trying to make you jealous. What isn't clear is whether he's doing it because he likes you or because he actually has a big crush on this girl and wants to rub it in your face. Either way, it's pretty harsh.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He doesn't like you, he just likes the attention

annastasia0207

I agree with everyone above. He says "Don't be jelly" after all you've said is "OMG really". To me, it sounded like you were actually really excited for him but he knew that your reaction was a negative, jealous reaction. In essence, he went into explicit detail about this girl because he knew it would make you jealous. Regardless of whether or not he's into you or not, do you really want to date a guy that makes you feel like crap just because it will boost his ego? He sounds like a major jerk and I think you should drop this guy. Feelings or no feelings, friends don't intentionally hurt other friends to get an ego boost.

annastasia0207

Also, I really don't like how he's making you look dumb because this girl knows more about politics than you do. I'm assuming whatever political leader they were talking about, you didn't know who that was? He wouldn't have brought that up unless he knew it would make you feel stupid. Which is really rude of him to do.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

I agree 100% with annastasia (and the other posters above) and I feel really sad that he was able to hurt you so much with his comments. The easiest thing for you to do is to move on and find a guy who is kind, respectful, would never be intentionally mean to you, and who your parents accept.

melissaj126

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy I am talking to told me he had a friends with benefits. We aren't together so there isn't much I can do.. He told me this on the phone last night and I stopped answering his texts and he blew up my phone. About he will stop talking to her, and I can go through his phone.. Etc here is the latest text!

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he into me or not? Do I give him a chance? Thoughts please!

Share link
annastasia0207

I think you should give him a chance, but let him know that you don't want to get in a relationship right away. If he agrees that it's fair and agrees to stop talking to the other girl, then I think you should seriously give it a chance because he seems like he really wants to give you guys a good shot. If he doesn't break it off with the other girl after you tell him you don't want a relationship straight away, then I would drop him because it means he is just using you as a fail-safe plan to always have a girl to hook up with.

kitkat0983 TOP COMMENTER

I don't think you should give him a chance. He is only saying what he thinks you want to hear. Trust me he will never give up this friends with benefits situation. Find a guy that only wants to be with you and does not believe in FWB type arrangements.

upandup143

I think you should give him a chance. But keep the dates outside of the home/bedroom. Don't let his "chance" be too physial too early.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

You just met this guy, didn't you? If so, the only mistake this guy made was telling you about this other girl. It's perfectly fine that he hooks up with someone else when he didn't even know you, isn't it? He should have kept quiet about it and started dating you and ended things with her without mentioning it to you. But what's done is done... if you give him a chance and he tells you he's no longer seeing this girl, then please make sure to drop the subject. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Seems like he's being really honest so far.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Give him a chance if you like him.

lola_5

Marionemelia is right. He's only slipped up by being too honest. Give him a chance if you feel like you want to, but don't be too harsh, he hasn't done anything wrong yet.

thejayman

Sounds like the clumsy fool, made it up! Either because he thought it would impress you or because he thought you would somehow want to become his next friends with benefits. I'll bet she doesn't even exist FWB are very rare in reality.

undercoverww

If you like him, give him a chance. But keep it out of the bedroom for a couple of months at least! He may have made this up to get some fire up your ass so that you sleep with him faster. Don't give him that unless he deserves it, let him wait.

seniana

He wasn't interesting in anybody so where is the problem un havons FWB? Now he met you and wan't YOU to be the only one. He made a mistake telling you about her, I think he wanted to show you how much he is into you, but he didn't pick the right argument clearly :/ . Give him a chance he is honest.

victoriamaddisonellis

Hey hun could you tell me were you meet this nathan and what is his last name I think my boyfriend cheating on me and his name is nathan could you plz reply to this msg thank you I could be wrong

itsalwaysnever

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So this guy I met on Tinder ask me to hang out with him and yesterday he said that he won't be seeing me anymore and it was really nice meeting me hoping I wasn't wasting my time with him. So I texted him morning after the text that it was nice meeting him. Anyways, after that he texted me that Hi, is it too late to say I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say. I also have ended a relationship three months ago. Should I inform him that too?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do you think he's worth keeping and should I text him?

Share link
annastasia0207

Ew I dont like this guy. He ends it with you telling you its not going to work out, then changes his mind and just expects you to agree to o get pizza with him last minute? I wouldn't even respond back to this one. It sounds like he found another girl that he was more interested in so he broke it of with you and then when it didn't work out with her, came back to you. Don't be option B and if nothing else, at least don't get pizza with him tonight. That's showing him that he has control, can dump you and then make last minute plans with you when he changes his mind because he expects you'll be waiting at his beck and call for him. Ew seriously, I wouldn't even reply to this guy and move on.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He ditched you for another girl, then when things didn't work out with her he's coming back to you. The same thing happened to me before :/.

itsalwaysnever

Later.. He texted me...

I can understand if I've confused or upset you. If you're not comfortable with tonight or have other plans maybe we could meet up some other time.

I don't know what to say please help. :(

jazzfishy

Agree that he found another girl and then that fell through so hes back to you. Show him youre in charge!

upandup143

ugh. no. he invites you out, say's he doesn't want to date you, then takes it back and invites you out again? no no no. He's too confused so early on. You don't need that. his confused state will only get worse and you don't want to be left high and dry by him should you date him more. Just tell him sorry, you have plans and don't offer to reschedule

upandup143

He messed up. too bad for him, he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. There WILL be other guys other there and those guys will not pull this weird bull at the very bud of a possible relationship.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Agree with all the others. He's told you he is emotionally unavailable. BELIEVE IT. Do not accept the last minute pizza offer and either text him a really short message like "sorry got plans" or unmatch him.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Man, this guy has pretty thick skin. Agreed with everyone else. I really hope that you didn't agree to meet him last minute or ever.

shesnotstarry

I agree with the other ppl, this seems really suspicious..

romana79

HERE'S THE DEAL...

so people read ... we have talked to each other for 2 months ... at the second week he told me that we are friends and I approved , said : "of course we are etc ... " at first we used to talk a lot , a lot , used to send to each other novels about different stuffs ... then we kinda stoped ( not totally but kinda ) ... we talked to each other for 15 days every day , then stoped talking for 10 days and then he wrote me first ... then again we talked for 15 - 16 days , stoped talking for 4 days then wrote me again after 4 days ... then again ( sorry if it looks boring :D ) we continued talking for 12-13 days and then again stoped talking for 7 days he wrote me again first , then stoped talking abt 10 days and I wrote him first this time ( i wouldn't but he had an important event these days and i thought it would be kind of me to ask how it is going .. ) we are talking now ... but I don't know ... He talks to me ... He thinks I am cute ... sometimes when i say smth , he sends : :) :P ... i see he tries to keep the conversation going , but every time he sends me those i feel like he doesn't want to talk ... He has told me that he really likes talking to me ... he is 4 years older , 21 and 17 ... I don't think he needs me as a friend ... i mean ... i don't know that's whaat my logic tells me for now ... we talk a lot like friends ...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

but i have no idea ... more time that it passes i think i am making it more obvious that i like him ... is this wrong ? what should i do ?

Share link
lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

It's not wrong to like somebody, but he is giving you no signals that he returns your feelings. You can't make somebody like you. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it's just the way it works. It might be the age difference, too, you're very young for him. Look for someone nice your own age.

deadhearts

This exact thing has happened to me. I understand how it's hard to let go, but sometimes it's what needs to happen. Who knows? Maybe there's another guy waiting out there for you?

BACK TO TOP