mj80

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I've been in a fuck buddy relationship with my coworker for about 8 months now. I call it a FB relationship because that's what it looks like but he actually never used that term. It all started so unexpectedly that we both sometimes ask ourselves how the hell did that happen. We were never very close friends and we never talk or meet outside of work. If it happened that we talk at work it was usually some jokes or he would always pick on me in a funny way or ask me to stay longer and keep him company if I was already done and ready to leave. I'm 33 and I'm married (yes I know I'm a cheater but I never before cheated on my husband and we've been together 13 years married for 5 so please dont judge me since you don't know my current marriage situation) he's 30 and has a live in girlfriend of 3 years. For the past 8 months we basically been texting every day. He always texts first because he told me once that he doesn't think I like to text first ( which is true) and he always waits and waits for me to start and nothing ever happen lol . We talk pretty much about everything our lives our other halves what we don't like about them and of course we also talk about sex . At one point he was asking me all these questions like why me and my husband don't have kids, do I want kids and he even said that if WE ever have kids he wants 2. When I responded saying that this may never happen he texted " I have time I'll wait ". He also said that he wishes we were both single so we could meet up anytime we want and once he even told me to get a divorce. He's been very good to me and I talk to him more than I do to my husband since he's never home. Couple of times when we were texting he was trying to get me to admit that I like him or maybe even love him. I responded to those texts with laugh and asked him if he loved me but he would always answered with a smiley face. I don't want to tell him that I'm falling in love with him bacause I don't want to loose him and I'm not sure how he feels about me. I can't tell if he's only interested in sex or is it more for him too. I'm getting really attached to him I catch myself thinking about him all the time. When I went away for couple of weeks we texted everyday. He would say he misses me and wants me to come back already. Is that something a person who's only interested in sex would say? Sometimes he gets really quiet for a day and text very little but then the next day he texts like crazy every couple minutes and that's what confuses me. He's away on vacation with his girlfriend right now but just texted me asking whats up and if I miss him. Why would he think of me while being on vaca with his other half if he didint have feelings for me ?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is it possible he has feelings for me but afraid to admit it because of our situation and that is why he gets quiet sometimes to keep some sort of distance ? Would he text me everyday sometimes for the entire day if he only considered me as a FB ?

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rebeldiamond

It sounds like you are both unhappy in your respective relationships and you are really just using each other for the excitement that a new relationship and having a little secret can bring. I think he probably does like you, but you would both never know for sure how your relationship would work until you left your partners and I don't think either of you are willing to take that risk. X

marina321000

HERE'S THE DEAL...

is this a begining? what should i do? opinion please.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm 15, and i've never had any relationship (normal, cause of my age). but you know, my friends talk about boys and all,,, i just don't feel confortable, i'm very shy.
well.. last saturday we (bunch of friends and i) went to a event in our school, and there was that boy (about 17, 18 years old; he studies in the third grade, me in first), who played in a "band" with other guys.
till now it's okay, everything all right. 80% of the school know his name (he's not popular, it's just because he has been studying there since he was a kid; me too).. and everyone knows he's shy, smart, nice person, musician... all good, right? hahah but he and me was like: me here, he THEEEERE. like, nothing has to do with anything. buut...
my friend's father, who works in our school, and he's a man that every student there likes, told me (in front of my friends, like, told us, actually) that boy (his name is renan) was talking to him about me.. asking about me, and he said i'm "pretty, smart, INTERESTING" and then i just wanted a hole to put my head, because he was just there, close, playing with the band..
and then, on monday, they told me he sometimes was "looking for me" in the area.. and that's not new, because they have already realized, before, that he looks at me sometimes in the break time..
so.. now it's wednesday, i think he's been doing that for a long time, propably he never ill do anything, i don't know.. and if he decides to talk to me, i'll die.. but the problem is.. I LIKE him, he's so good musician, and good person, nice, cute, good student (like me, really) and when we talked to our favorite teacher, she was surprised, but she said we really match..
sorry the long text, i've never been in such situation, and i know it's not much.. what are your opinion?

