alexrae15

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So my fwb has been a little distant the past week. We normally talk all the time because we have a close friendship even though we are fwb's. We communicate through snap chat most of the time. This week he hasn't been really responsive to me. He looks at the picture message and either doesn't respond or he sends a chat message, normally with just a few words.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I ask him about it?

Share link
torirule TOP COMMENTER

no, if you ask him about it you will seem needy. just don't send him any messages/snapchats first for at least a week and see if he asks you about it.

wsr_girl22

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I posted a few weeks ago about this guy I liked. 2 weeks ago we started dating on a Wednesday, (he said he liked me too an said we'd date sooner or later) so we dated for a week and during that whole week we didn't talk. I thought he was mad at me so I asked him after a week if he wanted to break up. He replied. I really liked/like him. I miss talking to him and wish we where still friends

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He just texted/kiked me after school and said 'hey' I replied with 'hey'. He looked at it but didn't reply. On Fridays I know he's busy with soccer so I'm not expecting anything back. I doubt he even wanted to talk to me but what's this mean?

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He sounds immature, and uninterested. I'd move on.

girlonqwerty

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I have this guy friend who I met in 1st year of college. He was in a relationship at that time, and he is a good looking guy. I started liking him since day 1, and I became really good friends with him. I usually did things for him, and he often took me for granted but at the end of the day he was a very good guy, he was there when I needed something, mostly, at least. His girlfriend, I got acquainted with her, and we became friends too and I usually had 1-2 occasions of being the third wheel, which I made clear to him I did not want to be, and he respected my judgments. We became closer as we did college events together, and he made it a point to delve into my talents and appreciate, compliment them and encourage me. We made a common friend and and we are called the 'trio' in our college for our friendship. In between, he stopped talking to me ( or for that matter, anyone) in college because his girlfriend wanted more time of his, which he tried giving. Then the second semester of college started and his visits to his girlfriend lessened. We had our usual friendship going on. In between I told him I liked him, but he told me that he has a girlfriend already. I told him I do not want a relationship or something, I was just letting him know, and he appreciated it and took it in the positive stride. It made it easy for me that he was okay with it. Meanwhile, I used to flirt with guys and he used to make fun of me with their names. His making fun was often mocking at me, and it was weird, because others teased me but when he teased, it felt weird. As if he were saying I know you like ME so why put the garb of liking someone else? But this might be me just overthinking.

Anyways, so our friendship grew deeper and I took a trip to his hometown, and we had long walks and long chats together. Before going to his hometown, he had broken up with his girlfriend. More like, she had broken up with him, because he was not giving her time, plus they had come to a decision that they wanted different things in their lives. Their relationship had been physical, and it was a long time one, 4 years strong.

I told him how beautiful my friendship was for him and he also reciprocated the same. We held hands and walked together.
During the trip I got a message from his ex saying I should not come in between them and destroy what they have for each other. Here is where he acted very weird. When I told him this, he told me to ignore her. While on the same day, he went and dropped her off to some station as she was leaving somewhere. He easily managed to keep both the parties happy. Pretty clever of him, is not it? I was pretty angry, that he did not take my side, did not advocate for me, because she was being pretty rude.
Then she said Sorry, and I acquiesced.

Coming back to college, everything was normal and he and one more friend of mine got close to my mum too. My mum has a habit of being friends with my friends, and she is not one of those nagging mothers, but she is often the cooler of the lot. She is actually a 18 year old at heart. So one day when my mum came to college, he and the other friend of mine welcomed her with really beautiful surprises. It was really sweet of both of them. This intensified my feelings for the guy.

Both of my friends decided to come to my house . Which they did.

Here is where a weird thing happened- This guy became very close to me. In college even hugging was problematic to him ( plus I myself am not a person who hugs easily). I had a habit of pulling his cheeks which he detests, and often scolded me for it. But at home, he became really free and different. He touched me by my waist, held me in his arms, once I sat on the bed and pulled me towards him.
He became emotional while seeing my childhood photos, so much so that he clicked photos of my childhood photos for keeping with him.

And, the clincher of all- one fine day at my home when my parents were sleeping, my friend, he and I were watching a movie. Both of us were in a separate sheet, and my friend was in the other. This guy hugged me, put his legs on mine, clenched me, and dug his face on my neck.
Then he felt me up. All over. ALL OVER. And I did not stop him, because well I was emotionally inclined towards him and I felt that he has feelings too.

