yasdnil321

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Was seeing this guy about 6 months ago, we eventually stopped talking because he kinda just stopped making effort. Few months later we would have random casual hookups. He moved away since then, but we're still in contact.
He came in town last weekend and he ended up staying the night at my place and having sex, but the morning after he stayed until 3:30 after ordering delivery and watching TV. Just enjoying each other's company. He went back to where he lives that day and I haven't heard from him since (except for the occasional snapchat)
When we have sex, he's extremely sensual. Always wants to hold my hand and cuddle after, pet my hair, and rub my back.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is there any potential in this, or am I driving myself crazy?

Share link
jazzfishy

No real potential past, like you said, "casual hookups"

torirule

you are driving yourself crazy. guys enjoy a bit of faux intimacy when they have casual hook-ups just like women do but they don't read into it as meaning anything like women do. the only way to see if there is any potential is if he's making plans to see you to do other things besides have sex and hang out watching TV.

g_love12

No potential

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Just sounded like he needed a place to crash, and have free sex at the same time. Sorry. And it's true. Guys like to feel like it's not just a dirty hook up. Holding hands, cuddling and those affectionate things are things guys like too. Don't think they just like to roll over and sleep and don't read too much into it. If he is not making plans to see you, he does not like you that way. Think about it, if you like someone, you want to see them as much as you can, right? Don't make excuses for anyone. It's not confusing. And stop driving yourself crazy by seeing all these emotionally unavailable guys. You deserve better. Don't sell yourself short.

juliajet

Cut him loose! You're wasting your time and emotions on someone who isn't invested in you emotionally at all. This gives you a disadvantage in being open to new possibilities with guys who are ready to commit emotionally too, not just physically. Cutting guys loose who just want to have sex with you will give you a greater sense of self-worth and will ultimately help you decipher between the opportunistic sex acceptors, and guys who actually want a relationship right off the bat.

sushiandtee

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So it's me again. I just posted about this guy I met from an online dating site and he texted me with options to choose from for a second date. Here is the text: "Next time you're free would you like to go to (his fave korean restaurant, he knows I like korean) , or I could cook you food and watch movies or we could go see the maze runner, well we could do all of them eventually haha :D" But I kind of chose him cooking for me and watching movies at his house. Yeah I know stupid decision for just a second meeting. I don't know what I was thinking.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Now I was wondering, I want to change my mind about going to his place but I don't know how to say it in a good way. I want to just choose going to dinner at the Korean restaurant. Any suggestions on what to say?

Share link
upandup143

" Hey, actually I'd really like to try out that Korean restaurant. I wanna check out your recommendation! That way we can save dinner/movie at your place for another time :)" <--- something like that

andreaashley182

Yea I agree with the post above. Just say it casually and in a positive way and reserve the dinner at home for another night. I think your making a good decision if you want this to turn into something longer term!

sushiandtee

That's a good one, thanks upandup143! :) And thanks as well andreaashley. Yeah, definitely not interested in just hookups.

sushiandtee

When do you think it's okay/acceptable to go to his place or my place?

andreaashley182

I would just base that on how comfortable you are with him and if he obviously isn't pushing it on you (which it seems like he isn't). I don't think it's a specific number- if you feel like he respects you and you feel comfortable then I don't think it's bad for date 3 or 4

upandup143

There is no set number date when it's "OK" to go back to his place. As long as he's being respectful of you and you're setting boundaries with yourself (then communicating them to him if he tries to push those boundaries) I'd say its fine date #3 and on. Just make sure you have an out/way to leave either a friend to get a ride, public transit, etc. Or you could just ask him to take you home.

torirule

if you're not interested in just hook-ups, then I would wait until he has said that he interested in a relationship before you have sex. But if you feel comfortable with him I think it's fine to go to each other's place on the 3rd or 4th date as long as you make it clear beforehand that it's not for a hook up.

mirdog11

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Have you ever had that one guy that you just can't forget? Well i sure have that one guy. He was definitely the first guy i was in love with, and the last guy i was in love with too... we dated for about a year and a half. But had to end things because he was off to university and i was still in high school. and we just couldn't handle a long distance relationship anyhow ( both from different small towns). we still talked for the longest time than he met a girl and we slowly made ourselves distant, which broke my heart even tho i had moved on to, so i had thought. any ways I'm going to college now in the same city that he lives in and we sauce each other a text every now and than and we want to hang out! Im just so scared, because every time i meet a guy that is similar to him i just want to stay with them, because they remind me of this guy.. and it brings me back to what we had! IN a way i want him back, but at the same time i don't because i should go out and meet other people in the city while I'm here. IM just sooooo confused and don't know if i should reconnect with him or not. Help, what should i do ?? He also texts me saying we should hang out a lot this year...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