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ratatouille

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this boy on tinder a few months back and we hit it off right away. He lives 8 hours away (by car) but we've been texting, snapchatting and facetiming (so definitely not a catfish) very often. He says he feels like i am his girlfriend and confides in me. He's been planning on visiting his parents, who live close to me, and wanted to stop by so we could spend a few days together. Last weekend, he went partying in another city and turned his cell phone off - i couldn't get ahold of him for a few days and started to think he no longer wanted to talk to me, but when he got back we facetimed and he reassured me, saying he was just very busy and didn't have his phone. He also said he was coming to see me on tuesday of this week - i gave him my adress and thought it was all good, until i waited all day for him to arrive, but got no news. Almost two days later and still no news - he hasn't been texting so i sent him an inbox on facebook asking him when he was getting here - he's been on facebook a few times since but hasn't opened my messages.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Whats up with this guy - is he just busy or afraid to meet me in person? help

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marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

He's just one of those losers who liked having someone to talk to, flirt with, be in a pretend relationship with, etc. while he was bored or needed attention. He then ignores you whenever it isn't convenient. Coming to meet you was too real and serious for him, so he bailed on you, and is now avoiding you. Sorry to say, he's not serious about you and never was. Total loser.

rebeldiamond

It sounds like he's using you as an ego boost, arranging to see you and then just not showing up is complete asshole behaviour and unless he had a major family crisis and came begging for forgiveness on his knees then I would run a mile. If your relationship starts like this imagine what he would be like as an actual boyfriend x

gracewh

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Hello everyone :)
I already posted here a while ago about this guy.
Here's my story, sorry it's kind of a long read :

I met him a month ago at a nightclub, went home with him and we slept together (I know, dumb), ended staying the entire next day with him, he gave me his phone number, I didn't contact him but he found me on facebook and send me a message via fbook two days later.

We went on several dates after that. On the third date I slept with him again and oh horror horror I got my period while we were doing it although it wasn't due for 7 days (I'm on the pill so I have never been surprised like that) . I was so ashamed, I stained his white sheets and all. He was really nice about it, when I wanted to leave after that he stopped me and sort of held me in his arms for a few minutes saying really nice things like "it happens" and "I know you have no control over it" etc.

He contacted me again two days later and invited me to watch a movie at his place. We didn't sleep together since I was still on my period and just had a good time, I still spend the night there.

He left the city for a week after that, went home to his parents. He sent me a funny picture on the first day he left, saying he knew it would make me laugh. I answered. No reply. I sent another text asking him about his holiday. No reply. I get a text from him four days later like "hey how are you? how's work ? :) " I answered "I'm good, thks! you never answered my last text" and he said " I never got it... our conversation on my phone stops at the picture I sent you". I was having a really really bad day so I answered "I'm not sure I believe that and I don't like it when people lie to me,I think it'd be better if we stopped seeing each other." and he sent me like 3 texts repeating again and again that he hadn't gotten my text and that he wanted to see me again. At the same moment my mom called me and said "heyy you're not answering my texts lately" and I had been... so I figured my phone must have a problem because my mother wouldn't lie about not getting my texts. So I told the guy "hey sorry, I believe you, can we change the subject" and he said "okay sure although you were kind of hurtful".

He came back Monday from his holiday and we saw each other yesterday. He invited me to go to the movies and then we went to his place and slept together and it was wonderful.

Sometimes I feel like he likes me. I was messing around with my 3D glasses at the movies and he suddenly said "you're so beautiful" (he usually says that I'm cute or sweet which I hate, never beautiful) and we sort of awkwardly stopped talking after that. He's always the one making the first move, taking my hand, kissing me, edging closer to cuddle at night. And we laugh so much and have so much fun together.

But other than sending me texts to arrange a date, he almost never texts. He didn't add me on fbook. He's a bit cocky. When we start fooling around he acts like it's all so natural to him whereas I always feel a bit awkward, and he notices that and laughs, I feel like he's mocking me at times.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I always hear that if you're confused about his feelings, then the guy doesn't like you. But I guess I really need to hear it to believe it. Based on all this, does he like me ? or am I just a hook up ?

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marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

In my opinion, it's not 100% clear that you are just a hookup. I think it could go either way, and the only way you'll know for sure is to talk to him about it to see if you are on the same page. You sound like you are pretty insecure around him, and that has the potential to ruin a good thing, and to make you confused and overanalyze things.

marina321000

the "problems" you told.. i think that's normal.. everybody has defects..

rebeldiamond

By the sounds of it you're the one who is sending mixed messages and being neurotic. This guy seems to really like you, so just chill out and enjoy getting to know him. It's supposed to be fun x

slpyhead

HERE'S THE DEAL...