But coming back to college, he became normal, again. Very stand-offish. When I confronted him, ( via text), he told me that he did it without analysing or weighing, something he wanted to do once. I told him I did it because I had feelings, he said regardless of feelings one could have stopped, and if I had stopped he would have stopped. And he told me not to think of him as desperate. And also, he told me to get over him. He said it is high time to get over him, to do good to both him and I.

Then, he has lessened conversations with me. He is in his formal best, as if he and I dont know each other. he does not give me good vibes at all.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THIS GUY? And what am I supposed to feel and do?

Share link
girlonqwerty

Please comment and help!

jared ADVISOR TOP COMMENTER

I can't really tell you how to feel. I can say a few things from an outsiders perspective:

-It's very unlikely he will date you and enter into a long term relationship after ending one of four years. In all honesty, you have been mentally fulfilling something for him all this time. He knew he could be with you before but he never wanted more.

-He's in a tough position. The ex knew you liked him all along. That's why she tried to get more time from him. She knew any time with you was about you getting closer to him. So now it ends and he wants to respect the ex who I'm sure he still has feelings for since he got dumped and getting with you makes it look like he left her for you which is something that the ex feared all along.

-The stuff with your mom means very little. He's not going to be a dick to your mom. He was nice which is nice and nothing more.

My advice is to move on and stay away. This guy will never give you everything you want. He has a girl he is trying to get over who knows you like him. So going to you will only make his life more difficult. The hookup happened because why not hook up, you're young. But he knows that you two just cant be a harmless hookup so thats why he backed off. Go meet new guys. Take the things you like about him and use them to judge the next guys that come along. For the future, I wouldn't become friends with someone you like as a next best thing. It never works and only makes you feel "less than" which you are not. I'm sure you're a great girl with a lot to offer and feeding into someone who wont give back is just a waste of time.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He doesn't feel the same way you do, and it seems like he takes advantage of the fact that you like him. My advice for you is to gain some confidence, move on and find a guy who is emotionally available.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Your whole “friendship" with this guy is based on you being attracted and infatuated to him. It’s an illusion of a strong friendship. Was there real friendship there? Sure, I’m sure there was. But most of the reason you were friends was simply because you wanted him very badly, and he liked being wanted.

He hooked up with you probably because he was a little horny, a little curious, knew he could do it and he let that take over him. But he has been very clear since then that he is not interested.

The healthiest thing for you is to move on. It hurts and it’s hard, especially because him being physical with you gave you more hope, so give yourself time to feel upset and grieve over this.

But make no mistake - there is no chance of a relationship here, and in order to get over that, you must not be friends with him like you were before. I would recommend no contact for a while just to help yourself properly move on.

girlonqwerty

Thanks a lot people. Thanks Jared. :) Now I have at least some idea as to what to do. Thanks.

aitan

NOW I'M WONDERING...

im a Filipina and had a relationship with a guy online He is American from Kentucky we have been friends since 2012 tru some online dating site. last March 2014 we started to get serious telling each other how we feel we skype and chat we did have plans already that he would come visit me and the we get marry..but then lately he just unfriend me on facebook and never replied to any of my messages already without any idea what i did wrong. its been difficult because after all the i love you and plans it seems to boil down that it was only superficial..my heart is broken i don't know if i am doing this right telling the whole world my heartaches online and i don't know some of you can relate to this. but i need advice badly :(

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

Babe, he's not someone you met up with in person, how can you even love him? I'm not making fun of you, but you're just in love with the idea of being in love -- he's the fantasy because you've not met him yet. He's perfect and has no flaws you can see or have to live with because it's all online. What makes you think he's going to be your dream guy if you do see him? Talk is cheap. To have never met someone then get married? Be logical. I don't know about you, but I think marriage is once in lifetime. You definitely want to take the time to know someone. Besides, international flights are so affordable, and he's not even offered to fly out to see you. That is a sign it's all BS. He probably met someone near him. Forget him. Meet someone located in your city and country.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Even though you never met, I do believe that your heart can be broken in a way and I'm sorry he was so rude as to simply cut you out of his life after so many promises. You thought you were going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. That may be very unrealistic given that you never met, but that's what you believed and now your world is shaken. I'm sorry. The best thing you can do is just heal your heart the way any of us would... Cry it out, talk to friends, eat your favorite meal, watch a good movie, cry some more, get out there and do an activity you love... Slowly things get better and you will heal. Next time, you will be more wary of situations like these. Meeting someone in your area face to face is the way to go. There is a guy in your area who would be a great match for you, and you deserve to find him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

you probably didn't do anything wrong, but it sounds like it was a fantasy relationship for both of you. if he unfriended you but there was no fight or anything that means he is probably seeing someone else now, doesn't want the new girl to know about you and he took the easy way of breaking up with you by unfriending you on facebook and giving no explanation. That must be very frustrating and heartbreaking for you. Do you know his phone number? Maybe you could call him just once and see what he says, just for closure, not to get him back.