WHAT SHOULD I DO

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

First loves are hard to forget, and they will always be special. Keep an open mind and see if he makes good with his word on hanging out when you are in the same city. But I think you should also be realistic. People change, and you guys are still really young. When you hang out, you might find things have changed, and you've outgrown each other. Let yourself have the option of discovering who you are at college, and date other people as well.

luvmetender

HERE'S THE DEAL...

My friends and I went to the club the other night where I met this really cute guy. He texted me earlier and I think my inner dumb blonde might've freaked him out.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do you think he's into me? I obviously looked a bit silly with my text and it took him 2 hours and 15 minutes to text back. Help.

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

Haha. It happens to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up, but read his text and digest all info before replying next time. I would just joke, "Doh, speed reading's not my forte obviously. I feel blonde now. Travel safe and talk to you soon." Too soon to know if he is into you, but am pretty sure where he's headed has WIFI. He could still text you when he travels. So sounds a little iffy. But maybe he just prefers connecting in person. Just wait and see if he follows through with plans. Good luck. :)

lovinthebeach35

Lol don't feel bad, I've done something like this before too. But we were talking about what our signs were and he told me he was a scorpion and after texting back and forth a few minutes, I said " Well I hear Leo's are very passionate people". Didn't think anything of it and then he texted back "oh really? That's good, but I'm a Scorpio". OMG! I wanted to die! I felt so dumb and crawl under a rock lol. But I just played up the having a blond moment thing and it worked! Lol but don't stress to much about it, just think it could've been worse. (Like mine :) )

girl444

sometimes when a guy likes you, he thinks the dumb things that we do are cute

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

You will know in a week! Sounds promising so far!

upandup143

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Met this guy on an online dating site. We been texting a bit and getting to know eachother. One afternoon of an hour or so of texting asking questions back and forth. He seems really excited to meet me, I'm looking forward to meeting him but also keeping it in prospective that he's just a man from a an internet dating website and all contact has been virtual.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He seems to have very high expectations and it's making me a little nervous. I definitely feel like it's a first day bc it is!!! How do I respond to this??

Share link
upandup143

* first date

inspired12

Just play neutral and say haha yeah it will be a fun time or something like that.

grace3

Just say you're looking forward to it. You don't need to reciprocate his statement.

firechick83

Just tell him how you feel. I'm in the same boat. Been talking to this guy from a dating app. We want to meet. You get to know someone by just chatting but you're still nervous and excited to meet them. There's still a lot you don't know about them that you'll meet in person. No harm in telling him how you feel, and if there is, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. But best of luck to you :)

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

It'll be nice to meet you - looking forward to it!

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Don't over think it. Keep it light and positive.

torirule

it might feel like a second or third date to him but it's still a date zero so don't let it get too intense. No nookie!!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

What @lilliekins said. And whatever he says, don't be too caught up with it or get too nervous. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, so just stay logical. He's someone you just met. Keep things interesting and positive. Don't get too emotionally invested. Have fun on your date!

jessicajohnson

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy through my ex boyfriend, (my ex and I weren't serious we only dated a free weeks, I probably shouldn't even call him my ex tbh) &+ at first we were just friends but one day we spent some time alone together and I started to think I could start talking to him as more than a friend. I did all the work of texting him and flirting with him. The first night we made it official that we were gonna start talking we spent the night together and the next day was good too. The problem is whenever we are out in a group with his friends that are also my friends too, he doesn't show any affection towards me like nobody would even know that me and him were a thing. And I live at college so on the weekends I'll sleep over my guy friends houses who are his friends, and I'm now finding out he has a problem with it. But I'm not even positive he does because he hasn't talked to me about it. We haven't been talking for like 2 weeks now like we were but I've been with him in a group the last couple nights and he always says he wants to talk to me and then doesn't and I drive back to school all confused.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I guess my question is, what do I do?!?! Should I man up and ask him why we stopped talking? Should I let it go? Wait for him? I really like this guy a lot and I can't continue to be around him and not be with him

Share link
g_love12

Don't just wait for things to get better. Either confront him and clearly communicate your needs and expectations or ditch him.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Tell him what you want.

lola_5

He likes you. Talk to him.

upandup143

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I posted a few days ago asking how to politely cancel a first date with this guy i met online.

