agj5

HERE'S THE DEAL...

This is not a text. It is e-mail. But I hope the same "rules" apply.

We dated four years ago and we are at a point where we can chat with each other just fine. We only talk maybe every couple of years though. He sent me an e-mail last week saying we should have a chat sometime. And now...

Me: What happened with that chat you mentioned in your last e-mail? :)
Him: I thought you were avoiding me! I asked you when you were available and you didn’t reply
Me: Did you? Oh sorry, I thought you had just say lest have a chat and I then nothing...haha. Phone or want to catch up and see if we have aged at all?
Him: I have certainly aged. :) Maybe a phone chat so my partner doesn’t have to rest uneasy.

Never mention of a girlfriend before and he has always been cagey about the topic.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I don't want to say what I am thinking or ask a question as any of these things may make people's answers biased. Just feel free to say what you see here...thanks!

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bamboopi

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We have known each other for awhile and were even friends for a while in high school. He joined the ARMY and we drifted apart. He says he like me as more than friends, but then he says he doesn't. He goes back and forth. I'm a little confused. We have talked about dating and he says he wouldn't date until he gets out of the Army. But even then he says he isn't sure if he ever wants to date. It's always this back and forth game. I'm getting pretty confused. We talk like the picture below all the time. He always wants to call me and hear my voice and if I'm sad he always wants to make me happy. I feel like he likes me more than a friend, but is afraid that I may hurt him like his last girlfriend.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he like me as more than friends or not? How can you tell without asking them? I've asked him and he says yes and then kinda. I need a more indirect route to kind of figure out if he does. Any ideas? Any advice?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He is not interested in a relationship with you. That is what these mixed signals mean.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

It's a human thing to want to cheer someone when they are feeling down. You're the backup girl he texts when he needs girl attention while being in the military, a male dominated environment. He already told you he doesn't want to date. Don't make excuses for him that he was burnt badly in his previous r/s. Look at it objectively, and see it for what it is, and move on.

oriansky

I think he just like to talk with you , he likes you but no enough to date and been in the military I think is a excuse , doesn't matter how far you are , what you do if you are interested you make things work .. Sorry but move on .

jansome2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I dated a guy for 2 months and did completely the wrong thing. I looked at his phone messages (I know - I hate myself for it). Being honest, I told him and said I was so sorry and never done that before (and I haven't).

I sent him a couple of texts (I have never sent the first text before) and he responded saying "we need a break and see how we go" and I asked it was a permanent break and he said "not permanent!!!"

I sent two other messages to him - stupidly and he didn't respond.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

It was his birthday 2 days later so I sent a message "happy birthday, have a fabulous day". His response: "thanks, I'll see you soon".

I definitely am not contacting him again and I am fine with that. I am missing him very badly :( I think we have broken up permanently - I hate myself for what I did but I don't understand why he would say that he will see me again. Why cant he just have said that it's over :( Not what I want to hear but at least I'm not in limbo. BTW we are both late 30s (so not teenagers or anything).

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andreav

If you are in your late 30's (or even if you were in your late 20's) you should be able to get together and just talk to each other about where you are or where you want to be. I'm 29 and I feel like I'm much too old to wonder for more than a couple days what someone means through a text. I think if your letting it go too long your being much too lenient on what is expected of a mature relationship. Good luck!

jansome2

Thank you Andreav - yes, I agree it is just so silly. English is his second language but it's really no excuse. I think it is over and he may just be being a player or something - I really don't know. But he shouldn't just string me along and that's how it feels at the moment. It's too painful :(

andreav

I agree, being strung along is the worst. It's much kinder to just let someone know the truth even if it hurts them. But maybe you can take the fact that he is not mature enough to be straightforward and honest as a sign that maybe he is just not good at being on an adult relationship and think about if you would want to be with someone like that long term

marionemelia TOP COMMENTER

You did violate his privacy, but it's not like you screwed his best friend or killed his dog or something. If a guy that I really really liked did that to me and all else were good, I'd tell him that his behavior was unacceptable and that he needs to trust me or things won't work out... but then I'd forgive him that one time and see how things go. I think this guy was looking for an excuse to drop you, or to create some distance between you two.