aitan

i have his number but i dont think he would answer the call. i am trying to move on and i guess everyone is right - anyone can be somebody online. it just frustrating to know,

fms

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I posted yesterday about my boss being flirtatious with me.

Today, some of the other girls and I were talking about cuddling our boyfriends and he came over and said, "I'm good at cuddling, I'm very cuddly and will be very touchy feely at the Christmas party" - which is next month. I said to him, "that is harassment" and all he did was laugh and walk away. Later in the day, he asked where it was and I said that its about 5 minutes from where I live, and he said "I know where I'm staying!" I told him no, obviously.

It's making me feel as though he is going to try and get close to me at the party, which would make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Am I reading this wrong and he is just joking, or is he implying that he wants to get closer to me?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he trying to make a move on me?

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

Inform him via email documenting the above incident, and tell him firmly you think his behaviour is inappropriate, and he must stop this sexual harassment or you will file a complaint with HR. Keep the email and his reply (if any). If he crosses the line again, forward the email to HR and his immediate supervisor. Make sure you keep a log (time, date, location) of every sexual harassment. If he texts you in a inappropriate manner, keep them as proof as well.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

And yes, his behaviour is inappropriate in this post. But telling him the party is 5mins away from your place may be seen as suggestive to someone who already doesn't know his boundaries. If you don't want him to get the wrong idea, just be a little more careful with your words. Also, be very firm that you are not keen to explore anything beyond your professional relationship.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

ewwww this is so inappropriate at work. good thing your co-workers witnessed him being sleazy like that. I agree you should put it all in writing and go to HR or his supervisor or whatever they have for "employee issues".

traveler519

You need to report this. Especially before he gets mad about you rejecting him and turns it around on YOU. Good luck!

girl1girl

HERE'S THE DEAL...

i met one guy im my school and then he added me to facebook and we started to talk also on whatsapp. we talked for one week only and the first day we started talking he asked me if im single and if i want a boyfried. after a week that he told me he like me very much he suddently wrote me that he dont want to be in a seriuse relationship and we stopped talking. after one week he wrote me that he got in to something that we talked about then and we talked a little. now at school he always says hi to me and smile and once i talked to a teacher and he passed there so he touched me arm and smiled to me so i will noticed him.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

i dont know what to do because he told me he is not intrested and now he act like he wanna talk to me. i dont want him to think that if i talk to him so it means that i still want something seriuse from him. should i text him something? i dont know if to write him something or what to write

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Be polite but don't initiate contact

torirule TOP COMMENTER

how rude of him to ask you if you're single and want a boyfriend and then tell you he doesn't want a relationship. what's the point in him even asking? Definitely don't initiate texting or talking to him. If he tries to communicate with you or brings up the 'relationship' issue again, just smile and act like it's no big deal like 'thanks for letting me that you are not boyfriend material, saves me having to figure it out for myself!'

summer_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

A month ago I hooked up with this guy I've known since march at a club. About a week ago I told him to keep friday free (wanted to invite him clubbing). But I found out I had to go to a wedding instead:
him: perfect i got nothin on tell your mum you'll be bringing a friend
me: LOL a friend?
him: well..
me: go on well what
him: you tell me
what am i to you?
me: i don't know
what about you?
him: hahaha lol
i think this is a conversation we should probably save for in person
me: haha yeah
but when will that happen
him: hahah when i'm free i guess
how's the wedding?
send me photos :)

I ignored him because I was upset/confused it sounded like he didn't want to have the conversation. then i wanted to ask him something so I texted him 2 days later. He never replied and it's been more than a week. Sometimes in the past he would stop replying till he bumps into me at uni.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Did he want to have the conversation or not? I'm really confused because he suggested it, then tried to avoid it.

