By Ian Lang | Dec 04 2013
A lot of times when I blog here, it's to spread the message that all is not lost just because you ran into a little relationship speed bump. This week, it's the opposite: Avoiding becoming too delusional, otherwise known as allowing what you want to happen cloud your perception of what's really happening.
A lot of people, when dealing with someone on whom they have a crush, will ignore just about every negative indicator to focus on whatever few positives they see (or conjure up). Maybe a guy that doesn't otherwise give you the time of day lent you a pen one day in class, or maybe that guy you met one time at a party three months ago followed you on Instagram and now you're FREAKING OUT. Those things, on their own, are fine and don't mean much. Nothing negative, anyway. The danger, though, is taking these small, discrete moments in time and allowing yourself to get all wound up over what might happen, or what you'd like to happen.
Even worse is when you meet someone who's actively giving out indicators of disinterest and you choose to ignore and/or rationalize them. For instance, if a guy you're seeing outright tells you that he's not looking for a relationship, it's easy to delude yourself into thinking that he's just somehow "not ready" and is on the precipice of making a commitment. Don't hold your breath. If anyone is "looking" for a relationship, then no one is, and vice versa. That's just a nice way of telling someone that they aren't interested enough to be exclusive, which is bad news if you're looking to be exclusive with this person in general. It's obvious from the outside, but when you're in the middle of it, sometimes it's easier to rationalize your way out of a problem than it is to accept that sometimes, things just don't work out.
I still maintain that it's best to look on the bright side and and to favor taking chances over assuming the worst, but sometimes you have to keep yourself in check. If you find yourself constantly coming up with reasons why it would, or should work with someone, chances are you're wasting your time. There are plenty of people out there who will give you what you want, so there's no point putting a lot of effort into those who won't, however desirable they may seem.