jansome2

Yes, I totally agree with both of you. The frustrating thing is that I have been scared of getting too close too fast (I adore him and I haven't dated in years and so I was nervous) and earlier that night, I had said that maybe we should have a little break and he said absolutely not, that he wanted to be with me. That of course, was before I behaved so badly - I think that's why he said "well, we should have that break now and see how it goes". Oh my gosh marionemelia, you did give me a giggle - glad I didn't do either of those things though....

oriansky

You were honest telling him what you did, you accepted saying was wrong , I think he just need his break to think about it , looks he got upset for it , you will? Is trust what is the issue here , give him time don't look for him , you apologize you tried to talk thing up .... well now is just time be patient.. Don't look desperate if he misses you he will contact you .

yolandaey

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Soo i met a guy on Tinder and he asked me for a date. He told me he was going to France for a year and i was okay cause i didn't expect to get attached to him so fast. So i accepted the invite. When we finally met was all amazing and he told me he will stay in touch and send me pics from there. Honestly, at the moment i didn't believe him but few seconds later we say goodbye from the date he texted me! I texted back(of course) and we keep talking to eachother until now(almost 3 months later). He also send me pics and asked me to go to france.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I really want to know if when he come back we'll have something, but i fear that he may be scared when i ask him about our possible future. It's really complicated cause i know that i can't ask him anything cause we have nothing except for only date. And sometimes i think he olny talk to me because hes a foreing and hes alone at europe (he told me that french girls doesnt give a fuck about him). Always when he longs for text me back i think that im being a pain in the ass. I also think about stop send messages to him and keep illuding myself with a "tinder guy" but i cant avoid. Everytime we talk i get excited cause hes so cute and nice and we have a loooot in common. If you read this until here thank you and im sorry for my bad english but ist no my native language :)

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

I think he wanted a pen pal while he was in France, and you obliged. I'd be surprised if this develops further upon his return.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

is he planning to come back and see you again? If not try not to think about him so much keep using Tinder and date other guys. soon you'll meet a guy that is not in another country and you'll forget about him.

andreav

Your wasting your time

jhops TOP COMMENTER

I don't know how old you are, but waiting a year for a guy you have gone out with for just one date sounds pretty darn ridiculous to me. And I think you know it too. Life's not a movie. Date people who are not still "discovering" who they are, but already know their shit. Gap year is for college students. Drop him.

spades

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I met this guy in the summer while I was interning. We clicked immediately and constantly hung out (and obvi hooked up) but it wasn't only sex. We actually spent all our free time together. We acted like we were in a serious relationship even though we weren't. And he told me I was what he wanted in a wife. Before I left I realized that I fell for him. So I told him, he told me that since I was going back to my city... he wasn't sure when we'd see each other again. in other words, after summer our fling would end. After I left, when I texted him he always replies back in an instant. And says he misses me too and all. But it ended up I was always the one to hit him up and there never was a convo going or he didn't reply. We basically stopped talking except when he sends snapchat selfies which used to be like once a day but now its once a week. but one day I told him I was coming up to his city to visit and we should hangout, he told me he'd skip his classes those days to spend time with me. (I proceeded to go crazy the following day and told him I didn't want to see him when I visit because I still liked him, and the following day I told him id want to see him, etc) He's never been the first to text me but he texted me "Hi baby, miss ya" and then snapchatted me a few days later just saying "miss ya" I know I went crazy and texted/snapped him too much in the beginning. but is he just hitting me up so that he'll have someone for those days?

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Is he just looking to hookup when I visit his city?

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jhops TOP COMMENTER

Yes, it was a summer fling. Get over it. You're the one chasing, who's chasing you? Not him.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

yes I think you have answered your own question about his intentions, but what are you looking to do when you visit him if not hook up? It sounds like he really liked you in the beginning and you had good chemistry but maybe you've been chasing too hard and he's pulled back.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Yes it's just a hookup

northeastchick

I agree all of the above..you say you want to see him then u tell him no...then you question if its just a hookup for him but your the one visiting and offering? Of course it is!!