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

This guy isn't serious, otherwise he wouldn't disappear for a week

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

He seems emotionally guarded and unsure about things. It's really rude of him to not respond so I'd just move on. Even if he did want to have the talk, he's definitely not emotionally mature enough to make that clear to you.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

it's hard to define the relationship after one hookup.

2009 TOP COMMENTER

It doesn't matter if he wants to or not, if he's not actually making it happen (regardless of circumstances) then he's not worth investing your hopes in romantically.

fuze13

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy on tinder. He messaged me first and used a lot of exclamation points when he replied. He lives 30 miles away. He owns his own business too.He seemed interested. Asking me a lot of questions. He said we should grab coffee or go on a hike sometime which I thought nothing would happen because he lived so far away. About an hour drive. But I said we could go out to dinner and he agreed. We added each other on fb during the mean time. Anyway, the day before our date he messaged me in tinder saying that he was terrible at remembering dates and that he had to take his parents to the airport which would probably be about 2 hours from where he lives and he said he would see if he could make it back in time. I said it was okay we could reschedule. Well I waited that day and all of the next day and he never responded. He wasn't even showing active on tinder any so I decided to message him on fb and he says I'm so sorry! That he had a big order come up and the last 2 days have been terrible.blah blah. Well we talk like normal for the next few days and he doesn't try to reschedule so I finally just ask him and he said that it sounded great! We went hiking and out to eat and I felt like both of us had a good time. I got home and messaged him saying I had a great time. He messaged back that he did too and he had a lot of fun. I waited a couple of days and have messaged him again and he's been active on fb but hasn't opened my message. I think he's avoiding me all together.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What the crap happened? I don't know if he looked at my fb profile and was turned off by something or if he was turned off by online dating because he never did it before. We were both a lil awkward but that's natural. He was acting shady before so I have no idea what happened.

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

If someone was so flaky on the first date, I wouldn't bother honestly. It's his bad he mixed up the date, he should be the one rescheduling, not you. Even worse, he didn't respond to you after you said to reschedule. Then you rewarded his bad behaviour by chasing after him and asking him out for a date. I don't know what happened, but it doesn't matter. He probably isn't that interested. You guys only went out on one date. Forget him. Put him on a restricted list on FB, or delete him all together. I would do the latter. Go back on Tinder and meet someone new.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not interested. You're putting in all the effort

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Most Tinder dates will be one date and that's it. You have to accept that if you use that medium to meet people. You're chasing him. Big no no. Community safety announcement: Going hiking is a really really bad choice for a first date with someone you met on Tinder. Glad you had fun and got home safe from that but I've read a bunch of news stories about women that have been murdered, raped etc on a first date with a guy she met on Tinder. Hiking is a really nice thing to do with someone you know really well or a group. Public places nearby with people around until you know the guy well enough to trust him.

fuze13

Yeah, that was a really dumb idea to go hiking with someone you've never met before. Thank you guys!

traveler519

Why do you say most Tinder dates will just be one date? Just curious. I've never used Tinder.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

Traveler519 it probably depends whether you're a girl who asks guys out or not (I don't). If you did you would probably go on a lot more dates. Many guys just want to go from first date to casual hook-ups, so they keep in touch for a while but don't ask you out on actual dates anymore, they just keep reminding you that they are there.. Then there are guys that are totally awkward in person and you don't want to see them again. Also on tinder there's a seemingly unlimited number of guys/girls to choose from, and it's very easy/tempting to just keeping looking if you haven't found what you really want yet.

lashida

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This guy and I had a class together this past spring semester. We got to know each other after the semester ended, and I had a pretty big crush on him. We hung out a few times, (smoked, drank, chilled out) and one day in July I decided to tell him how I felt...over text. It turned out that he said that it would be better if we stayed friends, so I agreed. Then when I asked the next morning to hang out he never replied. This was in July, and it's now October. Since then I've gotten back together with my boyfriend who I was with before I started hanging out with this guy. We've been happy, and now all of a sudden, at midnight he texts me asking to hang out and that he's pretty high right now. I said I have to work early in the morning which I do, and that's it for now. I want to know what that means...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

This guy that basically rejected me in July, decides to text me now after no contact. He texts me asking to hang out and that he's pretty high right now. I said I have to work early in the morning which I do, and that's it for now. I want to know what that means...