He paid for my rock climbing membership. He always paid for those posh restaurants. He even willing to order food for me when we stay separately. He panics every time I end up with a cut even though it's a small cut. I feel bad every time he pays for everything, and my friend thinks that he might blackmail once things go sour.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Him being a gentlemen with no interest with me or there's something might going on here

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marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

My experience is that most of the time, a guy does this sort of thing either because he has plenty of money to waste and likes to spoil you, or because he's insecure and thinks that his money will make you like him more (or a combination of the two). Sure, if you end things with him he could say "After all I've done for you?! Were you just using me???" or something like that. But it was his choice to give you gifts and of course you can't just stay in a relationship just because you feel bad that he paid for things. The worst thing to do is to keep allowing him to pay and feeling secretly guilty about it. So either stop feeling bad about it, or tell him that you really appreciate it, but would feel better if you paid for some things on your own.

slpyhead

I did try to pay on my own or stopped him from paying. But he insist to pay.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

A guy can't literally force you to accept money from him. When you're together at home or taking a walk or something (not when you are at a restaurant with the bill on the table) have a talk and just tell him you'd feel more comfortable if you paid for your own gym membership and some other things... If he insists, and says he likes paying for you and begs for you to let him do it... then it's up to you on how you respond. I'd probably say thanks and appreciate that he wants to pay but it's up to you. It's just money and as a couple you share things. If he wants to share his money with you out of the goodness of his heart, then that's a nice thing. It doesn't mean you have to stay with him forever or that you "owe" him anything other than to be gracious and respectful to him, as you would in any healthy relationship. But if you absolutely don't like it, just be clear with him that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect that.

stardust_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Throughout the month my friend has been posting picture status updates on his own fb wall of what we had talked about when we met 2x at the park earlier this month. The pictures have no actual people in them, but each one of them eerily aligns with something random we spoke about at the park. Like pics of his cousins instrument that he mentioned, geodes, owls, a specific book I mentioned, we talked about childhood clubs we joined, days later he posted his Boy Scout plaque, among other examples. Also I encouraged him to write more poetry and share it with people like me. He said he never shares it with anyone. But 5 days later he posted a pic. and the poem happened to allude to things we did. Today he posted a video of the pond of the actual park we met at. Oh and in person, I often catch him staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

So is he subliminally reminding me of the time when we were together? Or is it something else?

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marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Maybe. But you could just be reading into things and seeing what you want to see. I think rather than trying to read into his facebook posts, you're better off paying attention to how he acts with you one on one. Does he try to initiate hanging out? Talk to you a lot? Catching someone staring at you isn't really a huge sign, I accidentally stare at ppl once in a while, and it's awkward, but usually I'm just thinking of something else or spaced out.

mbl2009

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So I like this guy and we text every night until like 4am. We keep the conversation going and it never gets boring. He used to like me but then we had an argument, and I assumed the feelings were lost. I liked him over the whole summer and pretty sure he knows it too.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What does "hmmmm" mean? Does he likes me and how should I ask him if he likes me or not

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nycgirl_3

Hmmm could be his way of saying "Are you sure no one likes you?" He very well could still have feelings for you. If you had one argument, I'm sure that just didn't throw everything out the window! Everyone is different, we WILL have disagreements and argue once in a while. I didn't select one of the hearts because I feel like at this point it's more of an I between. He may or may not still have feelings for you. BUT, judging on the fact that you are starting to talk to him every day now, he may be getting over what happened between you guys before.

nycgirl_3

By the way, would you mind replying to mine? It's right below yours. Thank you! ☺️

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

I think he may like you. I don't think you need to push things in the right direction or ask him something at this point. See if he wants to hang out or invite him to a party or something. Let things happen naturally.

nycgirl_3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

****HEY GUYS! I uploaded this before but it was late. I don't think a lot of you got to see it!****
--I started working at a store. Only a handful of employees work there. There's a guy there that I find quite attractive (not to mention he initially interviewed me for the job). Some of the others that work there are all in a relationship but are closer to him than I am at this point, since I'm new. They joke around a lot and the jokes are kind of crude, but in good humor, and have to do with his crotch region (yeah, I know lol). Every time someone makes a joke he's always looking right at me. I don't say anything, I just smile and laugh. When we're alone he's usually asking questions about me and A LOT of the time standing really close to me. It's not uncomfortable though. When I have to pass by him, he doesn't move making me have to brush by him. Once I asked if he was trying to impress me and he responded, "is it working?" I just smiled.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

What do you think about it? Is he flirting with me?? Do you think he finds me attractive? What do you think his intentions are?