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

He isn't looking for anything. You're the one who's offering. And you do sound crazy like you said.

oriansky

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I'm been seeing this guy he is 47 years old and I'm 37 , we been dating over a month , we hang out a lot at least one day during the week and the whole weekend pretty much , we are Intimate and chemistry is there , is just hard for me to read him , one of the things is that he already introduce me to his brother and his sister in law, and another weekend we went out with his best buddy's from his back home town , some days he texted and he is kind of sweet , other times is just what's up( something I hate ) lol but I'm no sure what we are ? Should I ask him about us? Should I wait maybe another month to see if he will ask me to be his girlfriend , I don't know if because he knows I like him , he acts like that sometimes or is just me been dramatic . :/ what should i do ?

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g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Ask him

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You could ask general question about what his r/s goals are, then tell him your r/s goals. It sounds good if he's introducing people close to him to you anyway.

annastasia0207

At 47 years old, I would think he's dating for something serious at this point, not just to date around and play games so I don't think asking him straight up what you guys are will scare him away.

pinkrabbits11

HERE'S THE DEAL...

Here`s the deal. Met this guy, had fun for two weeks- teenagers style falling for each other. He is in the army, so he left (not in a war zone). The first two weeks after he left, the texts were very cute and lovely, but in the last week they became distant and cold, therefor mine became distant and cold. I got annoyed one day because of it and sent a text:
Me: "Hey, SO you are a very nice guy and it was amazing spending time with you, who knows, maybe we`ll even bump into each other one day"
Him: "Lol, that`s the plan. Don`t go actin all weird on me"
Me: "I`m not acting weird at all, just failing miserably at not thinking about you"
Him: "I know the feeling"
Then a few more, kind of distant text ... and now it`s been 3 days no texts, no nothing, even though he`s been online multiple times since...

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Should I text him? Or should I just give up?

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andreav

It sounded like you were blowing him off in that text you sent. If he's away he probably thought you were hinting that you wanted to end it until maybe he got back. That's how I would have read that text you sent.

pinkrabbits11

I really like him, I might say I even fell in love with him, I don`t know what text to send now, to maybe make it better...?

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Give up

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's sending you clear signals of disinterest

jhops TOP COMMENTER

He faded, then when you confronted him, he admitted it was just a fling. Nothing confusing here. Let it go, don't waste your time on someone who is not around and not willing to commit.

annastasia0207

I agree with all the above. You basically gave him the break up text, saying you want to drift away from him and if you meet up one day, then so be it but you're done chasing him and instead of fighting for you or asking what was up, he AGREES with what you're saying. Then, instead of ending it right there, you basically undo what you just said by saying that you miss him. To top it all off, he responds to that text by saying he "knows the feeling" instead of "I can't stop thinking of you either." Just because he knows the feeling doesn't mean that he knows the feeling of missing you. Whether or not this guy thought what @andreav thinks, that you were blowing him off, he seems to have moved on from you and didn't really care too much that you were blowing him off. Do the same and move on.

clueless_8

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So whenever I see this guy called Jack we've been friends for a year there's like extreme sexual tension, we've never acted on it because we both were dating eachothers bestfriends but now there out of the picture we've been even more flirty. He always asks to meet up but falls through on plans.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Like he'll call me in the day and say let's do something tonight ill call you back in 5, then he never calls back or he calls like at 8 just to talk but then will call me another day? I'm just lost at what he thinks of me?