I basically just told him something came up and I'm sorry but I won't be able to make it. He replied that he was dissappointed and was looking forward to meeting me. He also asked "should I keep trying or have you met someone else" I told him I did meet someone else, and I'd like to see where it goes. (i'm actually in the very beginning stages and just dating a lot of guys now and just seeing how things go). Anyways he wished me luck and hoped things turned out well for me. I said thanks you too assuming that was the end of it.

and by profile he means my online dating profile

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

2 days later I get the text above. I didn't respond...Should I say anything? He's being weird and creepy now and making even want to go on a date LESS than before (which is saying a lot bc i canceled it.) I don't feel like it's my place to inform him of proper dating/texting etiquette either but that message is weird and out of line.

Best course of action, no response or say something to try to shut down texting for good. I already deleted his number from my phone.

Share link
torirule

he's more intrigued now and a little envious that other guys get to date you and not him. but if you're not interested in him, then no response is best. if it gets any more creepy block his number if you can, but hopefully he'll get the message before it gets to that.

g_love12

Ignore him. Replying will only encourage him

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You don't owe him a further explanation. Don't reply. If you can, block him on the site as well so he cannot stalk your profile anymore. When I was doing the whole online dating, I tried not to give out my number to everyone because there are seriously a lot of crazy people out there. You can try downloading apps like LINE or WeChat, where you don't have to give out your number, but you can still chat or make phone calls via the app. If you're using okCupid, which has a mobile app, you don't even to give out your number to meet up.

northeastchick

Do not text him...ignore it

b2uty431

He sounds creepy and starting to sound a bit crazy. Best is to ignore him and don't make contact

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

No response is the best response.

khloe

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So this is a bit strange but it's more to do with a friend than my boyfriend. It's probably not even the place for this but I just need some advice. We all met through school, she was my friend & started dating a guy in the football team & I dated his friend. Everything went okay for a few months until his friend & I broke up but she was still with her guy. He & I became best friends. He called me everyday & sent me funny pictures he's find & we basically told each other everything about our lives. I love the girl to death but I'm gona be honest here. She cheated on him a lot & basically treated him like dirt. She used him for money & joked about it in front if our friends & a lot of other stuff. He broke up with her a couple of times but she never accepted it. Everyone has issues I know but she's been through a lot & plays up on it sometimes.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Then I realised I had feelings for him & we'd started hanging out a lot more & he made it obvious he felt the same way. I'm not trying to be a martyr here but we waited a long time before we let anything happen between us until we were sure how we felt & wen it did we waited some more until we knew we were going to be able to make the relationship work. She lives in a different state to us now & I tried for weeks to make plans with her to tell her about us because I wanted to explain everything to her but she never had the time. So I called her one morning & told her & all hell broke loose. I know I'm the bad guy here but I love him & I can't change that. I just wanna know if there's any way she & I can come back from this?? Believe me she's had her revenge & then some & I'm not mad at her for that but he & I are making plans for the future & it's hard for me to think il never see her again.

Share link
leila TOP COMMENTER

I think all is fair in love and war, and you and your boyfriend did the right thing. You can't help who you fall in love with. Also, you said she was treating him really badly and cheating, so it's not like she could really lay claim on being totally in the right. I think you just need to give it some time, and hopefully she will grow up a little, and reach out to you herself. Good luck!

calligher

I think in this case you might have lost her, at least for the time being, but it sounds like everything happened fairly. Unfortunately for her, she didn't treat him well and it just seems like she is immature and you are not. You and this guy seem to really care for each other and that is a rare thing. Even if you lose her, I gotta say I still think it might be worth it for what you and this guy seem to have. Give it time and see what happens, but in the end I think it might be time to let this friend go.

khloe

Okay, I guess I should just give her time. Thanks so much guys. It's really nice to get someone else's view on the whole thing. ☺️

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I think your friendship with her is done, and it's really hard to bounce back from this until she comes to terms with it, which could be never. It's kinda personal, and in her eyes, you'll always be the girl who stole her bf, despite whatever you say about her history of treating him badly. You sort of came into their r/s, so don't hold your breath thinking she will forgive you. You did her wrong, she has every right to be angry because you betrayed her trust and friendship (girl code: never hook up with your girl pal's bf or ex). If she is as toxic as you say, then it may be good that she's out of your life. You have to accept that not everythings works the way you want it to be.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Your relationship with her is most likely over. She doesn't seem like the forgive-and-forget type.

hammslice

HERE'S THE DEAL...