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

Anything after 9pm: booty call. Ignore.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

That was very rude of him to message you at midnight asking to hang out after no contact for so long. As jhops said it was definitely a booty call and he would have had dutch courage/inhibition due to being high. The fact that you answered 'I have to work early in the morning' suggests that if you didn't have to work you would have been up for 'hanging out' at that time...is that true? What about your boyfriend???

sunflower2324

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met a guy this past summer who lives in a different city. We liked each other and after parting ways he texted me all the time and we were in close contact for a while. Eventually, things became friendly, as we didn't know the next time we would see each other, but we still kept in close contact as friends. Then there was about a month where we didn't talk at all because some really difficult stuff was happening in his life and I wanted to be supportive but also give him space. Anyways, then out of the blue he says he's going to be in my city and asks me if I want to get a drink. We go out and have a great time and then he comes home with me and stays the night. Overall, it was a good time, although I did start to act slightly weird because I actually really like him and that surprised me and kind of freaked me out. He left town the next day but said that he'd be back in two weeks and would I be interested in going out then? I said yes. He then texted me a few funny things that day and I wrote back, but then I didn't hear from him all weekend. I wrote to him and asked if he had a good weekend and he responded sweetly but then the conversation kind of fizzled. It's been a few more days and he hasn't texted me and I don't want to pursue him so I'm not going to text him.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do you think he's decided he's not into it anymore? It's just weird because after we hung out this summer, I heard from him all the time, but this time he's not initiating contacting me at all. I thought we had a great time, and since he said he wants to see me again, I figured it would be the same. Do you think that since he'll be back in town pretty soon, he just figures that there's no need to talk frequently. Or is my not hearing from him a definite signal that he's no longer really into me...? Thanks!

Share link
g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not into you beyond a casual hookup, based in what you've described

jhops TOP COMMENTER

It doesn't sound too promising to me if he disappeared for a month, reappeared, hook up, then do the fade. However, don't overthink it. You're right, definitely don't text back if he's not making effort with conversation. See if he makes good to take you out when he is back in town. And don't hook up with him again. If he takes you out, and still sticks around, great! If he doesn't, forget this guy.

ssh

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So there's this guy that used to come to my school but he's finished now. (I'm in my last year of school now) When he was in grade 9, he dated my bestfriend but this is long over. Anyway, we became really really close just as friends when he was in grade 11, but there was nothing between us because he had a girlfriend and I was seeing this other guy but we were always really, really flirty and got along really well!! Also, when I was seeing this other guy and things would go wrong, he would always be there for me telling me I don't deserve what's happening and that any guy would be lucky to have me and he's not the type of person to say this sort of stuff. Anyway, when he was close to finishing grade 12, he told me he used to have a crush on me earlier in the year and was confused about how he felt for me the year before but he never thought I'd feel the same so he never acted on it and I admitted that I felt the same. This never changed anything and we'd still talk a lot and every now and again, we'd speak about how we used to like each other. Last year, close to Christmas, we both went to the same party and we were getting along real well and having fun. We then went to our friend groups and sat and he texted me saying "Come outside to talk?" but I didn't feel comfortable to do so, considering my bestfriend was there - not that she cares because has a new boyfriend but it just didn't feel right. So I didn't. But he kept asking and hinting to go and talk and each time, I didn't even though I really wanted to. In time, I realised he was annoyed. That night, I called him after the party and we spoke and he said he wanted to tell me that he likes me, but was now too annoyed at the fact that I blew him off. Then things became really rough and I tried talking to him for a while but it didn't work like before. So I left it. We'd speak as friends, normally, every couple of months or so and see each other at gatherings and flirt and speak a bit but nothing would follow through. The other day we saw each other and it felt different. We looked at each other a lot but we didn't get a chance to speak. He messaged me saying "Thanks for saying hi" and I told him I wanted to but it felt weird. We spoke for many days on end after that and soon after, we spoke on the phone. He told me he had obvious feelings for me still and didn't know how to act on them but regrets that he didn't follow through with anything before and I agreed that I felt the same way. He also told me that he wants things to work out after I finish school because that's when it'd be least complicated. He asked me to come to this party on the weekend, so we could talk about "us"?????? I do like him and if things keep going, I would date him.

P.S He's never dirty with me or initiates ANYTHING sexual so he can't be using me.
P.P.S My bestfriend doesn't mind and is encourages whatever I'd like to do (she's a gem), so please no hateful comments about that

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he like me or am I just someone he can fall back on?? Because he said he has feelings for me after all these months where we'd barely spoke? WHAT'S GOING ON?