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torirule TOP COMMENTER

Guys that always fall through on plans, say they'll call you back in 5 and then don't call back at all, those guys are emotionally unavailable and you're wasting time thinking about him. it sounds like if you were both in the same place at the same time and you were up for it, he would be too but as long as he doesn't have to follow through on anything he says or plans with you... that's all at this stage, that's what his actions are showing you....I don't like when guys behave like that no matter how strong the sexual attraction is. Are you sure you want him?

oriansky

I think he had a great time when he was with you , but been distance is no working for him, if he said he will call and he doesn't he lost interest in you , don't waste your time and you energy in that , remember when a door close another will be open ... Just think if you really want to be just hanging there waiting for him . Good luck

jhops TOP COMMENTER

1. Girl code: Don't date your bestie's ex. 2. Someone who is flaky and keeps you hanging isn't someone you want to be with. What you leave to the last minute, only takes a minute. Do you want to be the last-minute girl who is only worth 1 minute? Move on.

jazzfishy

The most disturbing part of this is that youd date your best friends ex.....?

visforvegan

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We met in college, six years ago, and I had the biggest crush on him.

We kept in touch over the years, flirted mildly at best, and didn't see one another again for five years (I left school about a year after I met him).

When we met up, on New Years Eve, things got a little bit out of hand (he was in a long distance relationship close to ending, but it hadn't technically ended yet. I wasn't aware, or at least I don't remember discussing it). We kissed and cuddled for most of the night, he dropped me off, and then I didn't hear from him for seven months.

We're talking again, now, and he and I spent a weekend together a couple of weeks back. He's still talking to me consistently, calls me boo, and tells me he misses me, but I'm worried that if I allow myself to get invested beyond being friends he's just going to bail again in spite of his current actions.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Am I setting myself up to be hurt again, or am I being too cautious?

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clueless_8

Your past isn't promising and once a cheater means he wouldn't be afraid to do it again w another girl. Give it time and don't make him your one and only option x

mrsbillygil

I think you are setting yourself up to be hurt again. :-/

andreav

It doesn't sound very promising...

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

You're setting yourself up

jazzfishy

Cheater.

missm

HERE'S THE DEAL...

The text messages from today:

Him: Hey!
Me: Hey
Him: How've you been sexy
^First time he's texted me "sexy" over text
Me: Been really busy, I'm tired
Him: Me too.. Please tell me you have a night off this week
Me: I might be free sometime this weekend. What's been happening with you?
Him: How about friday? And just had a really hectic last few days, I need some time to relax. Preferably with you
Me: Friday could work
Him: I'll also fix that thing you told me about last time, I can do it shirtless if you want? lol

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I've been seeing this guy for over 5 months. It started out as a one night stand, and right the next day he said he wanted to see me again. So every week, he'd want to see me.

Over two weekends ago, we planned our 2nd sleepover. However this time, it didn't go well. He suddenly acted really rude to me. Basically, he wanted to be treated like a King, yet there's no label. I didn't let it happen and put him in his place. It was a bad date (and the worst one). I wasn't sure if I'd ever hear from him again.

The week after that, I got a call from him. I didn't pick up. He didn't leave a voicemail or a text, so I didn't get back to him. Then a week later the texted me the above. What do you guys think?

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annastasia0207

He clearly doesn't realize that there was anything wrong with his behavior from the previous sleepover. He didn't apologize and, although he must have known that you were at least somewhat upset as you put him in his place that night and didn't text him for awhile, he acted like nothing was wrong and didn't even mention the problem when he texted you. Do you really want to be with a guy that doesn't even realize or care when he's being disrespectful to you?

inspired12

His intentions don't seem genuine if he actually acted rude toward you. Sounds like a ticking time bomb and wants to see what he can still get out of you while treating you however he wants. Just make sure you are making him respect you and your boundaries.

andreav

It doesn't seem like you put him in his place at all. It seems like he is tired and wants someone to play girlfriend with for one night- relax and have sex. If you want something more than fwb you should ask him to do something else like go to dinner. If he isn't into that than he isn't into you.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Sounds like an awful situation for you. Surely you can do better than this...

andreav

Also read what you wrote: You referred to your second time meeting as a "sleepover" and as a "date" I'm sorry but that's not a date. You deserve better than that

torirule TOP COMMENTER

it sounds like he's treating you like a booty call or friend with benefits. If you are not in a committed relationship yet but he is asking you if you are free sometime this week...free for what?? then when you say Friday maybe, he just invites himself to come over to your place and fix something "shirtless"......BOOTY CALL. If you like him, I would just reply "what do you want to do Friday?" If he just wants to "relax" at your place that's a booty call. He sounds rude and full of himself by what you've described though..

