By Jared Freid | Sep 23 2013
Every Monday our HeTexted Bro, Jared Freid (@jtrain56), will take one of the questions from his mailbag and answer them for the HeTexted audience. If you’d like to ask Jared a more personal question find him in the “Bros” section of the site.
Q. I met this new guy at a bar on Saturday night and hit it off really well. We exchanged numbers that night and he offered to give me a free pass to one of his boxing classes (he's a boxing instructor). We've texted a little since we met:
Guy: I expect to see you at 12pm sharp on monday!
Me: You better make me into a champ fighter!
What should be my next move? I want to hang out but not at the gym!
A. To meet someone at a bar or any place that isn’t a dating website you have to talk about something. That “thing” is always dumb and when you tell the story that “thing” sounds even dumber:
“Ya he calls me Cap’n because we talked about how we both liked Cap’n Crunch. It was really funny at the time. But ya... lets just keep eating brunch and forget this conversation ever happened.”
Movies and TV do a really bad job of showing us that first chance meeting. They never show us those dumb conversations that are necessary so anything can happen at all. The problem with these dumb, “conversation starter things” is that sometimes they can sidetrack the whole relationship. This girl is stuck in “gym-land” and even though that got them talking it’s not really where she wants to end up. Truthfully she doesn’t even know if he’s attracted. Maybe he’s looking for customers (sounds ridiculous but being a trainer is as much a sales business as life insurance). So what does she do? How does she get out of Gymville Station?
My advice to anyone who is stuck on their “thing” is to not have that first meeting be about that “thing.” If you talked about Cap’n Crunch don’t go to the Cap’n Crunch factory and in this case, she shouldn’t go take a Zumba class together. It’s nice to have something in common but that should be the reason you take things from chance-meeting to date. If you go from the chance-meeting to your “thing” then your intentions (as well as theirs) are murky. Are you there because you really like the gym? Is he there because he needs to hit his monthly training goals? As scary as getting rejected can be, her next text should be about a drink or some coffee and not about her squat max.
Jared Freid is a comedian and HeTexted “Bro” based in NYC. You can ask him dating questions here or find him on Twitter (@JTrain56) for weekly columns and podcasts he produces for TotalFratMove.com.