Share link
mrsbillygil

It seems too hard w this guy. If he really wanted you he wouldn't have dropped you simply because you didn't want to go outside w him that one night. The text about not saying hi is annoying and passive aggressive. Finally, if he really wanted to, he'd just date u now, not wait until after u finish school. Clearly he's attracted to you in some way but not enough to make something happen w u. Stop letting him waste ur time.

ssh

Meaning that it'd probably be too risky to go to this party for a talk??

collegegirl22

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I went to a party on Saturday night and ended up hooking up with this guy (hooking up=making out), while we were all drinking. I was with him all night, about 2 hours, and I actually really enjoyed him and had a lot of fun. He was really sweet and respectful for a hookup. He kept making statements regarding the future, we talked about going on a date and he kept asking when we were going to make that happen, he asked for my number and when things would happen, for example me walking into the other room while he was talking to a friend to look for my friend, he would come to find me and say jokingly: are you trying to just leave? Because if you were I guess that would be it for us and I wouldn't be able to see you again. A little while later, he wanted to give me his number so I could text him because "he's a bad texter" and I told him I would get it when he texted me! Eventually he somehow got my phone and put his number in there and was all there! Now you can text me. And another example, was when I was waiting for my friend to get picked up to go back home it was about 30 minutes of just waiting. He kept saying he wanted to dance with me and i kept saying I didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone and he even offered to come with me to walk her back home but we ended up just waiting. When he mentioned again that he wanted to go back in to dance with me, I stepped back and said, I'm sorry, I know this is kind of boring, but seriously, if you want you can totally go back in there and find another girl to dance with, it's really not a big deal. Because I didn't want him to think I was a girl that was gonna expect more from a hookup later on and be clingy and whatnot. And instead of taking my offer, he grabbed my hands pulled me back and said "no no no no, i'm fine I just want to stay with you, I'll wait." and then he kissed me and then on the cheek. He actually kissed me on the cheek a lot and while we danced. And by the end of the night he walked me all the way home when he lived at the place the party was being held. I don't know but all this doesn't really seem like hook up behavior. He has my number and has been looking at my snapchat stories, but hasn't contacted me via call or text. What do you think he is thinking? I think I am going to reach out to him about something really no big deal, like losing a jacket or something. Help meeeee

NOW I'M WONDERING...

We hooked up, Now what?

Share link
mamur

Dear Collegegirl22,
Thanks for reaching out to me for help with your situation! So after reading about your situation I think it's best not to overthink anything here. To me it seems like a casual hookup for the night. The fact that he waited with you may be simply because you're a great kisser and he wanted to kiss you more. Or it could be that he was being a gentleman and keeping you company while you wait. I definitely don't think there was anything more that would suggest something serious relationship wise. If you'd like to keep him as a casual hookup you can text him and tell him to let you know when there'll be another party at his place. This will let him know that you're there to party, have fun, and enjoy being young with him. Let me know if there's anything else you need help with and keep me updated on what's happening!!!

- Mamur Ahmed
IG: @MamurTatum

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He sounds like a player. I wouldn't contact him. P.S. There is no such thing as a bad texted, just lazy guys who can't be bothered to put any effort in!

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

*texter

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Agreed with @g_love12. If I was you and he told me that he was a "bad texter", I would just laugh and lose his number the second he leaves. If someone genuinely wants to know you, they will be sincere with their actions and take you out like they said. Learn to tell the difference next time. Whenever a guy needs to announce something like "I'm such a bad liar"or "I'm a nice guy", alarm bells should sound all round in your head, and you should be planning your exit strategy.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I don't know how snapchat works, but I would delete him as a contact.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

forget about any guy who says he's a bad texter, He's basically saying 'if you want me you will have to do all the work because I cannot be bothered'. Just say 'well if you're a bad texter then there's not much point in us texting each other is there haha' and laugh it off.

mrsbillygil

Definitely dont reach out to him. I agree w the others that he's a player. Everything he did/said is behavior of a guy who's enjoying hooking up w a girl that night and nothing more. Delete his number and move on.

fms

HERE'S THE DEAL...

My boss has been at the company now for 5 months. During that time, he has taken a lot of time out of his schedule to train me, and due to this, he promoted me and gave me a pay rise of 25 percent.