jhops TOP COMMENTER

You've been seeing him for two months and it was your second sleepover two weeks ago, but it started as a ONS? Am confused with the timeline and the status of your r/s. What do you want? Is he a FWB or proper date material now? If you think he is being rude, and didn't apologise, why would you put up with that? Especially if you're only after a FWB. If you view him as bf material, this guy might not be it.

jrod1214

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We met through a coworker four years ago. He was dating her at the time, so I thought nothing of him. Two years later, he ran into me at my job as a waitress. ..And he happened to be with his son and another girl who's now an ex. He followed that random meeting up with a friend request on Facebook around three months later. Two more years passed, and he posted an extra ticket on Facebook that I contacted him about buying. He said he wasn't looking to sell it and that he was looking for a date. He also admitted to liking me since he met me, but couldn't do anything about it because of having a significant other. We've been seeing each other since then.

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Do I need to tear down some walls I've built from previous men telling me lies to get something? He said he was "strongly falling". Would a guy say it and not mean that for sex...or is that a bit too deep for that? His feelings are reciprocated on my part, so I'd hate to let myself get hurt really bad just because I was love blind and I didn't see it.

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annastasia0207

1. He has a kid. With a girl that isn't you 2. He clearly isn't dating the girl he has a kid with 3. He admitted to liking you while he was with another girl. With this knowledge, do you truly believe that this guy is going to continue "strongly falling" for you? Honesty, it seems like you're just the flavor of the week, so to speak. He will say whatever he feels at the moment and before you know it, you'll be pregnant and he'll have moved on to the next girl he became interested in while you guys were dating. This guy seems like he is no good at all. If you're worried that you're going to get hurt because you've had previous bad experience with other guys, you need to walk the other way from this guy because, based on his past, he will be another bad experience.

costadelswan

I hope you don't let your past bad experiences stop you from trusting this guy and possibly developing something special. My advice is to take it slow, he seems decent :)

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

1. A guy will say anything to get sex. 2. This guy sounds kinda shady.

emisananimal

HERE'S THE DEAL...

we had been seeing each other for a few weeks and would get drinks or just hang at his place. we can talk about pretty much anything and he cooks me meals when i come over. i told him from the beginnning i wasnt looking for just sex. after a few hangouts... we kissed and fooled around with oral sex. i didn't get off and was nervous because it was our first time doing stuff. The ne xt day he texted me " i dont think we should ever have sex and he said we were sexually incompatible. but he loved the coversations and spending time with me so it would be awesome if we were friends. The next time we hung out we talked for hours.. watched a movie.. he showed me all the pics on his fb... and he made me dinner.. and then things escalated into oral sex.. making out and we wre about to go all the way but his condom broke so we left it at that. the next morning when he dropped me off at work... he said keep in touch.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

is he into me or is he trying to tell me off?

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andreav

Yikes! That is pretty extreme for a guy to say that to a girl after just one night or oral. Any kind of sex is rarely always good the first time with a new partner until you each learn what the other person likes. I personally would not see a guy again that said something like that to me. Do you feel like this guy really appreciates you and that you want to get involved sexually with a guy that frankly doesn't seem to have much concern for your feelings when it comes to sex?

torirule TOP COMMENTER

that's really weird that he texted you 'I don't think we should ever have sex because we are sexually incompatible' and then the next time you hang out he tries to have sex with you again. )Obviously his actions don't match his words, but if a guy was into you he would never say that, so I don't think he's into you. Hanging out a guy's place and 'making out/fooling around' is a booty call not a date. If he was into you he'd be asking you to do other things. What do you want?