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jazzfishy

Definately flirting. However, its unclear at this moment what exactly his intentions are; could be purely physical. Get to know him better and keep an eye out for other signs.

mbl2009

He's totally flirting with you girl! Keep flirting back and maybe he'll ask you out! And thanks for answering my question btw

gracewh

I agree with jazzfishy

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Yes, he's flirting with you. But this guy sounds like he's a flirt in general and likes attention. If the others are in relationships, and a new girl comes into the picture, he'll love it because he can show off to you and try to get your attention. It doesn't necessarily mean he likes you, but there's no harm in continuing to flirt and see what happens.

moonlynesh

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is it necessary for guys to text first?

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rose_3

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We're both cast in West Side Story, I'm Anita and he is my Bernardo. We hang out constantly and he asked me to audition for another show with him. Every time we go out, he drives my car for me. He pumps my gas for me, holds open every door, is constantly making sure I'm okay after a particularly violent scene I'm in, and we spent the night in a hotel with a group of friends and he was cuddling with me all night. After we cuddled though, he sent me a text saying "hey Megan, can we not tell anyone about anything last night. Like the cuddling. It's not bad. I just don't want people knowing my business at all." That's the only thing that makes me confused.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he like me? Or is it merely a showmance?

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rose_3

Forgot to explain the text haha. He was out with friends and continued to text me

grace3

I think that his wanting to keep things private is understandable but raises a red flag. It's not enough just yet to worry about just yet, since it sounds like he likes you and shows it. But it's something you should be candid with him about at some point, especially if it bothers you.

nycgirl_3

Showmance? This isn't Big Brother. And I agree with the other person. It does raise a red flag about him wanting to keep it private but it's too early to tell.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

It could be a red flag, but at the same time, even if it were someone who I really liked, I wouldn't want people gossiping about me and knowing my business either until we were officially dating. Keep hanging out and see where things go. If he tries to get you into a secret fwb relationship or wants to hook up and not tell anyone, that's definitely a bad sign. Agree it's too early to tell.

indiangirl

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Im 21
I know this guy since last 9 years (we were in same school.
We were not in contact since last 5-6 years but started texting on facebook and he asked me out 2 months back. But he was moving to USA in August (for 2 years).
But I didnt want anything serious and neither did he so we went ahead with it and also because i liked him.
We went on dates and its was absolutely awesome, we connected, held hands, cuddled and also lost virginities to each other.
Last week he moved to USA.
But we still text each other everyday.
He tells me that he loves me, he misses me, he likes me, that he would be jealous if I get a boyfriend and that he wants me and will surely come for me after 2 years. We joke about marriage, kids.
I really love him now.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he really love me coz we could just spend little time with each other, and mostly got physical.

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nycgirl_3

"Love" could be a very strong word here. Maybe he likes you A LOT. If you haven't spent much time together and when you did you just got physical then that's exactly love.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Hard to say. My guess is that it isn't love and like nycgirl said, just liking you a lot. But we can't know his emotions for sure... It's going to be very hard to not see him for 2 years and somehow make this last. Real life will likely get in the way and one of you will end up moving on and dating someone. That's the most likely scenario but if you are both so into each other, give it a shot and see how it goes.

milla

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Sorry this is so long.

In April I met a guy after he came up to me in a bar and introduced himself. He added me on facebook and got my number.

For a couple of months he tried to catch up with me for drinks but a number of things stopped us (I went on a month long vacation, two deaths in his family, uni, his vacation, etc.). He and I were in constant contact for the whole time (mostly on facebook messaging), with him initiating the conversation 90% of the time approximately every two or three days.

I started to get the feeling he wasn't all that interested, yet he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him (just us) sometime. I said ok. He was about to head off on holidays in another country for a week and he said he would text me when he gets back the following week.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

The following weeks comes by and I hear nothing from him. So I delete him off facebook. The next night he texts my phone saying he was headed to the place where we met, that he wanted to talk and was really sorry that he was a jerk. I asked him what does he want from me. He said, "You are a really nice girl and really cute, but you are too good for me." I interpreted that as he wanted just to be friends. He then replied saying he has never been in a serious relationship before and that it scared him a bit. And that he didn't know how to talk to girls he liked without sounding like he wanted to be friends.