He always says that he trusts me most out of the team, and that I'm his favourite, and he's "always a bit mean to them" - he sets me tasks that are more difficult than my job description generally says I have to do. If he is out of the office having a coffee meeting, he will phone to check in on how I'm doing, and if I am stressed he will invite me to go there and get coffee too.

Sometimes he says my boyfriend is "thick" because he works in manual labour, and says things like "he's peaked at 21, you have so much further to go". When I was filing the other day he said, "move your chubby body out of the way" - and laughed, because I'm only a size 8. He also calls me "naughty" if I do something wrong.

Is he attracted to me, or just being friendly?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is my boss attracted to me?

Share link
upandup143

he sounds extremely unprofessional... that's sexual harassment in the workplace if he's commenting on your body and calling you "naughty'. report him.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Yuck, I would not feel comfortable with that. Sounds like he is attracted to you and enjoys flirting with you. It's unclear whether he'll take it farther than that but trust your gut. You don't have to deal with that if it makes you uncomfortable.

annastasia0207

I know personally I would feel pretty uncomfortable with this and would want to take it to HR. Even if it seems innocent, this is not something most bosses do it and it is extremely unprofessional and if this guy doesn't realize that, who else knows what he won't realize is going too far. If you're worried about stirring up trouble...from experiences I have heard of, most sexual harassment cases are handled pretty well in terms of making sure you're not going to be negatively affected by taking it up with HR. On the other hand, if you're comfortable with it and that's the kind of personality that you gravitate towards, you might as well reap the benefits from it. But definitely, definitely, definitelllyyyyy do not flirt back or give him any ideas that you want something more than just a professional relationship. That will only end badly for both of you.

jongalt

It's clearly not appropriate to call you chubby. Naughty is less clear.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I don't know, but it seems like he seems to think you both are friends on top of being co-workers. I don't see it as flirty from what you've said, especially since he called you "chubby", even if it was intended as a joke. It wasn't sexual, but maybe just insensitive. The thing is if you want it to be a purely professional relationship, maybe don't overshare details like what your boyfriend does. I don't talk about my personal life with my bosses or my co-workers except for those I consider as friends out of work.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

he sounds absolutely awful, who cares whether he's attracted to your or not, he's disgusting!!!!

chloe_3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Good evening girls ! hope you'll find an explanation to my problem :
in the beginning of september i sent a message to a guy i met in february : "hey, I'm in Paris now, tell me when we could see each other and talk" and he replies he hasn't finished to move in Paris and we should wait some weeks before to meet each other again. So, one week ago (one month later) I sent him a new message "what's up; I'll be glad to see you before holidays" and he didn't replay yet...

WHY ? :'(

NOW I'M WONDERING...

WHY ? :'( why should i do

Share link
torirule TOP COMMENTER

it can be a turn off for a man to be pursued for a date by a woman, so the best thing to do is nothing. he knows you want to meet up so if he wants to as well, he will get in touch. if not, then he's not interested.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not interested. You should move on and stop texting him. As to exactly why he isn't interested, no one can say except him, and he probably won't

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Not interested, sorry. Don't text him anymore.

jongalt

if he were interested, he would respond. the ball is in his court. back off.

tina_m

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I've been seeing this guy for a while now on and off and for the past month or two things have been great we've had our ups and downs but we are good but the other night I stayed at his house on Friday night and we made plans to stay in on Saturday night together. He had work in morning and I left his house later with plans to come back later but in the afternoon he text me saying what time I was coming and I said 6 he told me his friend was going away for two weeks and there were grabbing a pint at the pub which I was cool with but at around 8 I text him saying what's the plan and he told me he was still with his mates having a good time and I asked if we should just cancel and he said no he wasn't staying there all night I told him I would wait and come over still if it wasn't to late which was alright. At 12 he texts me telling me he's still there and I was pissed I didn't reply I just don't get why he would make plans with me only to do that. The night day he texts me like everything is fine I was pissed which I told him and he ignored me I then went on to tell him I felt as though I wasn't a priority which he ignored aswell he then text me the following day saying what do I want him to say i apologised which he didn't he then apologised which I felt wasn't from the heart. He makes me feel as though it's my fault but he's in the wrong! I'm confused I know he loves me and everything but when he does stuff like this it really pisses me off! And I know he loves me because we have been together on and off for like a year and he's said it as well. He recently asked me to leave stuff and his house and make plans for New Years so if he didn't want to be with me we wouldn't make all these plans for the future.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