About a month ago I posted on here asking for advice on this guy I was talking to. I wasn't sure if I should ask him where we were going because I didn't know if it was too soon or not and I was pretty sure he liked me. Some of you gave advice to just let things happen and not rush and am I glad I listened. Last night we went to go eat and nothing really happened physical wise. After he dropped me off at home he texted me about 20 minutes later saying he wanted to get on the same page with me. He wasn't looking for a relationship yet and he just wanted to take it slow and I agreed because we are both coming out of bad past relationships and neither of us wanted to rush into anything. But we both agreed on liking each other and to keep staying friends for now. We also aren't talking to other people which is a relief for me because I don't think I could handle him talking to other girls.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm just not sure how long I want to wait around for when I am finally ready for the next level with him. I like him so much and he is one of the most genuine guys I've met and he's worth waiting for bu how long would be too long?

Share link
annastasia0207

That's completely up to you, but don't worry about it until it gets to that point. Who knows, maybe by the time you're ready to take it to the next level he'll be ready too. The best part about taking relationships slow is that you don't have to stress out so much about all the new changes, so don't over think. When you decide you want to take it to the next level, gauge how he is acting and let him know and then from there, it's up to you to decide how long you want to wait around for him, if at all. This is one of those rare instances where no one but you can give you a definite answer, but I wouldn't worry about it until the time comes :)

g_love12

Don't wait for him. "I'm not ready for a relationship" actually translates to "I don't want a relationship with you and I never will"

calligher

I would definitely be careful with this one. What g_love12 said is almost always true. However, I definitely understand the idea of not rushing into anything. I would proceed cautiously and don't get too attached to him unless you know he is just as attached. Don't end up hurt.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

This could go either way, but the fact that he initiated this conversation (not you) gives me some hope. G-love is right - if this is someone's answer to a question, it's usually not good. The fact that he brought it up, tells me that he doesn't want to lose you while he is making up his mind. You can't rush someone into wanting a relationship with you, but you can rush them out of it. Meanwhile, keep your eyes open and your emotions in check. Don't get too far ahead of him - or of yourself.

steph_143

Ok so lets get some things straightened up here, g_love12 is partially right. In many cases, the guy says that and he is never ready. However, I have been through that "I'm not ready for a relationship" type thing twice. I'm actually going through it right now with the guy I like but he's always been honest with me and so I know that he truly isn't ready. Before though, my ex and I were thinking about getting back together but he said "I'm not ready for a relationship" he went away for a summer college program for a month and a half, I was still waiting for him, he would give me mixed signals until I have up about 3 weeks after he came back. Turns out, he really did/does like me and wants to be with me and was just trying to not ruin it with me. So point here is, if you really like him, wait because there IS a chance he's honest. But always be careful to not get overly attached. Best of luck!!!

steph_143

*gave not have

torirule

back off completely. sit back and see if he pursues you... ie. initiates every text conversation and get together. don't sleep with him until he says "I want a relationship with you". It will become very clear whether or not he has genuine feelings for you.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I don't have a good feeling when I hear those words or "I'm waiting for the right girl to come along". It sounds like they want to commit, it's just the wrong time, but he's really saying he's emotionally unavailable. If your end goal is to be in a r/s in an earlier frame of time than you would dare to admit to him, I would say, drop this guy, because you would never know how long he needs. It could be a few months, it could be a year, it could be never. It's not a match. The thing is, if this boy is not ready to give up his singlehood, then he should not be wasting your time. Have the courage to cut him off and date real men who are emotionally available.

jachukwu

I don't agree that "I'm not ready for a relationship" always means that things won't eventually work out. I've said that to a guy who wanted to date me 2 weeks after I stopped seeing another guy because it was true. My ex bf said that to me before we became official just because he wanted to take things slow and we dated for over a year, we broke up for various reasons, but we still talk and are friendly. Point is, girls get a bad rep for overanalyzing things and constantly testing guys to see if he's worth it. If I were you, I wouldn't "wait around for him" but I wouldn't cut him off either.

upandup143

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I posted more background earlier. My bf (36) and I (26) broke up after about 3 months. He said he had doubts/didn't love me/didn't see a future. Also he hated his job,was a bit depressed and didn't know where he wanted to live or what he wanted to do in terms of a job.