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

He's not into you beyond fwb

jhops TOP COMMENTER

That trick that he just pulled -- "We're not sexually compatible" was to make you feel crappy about your bedroom skills, and you have to earn your badge to have sex with him the next time. Douchebag. Don't be in touch with him again. Ever. Block and delete.

northeastchick

Was it you giving him oral or equal between both of you..he sounds strange maybe he's not really into women at all. What guy rejects sex in that manner? Then you say his condom broke he only had one???????? Sounds like he is the one who is sexually & mentally deranged! Stay away!!!!!

fromchaos85

HERE'S THE DEAL...

We have been officially in a committed relationship for four months now but have know each other since middle school.

The texts before these read as follows...
Him: I'll tell you like this
Him: I love you like
Me: like what?

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

Does he really love me and I'm just trippin?

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fromchaos85

I know it's sounds all good it just feels like he's a little distant lately. He still texts everyday all day and calls multiple times a day. Idk maybe it's just cause I used to get sweet texts all the time or maybe the honeymoon phase is just over abs we are settling into a more normal routine. Idk

annastasia0207

If he's calling you MULTIPLE times a day, he is definitely not being distant. It seems like he is still very much in love with you but maybe he just doesn't feel like he needs to give you sweet texts all the time because he knows that you already know how in love with you he is and doesn't feel like he has to validate it to you AS MUCH. But if he's sending you these kinds of texts at least periodically and calling you that much, he still is validating you and making sure that you know, so it doesn't seem like there's much to worry about here.

fromchaos85

You're probably right. But we a rocky month last month and it almost ended. I guess thats probably part of my problem. I just need to calm down and let things be. We worked everything out and he straight up said he didn't want things to be over. I guess I'm just scared things are gonna take turn and I won't be so lucky this time. I need to get outs my own head and quit over

annastasia0207

I agree that that you need to get out of your own head. Having these kinds of doubts is completely natural in a relationship, but over thinking them is just going to lead to you not trusting him, which will create all sorts of problems. From an outsider's point of view, it seems like he really does care about you. Instead of putting energy into being worried, put that energy into caring about him back and showing him that you appreciate the things he does do, even if it's not as frequent as it used to be (not that you don't show him already, just try to focus more on that than the doubts).

celine_2

HERE'S THE DEAL...

So, i met this guy this summer and he's my stepbrother's friend. He texts me everyday and I see him once a week. He broke with his ex 3months ago. He tells me a lot about her because she wants him back but he definitely doesn't want her back. He tells me every time but he still talks to her and sees her because she misses him and he wants to be respectful and honest with her.
I really like him and I hear him everyday. If I go out with my friends he comes and meets them and stays with us the whole night even though he doesn't know them. He drives me home and takes care of me. But never did something the two of us. Always in a group. We then talk a lot and only us.

NOW I'M WONDERING...

I don't know if he's ready, and if he likes me for more than a friend...

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dance17

I'd be careful with him due to the fact him and his gf are still so close. I wouldn't be surprised if they are still hooking up. I know this exact thing happened to someone here he wouldn't stop saying how much he didn't want his ex but they continued to act a a couple. proceed with caution.

andreav

Be VERY careful with how much you can believe about what he says regarding the relationship with his ex. He is not just seeing her still because he is polite.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Agree with andreav

torirule TOP COMMENTER

It sounds like he is still sleeping with his ex but has no intention of being her official boyfriend again. Guys that text you all the time but never ask you out on dates...He's stringing both of you along at the moment and is emotionally unavailable to both of you.

upandup143

HERE'S THE DEAL...

I posted something similar earlier, but I received a response from him, so I just wanted to update a bit.

Met this guy on Match dating site. He's 36 I'm 26. We went out on 4 dates so far all initiated by him. However I suggested a location/activity for date 2 bc he told me to think of something i'd like to do.

Date 4 our last date (Saturday night) was a horror movie at his place. We both discovered we liked horror movies. I ended up spending the night but we did not have sex nor did pants come off. We did some heavy making out, cuddling, heavy 2nd base action. Dry h*mping. (all very "hs activity" according to my friend).