I responded two days later, telling him if he wanted to talk I'd be at [name of pub]. Never got anything back.

Three weeks later he sent me a friend request on facebook. I don't know why, but I accepted. He messaged me later that night asking how I was etc. and that he wanted to "start over" with me since he had a lot going on those months before.

He messaged me a couple days later, on a Saturday, asking whether I was going out. He said he was trying to get a few guys together to go out. He texted back a little while later that none of his friends wanted to go out. I asked him straight out if he wanted to forget about this (meaning us) altogether. He said "No! None of my mates are free tonight, I can't help that?"

The next day he asked me how my night was etc. etc. He was telling me about his studies at uni and asked about mine. The next night he tagged me in a facebook meme that related to our conversation about our studies.

What do you think?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

It's not that hard to ask a girl out for a date even if he's not been in a serious r/s. If he's scared, he's not emotionally available. You didn't say what you want. If you want a r/s, just forget it, this guy is a time waster. If you don't mind being texting buddies, sure, go for it.

grace3

This guy likes being with you when it's easy and he's backing off at the first sign of conflict or complication. This guy isn't confused or indecisive, he just wants something easy. He likes you, but he's skirting the issue when you want to talk about serious issues. I know it's tough, but this guy is bad news and you should consider moving on.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

Soooo much drama already and you guys aren't even dating or even seeing each other in person? Not worth it. When his friends weren't free, why didn't you two hang out alone? No matter what the reason, this guy is acting lame and this is going nowhere. Just delete him fr fb again and stop talking to him. You don't really owe him anything more.

jcoco86

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We both disappeared on each other on good terms and rekindled. We never were physical or anything.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he for real?

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jcoco86

my screen shot did not upload. FML.

jcoco86

"It was great seeing you tonight. Hope I can see you again real soon, lets not disappear on each other this time! ;)"

annacutie

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I have been dating this guy for 3 weeks now and it has been going pretty well. Tonight one of his friends, that was previously kind of in my life, invited me over for a while. As far as I knew his intentions were to sit on the couch and watch wrestling (which was his intentions at first). Eventually things started getting heated, and we kissed and fooled around. He texted me saying he felt extremely guilty and we should maybe stop talking for a little while. I only felt bad that I didn't feel that much guilt. I have no idea what to do now because I feel like I like my boyfriend and his friend the same now. I really don't want to lose either one of them.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

How should I handle this

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Honestly? You should be by yourself. You're hurting others. Don't be selfish. You can't have both guys. If you're torn between the two, it's best you not see both and reflect upon what you really want.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

I think you need to break up with your boyfriend asap. You cheated on him and don't even feel bad about it? That's horrible and he does not deserve to be treated like that.

hello_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I know that this kinda thing happens and soon i'll be over it etc. But i don't know what to do now.
My crush & I have been texting constantly for the past few days & we flirt and everything. I mean we joke about babies, sex etc. So naturally i'd think he was into me. We've playfully said 'i like you' and everything. So I made THE HUGEST MISTAKE today by telling him i really do like him :| Well he rejected me politely. We're still texting though but not like before, i'm too scared to be playful as before. This is the first time i've everrrrrr told anyone I like them first. I feel like crap.
Girl should make the first move sometimes? Um No

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I've been rejected by my crush for the first time. How do I deal with this?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Sorry to hear. That sucks. I don't like telling boys I like them first because I hate rejection. Yes, everyone regardless of their gender does. But the thing with flirting is that some think it's harmless because they like the attention without even thinking the other party might get the wrong idea. So the best bet is to wait for the other person to say so. In my experience, if a guy really likes you, he's going to make it happen anyway. If the flirting has gone on for way too long and he does nothing, it sends a clear signal this guy is BS. As for how to deal....dust it off. It happens to everyone. You are not obliged to talk to him now. I wouldn't bother talking to him if I was you. It does not make you petty, you just need time to bounce back. The guy did lead you on, y'know. You don't have to act like everything is ok. You don't have to be nice and polite to everyone.

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

I think you should be proud of yourself for taking a risk. Guys have to deal with this alll the time, and that's why they get better at handling the rejection. Now you know he isn't into you like that and can move on. Obviously he's not going to be as flirtatious with you anymore because he knows you took it the wrong way. The embarrassed feeling will fade soon enough and you will move on.

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