In my earlier post I mentioned he sent me a head shot of him on his trip about 11:30pm. I replied the next day around 10:30am.. our convo went as follows.

I couldn't fit it all so I cut out the middle part where I just described the show I was going to that night. (I posted a pic that night of me at the cast party and he liked the IG pic...)

The rest of it:

ME:
Omg, Why would you do that? lol

HIM:
And the tarantula was actually in a cave
No choice!!!

ME:
Yikes.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What did he seem so worried that I didn't want to talk anymore? I am trying to move on and I've gone on dates, kept my self busy with friends, but he keeps liking my IG pics and now sending me these "ahhh thought you didn't want to talk" anymore texts.

Is he just trying to keep me on a branch if he ever wants to return? He's making it hard for me to move on with texts like this. I do miss what we had earlier in the relationship, but NOT the state (confused, depressed, having doubts, him seeing no future. soul searching) that surfaced towards the end/ ultimately why we broke up.

Should I just cut him off? I feel a little bad doing that/ maybe still holding onto hope. He also said he didn't have many friends (he's foreign) here. At first I said I didn't want to be friends when he asked during the break up and then I changed my mind and said we should. He thought that was "grown up" of us to agree to still stalk instead of saying "you're stupid bye" and closing the door.

But I don't see how this "friendship" is going to benefit anyone except for him? He said that if i continued to be his gf he would reap all the benefits (gorgeous girl, prefect gf, etc.) while he knew I was working so hard and would only fight harder for him. Which is also why I ended it. He said that showed I had integrity and glad neither of us were willing to settle for a "half-assed relationship".

I get the relationship is currently over. But I'm honestly torn about wether I can/should be his friend? I know I would still get angry/jealous if he dated or got physical another girl. I told him this and he said he had no time for a relationship anyways.

Share link
itjustme

Doesn't mean that he likes your pictures or text you things like he thought you don't want to talk to him means that he wants you back or keeping you as a rebound,someone who falls back into when he has no one. Wen he asked you to be friends, I think he was sincerely wants to be JUST friends. By the way the text messages were. It really means nothing but friends. He's not making any move. If he wants you back his text messages would been "it'll be fun if you're there hiking with me". "Awh I bet it'll better if I was watching the show with you". But no, he was just keeping it simple as a friend and he's really being friendly as if y'all never dated. Don't think too much of it when he haven't give you any hints yet. And also don't be too stress out bout it. If you haven't move on from him.You going to be more attached to him and when he actually with some girl. You'll be heart broken. It's never good to be JUST friends with someone who you have feelings for

upandup143

you have a good point. I do see what you mean about the difference in texts. So IF i decided being friends with him is still a good idea. Would it be "desperate/clingy ex gf" to initiate some text convos with him. Or just let him initiate all?

mrsbillygil

Based on your posts, I think you should not be friends and should stop texting w him. Its not childish to stop talking after a relationship ends, in fact I think in some ways it's more adult to be honest about needing a clean break in order to move on. Based on your other posts, I think it's clear that you still have feelings and talking to him is giving you a small amount of hope and preventing you from some of the sadness of breaking up. I think its really great that you are questioning things and wondering why you should still be friends and if that is healthy for you. If you are worried about coming off as clingy/desperate ex gf or concerned about initiating, then you are not ready to just be friends. I think as long as you guys are friends, then he doesn't feel like the bad guy who broke your heart, which is why he keeps sending texts like this. But that isn't in your best interest. A three month relationship shouldn't be too hard to recover from, but it will get harder and harder the longer you drag this out. Long rant, sorry, but my gist is basically that once he gets back from his trip, write him and email and tell him you would like no contact for a while.

mrsbillygil

Also, dont feel bad about cutting him off. Be kind in how you phrase it, he'll understand.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