He said he will be leaving on a trip this Friday for 2.5-3 weeks both business and then pleasure ( He told me this date 1). He said he wanted to see me before he left and suggested we do something "low sky" like a walk in the park near his place Wednesday or Thursday. I told him that sounded good. But we didn't nail down a day. He drove me home the next day and we kissed goodbye. I thanked him for a nice night and for driving me back and told him to have a good day. I asked "so wednesday?" And again he said yeah, wed or thurs.

I texted him a few hours after he dropped me off the above and he took 8 hours to respond...

Dating Question

NOW I'M WONDERING...

He told me (date 2) he's not very into Texting or social media apps (only has a FB). His responses are usually pretty formal sometimes a bit flirty. He seems to text mostly to make plans.

Should I be concerned about this lag time in response?

Also, should I text tonight saying something like "Hope your week has been going well! Excited for my (insert hobby) tonight. Would tomorrow or Thursday work better for you to hang out?" OR should I just wait till Wednesday AM to text, OR just wait for him to contact me?

This will be date 5. I just don't want him to feel like he's doing all the leg work as he has been the one to suggest each date, pick me up/drop me off, and pay. I want to strike a balance to show I"m interested and not just waiting for fun.

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northeastchick

Ok I think you need to relax a bit I have read your posts before and you are definetely overthinking this situation. Give the guy & yourself some room, you seem to be doing good so far but if you overthink all your actions and his your going to go nuts. Do what feels natural if you haven't heard from him and want to reach out give him a quick "call" and say just wanted to see how your week was going. I would not mention Wed/Thur since you already said it when you left the car. He is leaving for 3 weeks and I'm sure he has a lot on his mind right now. See how things flow the next few days and take it step by step. Don't be too over eager with him not sure how long ago you met but 5 dates is a good sign!

upandup143

We first started messaging on the dating site in early sept. so not too long ago.

andreav

You have to remember that your 26- you probably grew up with a cell phone in high school/texting/Facebook and other social media. He's 36 and for sure did not even own a cell phone in high school or most of college. He didn't go through those first years of dating talking through social media sites and texting- which in the long run is probably better for face to face communication

upandup143

Well I did text, asking how his week was going and giving a brief and upbeat update about mine. No response............ guess now I know. Won't be texting again. Better to find out these things sooner than later I suppose. Just find it weird he was the one to suggest hanging out and now he chooses to disappear after a hookup that did not involve sex.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

How long ago did you send that text?

upandup143

It's been about 3 hours now.

andreav

What does he do for work? Maybe he will respond when he gets home.

upandup143

lol he works from him but is currently looking for a new job

torirule TOP COMMENTER

just delete his number so you don't feel tempted to text/nudge him again.. It was his idea to go on a 'low key walk in the park near his place' for the next date so he'll call or text you to arrange it. And just FYI hooking up doesn't have to mean going 'all the way'. It sounds like you did hook up. Whether it's full sex, a blow job, 'heavy petting' or just kissing, it's some form of 'action'.. wait and see if he contacts you again, and just remember that in the early days of casual dating it will often end with some vague plan to see each other again, but that's just a polite way to part ways. It's not a contract though. If the guy wants to see you again, he'll make it happen. If he doesn't, try to just let it go.

upandup143

oh well he did text back turns out. I asked if he still wanted to hang out and he said yes, and suggested tomorrow. He wanted to do something "low key" (i'm seeing a pattern) and thinks he will be sore from golf. So we are watching another horror movie at his place. He's def not gettin' any though. Still too soon in my book and he has a long trip coming up.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

"thinks he will be sore from golf"? that's a new one lol. Too sore to go for a walk but too sore to fool around? I think not. You better have really strong boundaries if you agreed to go to his place for a movie on the couch date but have no intention of getting touchy...just sayin.

tee_2 TOP COMMENTER

A walk in the park was just a disguise for other low key activities, for example, watching movies at home. He wants sex for sure. It isn't a wise idea to have agreed to come to his place "to watch movies" because you either do the deeds with him (too soon in your book) or you have to reject him yet again. Side note: in the future, you should try to not overthink/assume things, and learn to keep calm.