But my question is why is he constantly trying to push me away I know he has his issues but I can't keep fighting for our relationship if he keeps doing this!
Please no hateful or rude comments

Share link
jhops TOP COMMENTER

Girl, I've already told you this. You let this guy walk all over you like you are a doormat. It makes me frustrated to see you post all these, and yet fail to see how you are making yourself so small and low-value compared to him. I said it before, I will say it again: Never ever apologise for something you didn't do wrong. It's ok for him to spend time with his mates who is going away. BUT it is not ok for him to string you along, and taking YOUR time for granted, and expecting him to clear your schedule just to slot in a "maybe" for him. No, girl. You could have spent the night out with your girls! Doing a facial while watching a great movie on netflix. But instead you were waiting around for him to call. Based on what you have posted previously, I would say walk away. This guy does not respect you as an equal. You deserve a guy who will treat you better. You accept the love you think you deserve. If you think this is sufficient, who am I to say anything?

lola_5

I agree, it was rude and unfair of him to make plans and then just leave you hanging. However, I don't agree that being in a relationship should mean you're someone's 'priority'. You're still the same people with the same lives; independence and separate friends are perhaps more important than ever to maintain a healthy balance.

tina_m

I know I need to get out this situation I just don't know how to? I honestly realise how bad this situation is but I find it hard to just walk away at this point I need to have more will power

jhops TOP COMMENTER

He asks you to leave things at his place now. So is he saying you are the gf, or are you still not in a committed r/s? He's 27. You're 19. If a guy who is so much older can't give you the commitment you want, why do you still want to be with him? He's probably taking advantage of the fact that you are a lot younger, and hence not looking to settle down, so he can waste your time without any guilt. I'm sorry to say this, but you're on/off for a year without the title of a gf. You wasted a year. How long more do you want to waste? 10 years? Youth waits for no one, my dear. You guys sleep with other people in between. He gets angry at you for sleeping with other people when he does the same thing. He was with a female friend for a whole night while you were sick. Is this what you deserve? It's not easy to walk away from any relationship, but if you recognise this r/s is toxic, refuse to listen to any of us, but keep posting about him, then nothing we can do will change your mind. You're a smart girl, you know exactly what you have to do. Cut him off. Block and delete -- phone, social media...everything. Call your service provider and pay them to block his number if you don't have an iPhone. Go out with your girls. Listen to the saddest songs, throw a pity party and cry it out. If you don't hurt now, you never will find happiness. Please, find it in you to let go. I don't want to see you post anymore about this guy.

tina_m

Your right I know you are I'm just being an idiot it's time to move on! I have to be strong I can't keep doing this, thank you :)

torirule TOP COMMENTER

He doesn't seem to care about you that much and maybe that's why he's not treating you good and pushing you away as you say. He sounds awful actually, you'd be much better off without this kind of BS from a guy. Jhops is so right, cut the guy off for good and you'll be better off.

northeastchick

I don't know the history here but from reading your message above. He is doing it because you allow him to! When he said he was hanging out with his friends you should have immediately said OK have a good time see you another day! You had already spent the day before with him it wasn't like you didn't see him. However, you continued to text him and even offered to wait until he was done hanging out! He was enjoying the night with his friends what is wrong with that??????? So he continued to string you along bec he knew he made plans with you and didn't want to come right out and say no to you. U should have made that choice for him. We have control of situations if we take them........ if you give the control to them then they will take it!!!!!

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

I agree with everyone above. A lot of women on this site don’t listen to the “you deserve better, leave this guy” advice though and it’s very sad. I think you should really think this through. Being able to stand up for yourself and walk away from a less than wonderful relationship is an invaluable life skill. The women who know how to do this succeed in love because they know their worth and will not settle for less. The women who are too afraid to do this because there are *some* things they like about their guy, or because they think things *might* *eventually* change, are the ones who are always stuck in miserable, confusing pseudo-relationships. Getting up and walking away from a situation like this is hard. I can tell from your posts that you don’t want to do it. But if you want to have a happy love life and be the confident person you are meant to be, it’s something you are going to have to learn to do. Muster up the courage and leave this douche for good.

jongalt

What you see is what you get. You have to decide for yourself if you can live with it. If you can, great. If you can't move on. There's no changing him.

BACK TO TOP