Can you be friends with him? Yes, you can when you're ready to put the past behind. Should you be friends with him? No, you shouldn't right now because you still have feelings for him and you over analyze every move he makes, well at least his texts. You sound like a person with her head steady in her shoulders in every post, you're thinking rational, but the way you act is totally the opposite of what you think. Be strong and cut him loose. Call him and let him know what you need to stop talking to him for a while in order for you to move on. Don't text. And MEAN what you're going to tell him. If he really cares for you, he'll listen.

joshuaj

It's time to build a bridge and get over it. The guy is 36 and still toying around with his emotions. He doesn't know what he wants and he never will. With 15+ years in the dating game he should know by now how to articulate what it is that he is wanting out of a relationship. After dating for 3 months he pulls the plug and now trying to recharge? Forget it! Don't waste your time. If he wanted to stay in your life and enjoyed you as a person, he wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place. If you keep him around , you will always be the fall-back girl who is there to charge him when he needs a boost.

itjustme

What we're all telling you to do is hard. You can't just forget about him. But being his friend right now is not a good idea if you still have feelings for him. I've done that before and it didn't work out. You are young right now. So enjoy it. Don't let some ex bf drags you down. Focus on the positive things and live your life. Like the us,strangers, are supporting you and give you advices lol. Hope you can find happiness with some other guy who's worth your time. :)

torirule

tell him you want some space to move on. don't have any contact with him for at least 3 months and in that time date new guys. it's really hard to move on when someone tells you they don't want to be in a relationship but they keep texting you and you still have feelings for them and hope to get back together. you'll interpret every text as 'maybe they want me back and i have to reply to this text in order to get him back'. being friends with an ex is not that easy especially right after they broke up with you.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You still call him your "bf", not your ex. In both your posts. I don't think you are ready to be friends with all those feelings. Cut him off till you are ready.

nath

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I had just broken up with my bf and well I went home with this guy for cuddles and well it led to something more (I was the one who made it go further). Next morning I left as we both had work. He texted me first after. But he took 9 hours or something to reply back...

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do you think he was keen?

Share link
hammslice

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Imagine this. You meet someone and instantly hit it off. You have everything in common and finish each other's sentences. You text from the minute you wake up to the minute you fall asleep. You go park in a beach parking lot at night and just talk for a few hours about everything. He hugs you hello and goodbye when you see each other. And not some weak friend hug, he actually squeezes you. He says you can sleep in his bed when his roommate is gone and he will sleep on the couch. You have multiple late nights texting each other and suffer the consequences the next day but you still don't learn your lesson and do it all over again the next night. He tells you his day is better when he talks to you. He says your name in conversations to get a point across and you can't help but smile. He sincerely asks questions and remember what you tell him. But you aren't sure what your are because you haven't asked him about it and he doesn't bring it up.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he into you or did you just get friendzoned?

Share link
giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

You don't mention how long you two have know each other. He sounds very friendly. I think you tried to read too deeply into his comment when he was clearly offering his bed but said he couldn't because his roommate was still home. There was no hidden meaning. Continue with the friendship and don't try to force anything to happen. Women get impatient and try to rush things along. Good luck!

jhops TOP COMMENTER

From what you said, he does seem interested, and seems every bit the gentleman. But I agree with @giggles. If you guys have just met, there is no need to rush it. Boy is interested alright, just pace yourself properly and not rush things. Take the time to get to know each other.

rox

Yeah you haven't mentioned how long you have known each other. Coz me as a guy would generally ask a girl out immeidately if I really like her. We guys are trained to profess our love immediately if we're really into the girl with such questions as "Will you be my girlfriend?"or "Can we be exclusive now?". Trust me, no matter how nice he is to you, if these are the subjects he's not bringing up then technically you're just on the friend zone.

lilliekins TOP COMMENTER

Take your time. He seems interested, see where it goes and how he behaves.

hammslice

We've known each other almost 3 weeks now

jennymichele

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Dating for 3 months, spend weekends together and a few nights a week, lately started to not text as much and takes longer to respond, is he just more comfortable or losing interest?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he just too comfortable or losing interest!? Did he really forget to text back?