torirule TOP COMMENTER

I was dating a guy for a couple of months recently, he pursued me 100% from the beginning and the first five dates were amazing, we went out for dinners, drinks, café brunches, walks along the river. And he messaged me everyday during that time. Then we had a dvd and sleepover date at my place and things started getting more intimate and he told me he wanted to see me a lot more and didn't want to date other girls and didn't want me to date other guys. We had 2 of these type of 'dates'. However after we started sleeping together I noticed he would only asked me last minute if he could come over or just send messages saying 'what r u up to? I'm just chillin at home tonight'. For the next month he sent these types of messages and did not ask me on any actual dates, but I wasn't free (or willing) to just drop what I was doing and come over and see him. The last time I agreed to see him he asked me out for drinks after work one day ahead. I said cool. Then the next day he texted me that he would just come over to my place and he was 30 mins away. I replied 'I thought we were going out for drinks...where do you want to go?' He replied...'oh ok we can do that if you want'. Then I didn't hear from him for another two hours after the agreed time that we would go out and he said 'sorry I haven't left yet...how are you going?' I didn't reply and I didn't hear from him again that night. The next week he sent me a snapchat of his penis and a text 'what are you doing at the moment? feel like getting laid?' I replied 'please don't send me those types of messages' and he said 'sorry to offend, was just on my way past your place'. I have not heard from him since then (a few weeks ago). The reason I'm telling this story is because no matter how great the dates were in the beginning, once a guy starts treating you casual, doesn't text you as much and just wants to hang out and chill or watch movies it's a red flag. Even if he said he's not into hook ups. Even if he said he only wants to date you and no one else. If he only wants to hang out low key he's not really into you, he's just hoping for some easy action with minimal effort and commitment (like not planning too far ahead). I'm not saying that's what this guy you are seeing is about necessarily but just watch for the early signs that he is losing interest or only interested in 'low key' activities that involve minimal money/effort and just hanging out at his place. Funnily enough with the guy I was seeing the first thing he ever asked me to do for our very first meeting was 'come over to my place and watch a movie' but I refused and said I would only watch a movie with him at the cinema. Maybe that was a red flag I should have seen right at the beginning. Hmmm...And BTW he was 36.

reallynow43

Thanks for that story Torirule! Yes, this is definitely in the back of my mind. I don't want to/don't plan on getting intimate with him tonight. I have my own means of transportation to and from his place so I can at least leave whenever I want. If he asks I plan on telling him I'm not comfortable with that/think it's too soon. Also bad timing with him leaving for 3 weeks and I'm not that kind of girl. If things do seem really lame tonight, at least he's leaving for 3 weeks so things should naturally fizzle out anyways.

upandup143

To make things more interesting the movie is actually in his room. He has a 3 floor place and his parents and brother are temporarily living with him. I didn't see them last time and idk if I will this time.

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Wow, how many hetexted accounts do you have, babe? I would just back out of the date honestly. You are already setting yourself up for disaster anyway. This screams of BOOTY CALL. 1. He wants to see you, but doesn't make the effort to take you out because he expects to be "sore" from golf. 2. You have to drive to him. You are spending gas money, and delivering yourself as bait. 3. You already know he will fade after the trip, and if you do hook up again (and you will if you go), he will use the distance and lack of contact as the excuse. Cancel the date. He'll respect you more.

g_love12 TOP COMMENTER

Are you sure it's his place and not his parents place? Lol

jhops TOP COMMENTER

Also, this is very classic. You want a r/s, but you're not acting like it. You say you are not comfortable with how quick you guys are moving in the physical department, but yet you let it happen and not draw your boundaries, then wonder why men don't see you as the high-value girl you are. He could be a high-value guy who wants a r/s, but if you don't act like one, he's not going to treat you like one. Don't be scared even if you think he will fade away, and you that you have to meet him just because he will be gone for three weeks, and this is your only hope to land the guy. No girl, it is not. If he fades away, he was the wrong guy. Plus, you were dating a lot of men from online, so you have a pool to fall back on. Go back to that. This is why you are not supposed to invest so much in a guy in the early stages. Remember that. Rooting for you, and hope you see it clearly now.

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