Share link
giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

Nobody can answer your second question. Only he knows the answer to that. Trust your gut. If you feel like things are different, they probably are. Act accordingly. You called him out and now it's up to him to fix it. If he's pulling back, you should do the same. However, if it was just one time this happened you may be overreacting.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

If he's texting you less, but making more plans to spend time with you in person, I wouldn't be too worried. But if he's not making plans to see you or text, then you should have your answer there.

rox

did he ask SPECIFICALLY to be exclusive? avoid a textual relationship. it's always better to have these kind of conversations via phone or face-to-face

jennymichele

Thanks, he clarified today by saying he often doesn't reply as much if it doesn't seem like it's a question, and he reminded me we have been spending lots of time together, and he's not much of a small talk texter

jennymichele

Thanks

katrinaustraliaa93

Nobody "forgets" to text back someone that is important to them. & if they do, they make it up to them later by starting another conversation. It sounds to me like this guy is uninterested.

jennymichele

Well he's pulled back more, he lost his job and is having a hard time balancing dating low funds and a job hunt. I'm going to take my own advice and move on!!!!

lana_n

i don't care what excuse he has to give you, when you like someone you don't just forget to text them, if anything you reach out to them and let them know your doing something but he seems to careless. good luck, i wouldn't put up with him only talking to me when its convenient for him.

inspired12

That's really awkward that you asked him that! Even if it's true that he isn't into you anymore you put him on the spot and no body likes that... Even if he was Into you now he may not be anymore after that. Just have a talk about him and you NOT his text response time ... Just be real

tiairabre

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We are together, but we haven't DTR (defined the relationship). This is my first relationship with a guy and I'm so antsy about offending him even though he doesn't get offended that easily. (I'm the green.)

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He kept texting me lol whatever or nvm. Did I piss him off because I really didn't understand him or I was just teasing? I really don't wanna mess this up

Share link
justme_4

To be honest; he doesn't seem to be participating in the conversation and therefore I would guess that he isn't interested at all. However, you said that you guys are sort of together, so I don't know what to make of it. But you did absolutely nothing to offend him. Be more confident. Who would be offended by a comment about a teddybear?

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agree with the person who commented above. How old are you guys? Why talk about teddy bears? It sounded like you tried to flirt and he brushed you off. Are you sure you are in a r/s?

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

He didn't sound like he wanted to participate in the conversation. And you sounded pretty awkward trying to push the convo further. Slow down on the texting.

giggleskdd TOP COMMENTER

If you haven't "defined" it yet, I wouldn't assume you're in a relationship. People who are in relationships have clearly defined what their status is. He didn't sound like he wanted to participate. I agree that you didn't say anything offensive. I also agree that you shouldn't force conversation. If you see the other person is giving one word responses, stop texting.

rox

i agree with giggleskdd, if it's not defined, then you're not together. it's either you're together or not - nothing in between. and you seem to be texting him more than the other way around.

hope_2

Getting responses like "lol" and "whatever" would usually be a sign to not text back until he texts you something that gives you a chance to share your opinion with him. No more dragging the conversation just so you guys don't have to stop talking

katelyn449

Well, I think you should wait it out a bit. See if those kind if texts keep happening. If he keeps acting uninterested in conversations confront him in person about it. And ask where you stand in your relationship. If he clarifies things, or makes it clear that you do mean a lot to him and apologizes then just see what you can so to improve your conversations. But if he brushes it off or seems annoyed about it then it probably isn't worth your time. He needs to comit.

beckybarbie

TBH, couldn't even follow that text convo that you tried to start. He's probably just confused and doesn't know how to respond.

sarahs_2

I think he was horny and alone and just thought he'd try to see if you would sext. Its happened to me before, when he realised you werent going to he could be bothered carrying on the conversation.

leila

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is it okay if the guy you're going out with isn't very affectionate? Like he's great in a million other ways and really sweet to me, but for example he won't hold me when we go to bed, even though I told him it's really important to me? Feel like it's a silly question but it really bothers me, and I think it's probably something that's important to most girls.

Share link
rxbfan04

I don't think it's "ok" or "not ok", but if it's something that's very important to you than maybe he isn't the right guy for you. It's not that there's anything wrong with him for not being more affectionate, or anything wrong with you for wanting to be more affectionate, it's just sometimes people don't always match what they want. If it's something that he is willing to work on for you then that's great but if it's truly something that bothers you i'd take a look at whether you're willing to not have that to be in a relationship with this guy.

leila TOP COMMENTER

Thanks @rxbfan04! That was really helpful advice :-)

justme_4

Exactly what the other commenter said.

torirule

lily allen wrote a song about this problem called 'it's not fair'.

BACK TO TOP